Husband Had Major Stroke

[grep]

Lorraine, I am sorry to hear and I am hoping for the best for your husband and you.

 

He's lucky to have you there, as his advocate. I've found that through the shift changes, staff coming and going, that the hospital staff needs someone to tell them what's going on. There's no continuity of information, or at least they don't have the time to read what's in the file / chart.

 

When my wife was sick, I felt like I was managing the staff. They hated it, but I needed her to be better. Just sharing my experience. You are doing what is necessary. This is unfortunately the nature of medical care in the US.

 

Stay strong.

[Lorraine]

Lorraine, I am sorry to hear and I am hoping for the best for your husband and you.

 

He's lucky to have you there, as his advocate. I've found that through the shift changes, staff coming and going, that the hospital staff needs someone to tell them what's going on. There's no continuity of information, or at least they don't have the time to read what's in the file / chart.

 

When my wife was sick, I felt like I was managing the staff. They hated it, but I needed her to be better. Just sharing my experience. You are doing what is necessary. This is unfortunately the nature of medical care in the US.

 

Stay strong.

Grep, you don't know how right you are about an advocate. They had wrong info on my husband and, if I hadn't been there to correct them, I don't know what would have happened. I also fill them in on what happened when and what caused what and tell them where to look date-wise for further info. Honestly, I'm surprised at my memory retaining so much.

 

What a person does who has no one to speak up on their behalf, and there are many, I do not know.

 

I do feel as if I do some of their jobs. There are some good nurses; there are some who are just disenchanted with the profession. Being a nurse is a vocation - not a job. It's something a person is born to do. If a person is doing because they think "Hey! This is really good money!!", forget it.

 

Some hospitals are better than others too. We are fortunate here to have top-notch heart and stroke centers. People come from all over to go to them.

 

Medical care the last few years has nose-dived

 

The nurse in the emergency room yesterday told me that me and my husband are a pleasure to work with and she wished all their patients were like us. She said the bulk of the emergency room people are drug addicts and the mentally ill who spend all their time trying to manipulate the staff. She said they're the ones who deplete the nurses of their energy.

[Lorraine]

Can someone do me in please?

 

They want to send him to a skilled nursing facility, but I'd rather die than go to one of those places due to the neglect a person receives. I'm sure if you could pay full price you can be royally taken care of, but medicaid bed patients aren't worth anything, so they go to the bottom of the list.

 

They were supposed to send him back to the rehab he was in, but they said he no longer qualifies for them.

 

I would gladly bring him home, but he really is difficult to hold a conversation with and he thinks it's all my fault that I can't understand him and that I'm just being rotten, so he's being really snarky and nasty to me. If he came home, it wouldn't go well.

 

On the other hand, they tend to neglect patients in these skilled nursing facilities. By the time they come in and check on the person, it is often too late. Both his mother and sister died in one of these places due to neglect.

 

As for me, my cup truly is running over. I can't take much more before I snap. Honest.

Everything is on my shoulders.

Edited November 29, 2019 by Lorraine

[greyfriar]

Oh Lorraine, so sorry if I have no words of help to offer, but my thoughts are with the both of you. :(

[Lorraine]

Oh Lorraine, so sorry if I have no words of help to offer, but my thoughts are with the both of you. :(

I wish someone could wave a magic wand and make everything go away.

 

I think I'll just bring him home and hope for the best. I'd rather have him home where I can keep an eye on him than spend sleepless nights worrying he's being neglected in a skilled nursing facility. No one cares about a patient in a bed they are hardly getting any money for.

[OldRUSHfan]

Can someone do me in please?

 

They want to send him to a skilled nursing facility, but I'd rather die than go to one of those places due to the neglect a person receives. I'm sure if you could pay full price you can be royally taken care of, but medicaid bed patients aren't worth anything, so they go to the bottom of the list.

 

They were supposed to send him back to the rehab he was in, but they said he no longer qualifies for them.

 

I would gladly bring him home, but he really is difficult to hold a conversation with and he thinks it's all my fault that I can't understand him and that I'm just being rotten, so he's being really snarky and nasty to me. If he came home, it wouldn't go well.

 

On the other hand, they tend to neglect patients in these skilled nursing facilities. By the time they come in and check on the person, it is often too late. Both his mother and sister died in one of these places due to neglect.

 

As for me, my cup truly is running over. I can't take much more before I snap. Honest.

Everything is on my shoulders.

 

Praying overtime, Lorraine.

[blueschica]

Can someone do me in please?

