ARE YOU A FRAUD?

[g under p]

How do stack up with your teams and do any of these apply to you?

Be truthful....

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/print?id ... type=story

Attire

 

1. You can't purchase a "blank" authentic jersey from your favorite team with no name on the back, then stick your own name and number on the jersey ... well, unless you want to be an enormous dork.

 

2. If you're attending an NBA game, don't wear the jersey of a team that isn't competing in the game. It's bad enough to see people wearing authentic NBA jerseys in public -- if they're wearing a T-shirt underneath it, they look ridiculous, and if they aren't wearing a T-shirt, usually there's flab and shoulder hair everywhere, and you're wishing that they were wearing a T-shirt. Besides, it's not like you need to wear an NBA jersey to get yourself in the mood for an NBA game, unlike baseball, football and hockey.

 

3. Don't wear cheap-looking replica jerseys or flimsy-looking bargain-basement hats. Come on. You're representing every fan from your team. Show some pride.

 

4. Don't wear replica championship rings as a conversation starter. Don't carry someone's baseball card in your wallet as a conversation starter.

 

5. It's OK to flagrantly show your contempt for the home team by wearing the colors of a hated rival, as long as you're not being obnoxious as you root for the visiting team. If you make a spectacle of yourself, all bets are off and you'll get what you deserve. Back in the late-'80s, I sat in the upper deck at Yankee Stadium -- during a Red Sox-Yanks game, no less -- wearing a Sox hat, Bruins jersey and Celtics shorts, and the Yankees fans left me alone. Why? Because I wasn't going overboard. There's a lesson here, and it's not just that I had a death wish back in the late-'80s.

 

6. When your team wins a championship, it's your civic duty to purchase as much paraphernalia as possible. Don't be ashamed. Hats, T-shirts, sweatshirts, videos, cards, magazines, books ... there's no limit. Gorge yourself.

 

Behavior

7. Be very careful when using the word "We" with your favorite team. Use it judiciously. Just remember, you don't wear a uniform, you don't play any minutes, and you're not on the team. And yes, this was an extremely tough line for me to straddle during the Patriots' Super Bowl run.

 

8. No hopping on and off the bandwagon during the season with the flip-flop, "I knew we were going to self-destruct! ... All right, we won six straight! ... I knew we wouldn't keep playing this well. ... I knew we would bounce back!" routine as the season drags along. Just for the record, this is probably my biggest fault as a sports fan -- I overreact to everything. I've already written off the Celtics three different times this season, and I've given up on Antoine Walker roughly 435 times over the past six years. Can I get some medication for this?

 

CHAT WITH SPORTS GUY

If you want to discuss the rules of fan conduct or anything else with Page 2 columnist Bill Simmons, you'll get your chance when The Sports Guy joins us for a live chat at 3 p.m. ET Thursday. Click here to send in a question to Simmons.

 

9. It's OK to root against your team, if they're hopelessly out of the playoff race and you want them to keep losing so A) they'll get a better draft pick, or you're hoping the coach and/or GM will get fired. Don't feel bad about it.

 

(Note: It's also OK to wager against your team, if they're hopelessly out of the playoff race. But only then. And only if you don't make it a habit.)

 

10. If one of your fantasy guys is lighting it up against your favorite team (scoring goals, rushing for big yards, making jumpers, etc.), you can't pump your fist, high-five anyone or refer to the player in a "That's one of my guys!" sense, especially if it's a crucial game or a crucial juncture of the game.

 

(That's maybe the No. 1 problem for sports fans these days: When to draw the line between fantasy and real life. It's an ongoing battle. Even if you can't help getting secretly excited about your fantasy guys when they're thriving against your favorite team, at least make sure you feel guilty, too. Don't you hate that enthralled/guilty feeling? Is there anything worse? I'm babbling ...)

 

Knick fans

You can forgive Knicks fan for booing their brutal team this season.

