BastillePark Posted March 19, 2024 Posted March 19, 2024 At home, they treat me like God. I’m generally ignored until someone wants something. 1 1
BastillePark Posted March 19, 2024 Posted March 19, 2024 Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.”
invisible airwave Posted March 19, 2024 Posted March 19, 2024 Why do I know the new actor replacing Craig as Bond is gonna be awesome? Because he knows how to kick ass.
blackhawkrush Posted March 23, 2024 Posted March 23, 2024 Husband to a pregnant wife: Would you consider a name like Jack? Wife: No, sounds too much like Jack Shit.
goose Posted March 24, 2024 Posted March 24, 2024 Whenever I book a room at a motel I always get a ground floor room...because I just don't trust motel stairs. There always up to something.
Principled Man Posted March 26, 2024 Author Posted March 26, 2024 The Origamis and their eight kids just moved in next door. They livened up the neighborhood tenfold!
Principled Man Posted March 26, 2024 Author Posted March 26, 2024 Where do you take someone who was injured while playing peek-a-boo? The ICU.
Jack Aubrey Posted March 26, 2024 Posted March 26, 2024 What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in!" 1 1
Principled Man Posted March 26, 2024 Author Posted March 26, 2024 1 hour ago, Jack Aubrey said: What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker? "Hop in!" What do you say to a hitchhiker with no legs? "Need a lift?" 2
ozzy85 Posted March 27, 2024 Posted March 27, 2024 I tried donating blood yesterday. I'm not gonna do it ever again. Too many dumb questions. "Whose blood is it?" "Where did it come from?" "Why is it in a bucket?" 1
Principled Man Posted March 27, 2024 Author Posted March 27, 2024 12 hours ago, ozzy85 said: I tried donating blood yesterday. I'm not gonna do it ever again. Too many dumb questions. "Whose blood is it?" "Where did it come from?" "Why is it in a bucket?" Had you removed the wood chips that were in the blood, you may have avoided the questions. 1 1
goose Posted March 27, 2024 Posted March 27, 2024 How can you make a water bed more bouncy? Fill it with spring water 1
Principled Man Posted March 28, 2024 Author Posted March 28, 2024 [If dogs could talk, Chapter 337] Dorothy: "I miss Kansas." Toto: "I miss the rains down in Africa." 3
Principled Man Posted March 31, 2024 Author Posted March 31, 2024 FOOLO = Fear Of Only Living Once It’s why I became a Buddhist.
Principled Man Posted April 1, 2024 Author Posted April 1, 2024 Why is the letter "g" like a bar bouncer? Because it makes one gone. 2
Principled Man Posted April 1, 2024 Author Posted April 1, 2024 A hypnotist walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What would you like?" The hypnotist says, "Oh, I don't know. Any suggestions?" 1 1
invisible airwave Posted April 5, 2024 Posted April 5, 2024 Bill Burr Because Bill forgot his jacket. 1
Principled Man Posted April 9, 2024 Author Posted April 9, 2024 My application for the sunscreen factory job was rejected. So I reapplied. 1
Principled Man Posted April 16, 2024 Author Posted April 16, 2024 A famer and his wife agreed to go to marriage counseling. Marriage Counselor [to the farmer]: If you want to turn on your wife more, say nice things to a tractor. Get it? Famer: OK. [Farmer and wife return home. Farmer walks straight into the barn] Farmer [in a flirting tone of voice]: Hello, Deere.... 1
Principled Man Posted April 16, 2024 Author Posted April 16, 2024 What does a zombie need to cure its constipation? BRAAAANNNS!!
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