Tell A Dumb Joke

[Principled Man]

Mary was going to name her holy child Gerald.....until she banged her shin on her bed frame.   

[Principled Man]

If smoking gives you cancer, and bacon gives you cancer, then what does smoking bacon do?

 

It cures it.  

[ozzy85]

8 hours ago, Principled Man said:

Mary was going to name her holy child Gerald.....until she banged her shin on her bed frame.   

So... his middle name actually is F-ing?

[invisible airwave]

After Star Trek II, it took until Naked Gun 6 years latter for Ricardo Montalban to get a good role.

 

Because nobody wanted to hire an ex KHAN!

[condemned2bfree]

What do cats eat in hot weather?

 

Mice cream.

[condemned2bfree]

May have said this before. It's a good one and worth saying again. Reminds me of a scene in Monty Python.

 

 

Jesus was giving a sermon when he saw a group of women (possible prostitutes) getting a lot of grief for their behaviour.

 

Jesus appeals to the baying mob ''c'mon now, remember, she who is without sin cast the 1st stone''

 

All of a sudden a stone hits Jesus on the head. He turns around to the culprit and says ''sometime mother, you piss me off''

[Principled Man]

Dear Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s Brain Worm,

 

I humbly request that you consider me for your Vice-Presidential running mate.  
As I am the only successful louse in your host's hair (and I live quite close to you!), I can confidently state that I am the lousiest candidate for the job!  

Respectfully,

Pediculus humanus capitis  

[invisible airwave]

On 5/9/2024 at 4:35 PM, Principled Man said:

Dear Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s Brain Worm,

 

I humbly request that you consider me for your Vice-Presidential running mate.  
As I am the only successful louse in your host's hair (and I live quite close to you!), I can confidently state that I am the lousiest candidate for the job!  

Respectfully,

Pediculus humanus capitis  

Waiting...

 

I was woken up last night by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor.

 

At first I was afraid, i was petrified.

[Principled Man]

I went to my local bait & tackle shop this morning.  The owner had half the sales floor displaying sheets and blankets with Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s face on them.

 

"What's all this?" I asked him. 

 

He winked and said, "Worm bedding!"

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 14, 2024 by Principled Man

[blackhawkrush]

Fortune teller to man: Don't worry, the death card doesn't always mean death. It may be just a nasty accident.  

[blackhawkrush]

Patient: I think I'm window curtains. Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together.   

[blackhawkrush]

Girl: Daddy, will you tell me a bedtime story? Daddy: Of course. One day there was a Freddy Krueger...  

[blackhawkrush]

Husband and wife approach a woman. The man says to her, "You look familiar. What do you do?" Woman: "I'm a lap dancer"      

[blackhawkrush]

Man to girlfriend: 'We've been going out for three years now, and I wondered (gets on one knee) if this would make you look taller'.  

Edited May 24, 2024 by blackhawkrush

[blackhawkrush]

Porn set. Woman: 'Oh, you're like an animal.' Man: 'What Animal? Director, she's calling me names!"  

[blackhawkrush]

Man and woman kissing in a bathtub. Lifeguard shows up and says, 'Stop that or you're out!' 

[blackhawkrush]

Dentist checking a woman's teeth. " UL 6, UL 39, UL 124, ULH 06, UL 264. Well, no wonder your teeth have been hurting you. Someone's been writing on them. 

[blackhawkrush]

Man to woman: 'Another beer'. Woman: 'What are the magic words?' Man: Get it!'  Woman: 'Right.'  

[blackhawkrush]

Activist: Fishing is murder. Fisherman: Tell me about it. I haven't caught anything all morning.  

[blackhawkrush]

Interviewer: What made you take up down-hill skiing? Skier: Well, I tried up-hill skiing, but it was too tiring.   

[blackhawkrush]

Son: I just lost $37.000 on the stock market. Mom: Did you call the police?  

[blackhawkrush]

Boss: I'll have to fire you as a film editor. Editor: I've never heard anything more...pay my mortgage.  

[blackhawkrush]

Woman to doctor: Can you enlarge one of my breasts? Doctor: Why? Woman: My husband has only one arm. 

[blackhawkrush]

Doctor: I've got the results and it's benign. Good news Mr. Ignant. Patient: No, my name is Ben Ign. Doctor: Well, who's this Malignant? 

[blackhawkrush]

Divorce lawyer: Grounds for divorce? Husband: Irreconcilable differences. Lawyer: Which are? Husband: She things there's two R's in irreconcilable, I think there's one.