11. Don't boo your team unless it's absolutely warranted -- like with the brutal Knicks situation this season, or if you're hoping to get a coach fired or a specific player traded or something. When you think about it, what's the purpose of booing your team? If you're trying to inspire them, usually you end up sending them into a deeper funk -- odds are, your team already knows it's struggling. And if you're trying to light a fire under a specific player, usually you end up making him even more nervous and tentative. So why boo in the first place? Trust me, dead silence sends a bigger message than anything. And it's not potentially destructive.

 

(There's only one circumstance where booing doesn't cause more harm than good: If you have a great team that seems to be going through the motions. For instance, the Lakers have a tendency to sleepwalk against inferior teams at home; As soon as the fans get a little restless, Shaq and company seem to wake up. Unfortunately for the Lakers, their fans aren't paying attention that closely because they're busy either trying to get on the Jumbotron, averting their eyes from Dyan Cannon, or trying to figure out things like "How many points do you get if you shoot one from half court?" or "How come that clock on the backboard keeps counting down backward from 24?")

 

12. After your team wins a championship, they immediately get a five-year grace period: You can't complain about anything that happens with your team (trades, draft picks, salary-cap cuts, coaching moves) for five years. There are no exceptions. For instance, the Pats could finish 0-80 over the next five years and I wouldn't say a peep. That's just the way it is. You win the Super Bowl, you go on cruise control for five years. Everything else is gravy.

 

13. You can follow specific players from other teams, but only as long as they aren't facing your team. For instance, it's fine to enjoy the Brett Favre Experience if you're a Jaguars fan ... just don't get carried away and start making a scrapbook, collecting all his football cards and so on. That's a little sketchy. And you can't purchase his jersey under any circumstances.

 

Patriots fans

Patriots fans aren't allowed to complain about their team for at least five years.

14. Just because you supported a team that won a championship, it doesn't give you the right to turn into a pompous, insufferable schmuck. Remember this.

 

Friendships and relationships

15. If your team defeats a good friend's team in a crucial game or series, don't rub it in with them unless they've been especially annoying/gloating/condescending/confrontational in the days leading up to the big battle. You're probably better off cutting off all communications in the days preceding/following the game, just to be safe.

 

15a. Along those same lines, if your team squanders a crucial game/series to your buddy's team, don't make them feel guilty about it -- don't call them to bitch about the game, don't blame some conspiracy or bad referee's call, don't rant and rave like a lunatic. In the words of Vito Corleone, you can act like a man. You have plenty of time to bitch in private.

 

15b. If your buddy's team loses an especially tough game, don't call him -- wait for him to call you. And when you do speak to him, discuss the game in a tone normally reserved for sudden, unexpected deaths.

 

15c. If one of your best friends loves a certain team that has a chance to win a championship, and your team is out of the picture, it's OK to jump on the bandwagon and root for his team to win it all. That's acceptable. Like Temporary Fan status.

 

16. If you marry someone who roots for a different team than you, you can't be bullied into switching allegiances. You'd be amazed how often this happens ... and how often it's the guy who folds. The power of women to whip men never ceases to amaze me. The funniest part is when the guy starts making excuses: "Well, once I moved to Boston from New York, I got caught up in this whole Red Sox thing and the American League, so I stopped following the Mets," or "I never liked the Browns as much as she liked the Bengals, so I'm taking one for the team," or even my personal favorite, "We wanted our kids to root for the same team as their parents."

 

(Don't you love when "The sake of the kids" becomes a reason? What is this, like a Jewish-Catholic thing?)

 

Janet Jones

Sports traitor Janet Jones should now spend all her time north of the border.

17. If you're an American woman and visible former actress, and you marry the most famous Canadian hockey star of all-time, and eventually he becomes the man in charge of putting together a Canadian Olympic hockey team, and they end up playing the Americans for the gold medal in a game that's taking place in a U.S. city, and you show up for that game cheering for the Canadians, and you're hugging everyone in sight as the Canadians are putting the game away in the third period ... well, you have to leave the country immediately. And you can't come back. Ever.

 

(Yes, I'm talking to you, Janet Jones. Nobody likes a Sports Traitor. Turn in your driver's license, turn in your passport and take a hike. If you like Canada so much, move there. How come nobody is making a big deal out of this? TRAITOR! TRAITOR!)

