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Citizen of the World

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Everything posted by Citizen of the World

  1. Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? My name is Smoke-too-much. Mr. Smoke-too-much. :smoke: 'Inflate your life jackets.' 'And extinguish all cigarettes.' This isn't a lifeboat, dear. This is 24, Parker Street.
  2. Now, when I've got these antlers on - when I've got these antlers on I am dictating and when I take them off I am not dictating. Would you like to give up being a mason? Think carefully. :cheerleader: Think. THINK! What's all this then? Stop this, you're being far too silly. Cave girls...here comes Miss Rodgers. :outtahere: And Mrs Rodgers is the first to show, there she goes into Mr Johnson's, and Mrs Johnson across to Mr Colyer, followed closely by Mrs Casey on the inside.
  3. The important thing is, the really exciting thing is Blackhawkrush will be bringing back samples of the Earth's core which will give us a tremendous, really tremendous tremendous tremendous clue about the origins of the Earth and what God himself is made of. Will blackhawkrush ever play hockey again? Does IbanezJem really know what is happening to the chaps in France? And is Belinda such a good as everyone says? Don’t miss next weeks exciting episode. You see... Citizen is suffering from what we vets haven't found a word for. His condition is typified by total physical inertia, absence of interest in its ambience - what we vets call environment - failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli - a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird. To be blunt, Citizen is in a rut. A superb post of no kind whatsoever. I well remember Plum (73) Warner leaving a very similar post alone in 1732. Yeah.....after that I used to go round his flat every Sunday lunchtime to apologize and we'd shake hands and then he'd nail my head to the floor. Ah-hah! Well that's it, you see. That's how it starts. You see Scottishness starts with little things like that, and works "up." But how to change without revealing my secret identity? IbanezJem's crisis of identity in the first half of the 21st century
  4. The important thing is, the really exciting thing is Blackhawkrush will be bringing back samples of the Earth's core which will give us a tremendous, really tremendous tremendous tremendous clue about the origins of the Earth and what God himself is made of. Will blackhawkrush ever play hockey again? Does IbanezJem really know what is happening to the chaps in France? And is Belinda such a good as everyone says? Don’t miss next weeks exciting episode.
  5. but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. Guess what. The Minister of Aviation has made me head of the RAF Ola Pola. :P That's still not grounds for calling me Señor, or Don Beeg-les for that matter. Very well, signor. But I play only for you and your beautiful companion. :guitar: No, no, no, no... look, love, it's and... one and two and three and four, and five and six and seven and down. Did he say eight? :sigh: What is the next number in this sequence - 2, 4, 6? Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?! I'm sorry. But I love money. All money. I've always wanted money. To handle. To touch! :drool: Well l've been in the city for thirty years and I've never once regretted being a nasty, greedy, cold-hearted, avaricious, money-grabber... Conservative. Well speaking as the Conservative candidate I just drone on and on and on...never letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, until I start foaming at the mouth and fall over backwards.
  6. but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful.
  7. Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the er . .. I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them. I'd also like to say sorry to the police, for putting them to so much trouble for the literally hours of work they've had to put in, collecting evidence and identifying corpses and so forth. Just what kind of magic are the police introducing into their crime prevention techniques? Is it true that the police are using dachshunds to combat the crime wave? And can the head of the Vice Squad turn himself into an albatross whenever he wants to? It's a bird, innit? It's a bloody sea bird, it's not any bloody flavor. Albatross! Excuse me! Coo-eee! Err, can you put it in the kitchen? You can't eat that raw. Yes! It wouldn't keep still, wriggling about howling its head off. Episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", can be heard on Radio Four almost immediately. Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Zero! Right! Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Look, two people three people have just fallen past that window. At nine o'clock tomorrow morning, armed only with your sword, you must go to the highest tower in the castle, and jump out of the window. And what routes will you both be taking? :madra: :madra: Dip, dip, dip, my little ship sails on the ocean, you are... no wait, wait a minute, no I, I must have missed out a dip. I'll start again. Dip, dip, dip, dip, my little ship, sails on the ocean, you are... no, this is not working out. It's not working out. What shall we do? What a funny little chap. But Porky IbanezJem's one of the lucky ones. He survived the urban upheaval of the thirties and forties. He led the Ironside Cavalry at Marston Moor in 1644 and won, then he founded the new model army and praise be, beat the Cavaliers at Naseby. The battle raged long and hard, but as night fell IbanezJem overcame the Spaniards. 6,000 copies of 'Tits and Bums' and 4,000 copies of 'Shower Sheila' were seized that day. The tide of Spanish porn was stemmed. Sir IbanezJem returned to London in triumph.
