Bahamas Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 Knock knock! Who's there? Control Freak! Con.. - Okay, now you say "control freak, who?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 Why do you need a jeweler on New years eve? TO Ring in the NEW YEAR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grep Posted February 27, 2022 Share Posted February 27, 2022 How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building? Play Roll The Bones. In my case it will inspire me to take a piss break. If I timed it right I could empty the bladder, get another beer, and be back in my seat just as the next song started. In case there are any doubts about this..and I know that I am deep necroposting here..... this is my last show...number 28 @ MSG . R40. June 29, 2015. During RTB. Yes, I was actually emptying the bladder when I took this. RTB echoing through MSG. <blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/yCHOtxm" data-context="false" ><a href="//imgur.com/a/yCHOtxm"></a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>https://imgur.com/a/yCHOtxm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 2, 2022 Author Share Posted March 2, 2022 What do you call tall, long-necked birds defecating on Russian submarines? U-Cranes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
driventotheedge Posted March 2, 2022 Share Posted March 2, 2022 Why did coffee fill out a police report? It got mugged Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 20, 2022 Author Share Posted March 20, 2022 Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours. During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox. It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamas Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 Principled Man, I have said it before, a thousand times (or was that in my mind?) but... don't quit your day job.And don't accept wooden nickles from toothless strangers. That might be grandpa advice, not a joke...still. OK. Question: What do you give a sick lemon?Answer: Lemon aid. Duh??!!!! Lemon aid, get it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamas Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours. During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox. It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors. Please believe me, PM, I am poking fun at you, not literally being critical.Words don't always present the tone of what I am trying to say. I was just ganging up on your choice of a joke, I suppose, sorry if it sounded high and mighty. It's the last thing I want to be. Please post more jokes, as astoundingly terrible as they might be, they are always a source of giggle and that is what we need in the world these days :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours. During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox. It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors. Please believe me, PM, I am poking fun at you, not literally being critical.Words don't always present the tone of what I am trying to say. I was just ganging up on your choice of a joke, I suppose, sorry if it sounded high and mighty. It's the last thing I want to be. Please post more jokes, as astoundingly terrible as they might be, they are always a source of giggle and that is what we need in the world these days :) Umm...I knew that you were kidding. This thread is entitled, Tell A Dumb Joke. The jokes are supposed to be groaners..... :16ton: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 25, 2022 Author Share Posted March 25, 2022 My first-ever fitness trainer asked me, "What type of squat do you usually do?" I confidently said, "Diddly." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 26, 2022 Author Share Posted March 26, 2022 Never get into a pillow fight with Death. You won't be able to handle the reaper cushions. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 29, 2022 Author Share Posted March 29, 2022 Could there ever be a better example of irony than: Welcome to the Istanbul Peace Talks. ********* For your own safety: **********Please do not eat, drink or touch anything. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 5, 2022 Author Share Posted April 5, 2022 I got a vacation postcard from my chronically-depressed buddy, down in the Bahamas. He didn't write much on it. Having a wonderful time. WHY? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted April 5, 2022 Share Posted April 5, 2022 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted April 5, 2022 Share Posted April 5, 2022 Patient: Doctor, I need help! I can't stop singing She's A Lady! Even in my dreams I still sing it over and over!Doc: Hmm, it sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome.Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome?!?!?!?! That sounds really serious! Is it common?Doc: It's not unusual. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamas Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. Ouch! Is that in the same politically incorrect line of jokes, such as... Where do you find Bob?...in the water. Where do you find Art?...on the wall. Cliff?...beside a hole. Phil?..inside that same hole. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted April 7, 2022 Share Posted April 7, 2022 (edited) <p>Schrodinger is travelling down a desert highway and has the road all to himself. He's got the top down and the tunes cranked and he suffers a lapse in concentration and starts speeding without even realizing it. Sure enough, a cop appears from behind a billboard and pulls him over. Schrodinger's patiently waiting with both hands on the wheel and as the cop approaches the car, he does a double take at the back seat. As the cop gets to the driver's side he asks: "hey, did you know you have a dead cat back there?" Scrodinger replies: "I do now." Edited April 7, 2022 by Jack Aubrey 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzy85 Posted April 8, 2022 Share Posted April 8, 2022 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. :facepalm: :laughing yellow guy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted April 8, 2022 Share Posted April 8, 2022 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. :facepalm: :laughing yellow guy:Knock knock. Who's there? Not the girl that fell off the swing. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted April 10, 2022 Share Posted April 10, 2022 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. Ouch! Is that in the same politically incorrect line of jokes, such as... Where do you find Bob?...in the water. Where do you find Art?...on the wall. Cliff?...beside a hole. Phil?..inside that same hole. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of your door? Mat. What do you call a girl with no arms and only one leg? Eileen. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs under your car? Jack. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a podium? Mike. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your mailbox? Bill. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your cupboard? Herb. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 After years of denying it, it is time to tell the truth. I'm a cannibal. ....... Because I'm fed up with people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnRogers Posted April 29, 2022 Share Posted April 29, 2022 (edited) How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting in to your wife’s clothes. BOOM, Oh! Edited May 3, 2022 by JohnRogers 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IbanezJem Posted May 2, 2022 Share Posted May 2, 2022 I went to the Zoo but it only had one dog! It was a shit zoo. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted May 4, 2022 Author Share Posted May 4, 2022 Investigators have confirmed that the man who fell from the 18th floor nightclub balcony was not a bouncer. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted May 11, 2022 Author Share Posted May 11, 2022 What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man? Iron Man stops the bad guys. Aluminum Man foils their plans. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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