danielmclark Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Dear A-list blogger guy that I'm about to have on my podcast, There's only a handful of names more recognized than yours in the marketing blogosphere (god, I hate that word) so I just want you to know, I'm nervous as f-ck right now and I will be until we start the interview 3 hours from now. Probably I'll be nervous until it's over. I hope it doesn't show, but you're going to be promoting this episode to your audience, which is about 1,000,000x larger than my audience, so yeah... I feel like I need a drink - and I don't really drink, so that's saying something. ~Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Dear Co-worker: It's admirable that you take your lunch hour to work out. I wish I could do the same, but I can't, because I sweat enough for four people. As do you. Please either cut your workout short and take a shower before coming back in, or do as I do and exercise before/after work. You smell like sweaty ass. And wiping down with baby wipes after only makes it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Dear bimbo: You are neither a model nor an actress. You're just a slut who moves from one band to another. You seriously need to get a life. I've never been a band slut. I don't have time. I'm an artist, a musician & a writer. Oh yeah... I also have a day job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowItIs Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Dear Farmer's Insurance - Are you out of your freaking mind?! Four thousand dollars??? Hell, you gave my husband $4300 and he didn't have any broken bones! I had a broken sternum and 3 ribs, you bastards - which I didn't have until your client drove her car into us. I STILL have pain! You cheap s.o.b.s... now I have to get a lawyer! Screw you! Whew. That felt good. Edited October 6, 2011 by HowItIs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Dear dumb twit: Your annoying presence seems to follow me from one website to another. You're like a female stalker. GTFO!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted October 11, 2011 Share Posted October 11, 2011 Dear Loser: I can accept the fact that you have to wear glasses now for the first time. Half the people I know wear them. It's not a big deal. But all you ever seem to do is watch TV. You're the most boring guy I know. You seriously need to get a life. No wonder you don't have a GF. You're not as cool as I thought you were. You never were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Dear Sanctimonious, Preachy Women in my office: You are not winning any points with me (as if you care) by chirruping "Well, things could be worse!" and "I'm praying for you! God has a plan!" when I express my nervousness over having to take my autistic son to have a tooth pulled. f**k. Off. Come live my life for a while and see if YOU like being preached to when your nerves are shot to shit. ~M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sullysue Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Oct 21 2011, 09:28 AM) Dear Sanctimonious, Preachy Women in my office: You are not winning any points with me (as if you care) by chirruping "Well, things could be worse!" and "I'm praying for you! God has a plan!" when I express my nervousness over having to take my autistic son to have a tooth pulled. f**k. Off. Come live my life for a while and see if YOU like being preached to when your nerves are shot to shit. ~M Damn straight, sistah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Sawyer Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LyndseyG Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 "Darling fascist bullyboy Give us money, you bastards! May the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of a woman" 2112 points to anyone who can tell us what that is from! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USB Connector Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Dear distant relative with the large Nikon camera, Having a large camera doesn't make you a photographer, nor does it give you the right to ask absolutely everyone to move on a whim at a BIRTHDAY PARTY. It wasn't a wedding, so taking a picture every time my uncle so much as blinks is not the most acceptable practice. I just want to eat my food and have a good time with friends/family without you coming along with your Nikon, asking everyone to move themselves, their plates, bags, coats and whatnot just so you can have the "optimal lighting/picture". If you think there will be one or two shadows present which will ruin your picture, despite the fact that you seem to have magnesium flares in your camera's flash, then you probably got ripped off or at the very least, are compensating for genitalia which you shouldn't have. You are very lucky that nobody told you off or threw your camera across the restaurant. I'm glad you're a distant relative, USB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Dear Gnats and/or Fruit Flies, Could you please stay out of my kitchen? I don't leave out any food, so why are you here? GET THE f**k OUT! Thanks..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nettiesaur Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Dear idiot, You are the most annoying piece of crap I have ever met, nobody cares what you have to say, and nobody wants to hear you say it in your annoying voice. I don't care if you think you're funny, because you really aren't. Every time you try to talk to me, it's about the same exact thing. Find a new damn subject. If I ignore you, it means I don't want to talk to you. If I turn my back to you, it means I don't want to talk to you. If I don't further the worthless conversation you started, it means I don't want to talk to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nettiesaur Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Nov 24 2011, 08:19 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Yeah. It seems they assumed I had a party with the in law, which wasn't the case. It was just for her. People have short memories. And really, the guy who is next deserves a party,and I'll go to it, but his wife can plan one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeOhBe Bob Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 02:04 AM) QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Nov 24 2011, 08:19 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Yeah. It seems they assumed I had a party with the in law, which wasn't the case. It was just for her. People have short memories. And really, the guy who is next deserves a party,and I'll go to it, but his wife can plan one. ain't that her job anyway? Her hubby her party? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nettiesaur Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 QUOTE (BeOhBe Bob @ Nov 25 2011, 12:10 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 02:04 AM) QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Nov 24 2011, 08:19 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Yeah. It seems they assumed I had a party with the in law, which wasn't the case. It was just for her. People have short memories. And really, the guy who is next deserves a party,and I'll go to it, but his wife can plan one. ain't that her job anyway? Her hubby her party? yeah, but they want to have it at my house. ummmmmmmmm no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 01:35 AM) QUOTE (BeOhBe Bob @ Nov 25 2011, 12:10 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 02:04 AM) QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Nov 24 2011, 08:19 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Yeah. It seems they assumed I had a party with the in law, which wasn't the case. It was just for her. People have short memories. And really, the guy who is next deserves a party,and I'll go to it, but his wife can plan one. ain't that her job anyway? Her hubby her party? yeah, but they want to have it at my house. ummmmmmmmm no. Yeah... What's up with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nettiesaur Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 QUOTE (An Enemy Without @ Nov 28 2011, 09:33 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 01:35 AM) QUOTE (BeOhBe Bob @ Nov 25 2011, 12:10 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 25 2011, 02:04 AM) QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Nov 24 2011, 08:19 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Nov 24 2011, 09:02 PM)Dear Family, No, I did not get a 50th birthday party 6 months ago. That was the sister in law's party. Now you want me to throw one for the next person in line? nice. That won't be happening. Well played.... It's amazing how people close to you can act like you don't exist....until they need something from you..... Yeah. It seems they assumed I had a party with the in law, which wasn't the case. It was just for her. People have short memories. And really, the guy who is next deserves a party,and I'll go to it, but his wife can plan one. ain't that her job anyway? Her hubby her party? yeah, but they want to have it at my house. ummmmmmmmm no. Yeah... What's up with that? it's bigger. Well that is the argument anyway. It's really not though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Dear Niece and Nephew, From now on, when you tell me that I "need" to do something for you, that I "need" to call you, or that I "need" to help you with your homework, I'm not going to do it. I don't "need" to do anything.....especially for a couple of selfish, self-centered teenagers who can't even formulate a polite, respectful request.....such as: "Could you please help me with this?" "Please call me when you get off of work." "I would really appreciate it if you could pick me up after school." There's your life lesson for today. You really NEED to start ASKING for assistance. You're old enough to know better..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Dear Loser:Instead of spending time with your family at Easter, you flew to a strange city by yourself.Hope you enjoy playing video games, eating greasy fast food & drinking cheap beer alone. Who does that? Oh that's right. You do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Dwar Trijicon, I like your gear very much but consider it to be ridiculously overpriced. Sincerely, A disgruntled fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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