Nova Carmina Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long? A pi-thon (in honor of the day!) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 17, 2020 Author Share Posted March 17, 2020 Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19. COVID-19 is in quarantine indefinitely. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 All U.S. bowling alleys have just posted new Rules for bowlers: 1. Wash your hands after touching your balls. 2. Do not touch anyone else's balls. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edhunter Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I came home to 3 stir-crazy kids and got this one today... Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the house with the toilet paper! Knock knock! Who's there? The chicken! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 19, 2020 Author Share Posted March 19, 2020 What did the Chinese coronavirus sing while mutating? :musicnote: Turning JapaneseI think I'm turning JapaneseI really think so.... :musicnote: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSHHEAD666 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 What kind of meat do priests eat? Nun 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSHHEAD666 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 What does the Titanic and "The Sixth Sense" have in common? "Icy dead people" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose :sundog: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted March 24, 2020 Author Share Posted March 24, 2020 As the coronavirus spreads in Germany, its citizens are hoarding sausages and cheese. Truly a Würst Käse scenario 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSHHEAD666 Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 So an infectious disease floats into a bar.The bartender says.... "Sorry pal, we don't serve infectious diseases."The infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinjaRider Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but cling wrap for shorts. The psychiatrist says, .."well I can clearly see your nuts.'' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 A guy goes into a bar and sits next to an attractive blond. He looks up just as the 10 o'clock news starts and the first story is a guy standing on a ledge threatening to jump. He looks at the blond and says, "I bet you $20 he jumps", and she says, "you're on". After just a couple of seconds, the guy jumps to his death and the woman sighs loudly and hands the guy the money. He says, "I can't take your money because I saw this on the 5 o'clock news and knew he jumped." She said, "I did too, but I hoped he wouldn't this time." He took her money. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was The Best. The arguing became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly. Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best? Saint Peter replied, I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven. Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and reminded him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven and asked Saint Peter if he was able to ask God for the answer to their question. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen: MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY TO:All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and MarinesSUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.2. Each serves America well and with distinction.3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.4. Always be proud of that. Warm Regards,God, USAF, Ret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 As the coronavirus spreads in Germany, its citizens are hoarding sausages and cheese. Truly a Würst Käse scenarioI like that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Carmina Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Last night a German Shepard shit in my yard; I went outside to shout at him, but he just pulled up his pants and walked away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 What's worse than raining cats and dogs?...... Hailing buses and taxis! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Q: What's the leading cause for dry skin? A: Towels 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 What did Bart Simpson say to Devin Nunes? Don’t have a cow, man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_hi_water._ Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) What's the difference between Vapor Trails and Vapor Trails Remixed? there isn't Edited June 25, 2020 by _hi_water._ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted June 29, 2020 Author Share Posted June 29, 2020 A: Mount Baldy Q: What did Yul Brynner's wife do on their wedding night? :o :o :o 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted June 29, 2020 Share Posted June 29, 2020 A: Mount Baldy Q: What did Yul Brynner's wife do on their wedding night? :o :o :oCarnac! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 12, 2020 Author Share Posted July 12, 2020 It is impossible to prove that the President hosted a huge COVID-19 denial party last night. No one there will confirm it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_hi_water._ Posted July 12, 2020 Share Posted July 12, 2020 Trump: I know more than the doctors do on Covid-19 Me: Press X to doubt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted August 11, 2020 Author Share Posted August 11, 2020 Officials with the Minnesota Department of Agriculture confirmed the first-known arrival of the European chafer beetle, a half-inch, tan-colored insect that causes serious harm to lawns. The pest has been in the United States since 1940 when it was discovered in New York.It is found primarily in the northeastern part of the country, but has also been found in Michigan and Wisconsin. Thankfully, the pest comes strictly from continental Europe. The last thing we need is another British beetle invasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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