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Tell A Dumb Joke


Principled Man
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Man to waitress: Can I have a quickie? She slaps him and walks away. Friend: No, Frank. It's pronounced quiche.  

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Man in restaurant: Excuse me, miss. Where are the toilets? Hostess: Just go down the stairs. Man: All right, but somebody's going to slip. 

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Posted (edited)

Meanwhile, on the commercial space tug Nostromo:

 

Ripley:  "I can't find the milk!"
Dallas:  "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."

 

 

 

 

Edited by Principled Man
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Vulcan light bulbs are much better than Terran LED lights.

 

They really live long and phosphor.

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Woman goes to dentist.

 

Dentist says "Youre going to need a root canal."

 

Woman says "Owwww, Id rather have a baby!"

 

Dentist then says "Well tell me which one you want, I'll have to adjust the chair."

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My apostrophe girlfriend dumped me.

 

She said I was using her for all the wrong reason's.

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Not to brag, but I recently got a job as a fitness model.

 

I'm the "before" picture.

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I've a friend who suggested we go to the airport & pose as luggage

 

I said: let's not get carried away.

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Did you know that the word "incorrectly" is spelled incorrectly in every English-language edition?

Edited by Jack Aubrey
Dumb spelling error.
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Did you hear about the farmer who traded his rooster for a duck?

 

Now he wakes up at the quack of dawn.

 

 

Okay, that's enough for now.

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Marjorie Taylor Greene went into an electronics store and asked a clerk if she could buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looked at her and sayid that he knew who she was and didn’t approve of her politics, so he wouldn’t wait on her.

 

She was angry, but she back home and the next day she returned no longer wearing MAGA gear with a hat and sunglasses. She returned to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he won’t serve her.

 

Frustrated, MTG goes home and dyes her hair to a shade of black, puts on a Joe Biden t-shirt and completely changes her appearance. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returned and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she won’t serve Marjorie. MTG asked the clerk, "How in the world did you know I am Marjorie Taylor Greene?" The clerk looked at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

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Woman: We had an indoor bathroom in Slovenia. Man: I thought you said your family was poor. Woman: It was in the next village. 

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On 4/30/2024 at 11:21 PM, ozzy85 said:

So... his middle name actually is F-ing?

Scrolling through and seeing this reminded me of:

"Contrary to general belief, Damnit is not God's last name."

Edited by pjbear05
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