Dear Parents...

[Lost In Xanadu]

Sorry for posting this in here, but I have to solicit some responses other than from those close to the situation...

 

 

I am in my 6th year of coaching youth football. This year has without a doubt been the worst as far as dealing with the parents goes.

 

Some facts:

1. Coaches are unpaid volunteers

2. We dedicate 10 - 12 hours a week to teaching 5th graders how to play football

3. 5th grade is the first year of full-contact, tackle football in our league

4. We hand out a sheet explaining to the parents BEFORE registration that playing time is earned and not guaranteed.

5. We get every kid in every single game, we have for the past 5 years and have this year.

6. 95% of parents drop their kids off at practice and then leave

 

 

Ok, so that being said we are getting 2-3 emails a week, with 2 of the 3 being from the same parents, complaining about playing time. We, as coaches, are taking this very personally and I don't know at what else we have to do. We have a fairly talented team this year, and there are a few kids that are either very small or very afraid of hitting. If we put these kids out there at the start of the game against the opponents best players - you might as well call the ambulance first. We have to pick and choose where and when to put them in as to limit their chance of getting injured.

 

What parents see is "Timmy was only in for 5 or 6 plays." What they don't see is all the personal work we put in with these kids at practice to make sure they will do what they need to do without getting hurt. We get comments like "it shouldn't be all about winning" - that pisses us off more than anything because that is the last thing we care about. We try so damn hard to get every kid in. It's not about winning, it's about not getting the kid killed. Last year we had enough of 1 parent, so we put their kid in when we really didn't feel comfortable and you know what happened... he broke his elbow. It was horrible. He landed on another helmet and chipped one of the "knuckles" of the ulna.

 

We're not going to let parents bully us anymore, and it's becoming more and more difficult to explain this to the parents. We tell them to stay and watch practice, but they never do. We don't care that he was good in baseball or soccer - this is full contact football!

 

Dammit I am so frustrated with this crap!

[umoveme]

I too work with children and I know how many parents have become.

 

They have created monsters.

They want special treatment because johnny had a bad day, a leg cramp, you name it. It's ok if he's a spoiled brat, don't punish him in any way!!!

 

Over inflated sense of intitlement run rampant!!

 

Teachers are mean because they hold kids accountable.

 

People are lame. Don't get me started!!!

[Mara]

Why, oh why, do parents have to make their kids' activities all about them? Those kids who are small and/or timid are probably happiest to be part of the team and I'd bet a few are secretly grateful to be going in for only a couple plays/game. "Okay, I played some. Can't wait for pizza after!"

 

But no parent really wants to hear "uh, your kid's scared to get too physical. I'm worried he'll get killed." Talk about having to employ some diplomacy! I do not envy you.

 

Yeah, it's a tough job. My dad coached 8th grade youth football for a few years; his team came from some rough neighborhoods downtown. Dad had to keep their uniforms with him because otherwise they'd have been stolen.

[Khan]

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Sep 21 2011, 02:13 PM)

Some facts: 1. Coaches are unpaid volunteers 2. We dedicate 10 - 12 hours a week to teaching 5th graders how to play football 3. 5th grade is the first year of full-contact, tackle football in our league 4. We hand out a sheet explaining to the parents BEFORE registration that playing time is earned and not guaranteed. 5. We get every kid in every single game, we have for the past 5 years and have this year. 6. 95% of parents drop their kids off at practice and then leave

If it were me, I would put this on paper and hand it out to every parent at the beginning sign up.

 

I can't stand the washed up, ex-high school jock dad who thinks his kid is going to be the next Tom Brady and does nothing but push the damn kid every second of the game.

[Mara]

QUOTE (Khan @ Sep 21 2011, 02:38 PM)

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Sep 21 2011, 02:13 PM) Some facts: 1. Coaches are unpaid volunteers 2. We dedicate 10 - 12 hours a week to teaching 5th graders how to play football 3. 5th grade is the first year of full-contact, tackle football in our league 4. We hand out a sheet explaining to the parents BEFORE registration that playing time is earned and not guaranteed. 5. We get every kid in every single game, we have for the past 5 years and have this year. 6. 95% of parents drop their kids off at practice and then leave If it were me, I would put this on paper and hand it out to every parent at the beginning sign up.   I can't stand the washed up, ex-high school jock dad who thinks his kid is going to be the next Tom Brady and does nothing but push the damn kid every second of the game. See: Marv and Todd Marinovich

[ILSnwdog]

Too many parents think that placating their kids and making sure they are always happy is being a good parent.

 

Just wait until their kids get out into the free world. It's going to be a slap in their face.

