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Posted

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

 

 

 

 

When a woman says, "Hey, smell this...", the thing almost always smells GOOD.

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Posted

Someone broke into my town's police station and stole all the toilets.

 

 

 

There are no known suspects, as the cops have nothing to go on.

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Posted

What's the biggest difference between men and women?...

BfAcPHw.jpg

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Posted

Italian pastry chef: “Doctor, you told me that you could cure me! Now you’re telling me that I’m a goner?!”

 

Doctor: “I’m sorry, but we cannoli do so much.....”

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Posted

why dont ants get sick?

 

 

 

because of their anti-bodies :sundog:

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Posted

This Day in History - 1835: The HMS Beagle and Charles Darwin reach the Galápagos Islands.

 

The finch and turtle populations were never the same since. ;-)

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Posted

After his annual check-up, a guy asks a doctor to estimate how long he will live. The doctor starts asking him a series of questions.

 

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

 

No

 

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

 

No

 

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

 

No

 

Doc: Do you drink beer or hard liquor?

 

Nope

 

Doc: Do you have any hobbies or do any activities that are risky like bungee jumping or sky diving?

 

No, that stuff scares me.

 

Doc: Do you have multiple sexual partners?

 

Nope, currently single and not looking.

 

Doc: Do you drive a fast car like a Porsche or Corvette?

 

Nope, a Toyota Camry.

 

Doc: Okay

 

So doctor, how long will I live?

 

Doc: Why do you even care? You have no life.

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Posted

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, Hey, is this stool taken?

 

:spitwater:

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Posted
To whoever stole my glasses: I WILL find you. I have contacts.
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Posted

A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind in here."

 

The string goes outside, ties himself in half, messes up his hair, and goes back inside.

 

"Hey," says the bartender, "aren't you that string I just threw out?"

 

"Nope," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot."

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Posted

Karen hit me with this one, had to forward.

 

A Chinese man is suing his wife for divorce. The judge asks the man his reasoning for divorcing his wife. The man says:

 

"I no come. She no come. Baby come. How come?"

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Posted

What do vegan zombies eat?

 

 

GRAINS!!

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Posted

My life

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted

Him: I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary.

 

Her: Nothing would please me more!

 

[Anniversary comes and goes]

 

Her: You FORGOT our anniversary?!

 

Him: You said that nothing would please you more, so I got you nothing.

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Posted

Him: I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary.

 

Her: Nothing would please me more!

 

[Anniversary comes and goes]

 

Her: You FORGOT our anniversary?!

 

Him: You said that nothing would please you more, so I got you nothing.

And he's not getting anything for a good long while if ever again, either.

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Posted (edited)
I had to have surgery on one of my butt cheeks last week. The doctor did a real half-assed job. Edited by snowdogged
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Posted

What do you get when you cross an Elephant with a Rhino?

 

ell if I know

  • Like 1

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