Lorraine Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Tell us what you seeIn faraway forgotten landsWhere empires have turned back to sand Those were the days. A truly great band at one time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EagleMoon Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 I never listened to The Moody Blues but that's pretty cool. Spacey. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue J Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 (edited) It's a very responsible choice to make, if a woman is sure she doesn't want to have any children, to not have them- because conversely, it's irresponsible and unfair to bring children into the world if you cannot or will not love them unconditionally. I have two. And I thought for sure that I wouldn't have any more. But as things continue to evolve...I would be really happy to have more. Edited September 29, 2014 by Blue J 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JARG Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D I was a first-time father at the age of 41. If I'd had been a father in my 20s, I would have been horrible at it. It took me a while for me to grow up enough to figure out what parenting is all about. Don't rush it, man. :) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D I was a first-time father at the age of 41. If I'd had been a father in my 20s, I would have been horrible at it. It took me a while for me to grow up enough to figure out what parenting is all about. Don't rush it, man. :)We were married at 20 and waited purposely 6 years to have our first and then 3 more to have our second and last. Plan your life and don't let it plan you. Some things in this life you can control.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted September 29, 2014 Author Share Posted September 29, 2014 I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D I was a first-time father at the age of 41. If I'd had been a father in my 20s, I would have been horrible at it. It took me a while for me to grow up enough to figure out what parenting is all about. Don't rush it, man. :)We were married at 20 and waited purposely 6 years to have our first and then 3 more to have our second and last. Plan your life and don't let it plan you. Some things in this life you can control.... Definitely make sure you enjoy your own childhood before becoming a parent! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D I was a first-time father at the age of 41. If I'd had been a father in my 20s, I would have been horrible at it. It took me a while for me to grow up enough to figure out what parenting is all about. Don't rush it, man. :)We were married at 20 and waited purposely 6 years to have our first and then 3 more to have our second and last. Plan your life and don't let it plan you. Some things in this life you can control.... Definitely make sure you enjoy your own childhood before becoming a parent!Somebody hit 2000 posts. Congrats my dear..... :cheers: 110 more to go 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anima Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 It's a decision you have some control over but not complete control... We got married at 26 (me), 23 (husband), finally made a positive decision to have a baby 4 years later. I got pregnant pretty much instantly but then had a miscarriage and ongoing problems which put me off the whole idea of having kids. Just over a year later, there was a health scare about the mini-pill and my local surgery stopped prescribing it to everyone. The alternative pill they put me on gave me monthly migraines, so we were just trying other methods when I got pregnant unexpectedly. Although it wasn't planned, I didn't regret it at all. I just wasn't ready to make a decision to go through again everything I went through before. My 15 year old daughter is well aware of this story and has told her friends that she can't hate migraines too much because they are responsible for her existence! I respect anyone's life choices, whether or not they want children, including if they get pregnant accidentally and realise they will not cope with a child. We were happy with one but were sure we didn't want another. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snyder80 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 The whole wait til you're a certain age argument baffles me. Age is no indication of maturity. My wife and I had our first at 23 and most people we know consider us pretty good parents. On the other hand I work with a guy who is 42 and has a three year old who can't put together a complete sentence and still wears diapers and has never even been put near a toilet to begin potty training. His clothing is all purchased from consignment stores while his father sports $150 sneakers and $2000 televisions. Now does that really indicate that age equals maturity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I don't think it was really decided, it just sort of ended up that way - and many times I think, unfortunately it ended that way.There was always something else going on, but of course if we were pregnant I would have had the child, no question.The past few decades have moved exceptionally fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 You only THINK you're free. I think.I think I am. Therefore, I am! I think.... Of course you are my bright little star!I've miles and miles of filesPretty files of your forefather's fruitAnd now to suit Our Great computerYou're magnetic ink. I'm more than thatI know I am.At least, I think I must be. There you go, man!Keep as cool as you can.Face piles of trials with smilesIt riles them to believeThat you perceiveThe web they weaveAnd keep on thinking free. It's only a couple of days ago I heard On A Treshold Of A Dream on vinyl. I scored an original copy from 69 with a mint lyric sheet. It's a funny feeling sitting with something that old while listening to the sound, and wondering about the people who have held it before me :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 The whole wait til you're a certain age argument baffles me. Age is no indication of maturity. My wife and I had our first at 23 and most people we know consider us pretty good parents. On the other hand I work with a guy who is 42 and