Smashed in the face stories

[Lost In Xanadu]

The sick bastards that do the morning show I listen to in Milwaukee have a bi-annual contest. You submit your smashed in the face stories to them, and if they read your letter on the air you get entered into a drawing for some big gift like a TV or something like that.

 

Their only rule is that it had to happen to you, you can't be telling a story that happened to someone else, even if you witnessed it.

 

 

 

Here's my submission... it was read, but I didn't win:

 

When I was about 10, my brother wanted a ride in the wagon, but I wanted to ride my bike. We found a long piece of rope and tied one end to my bike seat, and the other to the wagon handle. The rope was at least 20 feet long, and we didn't dare cut it because it was my dad's. We got the ends tied and I started pedaling. went up and down the dead-end street a few times, and then my brother said "GO FAST!" I pedaled hard and soon I was flying. I heard my brother yell, so I turned around and saw the rope came untied at the wagon. As I laughed at him for being a baby, the free end of the rope got snagged under the tire of a parked car - instantly stopping the bike. As I flew over the handlebars, I saw the fire hydrant hurtling towards me. I caught the fire hydrant in the ribs, which swung my face right into the curb. I knocked out half a tooth, shredded my lips and fractured 2 ribs.

[Tommy Sawyer]

Do you want me to feel sorry for you?

 

The story's funny, I guess...

 

I don't have any smashed face stories if you're asking.

[GhostGirl]

Not sure if it counts as "smashed," but my face FELT smashed...

 

I was 20, working as a vet tech, and a Rottweiler attacked me, giving me two black eyes, two puncture wounds, and a cut to my cheek that needed about 18 stitches.

 

I still have nightmares.

[Can-Utility]

When I was 14 I was at a friend's house and for some reason or other he was swinging around a sharpened wooden sword.. The blade snapped off and lodged itself in my cheek, so now I've got a huge scar under my eye.

[lerxt1990]

QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Nov 14 2011, 05:11 PM)

Not sure if it counts as "smashed," but my face FELT smashed... I was 20, working as a vet tech, and a Rottweiler attacked me, giving me two black eyes, two puncture wounds, and a cut to my cheek that needed about 18 stitches. I still have nightmares.

[lerxt1990]

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Nov 14 2011, 04:54 PM)

The sick bastards that do the morning show I listen to in Milwaukee have a bi-annual contest. You submit your smashed in the face stories to them, and if they read your letter on the air you get entered into a drawing for some big gift like a TV or something like that. Their only rule is that it had to happen to you, you can't be telling a story that happened to someone else, even if you witnessed it. Here's my submission... it was read, but I didn't win: When I was about 10, my brother wanted a ride in the wagon, but I wanted to ride my bike. We found a long piece of rope and tied one end to my bike seat, and the other to the wagon handle. The rope was at least 20 feet long, and we didn't dare cut it because it was my dad's. We got the ends tied and I started pedaling. went up and down the dead-end street a few times, and then my brother said "GO FAST!" I pedaled hard and soon I was flying. I heard my brother yell, so I turned around and saw the rope came untied at the wagon. As I laughed at him for being a baby, the free end of the rope got snagged under the tire of a parked car - instantly stopping the bike. As I flew over the handlebars, I saw the fire hydrant hurtling towards me. I caught the fire hydrant in the ribs, which swung my face right into the curb. I knocked out half a tooth, shredded my lips and fractured 2 ribs.

wow. tough!

[TullSkull]

Lost In Xanadu OUCH!!

and

Here is one to laugh at..

I was 10 or so and we were having timed races around the block, lived in the city, in that course there was this ally we turned into to head back to the start. I was going just as fast as I could made my turn into the ally and there was the Helmes Bread truck (home delivery truck, mid 50's suburban) anyway there it was, I only noticed it after I hit it head on and right up on the hood I went and of course what stopped my was my face meeting the windshield... Could not ride that bike anymore.

[danielmclark]

If we're talking smashed in the face... (I have a "hit in the head with a rock" story that beats this, but...)

 

My then-18-month-old daughter decided to wake me up one morning by bashing me square in the nose.

 

With her head.

[Alien Girl]

I have no Smashed in the Face stories, I have Smashed in the Fingers w/ Blood Trails THIS Long stories, but no Smashed in the Face stories. Edited November 15, 2011 by Alien Girl

[An Enemy Without]

One time I smashed myself in the face.

[The Big Money]

I'm lucky to never had my face smashed.

