Principled Man Posted January 22, 2021 Author Posted January 22, 2021 Did you hear about the two antennae who got married? The wedding was OK, but the reception was fantastic!
librarian Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 What do Dentists call x-rays? Tooth pics! 1
condemned2bfree Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep? He goes undercover!
Principled Man Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many cheetahs.....
Principled Man Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 How do you know when a joke is a Dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
condemned2bfree Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 "In Scotland we have mixed feelings about Global Warming. Because we all get to sit on the mountains and watch the English drown." I knew a man from Scotland who had genital crabs. He wouldn't get rid of them. He thought they were money spiders. 1
Principled Man Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 I shouldn't have bought so much stock in SlimFast products. It's a shrinking business. 1
Principled Man Posted February 6, 2021 Author Posted February 6, 2021 I wen to Pet Smart this morning. The clerk tried to sell me a spider. I told him, "No, thanks. I can get one off the web for free."
Principled Man Posted February 6, 2021 Author Posted February 6, 2021 I went the lumber yard today. I told the clerk that I needed a bunch of 2 x 4's. The clerk said, "How long do you need 'em?" I told him, "Well, forever. I'm building a house!"
Crimsonmistymemory Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 What did George Washington tell his men before invading Valley Forge? Get in the boats
Crimsonmistymemory Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out the W&W's
Crimsonmistymemory Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Did you hear about nthe prostitute that could't spell? She spent the night in a Warehouse...
Principled Man Posted February 10, 2021 Author Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” "We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!” “United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?” "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Taste.” "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump.” "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.” "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. ”You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.” A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and we had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on us hand and foot. And the Taste Hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!” "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.” "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet us. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..” Surprised, the hairdresser said, "Oh, really! What'd he say?” The woman smiled..... "He said: 'Who screwed up your hair?' " Edited February 10, 2021 by Principled Man 1
driventotheedge Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 I keep hearing that 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40.All I know is that as I get older, 9:00 is the new midnight. 4
ozzy85 Posted February 12, 2021 Posted February 12, 2021 I keep hearing that 40 is the new 30 and 50 is the new 40.All I know is that as I get older, 9:00 is the new midnight.No kidding. 8:30, even.
Principled Man Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 Why was Cinderella such a bad football player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
invisible airwave Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 Why won't parents let their kids listen to Dave Matthews Band? Too much sax and violins. 2
Chicken hawk Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 What do Dentists call X-rays? Tooth Pics. 2
condemned2bfree Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 I had the best job in the world. Was a human cannonball. The sky was the limit! It was a high-caliber position! But I had a short fuse and got fired. 2
Principled Man Posted February 27, 2021 Author Posted February 27, 2021 Jokes That Gynecologists Should Not Tell Their Patients, Chapter 37: Did you know that there are two things in the air that can get a woman pregnant? -- Her feet! 2
Bahamas Posted February 27, 2021 Posted February 27, 2021 (edited) Erm, this is a joke thread. Step up your game Principled Man! So three guys walk into a pub...Alex, Geddy and Neil.Bartender says "what'll it be fellas? "What?", they reply in perfect unison and timing. "You think we're in a Rush?" A...Rush... Get it?!!!!????? Rush!!! :dweez: (And just teasing, I know it's your thread :) ) Edited February 27, 2021 by Bahamas 1
Principled Man Posted February 27, 2021 Author Posted February 27, 2021 Erm, this a joke thread. Step up your game Principled Man! So three guys walk into a pub...Alex, Geddy and Neil.Bartender says "what'll it be fellas? "What?", they reply in perfect unison and timing. "You think we're in a Rush?" A...Rush... Get it?!!!!????? Rush!!! :dweez: 4
Bahamas Posted February 27, 2021 Posted February 27, 2021 The Royal Order Of The Bad Joke Gargoyles is serious business!!!!! It takes a lot of bad jokes to be a certified member, just so you know. 2
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