 

And the biggies ...

 

Loyalties

18. If you live in a city that has fielded a professional team since your formative years, you have to root for that team. None of this, "The Bengals weren't very good when I was growing up in Cincy, so I became a Cowboys fan" crap.

 

Also, you can't start rooting for a team, back off when they're in a down cycle, then renew the relationship once the team starts winning again. All those Cowboys fans who jumped off the bandwagon in the late-'80s, jumped back on during the Emmitt/Aikman Era, then jumped back off in the late-'90s ... you know who you are. You shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

 

Wrigley fans

You are required to root for the home team under almost all circumstances.

(There's nothing worse than a Bandwagon Jumper. If sports were a prison and sports fans made up all the prisoners, the Bandwagon Jumpers would be like the child molesters -- everyone else would pick on them, take turns beating them up and force them to toss more salads than Emeril Lagasse.)

 

19. Once you choose a team, you're stuck with that team for the rest of your life ... unless one of the following conditions applies:

 

# Your team moves to another city. All bets are off when that happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off that sport entirely, nobody would blame you.

 

# You grew up in a city that didn't field a team for a specific sport -- so you picked a random team -- and then either a.) your city landed a team, or b.) you moved to a city that fielded a team for that specific sport. For instance, one of my Connecticut buddies rooted for the Sixers during the Doctor J Era, then happened to be living in Orlando when the Magic came to town. Now he's a Magic fan. That's acceptable.

 

# One of your immediate family members either plays professionally or takes a relevant management/coaching/front office position with a pro team.

 

# You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area.

 

# The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore -- you would rather not follow them at all then support a franchise with this owner in charge. Just for the record, I reached this point with the Boston Bruins about six years ago. When it happens, you have two options: You can either renounce that team and pick someone else, or you can pretend they're dead, like you're a grieving widow. That's what I do. I'm an NHL widow. I don't even want to date another team.

 

# If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them."

 

Young New York fans

If you live in New York, you can't root for both the Yankees and Mets. Pick a side!

At least give me a reason like "Reggie Jackson was my favorite player growing up," or "I always liked the red Bulls uniforms," or even "Everyone in my gang wore Raiders colors." Do you really want to be known as a bona fide Bandwagon Jumper?

 

20. If you hail from New York, you can't root for the Yankees and the Mets. You have to choose between them. Repeat: You have to choose between them. Don't give me this "As long as one of them is doing well, at least New York is winning" spiels. What is this, the sports fan's version of bisexuality? How about making a choice? Any New Yorker who said the words "It's the Yankees versus the Mets ... I can't lose!" during the 2000 World Series deserves to be tortured with a cattle prod.

 

Besides, as we mentioned in the beginning of this column, you shouldn't practice "Sports Bigamy" in general. Sports teams are just like wives ... you can only have one wife, you can only have one sports team, and for the love of God, I will not argue about this.

Edited May 20, 2010 by g under p

[PuppetKing2112]

I'm a huge Bill Simmons fan. Read all his columns, listen to all his podcast. I actually met him last Fall, when he came to Portland to do a signing for his new basketball book. While I was there, I saw his Red Sox book and bought it, and had him sign it for my dad. He signed that one without looking up, and then when he looked up and saw that I was wearing a Yankees hat, he thought he had screwed up, but then I explained to him that the Red Sox book was for my dad, and then he wrote "Congrats on #27" in my basketball book. It was pretty cool.

 

"I started following baseball when I was just entering my 'rebellious' phase and my dad is a die-hard Red Sox fan, so I became a Yankees fan" totally counts for the last bullet point of #19. I don't care what anybody says.

[metaldad]

I did not read any of that but no, Never, Never

I am a Met fan that wears the jersey to Yankee Stadium , i hear boo's

I am a 76er fan that wears the jersey to M.S.G. , sometimes i hear boo's

I am a Flyer fan that wears the jersey to M.S.G. , sometimes i hear boo's

I am a Cowboy fan that wears the jersey in N.J. and Philly i Really get shit

Funny story, i am at a Cowboy/Eagle game in Philly in 1996 . They lose in the 4th and 1 game. Cold as hell . As i am leaving with my wife i walk past a Row of Philly fans. I hear 'COWBOYS SUCK' I turn around and say 'YOUR MOTHER SWALLOWS' I thought , that's it i am going to die, Everyone that heard it laughed their ass off , my wife did not talk to me for 2 hours

[Xanadu93]

Epic post.