[treeduck]

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Nov 14 2011, 04:54 PM)

The sick bastards that do the morning show I listen to in Milwaukee have a bi-annual contest. You submit your smashed in the face stories to them, and if they read your letter on the air you get entered into a drawing for some big gift like a TV or something like that. Their only rule is that it had to happen to you, you can't be telling a story that happened to someone else, even if you witnessed it. Here's my submission... it was read, but I didn't win: When I was about 10, my brother wanted a ride in the wagon, but I wanted to ride my bike. We found a long piece of rope and tied one end to my bike seat, and the other to the wagon handle. The rope was at least 20 feet long, and we didn't dare cut it because it was my dad's. We got the ends tied and I started pedaling. went up and down the dead-end street a few times, and then my brother said "GO FAST!" I pedaled hard and soon I was flying. I heard my brother yell, so I turned around and saw the rope came untied at the wagon. As I laughed at him for being a baby, the free end of the rope got snagged under the tire of a parked car - instantly stopping the bike. As I flew over the handlebars, I saw the fire hydrant hurtling towards me. I caught the fire hydrant in the ribs, which swung my face right into the curb. I knocked out half a tooth, shredded my lips and fractured 2 ribs.

Something like that happened to me when I was around 11. I crashed into this kid's blue plastic toy truck (one of those things little kids sit on and push themselves along with their feet) on my bike TWICE and flew over the handlebars landing on my face on the road both times. The first time I got scrapes and bruises on my nose and cheeks and the second time I landed more on my forehead and I had a big bump there. No lasting damage though and no scars. I remember thinking, the second time, as I flew over the handlebars "not this again!"

[1 of the 7]

I literally was dropped on my head when I was a baby (by my sister, accidentally) and fell on/hit my head on something four other times (twice needing stitches), but nothing about any of them is artful enough for a good story. Just a lot of lack of coordination!

[go2wrk@95974]

I was either 15 or 16,and I was riding my motorcycle

and I ran into a ditch-like gully,and the front tire

went down about 2 feet..I immediately went flyin' over

the handlebars, face-first into the dirt.I remember thinking

"oh man..this is gonna hurt..bad!"..and it did!

 

Then,in 2000, I got my 88 toyota truck demolished

by a ford bronco..my head hit the top of the inside roof,

and sliced my forehead open..had to have 40 stiches

put in my forehead , to close the wound.I Didn't even

notice I had gotten cut (didn't feel any pain) until

I looked down, and saw blood pouring into my lap and

legs, like a faucet.

[Babycat]

When I was about 21, someone who I thought was a friend offered to punch me in the face just for the sheer hell of it. God knew why.

[snowdogged]

About six years ago I was working for Cirque du Soliel at one of their storage warehouses through an employment agency for a few days. Anyhow, I was sent outside to work with this guy to unload and disassemble a trailer. They have these trailers that have vinyl tent tops and are held up with these metal bars that fold down. There is a joint with a sort of hinge that when you lift up a small metal bracket the metal bars will fold down. I should mention that it was also a very cold winter day in Montreal at that time. I folded down all of the metal bars without a problem. I would lift the bracket and then have to use a little force to bend the hinges to fold the bars down. I should say there was no problem until I came to the last one. I lifted the bracket and the hinges just instantly folded down at what seemed like the speed of light and I was hit in the nose by the metal. I immediately just bent down covering my face for couple of seconds and then I looked up at the guy that I was working with who was sitting on a forklift and told him that I was okay. He told me that my face was full of blood. I went inside to clean up and the guy who was my boss there saw me and came to the bathroom with me and he kept on telling me that I had to go see a doctor and I just kept on telling him that I was just going to clean up and go back to work. He kept on telling me that my nose was really messed up. It was bleeding quite bad but I just cleaned it up and shoved some toilet paper in it and went back to work. It happened in the morning and my nose was bleeding for the rest of the day. I also had some nice scrapes on the outside of my nose and ended up with a bit of a black eye from it. I was lucky because it did not hit me dead center in the middle of the nose and did not break my nose. If it would have hit me dead center it would have probably messed me up so badly that I probably would have left that place in an ambulance. I mean the force was just so strong.

