Tell A Dumb Joke

[invisible airwave]

How do you make seven even?

 

You take away the S.

[Principled Man]

Wednesday commences a very sacred season.

 

To honor it, I'm giving up picking my belly button for lint.

[Principled Man]

Cruise ship passenger:  This is a great all-you-can-eat dinner layout, and the salad bar is huge!  Is there any type of lettuce I should avoid?

 

Server:  Well, I'd steer clear of the iceberg.

[blackhawkrush]

Man: "Your cock can't even open Windows". 2nd man: "I don't need to open Windows because unlike your cock, my cock's not Microsoft". 

[blackhawkrush]

What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear? Anything you like, he can't hear.  

[blackhawkrush]

Caveman: This is a drawing of an animal that doesn't know what it is yet. A bi-son.  

[Chicken hawk]

[invisible airwave]

I've got some Motown puns.

Three, maybe four tops.

[Principled Man]

My walk to the bar takes 5 minutes but my walk home takes 30 minutes.

The difference is staggering.

[Principled Man]

I had my wiener dog fixed.  A week later, she got out but returned the next morning.  All was well.    

 

Two months after that, she had two puppies!  Amazed, I wrote a story about it:  Two Dachshunds in One: A Spayed Oddity

[Nova Carmina]

15 hours ago, Principled Man said:

I had my wiener dog fixed.  A week later, she got out but returned the next morning.  All was well.    

 

Two months after that, she had two puppies!  Amazed, I wrote a story about it:  Two Dachshunds in One: A Spayed Oddity

 

[Principled Man]

Researchers in London are suggesting that taking Viagra is linked with better mental health.

 

It means that men are finally working smarter - not harder.  

[blackhawkrush]

My wife had her face lifted last week. Not high enough, I can still see it.   

[blackhawkrush]

My voice was trained in Venice   Might go there one day and get it. 

[blackhawkrush]

A lot of people like dry wine, I prefer wet.     

[blackhawkrush]

I cleaned the attic with the wife. Full of cobwebs. But she's good to the kids.       

[blackhawkrush]

It's late, I have to go. I must bite the postman in the morning. The dog's not well.  

[blackhawkrush]

I always sit in the tail end of a plane because you never hear of a plane backing into a mountain.  

[blackhawkrush]

I don't call poker gambling. Why call it gambling when it's already called poker. 

[blackhawkrush]

My wife swallowed a two-dollar coin. How is she? No change.  

[Principled Man]

My wife asked me what day it is.

 

I told her, "March 1st."

 

She stomped back and forth in a line and then asked me again.  

Edited March 2, 2024 by Principled Man

[blackhawkrush]

"If it wasn't for the mustache, you'd look like my wife". "I don't have a mustache". "No, but my wife does". 

[blackhawkrush]

I was in the ring with Muhammad Ali. I got him worried. He thought he killed me.  

[Principled Man]

1 hour ago, blackhawkrush said:

"If it wasn't for the mustache, you'd look like my wife". "I don't have a mustache". "No, but my wife does". 

 

Your wife is Italian, too?   

[Chicken hawk]

• When does a leprechaun cross the road? When it turns green!