  8. Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the er . .. I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them. I'd also like to say sorry to the police, for putting them to so much trouble for the literally hours of work they've had to put in, collecting evidence and identifying corpses and so forth. Just what kind of magic are the police introducing into their crime prevention techniques? Is it true that the police are using dachshunds to combat the crime wave? And can the head of the Vice Squad turn himself into an albatross whenever he wants to? It's a bird, innit? It's a bloody sea bird, it's not any bloody flavor. Albatross! Excuse me! Coo-eee! Err, can you put it in the kitchen? You can't eat that raw. Yes! It wouldn't keep still, wriggling about howling its head off. Episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", can be heard on Radio Four almost immediately. Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Zero! Right! Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out!
  9. Oh, oh. I see. I thought, I thought you were the er . .. I like the police a lot, I've got a lot of time for them.
  10. If you want me to go on arguing you'll have to pay for another five minutes. Yes, but there's only a seven-minute wait now. He's good! You could learn a thing or two from him, Citizen. Right, now you two me beauties, you are nicked. :) I think you're very handsome and I'm going to take all my clothes off. Oh, how horrible. Will IbanezJem stop at nothing? I meant that rhetorically. No! No good! How we going to get feeling of personal alienation of self from society with this load of Bulldog Drummond crap? Oh, it's easy. I've worked it out. Scott takes his boxes off and Miss Evans doesn't stand in the trench. :7up: During the performance he will escape from a sack, three padlocks and a pair of handcuffs. it's not all it's cracked up to be I much prefer Des O'Connor, Rolf Harris, Tom Jones, you know... Well, I don't agree with that, blackhawkrush, quite frankly the only bit I liked was this bit with me in it now.
  11. If you want me to go on arguing you'll have to pay for another five minutes. Yes, but there's only a seven-minute wait now. He's good! You could learn a thing or two from him, Citizen. Right, now you two me beauties, you are nicked. :) I think you're very handsome and I'm going to take all my clothes off. Oh, how horrible. Will IbanezJem stop at nothing? I meant that rhetorically. No! No good! How we going to get feeling of personal alienation of self from society with this load of Bulldog Drummond crap? Oh, it's easy. I've worked it out. Scott takes his boxes off and Miss Evans doesn't stand in the trench. :7up: During the performance he will escape from a sack, three padlocks and a pair of handcuffs. it's not all it's cracked up to be
  12. Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, Too much man, groovy. Great light show, baby IbanezJem. :smoke: Are you part of the scene? You don't believe I'm a policeman, do you? You are Sandy Camp, the actor. Man's Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the Twentieth Century. You're in security, aren't you? :bang bang: Well, you're not allowed to suggest programme titles. I'd like to be in Programming Planning actually, but unfortunately I've got a degree. That's three degrees centigrade, forty-four degrees fahrenheit, so don't forget to wrap up well. Flemish merchants did not wear hand-embroidered chevrons. They did not! Thank you, Professor Gert Van Der Whoops of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague. :codger: In Holland in the early part of the fifteenth century there was three things important to social legislation. One, rise of merchant classes. Two, urbanization of craft guilds. Three, declining moral values in age of increasing social betterment. But first, a bit of fun... Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Ha, ha, ha. Well, what have we got next? This is fun, isn't it? Now it's the glittering world of show business :whip: with Arthur Tree. Blackhawkrush ... do you think you could recognize a larch tree? Ah, well you've got to know where to look. They're on the side of the engine above the piston box. Some people have made the mistake of seeing blackhawkrush's posts as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world Oh Mike Citizen, you're such a comfort. Get your hand off my thigh, blackhawkrush. I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you. :( Yes, sir. I'm very sorry. Yes, sir. It was a very very bad thing to have done and I'm really very ashamed of myself. I'm going to shoot you through the head.
