Dear Blank

[iluvgeddy05]

Dear FUTURE AUNT in Law:

 

Don't blame me for someone not being invited to our wedding on your side. Take that up with my future husband (your nephew) and his parents. I had NO say in it.

 

 

Signed,

Bride who does not want drama.

 

 

 

 

[Principled Man]

Dear Co-Workers,

 

I don't give a shit if you've worked here for 30 years, or if you have more seniority than I have. I have no interest in your delusions of grandeur and importance. I am completely uninterested in your Good 'Ol Boy Club, your gossiping (you're like a gaggle of clucking old hens), or your union meetings (which are nothing more than beer and gossip fests).

 

Because, you see, I am a grown man, an educated man (this intimidates you; admit it) and I bust my ass just as much as if not more than you gomers do. I know my job, and I do it very well. I even do my job while you hypocrites run off and hide and lie to the department manager about it. Everyday, I do my job when you don't.

 

The only difference between you and me is that I can admit when I screw up. I don't whine and cry and blame others like you gomers do. I don't suck up to union leaders in order to gain extra support against management. When I screw up (which is a rare event), I take full responsibility. Why you gomers can't do this is beyond me. You're grown men, too. When will you act like it?

 

Actually, there is another difference between you and me. I have COURAGE. I can stand up against the abusive, drunken old loser co-worker who bullies you all and does virtually no work at all. I can stick out my neck and press harassment and assault charges against him (while you all refused to support me) and get him fired. While you came to work everyday in a state of fear and intimidation, I took action and got something accomplished. And now, while your corrupt union leaders are trying to blackball me as a "goat" or "rat", I come to work everyday and do my job with NO FEAR. You gomers don't scare me one bit.

 

You can bad-mouth me behind my back all you want. You can shun or ostracize me all you want. Just be assured that I'm not going anywhere, and if you can't stand working with me, then QUIT.

 

 

Sincerely,

The Guy Who Doesn't "Fit In"

 

 

 

[Mara]

Dear Mega-Client

 

I know you guys have your rules and policies about the Way Things Must Be Done.

 

But seriously? Does it make sense for us to bill you for three hours of my time, plus mileage, to drive down there, put a lease in an envelope, and UPS it out to the landlord from the mailroom in YOUR office? When there are at least 5 people who work for you directly that I can think of right offhand who are perfectly capable of taking care of that task? And all of them are within 200 yards of the mailroom?

 

Honestly, it's your dime. But there were a MILLION other things I could have been taking care of in that 3 hour timespan.

 

Grrr. And at LEAST have the good sense and reason to leave the lease where I can find it, instead of buried under a pile of miscellaneous shit on the absent Real Estate Manager's desk. I spent half an hour just hunting it down, and she KNEW I was coming to ship it. I don't like going through stuff on people's desks, but damned if I was going to make a return trip to deal with that miniscule task.

[Mara]

Dear UGA Football Fan At The Gym,

 

SHUT. UP.

 

You aren't in your living room, or a sports bar. You're in a gym. While it's not a monastery, there are other people working out who DON'T want to listen to your constant color commentary and yells and hoots.

Many of us were plugged into iPods, or watching other TV programs while we did our cardio workouts. You were so loud and obnoxious that even having the volume turned all the way up didn't drown you out.

 

If the game was that important to you, why didn't you work out at another time and stay home and watch it? Instead of annoying the shit out of 15-25 other people? I'm sure many of them were UGA fans - I know they were, because there were a number of cardio TVs tuned to the game - but they behaved.

 

P.S. - You already know this, I'm sure, but Georgia lost. HAHAHAHAHA!

[neil#2]

Dear _____,

 

I've been lying to myself for months, I thought I was over you, but obviously not. Problem is, I can't find the courage to do anything about it. Even though you recently broke up with that douchebag. I mean look at you. You're gorgeous, and I'm...this. Maybe someday I'll do something, but I guess I can work with being just friends for now.

 

Sincerely, Confused

Edited September 19, 2010 by neil#2

[nettiesaur]

Dear coworkers,

No, I didn't change my hair.

This isn't a new skirt, I've had it for years.

But I have lost 8 pounds this month,running after kids.

Thanks for noticing!