has a three year old who can't put together a complete sentence and still wears diapers and has never even been put near a toilet to begin potty training. His clothing is all purchased from consignment stores while his father sports $150 sneakers and $2000 televisions. Now does that really indicate that age equals maturity? I agree except the part of not forming a complete sentence at the age of three. I didn't start talking until I hit that age and I turned out just fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karena Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I am childfree. I grew up knowing childfree people and my partner's family also has childfree members. So I grew up not thinking anything of it and it has never been an issue. It has nothing to do with dysfunction or not thinking I'd be good at it. I am not selfish and give up a lot of my time and resources for others so it isn't that. I just never wanted kids, like many other people I know. I don't really get why it's an issue at all.? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 It isn't in my view..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toymaker Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Interesting discussion. I have a 14-year-old and a 9-year-old (almost 10). I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to figure out how to relate to or talk to them as well. I never did the baby-talk thing - I almost always just talk to them like they're adults, and I am often surprised by the depth of their understanding and insights. I just wish I had more time for them, or that our free time coincided more. It also helps that I still love Lego. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Interesting discussion. I have a 14-year-old and a 9-year-old (almost 10). I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to figure out how to relate to or talk to them as well. I never did the baby-talk thing - I almost always just talk to them like they're adults, and I am often surprised by the depth of their understanding and insights. I just wish I had more time for them, or that our free time coincided more. It also helps that I still love Lego.I worked to much when my kids were young but damn they turned out great anyway.... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boots Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Being child free was not a conscious decision by me. That's just the way things turned out. But I can imagine getting married and being a PT stepmom. Some men are worth doing that for. Some aren't. The things we do for love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 But I can imagine getting married and being a PT stepmom. Some men are worth doing that for. Yup. There was one I would have done that for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Analog Grownup Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 By time I'm warming up to the thought of having kids. My problem is that I'm a low energy type of person, and I don't think I'd be able to keep up. The most important part of this equation is having a relationship with someone I'd like to spend the rest of my life with. Of course I can't have such certainties in life, but I want that potential child to be a labor of love. Life is full of uncertainties and all I want is a life of love. Child or no child. That's not too much to ask for, is it? :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x1yyz Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Life is full of uncertainties and all I want is a life of love. ... That's not too much to ask for, is it? :) That's all I want as well. And I'm starting to think it is too much to ask for. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verena Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 When I was 15, wanted to get married at 27 and have kids two years later. Although, between my 19-22 years, I've changed my mind. Decided to live for what I love most (Art, travelling, friends and others). During last years I had to face some stubborn people (including family) against my personal choice, trying to convince me from the opposite, in various ways. Although I never changed my mind and felt I chose the best for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verena Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 (edited) Life is full of uncertainties and all I want is a life of love. ... That's not too much to ask for, is it? :) That's all I want as well. And I'm starting to think it is too much to ask for.I think it's fair what both ask. I hope it comes to you. Edited December 6, 2015 by rhyv 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
satchmothesnowdog Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 At 48 I have come to realize not having kids was the biggest failing of my life and it's a really shitty place to be. But I never had a relationship with anyone who I felt would actually be a good mother, or life companion, for that matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xanadu Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 The need for therapy is strong in this thread. What you mean by that? Regardless of peoples' choices to have or not to have kids, a lot of issues are being brought out by various posters. Whether it's deep seeded regret, anger, remorse etc. If this were an in-person chat session a psychologist would run out of business cards. haha allright, well I got my reasons why I hate kids.. Is it the kids you hate, or is it lousy parenting that bugs you more? Well its the screaming, and fighting and the way they are running around that I hate. Why can they not just sit down and shut up? Well you were a kid once...why couldn't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garden Dancer Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate. Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me. I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out. I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make. For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption. We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided. But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience? Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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