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Happy Birthday HatchetAxeAndSaw!

LyndseyG

By LyndseyG,
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Narps

Narps

Posted
Posted (edited)

Happy Birthday!! If I recall early back in my time here I dissed ABBA and you posted back and really didn't appreciate it. Apologies and this ones for you......... :cheers: One of my favorites all time :ph34r: :D

Edited by Narpski
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treeduck

treeduck

Posted
Posted (edited)

Happy Birthday to the old man of the hills!

 

:codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger:

 

And now the old man of the future song!

 

'He lies awake, staring down at the roundness of his mega belly, Gut and groin become one, merging

into a single dome, a vast sphere of unbroken flab. The Twin Moons of his arse, two orbs flattened beneath

heavy flesh and fat. He used to think he had a pretty good life here,

just plugging into my machine for the day, reading and posting on TRF or listening to a prog or metal album or two for the rest of the evening

 

'His friend friend Bob always said he looked better now than heavier weight making atmospheric domes of his buttocks

They're like Planets. He's had peace in his gut since 2062, since he stopped eating dairy products made by companies that were banded together under

the Red Broth of the BEAST Federation. The less fortunate gave us a few new spoons.

He believed what he was told. he thought it was a good life, he thought he was happy. Then he found

something that changed it all...'

 

[i. Overture]

 

And the Greek food smells like stillbirth ...

 

[iI. Temples of Beer Inc. ]

 

They've taken care of everything

The curry you eat, the beer you swig

The tarts boobs that give pleasure to your eyes

It's one for all and all for one

We drink together, night and day

Never need to wonder where's the taxi

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great brewery fill the hallowed halls

We love the yeast, in the Temples in Beer drinks

We have the booze of life held within our walls

 

Look around at this pub we've made

insobriety our stock in trade

Come and join the Brotherhood of Booze

Oh, what a dump, but the barmaid has great jugs

Let the flagons be upturned

Hold the crisp bags proudly high in hand

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great big barrels fill the hallowed halls

We love to feast, on the pork pies of Beer Inc

All the booze you like can be downed within our walls

 

[iII. Discovery]

 

What can this strange device be?

When I touch it, it spews forth some liquid

It's got handles of pure gold and it smells of sick

What can this thing be that I found?

 

See how it pumps out beer in my glass

I joyously fill up, booze falls like rain

I down the lot and fill it up again

I'll drink till my gut is in pain

 

I can't wait to share this new wonder

The people will be drunk tonight

Let them all drink till they're puking

The Beasts? Well I don't give a shite

 

[iV. Presentation]

 

I know it's most unusual

to come before you drunk

But I believe I'm an ancient miracle

I thought that you should know

Look at my beer machine

And see the booze flow

There's something here that can get you away from the wife

I know that it will blow you away

 

Yes Pete we know, it's nothing new

It's just a waste of time

We have no need for ancient pumps

The pub is doing fine

Another beer that made liqueur

out of date with man

Forget about your silly brew

It doesn't fit the plan

 

I can't believe you're dissing

This beer pump it's like brand new

Our pub could use this brewski

Just think where we might go

drink down my lager

And feel what it can do

This fuckking booze is as strong as shite

I know that it will waste you

 

Don't annoy us further!

We have our own booze to brew

Your suds from this thing are average

what use is this soapy brew

Another lush that thinks his pump

produces beastly beer

Forget about your foamy scum

It doesn't fit the Plan!

 

[V. Oracle: The Dream]

 

Pete wandered home through the silent streets

And fell into a puddle of mud

couldn't get up and then went out like a light

Dreamed of his own beer selling website

 

I stand atop our local pub bar

The landlord's wife confronts me there

she leads me on light years away

upstairs and third room on the right

she strips me nude with gifted hands

and then this strange and scary sight

I see the hand of a man arise

And I truly see the barmaid with open eyes

 

I left that bedroom long ago

the wife indoors snores like a goat

her odor grows oh something strong

her beer breath could turn water into beer

Home is where the beer should end

The slag must change!

 

[VI. Soliloquy]

 

The booze is still in my mind

The barmaid is still in my head

I heave a sigh and puke a while

And lie a while in the road

I wish that I had a brewery of my own

Not depend on pubs of beasts

 

Just think of what my life might be

In a world where where I make beer!

I don't think I can carry on

Drinking cold ones in that empty place

 

The booze below rises up from depths of my gut

Last nights beer

...Spills over...