 

I may get mad at the teams I love (Georgia Bulldogs football, Atlanta Braves, Boston Red Sox, Atlanta Falcons) but I don't think I've fully given up on them yet. I have, however, been very mad and/or displeased with them for a period, but I still want them to win.

[Syrinx]

Gotta love all these bandwagon Habs fans in Toronto. What a disgrace!

[softfilter]

Over on the Cavfanatic message board, the question was posted would you follow LeBron and be a fan of whatever team he goes to if he doesn't stay in Cleveland? ..

Amazed, many said yes there a James fan first, now that's a example of fraud fair weather bandwagon fans.

 

 

[metaldad]

QUOTE (softfilter @ May 20 2010, 11:10 AM)

Over on the Cavfanatic message board, the question was posted would you follow LeBron and be a fan of whatever team he goes to if he doesn't stay in Cleveland? .. Amazed, many said yes there a James fan first, now that's a example of fraud fair weather bandwagon fans.

Brett Farve anyone ?

[plodder]

You can change your partner, divorce your family but you can never change your team. That would be unthinkable. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

[metaldad]

QUOTE (plodder @ May 20 2010, 03:42 PM)

You can change your partner, divorce your family but you can never change your team. That would be unthinkable. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

[quickfree]

not really bandwagon just get bored with some sports and come back to them eventually.

 

I guess the closest you can say is I have a very complicated love/hate relationship with the Redskins. As of now, its been pretty much hate ever since Daniel Snyder took over the team oh...10 years ago.

 

But you have to really have to feel for the lifetime Lions and Browns fans out there. Much less the Cubs.

[Xanadu93]

QUOTE (plodder @ May 20 2010, 04:42 PM)

You can change your partner, divorce your family but you can never change your team. That would be unthinkable. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

[PuppetKing2112]

One of my best friends is a die-hard Cleveland fan, and after the Cavs' collapse last week he wasn't even sad about it because he had seen this movie too many times before. The worst part is he told me has no desire to even go to any Indians games this year and I couldn't say I blamed him.

[g under p]

QUOTE (plodder @ May 20 2010, 03:42 PM)

You can change your partner, divorce your family but you can never change your team. That would be unthinkable. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

This true I'm ALL BEANTOWN since 1972 nothing has changed from the days of ORR, Cheevers, Sanderson, Cashman to Vataha, Sam *The Bam* Cunningham, Grogan, to Yaz, Rice. Lynn, Evans, Fisk Reggie Smith, Tiant, Jo Jo White, Cowens, Hav etc.......to the present players.

 

I've long since moved from Boston and i now like the Nationals, Wizards and Capitals as long as their play doesn't affect a Boston team or if they're playing a Boston team. One thing I could never ever do is wear gear from any other team even if given to me that's a no no and SURE sign of a FRAUD!

Edited May 22, 2010 by g under p

[softfilter]

QUOTE (PuppetKing2112 @ May 21 2010, 07:29 PM)

One of my best friends is a die-hard Cleveland fan, and after the Cavs' collapse last week he wasn't even sad about it because he had seen this movie too many times before. The worst part is he told me has no desire to even go to any Indians games this year and I couldn't say I blamed him.

So true, but I might catch a couple of Tribe games this year. Like going to Prog Field still one of the best stadiums in baseball.

Edited May 22, 2010 by softfilter

[invisibleairwaves]

QUOTE (Syrinx @ May 20 2010, 07:33 AM)

Gotta love all these bandwagon Habs fans in Toronto. What a disgrace!