Nettie

[Mara]

Dear Jefferson County, Alabama,

 

I hate you. Get with the program - your stupid mapping services are not available online and the only zoning map you have there is completely, totally f***ing useless.

 

I don't have time for this shit. Busy dealing with OTHER counties in AL as well. You're the most populous, metropolitan county in the state and your website is one of the worst.

 

f**k off, you've wrecked my day,

 

Mara

[GhostGirl]

QUOTE (Mara @ Sep 20 2010, 03:40 PM)

Dear Jefferson County, Alabama, I hate you. Get with the program - your stupid mapping services are not available online and the only zoning map you have there is completely, totally f***ing useless. I don't have time for this shit. Busy dealing with OTHER counties in AL as well. You're the most populous, metropolitan county in the state and your website is one of the worst. f**k off, you've wrecked my day, Mara

Dear Mara,

 

I'm glad I don't work for the county...but I do work IN JeffCo.

 

Sorry they're giving you problems, the rats.

 

~GG

[Mara]

QUOTE (GhostGirl @ Sep 20 2010, 04:42 PM)

QUOTE (Mara @ Sep 20 2010, 03:40 PM) Dear Jefferson County, Alabama, I hate you.  Get with the program - your stupid mapping services are not available online and the only zoning map you have there is completely, totally f***ing useless. I don't have time for this shit.  Busy dealing with OTHER counties in AL as well.  You're the most populous, metropolitan county in the state and your website is one of the worst. f**k off, you've wrecked my day, Mara Dear Mara,   I'm glad I don't work for the county...but I do work IN JeffCo.   Sorry they're giving you problems, the rats.   ~GG Ugh, yeah, only six counties in Alabama have zoning at the county level, and JeffCo is awful as far as their website is concerned. They also suck as far as returning calls and e-mails.   Shelby Co is MUCH better.

[Alsgalpal]

Dear Gods,

 

 

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my abysmal heart. I can't begin to express my gratitude, after all this time of looking and interviewing, that you have given me such a generous gift of the PERFECT job. The time, location, and schedule couldn't be closer than what I imagined at perfect. I'm beyond thankful, and elated that, for the first time, I have gotten exactly what I dreamed of. Everything fell into place as if I really had the ability to place it there.

 

I'm so blessed. I promise to inspire my students, and care for the wonderful family I have. I promise to give my new job everything I have.

 

Sincerely,

Me

[Queen of Megadon]

QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Sep 20 2010, 10:42 PM)

Dear Gods, Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my abysmal heart. I can't begin to express my gratitude, after all this time of looking and interviewing, that you have given me such a generous gift of the PERFECT job. The time, location, and schedule couldn't be closer than what I imagined at perfect. I'm beyond thankful, and elated that, for the first time, I have gotten exactly what I dreamed of. Everything fell into place as if I really had the ability to place it there. I'm so blessed. I promise to inspire my students, and care for the wonderful family I have. I promise to give my new job everything I have. Sincerely, Me

Dear AGP

 

You are one lucky gal!

 

Cheers!

Queen of Megadon

[Mara]

QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Sep 20 2010, 10:42 PM)

Dear Gods, Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my abysmal heart. I can't begin to express my gratitude, after all this time of looking and interviewing, that you have given me such a generous gift of the PERFECT job. The time, location, and schedule couldn't be closer than what I imagined at perfect. I'm beyond thankful, and elated that, for the first time, I have gotten exactly what I dreamed of. Everything fell into place as if I really had the ability to place it there. I'm so blessed. I promise to inspire my students, and care for the wonderful family I have. I promise to give my new job everything I have. Sincerely, Me

Dear Kris,

 

 

You so deserve this and this news just made my day!!!

[Mara]

Dear IT Guy,

 

If I don't get a new computer soon, I am going to beat the shit out of this goddamn laptop.

[neil#2]

Dear ____,

 

Actually, I already knew what the homework was. I just wanted to talk to you.

 

Sincerely,

[realomind]

Dear Serial Arsonist or fireman fetishist,

 

Listen you whack job loser, STOP f'ing setting fires outside and inside my apartment block before you seriously injur people or worse. That's the fifth time now in as many weeks there have been fires, tonight it was as a result of lighter fuel being poured on the carpet of the 3rd floor stair well.

