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Tell A Dumb Joke


Principled Man
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Knock knock!

 

Who's there?

 

Control Freak!

 

Con..

 

- Okay, now you say "control freak, who?"

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How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Play Roll The Bones.

 

In my case it will inspire me to take a piss break. If I timed it right I could empty the bladder, get another beer, and be back in my seat just as the next song started.

 

 

In case there are any doubts about this..and I know that I am deep necroposting here..... this is my last show...number 28 @ MSG . R40. June 29, 2015. During RTB. Yes, I was actually emptying the bladder when I took this. RTB echoing through MSG.

 

 

<blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/yCHOtxm" data-context="false" ><a href="//imgur.com/a/yCHOtxm"></a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>https://imgur.com/a/yCHOtxm

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What do you call tall, long-necked birds defecating on Russian submarines?

 

 

 

U-Cranes

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Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours.

 

During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox.

 

It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors.

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Principled Man, I have said it before, a thousand times (or was that in my mind?) but... don't quit your day job.

And don't accept wooden nickles from toothless strangers. That might be grandpa advice, not a joke...still.

 

OK.

 

Question: What do you give a sick lemon?

Answer: Lemon aid.

 

Duh??!!!! Lemon aid, get it?

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Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours.

 

During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox.

 

It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors.

 

Please believe me, PM, I am poking fun at you, not literally being critical.

Words don't always present the tone of what I am trying to say. I was just ganging up on your choice of a joke, I suppose, sorry if it sounded high and mighty. It's the last thing I want to be.

 

Please post more jokes, as astoundingly terrible as they might be, they are always a source of giggle and that is what we need in the world these days :)

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Today is the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere. During an equinox, both the northern and southern hemispheres receive the same amount of daylight....which isn't exactly 12 hours.

 

During the equilux, parts of the Earth receive exactly 12 hours of daylight (give or take a minute). For the USA (lower 48 states), the equilux occurs a few days before the equinox.

 

It is no coincidence that the equilectrolux occurs when all cities have the same number of vacuum cleaner salesmen knocking on people's doors.

 

Please believe me, PM, I am poking fun at you, not literally being critical.

Words don't always present the tone of what I am trying to say. I was just ganging up on your choice of a joke, I suppose, sorry if it sounded high and mighty. It's the last thing I want to be.

 

Please post more jokes, as astoundingly terrible as they might be, they are always a source of giggle and that is what we need in the world these days :)

 

Umm...I knew that you were kidding. This thread is entitled, Tell A Dumb Joke. The jokes are supposed to be groaners..... :16ton:

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My first-ever fitness trainer asked me, "What type of squat do you usually do?"

 

 

 

I confidently said, "Diddly."

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Never get into a pillow fight with Death. You won't be able to handle the reaper cushions.
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Could there ever be a better example of irony than:

 

 

Welcome to the Istanbul Peace Talks.

 

********* For your own safety: **********

Please do not eat, drink or touch anything.

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I got a vacation postcard from my chronically-depressed buddy, down in the Bahamas. He didn't write much on it.

 

 

Having a wonderful time. WHY?

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Patient: Doctor, I need help! I can't stop singing She's A Lady! Even in my dreams I still sing it over and over!

Doc: Hmm, it sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome.

Patient: Tom Jones Syndrome?!?!?!?! That sounds really serious! Is it common?

Doc: It's not unusual.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

 

She didn't have arms.

 

Ouch!

 

Is that in the same politically incorrect line of jokes, such as...

 

Where do you find Bob?

...in the water.

 

Where do you find Art?

...on the wall.

 

Cliff?

...beside a hole.

 

Phil?

..inside that same hole.

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<p>Schrodinger is travelling down a desert highway and has the road all to himself. He's got the top down and the tunes cranked and he suffers a lapse in concentration and starts speeding without even realizing it. Sure enough, a cop appears from behind a billboard and pulls him over. Schrodinger's patiently waiting with both hands on the wheel and as the cop approaches the car, he does a double take at the back seat. As the cop gets to the driver's side he asks: "hey, did you know you have a dead cat back there?" Scrodinger replies: "I do now." Edited by Jack Aubrey
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Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

 

She didn't have arms.

:facepalm: :laughing yellow guy:
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Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

 

She didn't have arms.

:facepalm: :laughing yellow guy:

Knock knock.

 

Who's there?

 

Not the girl that fell off the swing.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

 

She didn't have arms.

 

Ouch!

 

Is that in the same politically incorrect line of jokes, such as...

 

Where do you find Bob?

...in the water.

 

Where do you find Art?

...on the wall.

 

Cliff?

...beside a hole.

 

Phil?

..inside that same hole.

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of your door? Mat.

 

What do you call a girl with no arms and only one leg? Eileen.

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs under your car? Jack.

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a podium? Mike.

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your mailbox? Bill.

 

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your cupboard? Herb.

 

 

 

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After years of denying it, it is time to tell the truth.

 

I'm a cannibal.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

 

Because I'm fed up with people.

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Investigators have confirmed that the man who fell from the 18th floor nightclub balcony was not a bouncer.  

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What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

 

Iron Man stops the bad guys.

 

Aluminum Man foils their plans.  

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