laughedatbytime Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing.Too soon. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing.Too soon.lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 31, 2019 Author Share Posted October 31, 2019 Last year, I went Trick or Treating all around the neighborhood. Every time, the neighbors looked at me all confused and said, "What have you come as?" I'm a werewolf. Neighbors: "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, ya moron.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 ^^^ lol Last night I was a Standup Comic Panda, telling bad jokes like an old-timey comic. "My panda-wife's cooking...it's horrible. Every night the same thing...Chinese! But seriously, last night she burned the bamboo!" "I tell ya, it ain't easy being endangered. No really, it's unbearable!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebuckeye2112 Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Two Airline mechanics named Gary and Tim get off work at New York's La Guardia Airport, one night La Guardia gets fogged in heavily so there is not any aircraft movement. So that night they do not have any work, usually after Gary and Tim quit the two hit a nearby bar, so Gary said to Tim. "I have heard you can get a buzz off of drinking jet fuel." So they roughly drink a quart a piece and return back home. The next morning Gary calls Tim and says "How are you feeling?" Tim says he is fine, Gary asks Tim if he has a hangover which Tim responds with no, Tim then says to Gary "This is great we can drink all we want and we will not get hung over," Gary then says "One small question, Tim" Tim says "what is that" Gary responds with "Have you farted yet?" Tim answers "no, why?" "Well don't because I am calling from Phoenix, Arizona." Here's another joke a friend of mine said to me in high school: Two Cannibals named Jeff and Mike are sitting down to chow down on a man killed after being hit by a city bus, they cook him and begin consuming him, Jeff asks Mike how he is doing, Mike responds "Awesome, I am having a ball right now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 What do you call a medical condition when you have too many dogs? A roverdose. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disk98 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 So…what’s the deal with airline food? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Why do Norwegian battleships all have barcodes on the sides? ....so when the ships return to port, they can Scandinavian! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. JD Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 To Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you... You have my Word. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disk98 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) I had a customer at work ask about upgrading her iPhone 7 to an iPhone 11. So I did an Apples to Apples comparison. :D Edited January 22, 2020 by Disk98 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. JD Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?a rhubarb 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I was gonna make an anal sex joke....but f**k it 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. JD Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 What did the drummer name his two daughters? Anna one Anna two 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. JD Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 What's the loudest pet you can get .... A Trumpet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. JD Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 How do you cut the ocean in half? With a Sea Saw 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 I was gonna make an anal sex joke....but f**k it You're a naughty, naughty lady. Carry on .... :sundog: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 And now, a haiku..... Love is in the air But so is influenza Wash your face and hands 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinjaRider Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vaportrailer Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 If Jesus' earthly dad was a carpenter, how did young J spend his evenings? Jesus swept. I'll show myself out. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted February 4, 2020 Author Share Posted February 4, 2020 If Jesus' earthly dad was a carpenter, how did young J spend his evenings? Jesus swept. I'll show myself out. I used to be a carpenter. My boss said that I was like lightning. I never struck the same thing twice. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 To Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you... You have my Word.When telling jokes about Microsoft Office, you really Excel. At least that's my Outlook on the subject. Ok, I'll stop...I'm becoming a pain in the Access. Sorry, I'm a computer guy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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