[Babycat]

QUOTE (snowdogged @ Nov 15 2011, 07:21 PM)

About six years ago I was working for Cirque du Soliel at one of their storage warehouses through an employment agency for a few days. Anyhow, I was sent outside to work with this guy to unload and disassemble a trailer. They have these trailers that have vinyl tent tops and are held up with these metal bars that fold down. There is a joint with a sort of hinge that when you lift up a small metal bracket the metal bars will fold down. I should mention that it was also a very cold winter day in Montreal at that time. I folded down all of the metal bars without a problem. I would lift the bracket and then have to use a little force to bend the hinges to fold the bars down. I should say there was no problem until I came to the last one. I lifted the bracket and the hinges just instantly folded down at what seemed like the speed of light and I was hit in the nose by the metal. I immediately just bent down covering my face for couple of seconds and then I looked up at the guy that I was working with who was sitting on a forklift and told him that I was okay. He told me that my face was full of blood. I went inside to clean up and the guy who was my boss there saw me and came to the bathroom with me and he kept on telling me that I had to go see a doctor and I just kept on telling him that I was just going to clean up and go back to work. He kept on telling me that my nose was really messed up. It was bleeding quite bad but I just cleaned it up and shoved some toilet paper in it and went back to work. It happened in the morning and my nose was bleeding for the rest of the day. I also had some nice scrapes on the outside of my nose and ended up with a bit of a black eye from it. I was lucky because it did not hit me dead center in the middle of the nose and did not break my nose. If it would have hit me dead center it would have probably messed me up so badly that I probably would have left that place in an ambulance. I mean the force was just so strong.

Owww..! Owww..! Owww..!

[ILSnwdog]

When I was five, I was racing Mark Mastacio to see who the fastest runner was in our Kindergarten class was. Well, I got me feet tangled up and fell face first into the corner of a brick wall and broke my nose.

 

When I was six, I was running full speed and fell. My face hit the handle bars on my Big Wheel, and the seam in the plastic cut my cheek open, and it went all the way through. I need 50 stitches outside and 50 stitches inside my mouth to repair the gash in my cheek. My Mom told me that I could have stuck my tongue out the hole in my cheek.

 

Another time when I was nine, I was riding my cousin's POS 10 speed bike up at my Grandparent's house in northern Wisconsin. I rode the bike up the biggest hill by the house, and turned around. I peddled as fast as I could. I must have been doing between 25-30 mph. When I got to the bottom of the hill, the front wheel began to wobble, and eventually, it shot out of the forks. The forks of the bike went into the pavement, and that sent me over the handlebars, and turned me into a human torpedo. I landed on my face, and lost parts of two teeth, and completely shredded my brand new "My parents went to Crivitz Wisconsin, and all I got was this lousy tee shirt" shirt.

 

There are others that I don't need to bore you with. I was a tad reckless when I was a child. My parents didn't think I would live to see high school.

[Mara]

Two years ago I was sitting on the stairs, taking a swig from a can of soda. One of the dogs was between my knees (facing away from me), and I was scratching his ears with my non-soda hand. I stopped for a second and he threw his head back as if to say, "HEY! WHY DID YOU STOP!?!?!?" His noggin hit the soda can just as I was taking a sip and it chipped a filling.

 

Twenty years ago I was working retail and clowning around with a co-worker, who was 6'6''. I am 5'3". You know how you can pop someone in the back of the knees when they're standing with their legs locked and they'll fall? His elbow hit me square in the nose; I think it was broken, but I never did have it checked out. Bled like a mother, though.

 

Fell out of a high chair at age two and still have a very slight scar on my nose, right between the eyes.

 

The worst was the horse. I had her in cross ties in the wash stall and she spooked at something as I was cleaning a hind foot. She jerked the foot up and smashed me hard in the forehead. Talk about seeing stars. No bleeding but man, what a bruise.

[Babycat]

QUOTE (Mara @ Nov 15 2011, 08:03 PM)

Two years ago I was sitting on the stairs, taking a swig from a can of soda.  One of the dogs was between my knees (facing away from me), and I was scratching his ears with my non-soda hand.  I stopped for a second and he threw his head back as if to say, "HEY!  WHY DID YOU STOP!?!?!?"  His noggin hit the soda can just as I was taking a sip and it chipped a filling.  Twenty years ago I was working retail and clowning around with a co-worker, who was 6'6''.  I am 5'3".  You know how you can pop someone in the back of the knees when they're standing with their legs locked and they'll fall?  His elbow hit me square in the nose; I think it was broken, but I never did have it checked out.  Bled like a mother, though.  Fell out of a high chair at age two and still have a very slight scar on my nose, right between the eyes. The worst was the horse.  I had her in cross ties in the wash stall and she spooked at something as I was cleaning a hind foot.  She jerked the foot up and smashed me hard in the forehead.  Talk about seeing stars.  No bleeding but man, what a bruise.