 

If I get my hands on you i'm gonna insert that can of lighter fuel up your backside, strike a match then stand back and bask in the warmth that follows.

 

Now piss off.

[Skin Bag]

Dear Flight 604 Seat-Mate,

 

It's been nearly 2 full months since we shared a plane ride to the Rush concert and I find myself still thinking about you all the time. I felt so comfortable and at ease chatting with you, just casual stuff about Rush and other small talk, that I now sometimes want to kick myself for having had my Flirt-O-Meter set so low and not having learned more about you -- like where you work, your marital status, your NAME! But then again, there was a reason I was playing it on the cool and reserved side. And that's because I had just come off from a 25 year marriage and knew that I am not ready to even think about dating much less get involved in another relationship. Not to imply that our conversation was heading in that direction, just saying that I was taking emotional precautions to insure it wouldn't.

 

So I guess what I really want to say to you is "thanks". Thank you for reminding me what it feels like to have that little flutter of the heart and, more importantly, thank you for giving me something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time -- HOPE. Hope that there is still a ghost of a chance that someday, if and when I am ready for it, there will be someone as kind, witty, and handsome as you out there for me to meet. And for that I owe you a debt of gratitude.

 

Wishing you a wonderful life,

The Mile-High Stranger

 

[ColdFireYYZ]

Dear school,

 

School lunch is beyond horrible. Either it is cold, stale, or just plain gross. For some people, this crap is the only thing they will eat all day, and many can't afford to bring something from home. Quit wasting money on expensive computer programs NO ONE uses and get a good, healthy lunch.

[missionman]

Dear friend,

 

Did I screw things up? If I were to call, would you answer?

[Mara]

Dear Work Project From Hell That Gave Everyone Two Sleepless Weeks,

 

Go the hell away. You're finished. I have other things to do, so stop popping your ugly little head up and f***ing up my schedule.

 

Sincerely,

Mara, who is buried in work

[Ya_Big_Tree]

Dear world, especially friends and wonderful partner,

 

I promise to stop ignoring you all once these exams end and my sanity somewhat returns... which should be right before Christmas. I'm sorry that I will most likely lose it again in January and most likely not be the same until end of April. But you all have been wonderfully supportive through my entire collapse of sanity through this and believe so strongly that I will succeed through this program that I MUST continue.

 

I promise this Spring/Summer is gonna be awesome with me back to my old self.

 

It's your support and words of encouragement that keep me from tipping over the edge sometimes and keep me with one toe on the ground while the rest of my body is being torn in 500 million directions.

 

Love always,

 

YaYa

[Sir Lerxst]

Dear Seagulls,

 

STOP SHITTING ON MY BLOODY CAR

 

-Steve

[Tarkus406]

QUOTE (Sir Lerxst @ Oct 21 2010, 10:33 PM)

Dear Seagulls, STOP SHITTING ON MY BLOODY CAR -Steve

[earthshine828]

Dear Phillies Phans,

Your annoying....just like us Yankees Fans!!

 

The Yankee Fan

[Boots]

Dear next door neighbor:

 

You have the most annoying dog on the planet. Its bark is worse than nails on a chalkboard. It's not even a guard dog. You can't honestly expect that little piece of sh** to defend your property in the event of a home invasion because it's too small. A burglar would just trample it to death and then proceed with his business. I can't believe something so little could be so damn annoying. I need to wear earplugs to block out the noise every time I go to the mall or the bank.

 

Either keep your pet in your house or get rid of it. Don't be surprised if you find out someday that someone less kind-hearted than myself has poisoned your mutt. You will discover dead dog on your doorstep. (How's that for a tongue twister?)

 

I posted this on the net because I didn't want to leave a note in your mailbox. Then I would have to cross paths with that dumb dog. It would probably cause permanent damage to my eardrums.

 

Signed,

Your irritated neighbor

Edited October 27, 2010 by Boots

[Boots]

To whom it may concern:

 

Why did you decapitate that poor cat? The police will find you.

You can run, but you can't hide.

 

P.S. Support the SPCA and the Jane Goodall Institute.

 

http://www.ontariospca.ca/

http://www.janegoodall.ca/

Edited October 28, 2010 by Boots