madra sneachta Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 (edited) QUOTE (Drumnut @ Dec 24 2005, 12:37 AM) How Many TRF Members does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1,331: 1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the Rush Forum that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 156 to write to the Rush Forum administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to The Rush Forum. 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this forum exchange to alt.lite.bulb 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to The Rush Forum. 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this Forum. 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too." 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey. 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three." 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here. 143 votes for a new list alt.lite.bulb. You forgot the pedantic tosser who remembers this was posted before, finds it and links to the original discussion!! Edited December 24, 2005 by madra sneachta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumnut Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 I thought I saw that here somewhere, I took the liberty of changing "list" to The Rush Forum to make it more TRF oriented though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 QUOTE (Drumnut @ Dec 23 2005, 07:49 PM) I thought I saw that here somewhere, I took the liberty of changing "list" to The Rush Forum to make it more TRF oriented though! it works well for us, i think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 (edited) QUOTE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?" WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE! I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. HMMM ... OR COULD HE??? AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. "YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, "IN 1959. WHY DO YOU ASK?" "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?" Can you say OWNED? Edited December 29, 2005 by sundog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Test4VitalSigns Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!" Not to be outdone the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, switch sides!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Test4VitalSigns Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a321/hemispheres2005/nextone/j9ptg7.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Test4VitalSigns Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a321/hemispheres2005/nextone/ChanceForParole.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumnut Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick! to commit suicide. Let's see now. . . . . No Jesus No Christmas No television No cheerleaders No baseball No football No hockey No golf No tailgate parties No Wal-Mart No Home Depot No pork BBQ No hot dogs No burgers No chocolate chip cookies No lobster No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks No gumbo No jambalaya No Beer Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower. More than one wife. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times. Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey. But your donkey has a better disposition. Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! I mean, really, is there a mystery here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumnut Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady! "You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house I want a divorce!" The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened" "Hummmmm, I don't know, well it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you" The husband begins to tell his story . . "While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. = I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor thing, practically devours them. Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co -worker wearing the same pair." The husband continues his story . . . . "The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me: "Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I am too lazy to take out the arrows. Enjoy. The winners are: > 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. > > 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. > > 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. > > 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. > > 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. > > 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you > absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. > > 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. > > 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash. > > 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are > run over by a steamroller. > > 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. > > 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. > > 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by > proctologists. > > 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. > > 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with > Yiddishisms. > ? > 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, > when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. > > 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by > Jewish men. > > The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to > take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or > changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's > winners: > > 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops > bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows > little sign of breaking down in the near future. > > 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose > of getting laid. > > 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the > subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. > > 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. > > 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the > person who doesn't get it. > > 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running > late. > > 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. > > 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra > credit.) > > 9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these > really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's > like, a serious bummer. > > 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day > consuming only things that are good for you. > > 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. > > 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter > when they come at you rapidly. > > 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after > you've accidentally walked through a spider web. > > 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into > your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. > > 15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in > the fruit you're eating. > > And the pick of the literature: > > 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Jan 3 2006, 03:00 PM) I am too lazy to take out the arrows. Enjoy. The winners are: > 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. > > 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. > > 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. > > 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. > > 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. > > 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you > absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown. > > 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. > > 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash. > > 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are > run over by a steamroller. > > 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. > > 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. > > 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by > proctologists. > > 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. > > 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with > Yiddishisms. > ? > 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, > when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. > > 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by > Jewish men. > > The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to > take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or > changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's > winners: > > 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops > bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows > little sign of breaking down in the near future. > > 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose > of getting laid. > > 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the > subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. > > 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. > > 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the > person who doesn't get it. > > 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running > late. > > 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. > > 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra > credit.) > > 9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these > really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's > like, a serious bummer. > > 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day > consuming only things that are good for you. > > 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. > > 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter > when they come at you rapidly. > > 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after > you've accidentally walked through a spider web. > > 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into > your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. > > 15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in > the fruit you're eating. > > And the pick of the literature: > > 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the poundin rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!", replies the drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 QUOTE (sundog @ Jan 8 2006, 08:48 AM) A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the poundin rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!", replies the drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Jackson, Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jan 8 2006, 11:22 AM) A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Jackson, Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jan 8 2006, 08:22 AM) A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Jackson, Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too." Doooddd.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 The Football Fan A guy named Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been at together since we got married in 1967." "Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?" "No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 A lesson in honesty At the University of North Carolina, there were four sophomores taking Chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They would say that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them each a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in a separate room, thinking this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page... On the second page was written: "For 95 points: Which tire?" ? ? ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drumnut Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wiggles Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I'm not being offensive to mexicans I have a couple mexican friends but this is a joke I heard An American man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man are riding in a plane. The plane gets to heavy of a load and starts going down and they each have to throw something they have enough of in their country. So the Chinese man picks up some Rice and throws it out. the Mexican man picks up some pasta and says "we have enough of this" then the American man picks up the Mexican and says "well we have enough of these in our country!" and throws him out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings" The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbituate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 That was a barbituate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wiggles Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbucks one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon". Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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