You just reminded me about the high chair - same thing happened, and I was about two also.

 

Edit: I know this isn't related, but another incident resurfaced: around 20+ years ago, I was out riding this gorgeous horse and I slid off him and fell flat on my back and the horse stomped his ruddy great bif hoof in the middle of my chest - had a bruise for days. Everyone else laughed...

Edited November 15, 2011 by Babycat

[Hatchetaxe&saw]

OK. Many years ago, we were heading home from a nightclub and my best mate and I were "joke-fighting" in the back of the bus. We alighted from the bus and I pushed him over a wall and dangled him by the feet, a nice angry sea thrashing about below him. Oh, how I laughed. I pulled him up, and ran, all the while laughing at my supreme japery.

As I was fast out of breath, I stopped. He didn't, and neither did his fist. My nose shattered(it still "crunches" when I move it, and it's crooked) and I bled profusely into my fetching crimson scarf. Because I was so drunk I felt little pain. He was miles from home, so he stayed in my place.

 

The following morning, I woke to the gentle screams of my mother downstairs, "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS DEAD?????" She had lovingly begun to handwash my red scarf and the water turned red. I was in severe pain, a delicious mix of hangover and broken nose. The reflection that greeted me had 2 black eyes, a heavily cut nose, bent and broken and huge.

 

I started college the next day. The initial assumption was I was a hard man, not to be messed with, my mangled features hiding my true, soft, marshmallowy interior.

 

My nose breaker was my best man at my wedding 10 years later. And my nose is still crooked.

[GhostGirl]

QUOTE (Hatchetaxe&saw @ Nov 15 2011, 02:38 PM)

OK. Many years ago, we were heading home from a nightclub and my best mate and I were "joke-fighting" in the back of the bus. We alighted from the bus and I pushed him over a wall and dangled him by the feet, a nice angry sea thrashing about below him. Oh, how I laughed. I pulled him up, and ran, all the while laughing at my supreme japery. As I was fast out of breath, I stopped. He didn't, and neither did his fist. My nose shattered(it still "crunches" when I move it, and it's crooked) and I bled profusely into my fetching crimson scarf. Because I was so drunk I felt little pain. He was miles from home, so he stayed in my place. The following morning, I woke to the gentle screams of my mother downstairs, "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS DEAD?????" She had lovingly begun to handwash my red scarf and the water turned red. I was in severe pain, a delicious mix of hangover and broken nose. The reflection that greeted me had 2 black eyes, a heavily cut nose, bent and broken and huge. I started college the next day. The initial assumption was I was a hard man, not to be messed with, my mangled features hiding my true, soft, marshmallowy interior. My nose breaker was my best man at my wedding 10 years later. And my nose is still crooked.

That was beautiful. *sniff* Factual, detailed, bloody, crunchy, and BEAUTIFUL.

[bigman208]

I got back into working out a few years back, and I decided to change the amount of weight on bench press weights. I put it back on the rack and thought it would be a good idea to change it there. WRONG. Also, idiot me completely forgot about gravity and took all the weight off one side causing one end of the bar to fly up and SMACK me right in the mouth with force. As a result, my lip was cut open pretty good and my mouth was swollen for at least a week.

 

Probably should have put some thought into that situation BEFORE changing the weights.

 

Gravity - 1

bigman208 - 0

[Brucey]

A good few years ago now, I was in a local park, playing with a new wooden Boomerang I had, when this lad I knew (and his little brother) appeared. We talked and his little brother wanted to use the Boomerang, so I gave him it, and he threw it around a few times and he could barely throw it further than a few yards. So I started to wonder off ahead of me when I heard a cry of "Look out, duck" - for some reason I decided to turn rather than duck and the first time the kid threw it properly it hit me plum on the nose. Surprisingly he hadn't broken it.

[ThatLightInYourEyes]

My story is the lamest ever and warrants zero sympathy. It was from a Karate tournament when I was fourteen. Let's just say the sparring matches are more potentially dangerous when your partner is less experienced. No smashing, thankfully, but a knock to the sinuses will cause involuntary watering of the eyes. Everyone thought I was crying, but damn it, I wasn't. More embarrassing than painful, plus I looked really silly holding my nose under the water fountain. Eventually I "won" the match because the puncher was disqualified.