  13. Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, Too much man, groovy. Great light show, baby IbanezJem. :smoke: Are you part of the scene? You don't believe I'm a policeman, do you? You are Sandy Camp, the actor. Man's Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the Twentieth Century. You're in security, aren't you? :bang bang: Well, you're not allowed to suggest programme titles. I'd like to be in Programming Planning actually, but unfortunately I've got a degree. That's three degrees centigrade, forty-four degrees fahrenheit, so don't forget to wrap up well. Flemish merchants did not wear hand-embroidered chevrons. They did not! Thank you, Professor Gert Van Der Whoops of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague. :codger: In Holland in the early part of the fifteenth century there was three things important to social legislation. One, rise of merchant classes. Two, urbanization of craft guilds. Three, declining moral values in age of increasing social betterment. But first, a bit of fun... Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Ha, ha, ha. Well, what have we got next? This is fun, isn't it? Now it's the glittering world of show business :whip: with Arthur Tree. Blackhawkrush ... do you think you could recognize a larch tree? Ah, well you've got to know where to look. They're on the side of the engine above the piston box. Some people have made the mistake of seeing blackhawkrush's posts as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world
  14. Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, Too much man, groovy. Great light show, baby IbanezJem. :smoke: Are you part of the scene? You don't believe I'm a policeman, do you? You are Sandy Camp, the actor. Man's Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the Twentieth Century. You're in security, aren't you? :bang bang: Well, you're not allowed to suggest programme titles. I'd like to be in Programming Planning actually, but unfortunately I've got a degree. That's three degrees centigrade, forty-four degrees fahrenheit, so don't forget to wrap up well. Flemish merchants did not wear hand-embroidered chevrons. They did not! Thank you, Professor Gert Van Der Whoops of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague. :codger: In Holland in the early part of the fifteenth century there was three things important to social legislation. One, rise of merchant classes. Two, urbanization of craft guilds. Three, declining moral values in age of increasing social betterment. But first, a bit of fun... Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn't it? Ha, ha, ha. Well, what have we got next? This is fun, isn't it? Now it's the glittering world of show business :whip: with Arthur Tree. Blackhawkrush ... do you think you could recognize a larch tree?
  15. Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, Too much man, groovy. Great light show, baby IbanezJem. :smoke: Are you part of the scene? You don't believe I'm a policeman, do you? You are Sandy Camp, the actor. Man's Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the Twentieth Century. You're in security, aren't you? :bang bang: Well, you're not allowed to suggest programme titles. I'd like to be in Programming Planning actually, but unfortunately I've got a degree.
  16. If you can imagine an Airedale terrier jumping in and out of a watering can once every 7 minutes for 12 years you have some idea how long that would take. OK, Teddy...here's the bone. :drool: All right, you've got his trust now, you can talk to him. Shut up, blackhawkrush! I haven't finished. Oh, by the way, congratulations on winning the Italian Grand Prix at Monza. Let's see the one that came sixth. Let us see Pier Paolo Pasolini's latest film. Why not drop in at Ricky Pule's, only 24,000 feet from this cinema. Ricky and Maurice offer a variety of styles for the well-groomed climber. Taking life as it comes, sharing the good things and the bad things, finding laughter and fun wherever they go. It is with these two happy-go-lucky rogues that our story begins. a perfectly ordinary couple, leading perfectly ordinary lives - the sort of people to whom nothing extraordinary ever happened, and not the kind of people to be the centre of one of the most astounding incidents in the history of mankind ... So let's forget about them and follow instead the destiny of this man ... This man is no ordinary man. :Neil: To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen. :syrinx: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England! With me now is Mr. Ken Dove, twice voted the most interesting man in Dorking. Ken, I believe you're interested in shouting. :codger: That will become apparent in one moment m'lud. Are you considering the question or are you just dead? Well, the fishmonger promised me he'd have some fresh salmon, and he's normally so reliable. :| All right, I'll have the dead, unjugged rabbit fish. There goes a brave man. Whether he comes out alive or not, this will surely be remembered as one of the most courageous and gallant acts in history. We're going to kidnap Pilate's wife, take her back, issue demands. A thousand pounds, and I don't want Scottish money. They've got the numbers. It can be traced. Oh you're no fun anymore
  17. If you can imagine an Airedale terrier jumping in and out of a watering can once every 7 minutes for 12 years you have some idea how long that would take. OK, Teddy...here's the bone. :drool: All right, you've got his trust now, you can talk to him. Shut up, blackhawkrush! I haven't finished. Oh, by the way, congratulations on winning the Italian Grand Prix at Monza. Let's see the one that came sixth. Let us see Pier Paolo Pasolini's latest film. Why not drop in at Ricky Pule's, only 24,000 feet from this cinema. Ricky and Maurice offer a variety of styles for the well-groomed climber. Taking life as it comes, sharing the good things and the bad things, finding laughter and fun wherever they go. It is with these two happy-go-lucky rogues that our story begins. a perfectly ordinary couple, leading perfectly ordinary lives - the sort of people to whom nothing extraordinary ever happened, and not the kind of people to be the centre of one of the most astounding incidents in the history of mankind ... So let's forget about them and follow instead the destiny of this man ...
