BastillePark Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Why do I know the new actor replacing Craig as Bond is gonna be awesome? Because he knows how to kick ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Husband to a pregnant wife: Would you consider a name like Jack? Wife: No, sounds too much like Jack Shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Whenever I book a room at a motel I always get a ground floor room...because I just don't trust motel stairs. There always up to something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 The Origamis and their eight kids just moved in next door. They livened up the neighborhood tenfold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 Where do you take someone who was injured while playing peek-a-boo? The ICU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in!" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 1 hour ago, Jack Aubrey said: What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in!" What do you say to a hitchhiker with no legs? "Need a lift?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzy85 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 I tried donating blood yesterday. I'm not gonna do it ever again. Too many dumb questions. "Whose blood is it?" "Where did it come from?" "Why is it in a bucket?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 12 hours ago, ozzy85 said: I tried donating blood yesterday. I'm not gonna do it ever again. Too many dumb questions. "Whose blood is it?" "Where did it come from?" "Why is it in a bucket?" Had you removed the wood chips that were in the blood, you may have avoided the questions. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 How can you make a water bed more bouncy? Fill it with spring water 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 [If dogs could talk, Chapter 337] Dorothy: "I miss Kansas." Toto: "I miss the rains down in Africa." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 31 Author Share Posted March 31 FOOLO = Fear Of Only Living Once It’s why I became a Buddhist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Not Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 A dumb joke 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 1 Author Share Posted April 1 Why is the letter "g" like a bar bouncer? Because it makes one gone. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 1 Author Share Posted April 1 A hypnotist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What would you like?" The hypnotist says, "Oh, I don't know. Any suggestions?" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted April 5 Share Posted April 5 Bill Burr Because Bill forgot his jacket. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 9 Author Share Posted April 9 My application for the sunscreen factory job was rejected. So I reapplied. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 A famer and his wife agreed to go to marriage counseling. Marriage Counselor [to the farmer]: If you want to turn on your wife more, say nice things to a tractor. Get it? Famer: OK. [Farmer and wife return home. Farmer walks straight into the barn] Farmer [in a flirting tone of voice]: Hello, Deere.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 What does a zombie need to cure its constipation? BRAAAANNNS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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