 

[VII. The Grand Finale]

 

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

It's ok Pete's got a hangover

He'll sleep it off

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

Last Orders

Edited by treeduck
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Hatchetaxe&saw

Hatchetaxe&saw

Posted
Posted

Happy Birthday to the old man of the hills!

 

:codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger:

 

And now the old man of the future song!

 

'He lies awake, staring down at the roundness of his mega belly, Gut and groin become one, merging

into a single dome, a vast sphere of unbroken flab. The Twin Moons of his arse, two orbs flattened beneath

heavy flesh and fat. He used to think he had a pretty good life here,

just plugging into my machine for the day, reading and posting on TRF or listening to a prog or metal album or two for the rest of the evening

 

'His friend friend Bob always said he looked better now than heavier weight making atmospheric domes of his buttocks

They're like Planets. He's had peace in his gut since 2062, since he stopped eating dairy products made by companies that were banded together under

the Red Broth of the BEAST Federation. The less fortunate gave us a few new spoons.

He believed what he was told. he thought it was a good life, he thought he was happy. Then he found

something that changed it all...'

 

[i. Overture]

 

And the Greek food smells like stillbirth ...

 

[iI. Temples of Beer Inc. ]

 

They've taken care of everything

The curry you eat, the beer you swig

The tarts boobs that give pleasure to your eyes

It's one for all and all for one

We drink together, night and day

Never need to wonder where's the taxi

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great brewery fill the hallowed halls

We love the yeast, in the Temples in Beer drinks

We have the booze of life held within our walls

 

Look around at this pub we've made

insobriety our stock in trade

Come and join the Brotherhood of Booze

Oh, what a dump, but the barmaid has great jugs

Let the flagons be upturned

Hold the crisp bags proudly high in hand

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great big barrels fill the hallowed halls

We love to feast, on the pork pies of Beer Inc

All the booze you like can be downed within our walls

 

[iII. Discovery]

 

What can this strange device be?

When I touch it, it spews forth some liquid

It's got handles of pure gold and it smells of sick

What can this thing be that I found?

 

See how it pumps out beer in my glass

I joyously fill up, booze falls like rain

I down the lot and fill it up again

I'll drink till my gut is in pain

 

I can't wait to share this new wonder

The people will be drunk tonight

Let them all drink till they're puking

The Beasts? Well I don't give a shite

 

[iV. Presentation]

 

I know it's most unusual

to come before you drunk

But I believe I'm an ancient miracle

I thought that you should know

Look at my beer machine

And see the booze flow

There's something here that can get you away from the wife

I know that it will blow you away

 

Yes Pete we know, it's nothing new

It's just a waste of time

We have no need for ancient pumps

The pub is doing fine

Another beer that made liqueur

out of date with man

Forget about your silly brew

It doesn't fit the plan

 

I can't believe you're dissing

This beer pump it's like brand new

Our pub could use this brewski

Just think where we might go

drink down my lager

And feel what it can do

This fuckking booze is as strong as shite

I know that it will waste you

 

Don't annoy us further!

We have our own booze to brew

Your suds from this thing are average

what use is this soapy brew

Another lush that thinks his pump

produces beastly beer

Forget about your foamy scum

It doesn't fit the Plan!

 

[V. Oracle: The Dream]

 

Pete wandered home through the silent streets

And fell into a puddle of mud

couldn't get up and then went out like a light

Dreamed of his own beer selling website

 

I stand atop our local pub bar

The landlord's wife confronts me there

she leads me on light years away

upstairs and third room on the right

she strips me nude with gifted hands

and then this strange and scary sight

I see the hand of a man arise

And I truly see the barmaid with open eyes

 

I left that bedroom long ago

the wife indoors snores like a goat

her odor grows oh something strong

her beer breath could turn water into beer

Home is where the beer should end

The slag must change!

 

[VI. Soliloquy]

 

The booze is still in my mind

The barmaid is still in my head

I heave a sigh and puke a while

And lie a while in the road

I wish that I had a brewery of my own

Not depend on pubs of beasts

 

Just think of what my life might be

In a world where where I make beer!

I don't think I can carry on

Drinking cold ones in that empty place

 

The booze below rises up from depths of my gut

Last nights beer

...Spills over...

 

[VII. The Grand Finale]

 

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

It's ok Pete's got a hangover

He'll sleep it off

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

Last Orders

 

Sir.