In their defense (and mine, I'm an ex-Leafs fan), the team has offered nothing in years. Collapsing halfway through the playoffs every year is one thing, but they don't even get that far anymore. Montreal on the other hand has given an absolutely astounding performance, and shown more commitment and will to win than almost any Leafs team in the past decade. If I have to choose between a team that clearly wants to go far and has the skill to do it, versus giving up on hockey every year come March, all I gotta say is...at least it isn't the Sens

[Ya_Big_Tree]

Edited May 22, 2010 by Ya_Big_Tree

[g under p]

QUOTE (invisibleairwaves @ May 22 2010, 02:57 AM)

QUOTE (Syrinx @ May 20 2010, 07:33 AM) Gotta love all these bandwagon Habs fans in Toronto.  What a disgrace! In their defense (and mine, I'm an ex-Leafs fan), the team has offered nothing in years. Collapsing halfway through the playoffs every year is one thing, but they don't even get that far anymore. Montreal on the other hand has given an absolutely astounding performance, and shown more commitment and will to win than almost any Leafs team in the past decade. If I have to choose between a team that clearly wants to go far and has the skill to do it, versus giving up on hockey every year come March, all I gotta say is...at least it isn't the Sens WAM, ho can you a ex-fan of a team even if it's the Leafs? That to me is a sign of a FRAUD. I mean IF you grew up loving a tem even if they hit bad times bad decisions you SHOULD STILL stick with them.   I KNOW I did with the Patriots (70's), Celtics (90's) and of course the Red Sox throw in the Bruins who haven't won a title since 72'. To me that was the fun part when those teams stunk I loved them even more, wore their gear even more just for my liking for them through the thick and thin.

[MULTIPLIED REACTION]

See my sig and add the Vikings, Notre Dame football and Chelsea FC. All other teams suck balls.

[Ancient Ways]

I don't bandwagon but I give myself the leeway to have a "second fave" in a different conference/division/league. For example, I have live in Tampa most of my life and root for the Rays. I was born in St. Louis and also pull for the Cardinals unless they play the Rays. NFL, it's the Bucs but I also follow the Broncos. NHL, Lightning but I also follow the Blues. NBA I just follow the Magic.

[g under p]

QUOTE (Ancient Ways @ May 24 2010, 06:06 PM)

I don't bandwagon but I give myself the leeway to have a "second fave" in a different conference/division/league. For example, I have live in Tampa most of my life and root for the Rays. I was born in St. Louis and also pull for the Cardinals unless they play the Rays. NFL, it's the Bucs but I also follow the Broncos. NHL, Lightning but I also follow the Blues. NBA I just follow the Magic.

ALL too complicated to me and just sounds fraudish.

[nappy2112]

I follow all local teams.

 

College Basketball - Indiana (always root for the other schools too)

College Football - Notre Dame (same as above)

College Baseball - Indiana

Pro Baseball - Cincinnati Reds

Prospect League - Richmond RiverRats

NFL - Cincinnati Bengals (pull for the Colts but not a die hard)

NBA - Indiana Pacers (NBA SUCKS)

NHL - this is Indiana ...what's hockey ?

 

you are just likely to see me wearing jerseys whether my team is sucking or not.

[Drumnut]

I'm a Pens fan but I'm in it for the Flyers because I'm from PA.

[Ancient Ways]

QUOTE (g under p @ May 24 2010, 08:00 PM)

QUOTE (Ancient Ways @ May 24 2010, 06:06 PM) I don't bandwagon but I give myself the leeway to have a "second fave" in a different conference/division/league.  For example, I have live in Tampa most of my life and root for the Rays.  I was born in St. Louis and also pull for the Cardinals unless they play the Rays.  NFL, it's the Bucs but I also follow the Broncos.  NHL, Lightning but I also follow the Blues.  NBA I just follow the Magic. ALL too complicated to me and just sounds fraudish. busted?

[RUSHHEAD666]

A's

Raiders

Sharks

Warriors

St Mary's

 

All the way until I die.

[PuppetKing2112]

I absolutely think it's okay to pick other teams to root for in the playoffs if your team is out of it, or even to just have another team in the regular season that you enjoy watching that you make an effort to watch when they're on. Milwaukee and Phoenix have been like that for me in the NBA playoffs this year.