 

They want to send him to a skilled nursing facility, but I'd rather die than go to one of those places due to the neglect a person receives. I'm sure if you could pay full price you can be royally taken care of, but medicaid bed patients aren't worth anything, so they go to the bottom of the list.

 

They were supposed to send him back to the rehab he was in, but they said he no longer qualifies for them.

 

I would gladly bring him home, but he really is difficult to hold a conversation with and he thinks it's all my fault that I can't understand him and that I'm just being rotten, so he's being really snarky and nasty to me. If he came home, it wouldn't go well.

 

On the other hand, they tend to neglect patients in these skilled nursing facilities. By the time they come in and check on the person, it is often too late. Both his mother and sister died in one of these places due to neglect.

 

As for me, my cup truly is running over. I can't take much more before I snap. Honest.

Everything is on my shoulders.

Oh Lorraine, so sorry if I have no words of help to offer, but my thoughts are with the both of you. :(

I wish someone could wave a magic wand and make everything go away.

 

I think I'll just bring him home and hope for the best. I'd rather have him home where I can keep an eye on him than spend sleepless nights worrying he's being neglected in a skilled nursing facility. No one cares about a patient in a bed they are hardly getting any money for.

 

I wish you had better options.❤ I'm really sorry about what happened to your husband's mother and sister; that sounds horrible! We have had family members in skilled nursing places, however, and it can be a step in getting them back home. It seemed like, in our end of the country anyway, it didn't really matter if the patient is on Medicaid or Medicare (nearly everyone is on something) but what made the difference in the care they received was having someone in their family that visited often and advocated for them. The staff knows who has family that comes often and I don't think they mean to do it but that sticks in the back of their mind. You have been traveling to the hospital so much, though and it would be more traveling to where your husband would be. If he came home would he be eligible for any home visits from a nurse or therapist? I hope an answer works out to give you both peace.

Edited November 30, 2019 by blueschica

[J2112YYZ]

Perhaps you should let him go to an assisted living facility for a little while and see how it goes? It would certainly take some of the burden off of you in having to watch him all the time with nobody to help. Obviously, the doctor feels that the type of care he needs is not the regular kind of care another person could provide for him and that's why they are recommending he go to a facility. If you want to communicate with him in some sort of normal way, it might be best for him to be around people who are trained in trying to get him back to that point again. His brain needs time to heal and come back to reality again. Do you think you'll be able to pull that off by yourself at home? This seems like a case where some professional medical rehab is needed.

[Lorraine]

Can someone do me in please?

 

They want to send him to a skilled nursing facility, but I'd rather die than go to one of those places due to the neglect a person receives. I'm sure if you could pay full price you can be royally taken care of, but medicaid bed patients aren't worth anything, so they go to the bottom of the list.

 

They were supposed to send him back to the rehab he was in, but they said he no longer qualifies for them.

 

I would gladly bring him home, but he really is difficult to hold a conversation with and he thinks it's all my fault that I can't understand him and that I'm just being rotten, so he's being really snarky and nasty to me. If he came home, it wouldn't go well.

 

On the other hand, they tend to neglect patients in these skilled nursing facilities. By the time they come in and check on the person, it is often too late. Both his mother and sister died in one of these places due to neglect.

 

As for me, my cup truly is running over. I can't take much more before I snap. Honest.

Everything is on my shoulders.

 

Praying overtime, Lorraine.

 

Thanks, ORFie

[Babycat]

For Lorraine - love, hugs, purrs and prayers on the way...

[IbanezJem]

If communication is really difficult, then it can be helpful to keep things very simple - pictures of simple requests, yes or no, rather than complicated sentences. Try and keep your speech slow and/or clear, and give lots of time for him to process what you say and lots of time to answer. I had to get a lot of information from someone with mental capacity but no speech a few weeks ago (she`d had a stroke). And I had to ask nothing but open questions, and sometimes repeat them or rephrase. It`s so hard for both of you and you both will feel like this for a while but that doesn`t mean it won`t change.

[Laurabw]

So sorry for everything you’re going through.

[Syrinx]

Keep strong Lorraine

[Tick]

So sorry to hear about this. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Lorraine.

[Lorraine]

Keep strong Lorraine

I'm trying. :)

[Lorraine]

They transferred him to a skilled nursing home about five minutes from our home late yesterday afternoon.

 

That helps a lot all around.

 

Here's hoping for the best. :cheers:

Edited December 3, 2019 by Lorraine

[Lorraine]

By the way, I've had a headache every day for weeks. It's in the back of my neck and on the temples both sides. I can't keep taking aspirins. Anyone have any other remedies?

