laughedatbytime Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 And please don't forget to plan ahead... WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions in time for Valentine's Day. A ritual as old as time itself, this year's pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14. "My boyfriend and I are going to see As You Like It and then enjoy a nice candlelit three-course dinner," said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with many other hopeful lovers will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, retreat to a nearby bathroom, and carefully tend to the area around her genitalia. "It's going to be so romantic!" Indeed, tiny scissors and electric razors have already begun to fly off drugstore shelves, while all across the country legs are dangling precariously over open bathtub drains. According to statistics from the National Depilatory Council, the week before Valentine's Day is by far the busiest time of the year for shaving, trimming, sculpting, playful pattern-making, waxing, and even manscaping. "David and I are going to take a long walk around the park and then maybe on the way home we'll stop and grab some ice cream," said Julie Stibbons, a Dallas-area design consultant who recently made use of grooming shears, a pair of tweezers, and two magnifying mirrors to contribute her 0.4 ounces to the nation's total raw tonnage. "I wonder if David will send me flowers at work like last year." Added Stibbons, whose smooth vaginal region will show no signs of stubble for days to come, "He's just so wonderful." While this year promises to be prolific, experts said the country has gone through many personal grooming phases over the years. In 1947, the first year records were kept, Americans only mowed about 1.25 tons off their "crotch lawns," while in the mid-1970s private trimmings were so rare that documentation was actually abandoned until 1981. But with the booming economy of the 1990s, the U.S. saw a significant resurgence in pre–Valentine's Day shearing and plucking. "There's a huge spike every year in the first half of February," said Brooks Watson, who is head of sales at Schick, makers of the TrimStyle razor for women. "The rest of the year, Americans generate about 50,000 tons of total trimmings, but in the week before this special holiday we see a massive jump. It's a veritable clear-cutting down there." "Bzzzzzzzz," he added. "Timber!" According to Schick's marketing research, during the Valentine's season, U.S. pubic hair removal rates briefly approach those of Brazil, traditionally the smoothest country on the planet. While Americans seem willing to chop it all off for their annual celebration of romance, personal trimming still varies by season, and plummets to levels almost as low as Greece's during the week of Thanksgiving. "If I trim the shrubs, the tree looks bigger," said Jeremy Wertz of Boise, ID, standing in front of his hall mirror with a pair of scissors taken from his employer's supply closet. "See? Worth the itching, if you ask me." While many consider the practice a time-honored tradition, not all Americans share Wertz's enthusiasm. "I'm not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals," said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine's Day was "invented by the razor industry" to sell grooming devices. "If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round." Meanwhile, National Depilatory Council director Donna Spaulding said the sudden nationwide surge in follicular concern is understandable, but she urged caution. "We all want to look good and feel desirable, but it's important to keep things in perspective," Spaulding said. "In the end, you want people to love your pubic region for what's inside, not just for how it looks." http://www.theonion.com/articles/20000-tons-of-pubic-hair-trimmed-in-preparation-fo,2909/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 :mwah: :mwah: :mwah: :mwah: :mwah: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 I figured it was an Onion piece about halfway through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tx_rush Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Hope you enjoy your VD! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat 3 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Hope you enjoy your VD! http://cdn.calvetsupply.com/images/large/peninj.jpg :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Happy Valentines Day to All ♥♥♥ Spread some LOVE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Cub Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 You've all Caged my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Out of my entire single life, this was the best V Day I had in years. Used my Xmas movie gift ticket to see Kingsman which was awesome, got myself a haircut, got a new antenna so I can watch the Oscars in a week and went to a V Day event at a local brewery I haven't been to in months owned by a couple friends of mine. Had a few great bbq sliders there, pale ale and some acoustic music of mostly covers by some musician. Besides, I'm in better shape than I've been in quite some time since I got back on 8 Minute Abs so I'm positive lady luck will come soon relationship and/or flirting wise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I'm basically done with men forever. I've renamed February 14 Mindless Self Indulgence Day. In the morning I hafta finish the homework I put off because of the arts symposium and my trip to the mountains. I plan to do a lot of drawing, shopping, and eating. At the end of the day I'm gonna go to that Dakota Johnson comedy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorraine Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I'm basically done with men forever. Not a bad idea. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorraine Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Bah humbug on VD. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 I'm basically done with men forever. Forever is a really long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorraine Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 (edited) :heart: :heart: Be that as it may... :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: Happy Valentine's Day! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: Edited February 13, 2016 by Lorraine 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) http://t4.imagechef.com/ic/imgout/samp595e21244e31c5bf.jpg (make your own here: http://www.imagechef...4/Candy-Hearts_) Edited February 14, 2016 by goose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Cub Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) Girlfriend and I did our "Valenbirth" stuff yesterday cause her birthday was on the 12th. Ate way too much Perkins, drank wine and watched Zoolander 1 followed by Jimmy Fallon sketches on YouTube. Happy Valentine's Day, TRF! Edited February 14, 2016 by BowlCity 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombstone Mountain Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Isaac is still the man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 (edited) Isaac is still the man Issac the love boat pimp. Julie was his top ho. Edited February 14, 2016 by 2112FirstStreet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Isaac is still the man Issac the love boat pimp. Julie was his top ho.I've never been on a cruise ship, but you know that kind of shit goes down (figuratively and literally). Come on, big boat, the middle of nowhere, no real laws or police force. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombstone Mountain Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Isaac is still the man Issac the love boat pimp. Julie was his top ho.I've never been on a cruise ship, but you know that kind of shit goes down (figuratively and literally). Come on, big boat, the middle of nowhere, no real laws or police force.Isaac is already plottin' my brotha!http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/images/reviews/190/1217808088_1.jpg 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Isaac is still the man Issac the love boat pimp. Julie was his top ho.I've never been on a cruise ship, but you know that kind of shit goes down (figuratively and literally). Come on, big boat, the middle of nowhere, no real laws or police force.Isaac is already plottin' my brotha!http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/images/reviews/190/1217808088_1.jpg"Pssst Gopher....got some fresh Asians down on the 3rd deck for ya" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Star Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 And please don't forget to plan ahead... http://www.theonion....view:NA:InFocus Heh !.. been shaving down there for quite a few years now.. more out of necessity than "kink". It all started one Saturday morning after a prolonged spell of overtime, insufficient sleep and a night on the lash. Anyway, woke up around seven that morning busting for a "Jimmy Riddle" and in my state of fatigued, alcohol-fuelled soporific-ness proceeded to the bathroom. After what seemed like an age fumbling around in my boxers i couldn't locate my thang for the thicket.. but to my relief, relief was soon to relieve me of my swollen bladder, and did so.. all down my leg. So needless to say, off they (pubes) came.. and have done regularly since.. I also had a trim around that region this morning.. totally forgot it was Valentine's Day today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cat 3 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_9zWwXYtiUyY/S3hfexDlnsI/AAAAAAAAAXo/NvNOc2ri8iA/s400/medium.jpg 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 My furnace froze up. It was 18 below zero here last night. My truck struggled to start. But it is Valentines Day. Lots of Love to all. ♥♥♥♥♥♥ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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