Tell A Dumb Joke

[Principled Man]

Why were the parents so happy that their daughter was dating a goalie?

 

He was a real keeper....

 

.....and he wasn't interested in scoring.  

[Jack Aubrey]

My grief counselor died this week.

 

He was so good I don't even care.

[Jack Aubrey]

My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.

 

I had no idea she sells them!

[Principled Man]

A baby seal walks into a bar.  
 

The bartender says, “What would you like?”

 

The baby seal says, “Anything but a Canadian Club.”

Edited February 21, 2023 by Principled Man

[Bahamas]

I forget to look at this forum, thanks for the giggles everybody!

 

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're appalled  by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl's Mom says "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy." 

 

"Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter.

"If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

[Principled Man]

On 2/18/2023 at 7:57 AM, Jack Aubrey said:

My grief counselor died this week.

 

He was so good I don't even care.

 

Some punk broke into my house last week and stole my diary. 

 

I just found out that he died yesterday.

 

My thoughts are with his family. 

[Weakly Criminal]

[Fordgalaxy]

What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

 

Make me one with everything. 

[Principled Man]

Food doesn’t really go bad.  
 

You didn’t eat it fast enough, so other creatures are eating it now.  

[Principled Man]

This Day in History:  March 2nd, 1797 – The Bank of England issues the first one-pound and two-pound banknotes.

 

It's no wonder the British always wore suspenders.  That's a lot of weight to carry around....

[invisible airwave]

Prime rib is unlike regular ribs.

 

It's divisible by itself.

[Principled Man]

What do the films Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

 

 

Icy dead people.

[Principled Man]

Tom Cruise with his shirt off?  L. Ron Hubba Hubba!!
 

— Jimmy Kimmel

[goose]

Today is Marcel Marceau's 100th birthday and I've not heard a word about it from anybody

[Jack Aubrey]

My wife says I don't give her enough privacy.

 

At least that's what it says in her diary.

[Jack Aubrey]

Schroedinger was driving down the highway and was going a little too fast so he gets pulled over. As the officer approaches he asks: "did you know you had a dead cat in your back seat?" Schroedinger says: "I do now".

[Jack Aubrey]

What did the zero say to the eight?

 

"Nice belt".

[Principled Man]

I put up an electrified spite fence around my house.

 

My nasty neighbors were dead against it.  

[Jack Aubrey]

I spotted an albino Dalmation today.

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

Once, I told a chemistry joke.

 

There was no reaction.

[invisible airwave]

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One will see you later and one will see you after awhile.

[Principled Man]

2 hours ago, 1-0-0-1-0-0-1 said:

Once, I told a chemistry joke.

 

There was no reaction.

 

Then I told a physics joke.

 

No one was moved.  

[Principled Man]

19 hours ago, 1-0-0-1-0-0-1 said:

Once, I told a chemistry joke.

 

There was no reaction.

 

16 hours ago, Principled Man said:

 

Then I told a physics joke.

 

No one was moved.  

 

So then I told an entomology joke.

 

 

[crickets]

[Weakly Criminal]

All of this talk about gender and trans stuff has made me realize that I'm actually pan-sexual. I'll have sex with whoever does the dishes.   : )

[Principled Man]

On 4/21/2023 at 11:00 PM, Weakly Criminal said:

All of this talk about gender and trans stuff has made me realize that I'm actually pan-sexual. I'll have sex with whoever does the dishes.   : )

 

 

What is the greatest trans-sport?  Professional boxing!

 

Two macho men fight over a belt and a purse.