  18. A simple pot of salad dressing, treated in our laboratories, has been subjected to the impact of a 4,000 pound steam hammer every day for the last sixteen years
  19. Can I ask who you thought I was? Who did you think I was just then...when you thought I was somebody. I thought you were so rugged! Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker. Oh, I wondered whether you'd like to contribute to the orphan's home. it is only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpaulin Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant... do you waaaaaant... to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy? I've just heard that Algy IbanezJem was a poof, exclamation mark. :o What would Captain W. E. Citizen have said, question mark. You got my note! You've come to rescue me! No dear, this is the dream, you're still in the cell. :P No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more... dramatically! Well, there is one that ties up the whole Michael Ellis thing, but... :tsk: you put a bag over your head last time I said mattress.
  20. Can I ask who you thought I was? Who did you think I was just then...when you thought I was somebody. I thought you were so rugged! Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker. Oh, I wondered whether you'd like to contribute to the orphan's home. it is only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpaulin
  21. Can I ask who you thought I was? Who did you think I was just then...when you thought I was somebody. I thought you were so rugged!
  22. Well, let's keep it simple, then. How about Cheddar? :sarcastic: Cheddar or Gouda, if you're on the harder stuff. All the kids are on drugs, and all the adults are on roller skates! Kipling Road was a typical sort of Eastend street, people were in and out of each other's houses with each other's property all day. And the big news this afternoon is that the British boy Boris Rodgers has succeeded in swapping his nine-stone Welsh wife for a Ford Popular and a complete set of Dickens. :ebert: That's Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author. In Holland, in the early part of the fifteenth century, there were three things important to social legislation. :16ton: Ralph Aldous Citizen would have ended up like all who challenge the fundamental laws of our society. In an iron coffin with spikes on the inside. There you can see the scores now. St. Stephen in the lead there with the stoning, :yay: then comes King Richard the Third at Bosworth Field, a grand death there, then the very lovely Jean d'Arc, then Marat in his bath. :spitwater: I think we've got an eater! The manager, Mr. Luigi Vercotti, will be pleased to welcome you and introduce you to a wide variety of famous Sicilian delicacies. Why don't you sell proper food? Not those rich imperialist tit-bits. It's handy for the shops and convenient for the West End. :) It's wonderful to be here you know, I just love your country. London is so beautiful at this time of year. Not in this part of Esher On tomorrow's chart, the picture is much the same, with this occluded front bringing drier, warmer weather. :sundog: It's been a quiet day over most of the country as people went back to work after the warmest May weekend for nearly a year.
  23. Well, let's keep it simple, then. How about Cheddar? :sarcastic: Cheddar or Gouda, if you're on the harder stuff. All the kids are on drugs, and all the adults are on roller skates! Kipling Road was a typical sort of Eastend street, people were in and out of each other's houses with each other's property all day. And the big news this afternoon is that the British boy Boris Rodgers has succeeded in swapping his nine-stone Welsh wife for a Ford Popular and a complete set of Dickens. :ebert: That's Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author. In Holland, in the early part of the fifteenth century, there were three things important to social legislation. :16ton: Ralph Aldous Citizen would have ended up like all who challenge the fundamental laws of our society. In an iron coffin with spikes on the inside. There you can see the scores now. St. Stephen in the lead there with the stoning, :yay: then comes King Richard the Third at Bosworth Field, a grand death there, then the very lovely Jean d'Arc, then Marat in his bath. :spitwater: I think we've got an eater! The manager, Mr. Luigi Vercotti, will be pleased to welcome you and introduce you to a wide variety of famous Sicilian delicacies. Why don't you sell proper food? Not those rich imperialist tit-bits. It's handy for the shops and convenient for the West End. :) It's wonderful to be here you know, I just love your country. London is so beautiful at this time of year. Not in this part of Esher
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