invisible airwave Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 What did Morrissey say when he saw Godzilla on Guy Fawkes day? “November spawned a monster!” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted September 4, 2019 Author Share Posted September 4, 2019 What's the biggest difference between men and women? When a woman says, "Hey, smell this...", the thing almost always smells GOOD. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted September 4, 2019 Author Share Posted September 4, 2019 Someone broke into my town's police station and stole all the toilets. There are no known suspects, as the cops have nothing to go on. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edhunter Posted September 5, 2019 Share Posted September 5, 2019 Why do ducks have tailfeathers? To cover up their buttquacks! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyfriar Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 What's the biggest difference between men and women?... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 How much money does a skunk have ? One scent. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted September 6, 2019 Share Posted September 6, 2019 What's the biggest difference between men and women?... Whatever you do, leave that red dial alone. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted September 10, 2019 Author Share Posted September 10, 2019 Italian pastry chef: “Doctor, you told me that you could cure me! Now you’re telling me that I’m a goner?!” Doctor: “I’m sorry, but we cannoli do so much.....” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 why dont ants get sick? because of their anti-bodies :sundog: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted September 15, 2019 Author Share Posted September 15, 2019 This Day in History - 1835: The HMS Beagle and Charles Darwin reach the Galápagos Islands. The finch and turtle populations were never the same since. ;-) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Since I’ve been watching this movie on Showtime streaming, what is Lawrence Kasdans favorite truck? Chevy Silverado. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted September 16, 2019 Author Share Posted September 16, 2019 After his annual check-up, a guy asks a doctor to estimate how long he will live. The doctor starts asking him a series of questions. Doc: Do you eat red meat? No Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe? No Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs? No Doc: Do you drink beer or hard liquor? Nope Doc: Do you have any hobbies or do any activities that are risky like bungee jumping or sky diving? No, that stuff scares me. Doc: Do you have multiple sexual partners? Nope, currently single and not looking. Doc: Do you drive a fast car like a Porsche or Corvette? Nope, a Toyota Camry. Doc: Okay So doctor, how long will I live? Doc: Why do you even care? You have no life. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, Hey, is this stool taken? :spitwater: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 To whoever stole my glasses: I WILL find you. I have contacts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Carmina Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind in here." The string goes outside, ties himself in half, messes up his hair, and goes back inside. "Hey," says the bartender, "aren't you that string I just threw out?" "Nope," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Carmina Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 A rabbi, a priest, and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? A joke?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjbear05 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Karen hit me with this one, had to forward. A Chinese man is suing his wife for divorce. The judge asks the man his reasoning for divorcing his wife. The man says: "I no come. She no come. Baby come. How come?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 What do vegan zombies eat? GRAINS!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 What do vegan zombies eat? GRAINS!! And did you know vegan zombies are the most insufferable zombies of them all? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted October 7, 2019 Share Posted October 7, 2019 My life HAHAHAHAHAHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Him: I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary. Her: Nothing would please me more! [Anniversary comes and goes] Her: You FORGOT our anniversary?! Him: You said that nothing would please you more, so I got you nothing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughedatbytime Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Him: I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary. Her: Nothing would please me more! [Anniversary comes and goes] Her: You FORGOT our anniversary?! Him: You said that nothing would please you more, so I got you nothing. And he's not getting anything for a good long while if ever again, either. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowdogged Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) I had to have surgery on one of my butt cheeks last week. The doctor did a real half-assed job. Edited October 17, 2019 by snowdogged 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocket ignites Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Rhino? ell if I know 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Carmina Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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