 

You are a f***ing genius. Or batshit crazy. Probably both. :hi:

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treeduck

treeduck

Posted
Posted

Happy Birthday to the old man of the hills!

 

:codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger: :codger:

 

And now the old man of the future song!

 

'He lies awake, staring down at the roundness of his mega belly, Gut and groin become one, merging

into a single dome, a vast sphere of unbroken flab. The Twin Moons of his arse, two orbs flattened beneath

heavy flesh and fat. He used to think he had a pretty good life here,

just plugging into my machine for the day, reading and posting on TRF or listening to a prog or metal album or two for the rest of the evening

 

'His friend friend Bob always said he looked better now than heavier weight making atmospheric domes of his buttocks

They're like Planets. He's had peace in his gut since 2062, since he stopped eating dairy products made by companies that were banded together under

the Red Broth of the BEAST Federation. The less fortunate gave us a few new spoons.

He believed what he was told. he thought it was a good life, he thought he was happy. Then he found

something that changed it all...'

 

[i. Overture]

 

And the Greek food smells like stillbirth ...

 

[iI. Temples of Beer Inc. ]

 

They've taken care of everything

The curry you eat, the beer you swig

The tarts boobs that give pleasure to your eyes

It's one for all and all for one

We drink together, night and day

Never need to wonder where's the taxi

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great brewery fill the hallowed halls

We love the yeast, in the Temples in Beer drinks

We have the booze of life held within our walls

 

Look around at this pub we've made

insobriety our stock in trade

Come and join the Brotherhood of Booze

Oh, what a dump, but the barmaid has great jugs

Let the flagons be upturned

Hold the crisp bags proudly high in hand

 

We are the beasts of the Temples of Beer Inc.

Our great big barrels fill the hallowed halls

We love to feast, on the pork pies of Beer Inc

All the booze you like can be downed within our walls

 

[iII. Discovery]

 

What can this strange device be?

When I touch it, it spews forth some liquid

It's got handles of pure gold and it smells of sick

What can this thing be that I found?

 

See how it pumps out beer in my glass

I joyously fill up, booze falls like rain

I down the lot and fill it up again

I'll drink till my gut is in pain

 

I can't wait to share this new wonder

The people will be drunk tonight

Let them all drink till they're puking

The Beasts? Well I don't give a shite

 

[iV. Presentation]

 

I know it's most unusual

to come before you drunk

But I believe I'm an ancient miracle

I thought that you should know

Look at my beer machine

And see the booze flow

There's something here that can get you away from the wife

I know that it will blow you away

 

Yes Pete we know, it's nothing new

It's just a waste of time

We have no need for ancient pumps

The pub is doing fine

Another beer that made liqueur

out of date with man

Forget about your silly brew

It doesn't fit the plan

 

I can't believe you're dissing

This beer pump it's like brand new

Our pub could use this brewski

Just think where we might go

drink down my lager

And feel what it can do

This fuckking booze is as strong as shite

I know that it will waste you

 

Don't annoy us further!

We have our own booze to brew

Your suds from this thing are average

what use is this soapy brew

Another lush that thinks his pump

produces beastly beer

Forget about your foamy scum

It doesn't fit the Plan!

 

[V. Oracle: The Dream]

 

Pete wandered home through the silent streets

And fell into a puddle of mud

couldn't get up and then went out like a light

Dreamed of his own beer selling website

 

I stand atop our local pub bar

The landlord's wife confronts me there

she leads me on light years away

upstairs and third room on the right

she strips me nude with gifted hands

and then this strange and scary sight

I see the hand of a man arise

And I truly see the barmaid with open eyes

 

I left that bedroom long ago

the wife indoors snores like a goat

her odor grows oh something strong

her beer breath could turn water into beer

Home is where the beer should end

The slag must change!

 

[VI. Soliloquy]

 

The booze is still in my mind

The barmaid is still in my head

I heave a sigh and puke a while

And lie a while in the road

I wish that I had a brewery of my own

Not depend on pubs of beasts

 

Just think of what my life might be

In a world where where I make beer!

I don't think I can carry on

Drinking cold ones in that empty place

 

The booze below rises up from depths of my gut

Last nights beer

...Spills over...

 

[VII. The Grand Finale]

 

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

Attention all Pubs of the BEAST Federation

It's ok Pete's got a hangover

He'll sleep it off

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

We have assumed control

Last Orders

 

Sir.

 

You are a f***ing genius. Or batshit crazy. Probably both. :hi:

:givebeer: :smoke: :hail:

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