shaun3701 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 and an internet message board is the best place to get it right? I'm 31 years old and perpetually single. I've dated women over the years, but nothing serious. I'm fairly good looking, in good shape, don't make a ton of money but I have a good job. Women just don't seem to be attracted to me... and I don't know why. Actually let me rephrase that, ATTRACTIVE women don't seem to be attracted to me. Most of my friends have long since gotten married and started families. So what's different about me? Am I just expecting too much? Should I settle for an overweight or unattractive girl? I'm not looking for a supermodel or anything, but at least someone I wouldn't mind waking up next to. Perhaps I'm focusing too much on the superficial, maybe I need to try "making friends" with women first. But then I find myself stuck in the "friend zone"... I guess my question is, how does anyone actually get together in the first place? Is there some secret to women that I've yet to figure out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I wouldn't lower your expectations, they're part of your personality, which you can't change and shouldn't change. And if you tried to you'd only go back to your old way of thinking. You can only change this view if it happens naturally. My advice would be join a club where you might meet some interesting women, say combine it with getting in tip top shape. Try a yoga class, or if that's too wussy for you, try a Tai chi class, you can even take the class at your local Kung Fu club. Tai Chi is very good for your overall health and you might meet an interesting woman while you're there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (shaun3701 @ Feb 2 2011, 02:38 PM) Perhaps I'm focusing too much on the superficial... I'd have to say you are, just a bit. The overall tone of what you wrote comes across as, I don't know...kind of snobby - all that about "settling" for an "overweight or unattractive" girl and all... Of course there has to be an attraction, but speaking as someone who is not bony-thin or supermodel-gorgeous, there's a lot more to a significant other than attraction. Making friends is always a good place to start, and you might not find yourself stuck in the "friend zone" if you consistently treat women with respect, even if they're not perfect 10's. A woman who is treated with respect and appreciated feels good about herself, and it shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fridge Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 To be honest, I think you need to get over yourself. Reducing the quest for someone to spend your life with to how she looks is pointless and doomed to failure. You might think you are not displaying this, but trust me, most women will be able to pick up on the unconcious vibe you are projecting loud and clear. THAT is why you are having the difficulties you face. You really have to fundamentally alter the way you view women first before you can expect them to consider you as long term partner material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchetaxe&saw Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (shaun3701 @ Feb 2 2011, 08:38 PM) Should I settle for an overweight or unattractive girl? I'm not looking for a supermodel or anything, but at least someone I wouldn't mind waking up next to. Perhaps I'm focusing too much on the superficial, maybe I need to try "making friends" with women first. I think you've solved it yourself. And.... Supermodels have manky morning breath too. And their farts smell. And they will get old and wrinkly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (shaun3701 @ Feb 2 2011, 03:38 PM)Actually let me rephrase that, ATTRACTIVE women don't seem to be attracted to me. Do you give them any reason to be attracted to you? What I mean is this: You must get her attention before her attraction. Do something assertive, fearless, bold, slightly outrageous, etc. Look her straight in the eye when you're talking to her. Let her know that you mean business, and that you're not some nobody. In general, the best-looking girls tend to know that they can have almost any man they want....they can pick and choose from the pack. Don't be one of the faceless also-rans. Make yourself KNOWN. It's a tough job, and you may crash and burn at times, but it's the only way to win one of the "good ones"..... QUOTE Should I settle for an overweight or unattractive girl? ABSOLUTELY NOT. You will regret it. You won't respect her, and in the long run, you won't respect yourself, either. NEVER hook up with a girl just to avoid being alone. It's just my opinion, but "settling" is a fate worse than death. It sets you up for future misery, infidelity, and breakups..... Good luck..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I think the man to ask for advice is our resident pretty boy/agony aunt Cosey Toes aka Nick "chisel cheeks" Slick... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snakey Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dude,just relax and be yourself. Drop dead gorgeous is ok but in the morning they look crap like most people and most of them can't hold a conversation. I met a good one a while ago,she's not overweight,not ugly and is way more intelligent than me. (Not hard ) I'm not rich or a model. (She must love the rough ones ) The best thing about her is i managed to turn her onto and now she has a ticket for the Frankfurt show as well. Turned out good for me and it will for you too when the time is right. just hang in there mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
workingcinderellaman Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Here's a service that might help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hatchetaxe&saw Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (treeduck @ Feb 2 2011, 09:01 PM) I think the man to ask for advice is our resident pretty boy/agony aunt Cosey Toes aka Nick "chisel cheeks" Slick... Well, Cosy Toes will have to ask her dad, and he might impart a nugget or two of wisdom. Or ring her aunty Jean.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvrush Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Haven't you ever met someone who you are initially not attracted to, only to get to know them over time, WHO they are, their personality and such, and realize that suddenly you actually ARE attracted to them? That's where your head needs to be. As far as a super gorgeous, thin girl - Carrie Fisher was once Princess Leia in the gold bikini - the fantasy - and now she does weight watchers commercials. She is still a great, funny and smart person though. A pound or two does not a good person make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnals Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 "First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV." --Mike Damone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeduck Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (Hatchetaxe&saw @ Feb 2 2011, 04:05 PM) QUOTE (treeduck @ Feb 2 2011, 09:01 PM) I think the man to ask for advice is our resident pretty boy/agony aunt Cosey Toes aka Nick "chisel cheeks" Slick... Well, Cosy Toes will have to ask her dad, and he might impart a nugget or two of wisdom. Or ring her aunty Jean.... Or bring out the big guns King Troll - "Old Women - good, supermodels - bad" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
