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Tell A Dumb Joke


Principled Man
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Mary was going to name her holy child Gerald.....until she banged her shin on her bed frame.   

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If smoking gives you cancer, and bacon gives you cancer, then what does smoking bacon do?

 

It cures it.  

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8 hours ago, Principled Man said:

Mary was going to name her holy child Gerald.....until she banged her shin on her bed frame.   

So... his middle name actually is F-ing?

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May have said this before. It's a good one and worth saying again. Reminds me of a scene in Monty Python.

 

 

Jesus was giving a sermon when he saw a group of women (possible prostitutes) getting a lot of grief for their behaviour.

 

Jesus appeals to the baying mob ''c'mon now, remember, she who is without sin cast the 1st stone''

 

All of a sudden a stone hits Jesus on the head. He turns around to the culprit and says ''sometime mother, you piss me off''

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Dear Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s Brain Worm,

 

I humbly request that you consider me for your Vice-Presidential running mate.  
As I am the only successful louse in your host's hair (and I live quite close to you!), I can confidently state that I am the lousiest candidate for the job!  


Respectfully,

Pediculus humanus capitis  

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On 5/9/2024 at 4:35 PM, Principled Man said:

Dear Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s Brain Worm,

 

I humbly request that you consider me for your Vice-Presidential running mate.  
As I am the only successful louse in your host's hair (and I live quite close to you!), I can confidently state that I am the lousiest candidate for the job!  


Respectfully,

Pediculus humanus capitis  

Waiting...

 

I was woken up last night by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor.

 

At first I was afraid, i was petrified.

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Posted (edited)

I went to my local bait & tackle shop this morning.  The owner had half the sales floor displaying sheets and blankets with Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s face on them.

 

"What's all this?" I asked him. 

 

He winked and said, "Worm bedding!"

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Principled Man
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Fortune teller to man: Don't worry, the death card doesn't always mean death. It may be just a nasty accident.  

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Husband and wife approach a woman. The man says to her, "You look familiar. What do you do?" Woman: "I'm a lap dancer"   :facepalm:   

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Posted (edited)

Man to girlfriend: 'We've been going out for three years now, and I wondered (gets on one knee) if this would make you look taller'.  

Edited by blackhawkrush
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Dentist checking a woman's teeth. " UL 6, UL 39, UL 124, ULH 06, UL 264. Well, no wonder your teeth have been hurting you. Someone's been writing on them. 

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Interviewer: What made you take up down-hill skiing? Skier: Well, I tried up-hill skiing, but it was too tiring.   

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Boss: I'll have to fire you as a film editor. Editor: I've never heard anything more...pay my mortgage.  

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Doctor: I've got the results and it's benign. Good news Mr. Ignant. Patient: No, my name is Ben Ign. Doctor: Well, who's this Malignant? 

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Divorce lawyer: Grounds for divorce? Husband: Irreconcilable differences. Lawyer: Which are? Husband: She things there's two R's in irreconcilable, I think there's one. 

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