[JohnRogers]

They transferred him to a skilled nursing home about five minutes from our home late yesterday afternoon.

 

That helps a lot all around.

 

Here's hoping for the best. :cheers:

Wow, you almost can’t imagine a better scenario. The professional care he needs with commute that lets you provide oversight.

[Lorraine]

They transferred him to a skilled nursing home about five minutes from our home late yesterday afternoon.

 

That helps a lot all around.

 

Here's hoping for the best. :cheers:

Wow, you almost can’t imagine a better scenario. The professional care he needs with commute that lets you provide oversight.

It's a real treat not having to drive downtown and back every day. Costs a lot less too. Parking and gas were taking their toll on the purse. Plus, I somehow feel better knowing he's not so far away. :)

[Rhyta]

By the way, I've had a headache every day for weeks. It's in the back of my neck and on the temples both sides. I can't keep taking aspirins. Anyone have any other remedies?

 

I bet your lack of sleep is contributing to the headaches and I was going to suggest warm compresses but after doing some looking, cold compresses supposedly work better. One thing I can suggest is herbal tea, it may not taste great but chamomile will help you rest and I would also suggest a sleep mask to help you rest your eyes and have a chance of getting some quality sleep.

 

Here is a list I found online:

Drink Water dehydration contributes to headaches.

B-complex vitamins may reduce headaches

Decrease caffeine...this may be hard if you are relying on it to keep your energy up but cutting down earlier in the day may help with the sleep problem too.

Do some yoga stretches

Take a short walk

 

I wish I could do something more concrete to help, I am praying hard for you. Bless you friend

Edited December 5, 2019 by Rhyta

[Lorraine]

By the way, I've had a headache every day for weeks. It's in the back of my neck and on the temples both sides. I can't keep taking aspirins. Anyone have any other remedies?

 

I bet your lack of sleep is contributing to the headaches and I was going to suggest warm compresses but after doing some looking, cold compresses supposedly work better. One thing I can suggest is herbal tea, it may not taste great but chamomile will help you rest and I would also suggest a sleep mask to help you rest your eyes and have a chance of getting some quality sleep.

 

Here is a list I found online:

Drink Water dehydration contributes to headaches.

B-complex vitamins may reduce headaches

Decrease caffeine...this may be hard if you are relying on it to keep your energy up but cutting down earlier in the day may help with the sleep problem too.

Do some yoga stretches

Take a short walk

 

I wish I could do something more concrete to help, I am praying hard for you. Bless you friend

Thanks, Rhyta!

Some days are better than others. Today is awful.

 

If he doesn't regain much of what he has lost, the prospect of living with someone who is the equivalent of an adult toddler that has to be reasoned with for the duration of my life is too much.

 

Today they told me he could be there up to two months, and here I was thinking he'd be home for Christmas. It depends on his progress. My husband is a lazy man by nature and always takes the easiest way out if he can. He's not a hard worker. He doesn't even realize what has happened to him, or that he speaks nonsense a lot of the time. To him, he's making perfect sense. So, if he doesn't really understand what has happened to him and why it is important for him to work hard to try and reroute his brain and regain what he has lost .... :(

 

Today is December 4th. On December 4, 2016, that is when he had the heart attack and was in the hospital for two months. I handled that better than I am handling this. As I said, I never fully recovered from that which may be why I'm having such a hard time now.

 

It's the winter, it's cold, it's gloomy. I am trying really hard too to be optimistic, but some days that requires almost more energy than I have.

 

As if all of this isn't depressing enough, the place he is at doesn't help. My husband is the youngster there. The rest, with very few exceptions in his section and part of the complex, are in bad shape. When I go there, all I can think of is "I hope I die by the time I'm 75. I don't ever want to get that old!"

Edited December 5, 2019 by Lorraine

[Lorraine]

n/m Edited December 9, 2019 by Lorraine

[J2112YYZ]

Things are so bad I'm beginning to feel emotionally catatonic.

 

I am incapable of making any decisions at the moment.

 

No one should have to make the decisions I am being presented with having to make alone, and that is exactly what is expected of me. People have become more heartless than ever.

 

What kind of decisions are they?

[EagleMoon]

I’m so sorry to hear this. I know it’s tough but you made it through last time, you can make it this time. Hugs sent your way.

[LyndseyG]

Oh Lorraine! I just found your thread. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm glad he's closer now than before.

 

Hugs to you sweetheart.