micgtr71 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 If you allow yourself to fall for a girl, she will be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. It happened to me and I have never been known to turn heads. Find someone you have something in common with or a common interest and pursue that interest. If you share the passion for whatever that is, the attraction will grow. Falling for looks first is lust...which has it's place. You want a real relationship, look for interest first...all women possess beauty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (micgtr71 @ Feb 2 2011, 03:35 PM) If you allow yourself to fall for a girl, she will be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. It happened to me and I have never been known to turn heads. Find someone you have something in common with or a common interest and pursue that interest. If you share the passion for whatever that is, the attraction will grow. Falling for looks first is lust...which has it's place. You want a real relationship, look for interest first...all women possess beauty. A lovely way to put it. THIS kind of attitude is what most women are looking for... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-D-RocK- Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 shaun, let's be honest here. You're a doosh. That's the main reason why you can't get laid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILSnwdog Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Just remember the sexiest thing to a woman is self confidence, followed closely by a sense of humor. The worst thing that you can do is try too hard. Woman can smell desperation, and to them, it smells a lot like dog shit. It's a huge turn off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer_sky Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE ... Should I settle for an overweight or unattractive girl? I'm not looking for a supermodel or anything, but at least someone I wouldn't mind waking up next to. Perhaps I'm focusing too much on the superficial... I'm overweight, and, if I do say so meself, stunningly pretty and after kicking a couple of supposedly 'winners' (you know, what the family and friends say are keepers, the 'looks good on paper' types... handsome, brains, good jobs and/or talents & skills) to the curb, I have decided that I'd rather be single than 'settle' just to avoid being alone. I love my independence (except when it comes to shoveling snow or tackling home repairs ) You've been given some good advice here... maybe you should look beyond the superficial while looking deep inside yourself. Best wishes to pull yourself through this blue funk you appear to have fallen in to. cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer_sky Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Feb 2 2011, 05:21 PM) QUOTE (micgtr71 @ Feb 2 2011, 03:35 PM) If you allow yourself to fall for a girl, she will be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. It happened to me and I have never been known to turn heads. Find someone you have something in common with or a common interest and pursue that interest. If you share the passion for whatever that is, the attraction will grow. Falling for looks first is lust...which has it's place. You want a real relationship, look for interest first...all women possess beauty. A lovely way to put it. THIS kind of attitude is what most women are looking for... agree! beautiful outlook! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In A Tidewater Surge Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (-D-RocK- @ Feb 2 2011, 03:25 PM) shaun, let's be honest here. You're a doosh. That's the main reason why you can't get laid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Feb 2 2011, 01:48 PM) ... speaking as someone who is not supermodel-gorgeous... I've seen pics of you and you are very pretty. Not to sound lezzy (not that there's anything wrong with that!) but you are really pretty. Seriously. I saw a pic of you in a watermelon shirt and you were pretty. Ain't no one can pull that off easily! And you did it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReRushed Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I didn't get married until my mid-30's. I'm glad I took my time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMWriter Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (ILSnwdog @ Feb 2 2011, 04:26 PM) Just remember the sexiest thing to a woman is self confidence, followed closely by a sense of humor. The worst thing that you can do is try too hard. Woman can smell desperation, and to them, it smells a lot like dog shit. It's a huge turn off. Truer words have rarely been typed. +1 Of course one must be respectful and not completely full of himself, but confidence is key. And I think that's true for both sexes. I liked the suggestion of getting involved in Tai Chi or Pilates, or some kind of exercise class. True, some yoga classes are women-dominated... but it's an hour every class in a usually-dark room surrounded by a bunch of women intent on being healthier. And there's a mutual interest right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Krinkle Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 QUOTE (shaun3701 @ Feb 2 2011, 02:38 PM) don't make a ton of money..... ATTRACTIVE women don't seem to be attracted to me. That's just the nature of the beast. Lots of really attractive women want someone with a source of lots of good times. Vacations, parties, clothes, gifts, etc. They can get anyone they want, if they want. Better sticking with the more average women. They aren't stuck on themselves like it's all about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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