blackhawkrush Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 Husband: We're going to have a baby. Wife: You never had that chat-up figured out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 25, 2023 Share Posted November 25, 2023 Husband: We're going to have a baby. Nurse: First time? Husband: Yes, one go was all I needed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 Wife - 'You mean to tell me you stole the Church collection?' Husband - 'What could I do, it was handed to me on a plate.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 Woman - 'I often had my ex-husband sleep on the couch. Mostly when I had someone else around.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 Doctor: How can I help you? Patient: It's my prostate trouble. Doctor: Yes, that starts with a 'P', yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 Man: Superman just plugged a volcano with whales. Second Man: Good, I never liked the Welsh. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 28, 2023 Author Share Posted November 28, 2023 Stephen Colbert is on the IEL (Injured Entertainer List) with a burst appendix! OK, kids, pay attention. THIS is why it's so important to always read your textbook's appendix when you're studying. If you don't, it can come back and haunt you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 28, 2023 Author Share Posted November 28, 2023 Why does everyone in Athens sleep until noon? Because Dawn is tough on Greece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 28, 2023 Author Share Posted November 28, 2023 I took the shell off my pet snail to help him move faster. He just became more sluggish. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted December 2, 2023 Share Posted December 2, 2023 The women in Iceland keep their names on after marriage. It's too cold to take them off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted December 2, 2023 Share Posted December 2, 2023 My wife always brings a book to bed. She's down to three chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 Q: How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to change it and one to video record it so some fundamentalist can't claim God did it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted December 9, 2023 Share Posted December 9, 2023 My parents had six kids. My father loved us all the same way. I was his favorite. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 I finally quit drinking for good. Now, I drink for evil. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 When is it acceptable to move a cat off your lap? A. When you get hungry B. When nature calls C. When your house is on fire D. Never E. Never sit down. That way, you never have a lap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 12, 2023 Author Share Posted December 12, 2023 How can you tell if your new new girlfriend is really the witch from Hansel & Gretel? She keeps asking the server for the Kids Menu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 20, 2023 Author Share Posted December 20, 2023 Amazon.com IS Santa Claus. It sends us packages, it gets very busy at Christmas and it wants our cookies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 20, 2023 Author Share Posted December 20, 2023 Albert Einstein never really existed, you know. He was just a theoretical physicist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 What's the difference between Santa and Hunter Biden*? Santa stops at three ho's. *insert Trump, Tiger Woods, etc. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 26, 2023 Author Share Posted December 26, 2023 When my dyslexic cousin was a kid, he kept getting brimstone in his stocking. He had been sending his letters to Satan. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted December 31, 2023 Share Posted December 31, 2023 What's robot's favorite football team? Bolt-on Wanderers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 Round black flat and horrible. What do you call that? A Bee Gees record. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 (edited) Why can’t pirates cite the alphabet? They get lost at C. Edited January 6 by invisible airwave 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted January 17 Share Posted January 17 A guy walks up to a bar and sits next to an attractive woman. They strike up a conversation and at one point he shows her a watch. He says it's a brand new watch and it is state of the art. She asks what makes it that way and he tells her it can communicate with him telepathically. She asks what kinds of things does it tell him and he looks at it and says, "well, it's telling me you aren't wearing any panties". She says it must be broken because she is wearing panties. He looks at it again and says, "oh wait, it's an hour fast". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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