 

 

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (Khan @ Sep 21 2011, 01:38 PM)

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Sep 21 2011, 02:13 PM) Some facts: 1. Coaches are unpaid volunteers 2. We dedicate 10 - 12 hours a week to teaching 5th graders how to play football 3. 5th grade is the first year of full-contact, tackle football in our league 4. We hand out a sheet explaining to the parents BEFORE registration that playing time is earned and not guaranteed. 5. We get every kid in every single game, we have for the past 5 years and have this year. 6. 95% of parents drop their kids off at practice and then leave If it were me, I would put this on paper and hand it out to every parent at the beginning sign up.   I can't stand the washed up, ex-high school jock dad who thinks his kid is going to be the next Tom Brady and does nothing but push the damn kid every second of the game. We get one of these every year. It got so bad with the 2 or 3 parents that actually stay that we had to send a memo out instructing parents to stay off the damn practice field. That too because a safety (and learning) issue when parents are telling their kids what to do and it either distracts the kid or goes against our whole team philosophy. Out on the football field we don't care about how good YOU are, we care about how good the team is as a whole. 1 person can't do a damn thing out on the FB field. I don't care how good a QB or RB you are, if you have a line that refuses to block because you are an asshole, you ain't going very far.

[GhostGirl]

Oh, you know I feel your pain, LIX...as I've said in "our" thread.

 

I wish I had some advice. It's so disturbing to watch these kinds of parents at my own son's games - and they don't want me to comment on things because MY son plays in every offensive series.

 

One of our coaches got so fed up at the dads who were walking around, just off the field behind the coaches, and yelling "advice" that he turned around and said, "When you're out here coaching, you can yell all you want. Right now it's MY turn." That shut that dad up.

 

I really do feel for you.

[danielmclark]

Take everything you've written here, edit it for grammar and spelling (no offense) and send it to the parents that are giving you trouble.

 

Do that, and the ball is in their court. There is nothing more you can do, because you can beat this into those kinds of parents until you're bruised, and it won't make a lick of difference. Steel yourself, lay it out for them the way you have here, and wash your hands of them.

 

Keep doing what you're doing. You're the coach, the expert. You're the one that knows who can play what without getting killed.

 

And if the parents don't like it? Fk 'em. Their kid will grow up and be off your team and they'll be out of your life eventually. The sun will continue to rise and set and you'll sleep better knowing you did the right thing.

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Sep 21 2011, 01:53 PM)

Oh, you know I feel your pain, LIX...as I've said in "our" thread.

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Sep 21 2011, 01:57 PM)

Take everything you've written here, edit it for grammar and spelling (no offense) and send it to the parents that are giving you trouble

sorry, when the emotions start going, I have trouble controlling my fingers

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (ILSnwdog @ Sep 21 2011, 01:42 PM)

Too many parents think that placating their kids and making sure they are always happy is being a good parent. Just wait until their kids get out into the free world. It's going to be a slap in their face.

Amen! (oops, sorry this isn't SOCN)

[Pags]

I commend you for doing it at all. I would only agree to coach my daughters in softball and soccer when they were very young and it was about introducing them to the sport, teaches the basics, and letting them have fun. Once they get to the age where parents get more competitive than the child, I'm out. I have no patience for dealing with them. For that alone, you deserve a reward.

 

 

[Lost In Xanadu]

Oh, and something else I thought I'd add. I started coaching 5th grade 6 years ago when my son was in 6th grade so I didn't have to coach him. I haven't coached my own son at all. Seeing I'm one of the more senior coaches on the staff now, they wanted to have me be a head coach at the 7th or 8th grade level because apparently there's the impression that the higher level you coach, the better coach you are. I have turned down the offers the last 2 years because I know how I coach. I coach to educate, to have fun and to give the kids the safest learning environment I can. 8th grade is all about winning, and I know some of the coaches feel like that too - I would hate for the kids to get turned off of football right away.

 

Sure, winning is great, but I always tell them "win or lose, all we ask is you give your all. If you can look in the mirror at the end of the game and be happy with what you did, then you won" We say that all the time. If parents would actually talk to their kids before going off the handle I wouldn't be so distraught over the whole thing.

[Fred Star]

O.k, i've not read all the replies thus far but here's my couple of pence worth. Firstly, Grid Iron is a full contact sport and it's not uncommon to break a limb, rib, nose or jaw or whatever during the course of a season or career. Secondly, the players who make the teams are chosen for their resilience before their ability to play the game. Thirdly, one is born tough.. you can't coach tough either you are or you aren't and there are several levels of tough and it's really no disgrace if you aren't.. seriously. Finally, parents ought to know what danger they are putting their kids in if the child isn't up to it as fear on the field can result in a far more severe injury.

