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Principled Man
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Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

 

COVID-19 is in quarantine indefinitely.

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All U.S. bowling alleys have just posted new Rules for bowlers:

 

1. Wash your hands after touching your balls.

 

2. Do not touch anyone else's balls.

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What did the Chinese coronavirus sing while mutating?

 

 

:musicnote: Turning Japanese

I think I'm turning Japanese

I really think so.... :musicnote:

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As the coronavirus spreads in Germany, its citizens are hoarding sausages and cheese.

 

 

 

Truly a Würst Käse scenario

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A guy goes into a bar and sits next to an attractive blond. He looks up just as the 10 o'clock news starts and the first story is a guy standing on a ledge threatening to jump. He looks at the blond and says, "I bet you $20 he jumps", and she says, "you're on".

 

After just a couple of seconds, the guy jumps to his death and the woman sighs loudly and hands the guy the money. He says, "I can't take your money because I saw this on the 5 o'clock news and knew he jumped." She said, "I did too, but I hoped he wouldn't this time."

 

He took her money.

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A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was The Best. The arguing became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly. Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best? Saint Peter replied, I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven.

 

Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and reminded him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven and asked Saint Peter if he was able to ask God for the answer to their question. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:

 

 

MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY TO:

All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines

SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best

1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.

2. Each serves America well and with distinction.

3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.

4. Always be proud of that.

 

Warm Regards,

God, USAF, Ret.

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What's worse than raining cats and dogs?......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hailing buses and taxis! :chickendance:

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A: Mount Baldy

 

 

Q: What did Yul Brynner's wife do on their wedding night?

 

 

:o :o :o

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It is impossible to prove that the President hosted a huge COVID-19 denial party last night.

 

 

 

No one there will confirm it.

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Officials with the Minnesota Department of Agriculture confirmed the first-known arrival of the European chafer beetle, a half-inch, tan-colored insect that causes serious harm to lawns.

 

The pest has been in the United States since 1940 when it was discovered in New York.

It is found primarily in the northeastern part of the country, but has also been found in Michigan and Wisconsin.

 

Thankfully, the pest comes strictly from continental Europe. The last thing we need is another British beetle invasion.

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