[danielmclark]

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Sep 21 2011, 01:02 PM)

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Sep 21 2011, 01:57 PM) Take everything you've written here, edit it for grammar and spelling (no offense) and send it to the parents that are giving you trouble sorry, when the emotions start going, I have trouble controlling my fingers Oh, please, don't take me the wrong way. There's nothing wrong with the post as it stands in an internet message board. I wouldn't have said anything about grammar & spelling at all except that I was also suggesting that you send that exact message to the parents - and while it's perfectly acceptable for a message board, it oughta be cleaned up if it does go to the parents

[nettiesaur]

I feel for you LIX...my brother also coaches 5th grade, and started back when his oldest was playing.

 

My advice, you know that letter you handed them at the beginning of the season? Make it a word document and attach it to your reply with "these are the policies of this team, which you agreed to when you signed your child up for football. We will not deviate from them. Please reread the attachment, as it is obvious that you no longer have your coply of our policies."

 

and then it's up to them to go read them again.

[Ancient Ways]

I played organized sports for about 10 years as a kid, mostly baseball - some football, and I wish I could properly thank the coaches I had. two in particular went beyond the call by sometimes picking me up/dropping me off when I did not have a ride or by funding activities out of their own pockets. I always imagined that I would do the same as an adult but have not primarily because of what you have written about and not a lack of desire to help.

[HowItIs]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Sep 21 2011, 11:57 AM)

Take everything you've written here, edit it for grammar and spelling (no offense) and send it to the parents that are giving you trouble. Do that, and the ball is in their court. There is nothing more you can do, because you can beat this into those kinds of parents until you're bruised, and it won't make a lick of difference. Steel yourself, lay it out for them the way you have here, and wash your hands of them. Keep doing what you're doing. You're the coach, the expert. You're the one that knows who can play what without getting killed. And if the parents don't like it? Fk 'em. Their kid will grow up and be off your team and they'll be out of your life eventually. The sun will continue to rise and set and you'll sleep better knowing you did the right thing.

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd103/laserspray/internet%20stuff/smilies/exactly.gif

 

I feel for you, LiX. Some parents just can't help but live through their kids. You definitely know the type - LOSERS. Gawd, my ex-SIL had to send her girls to modeling school and now, 10 years later, do you think either of them is modeling or anything close?

 

You know you can always come here and vent.

[Tick]

Here is the bottom line. In general people are self centered assholes, so add the fact you're dealing with there precious little brats and they feel entitled to be even bigger self centered assholes.

People love to complain about anything that bothers them in the slightest fashion instead of appreciating the hard self sacrificing work you put into their little brats.

Its disgusting. Working at Lowe's I want to knock peoples teeth out on a daily basis because people are assholes and help no patience for any slight inconvenience. Screw all of them.

[1 of the 7]

QUOTE (tick @ Sep 22 2011, 06:51 AM)

Working at Lowe's I want to knock peoples teeth out on a daily basis because people are assholes and help no patience for any slight inconvenience.

Man, do I hear you on that. I'm a bank teller and I have to ask for documentation (that's not expired), tell people no, give people bad news, etc. I've been called a litany of obscenities I can't repeat here, scratched, etc. Now I know times are tough and people are desperate, but to treat people (likely in the same situation as you) so badly is totally unnecessary and doesn't make anything better.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Tell those parents (and you can quote me), "I really appreciate your input. There aren't many parents that will take the time to come down here and talk to me or the other coaches. But frankly, and don't take this the wrong way, but your child is a major wuss and he'd get shattered into a million different pieces and cry like a baby if we let him play longer than the time we have already set for him. If you want him to get some quality playing time I recommend buying a golf club and a country club membership. Now get the hell out of my face dickhead."

[Invisible To Telescopic Eye]

Football (American)????

 

That's the only knd there is everything else is called Soccer.

[danielmclark]

QUOTE (Invisible To Telescopic Eye @ Sep 23 2011, 04:19 AM)

Football (American)???? That's the only knd there is everything else is called Soccer.

Yeah, here in America. Everyone else on the planet, soccer is called football.

 

I'm hoping you already knew that.

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (JohnnyBlaze @ Sep 23 2011, 12:59 AM)

Tell those parents (and you can quote me), "I really appreciate your input. There aren't many parents that will take the time to come down here and talk to me or the other coaches. But frankly, and don't take this the wrong way, but your child is a major wuss and he'd get shattered into a million different pieces and cry like a baby if we let him play longer than the time we have already set for him. If you want him to get some quality playing time I recommend buying a golf club and a country club membership. Now get the hell out of my face dickhead."

I'll send them your way after I tell them that