Worst cooking/kitchen crimes

[Thunder Bay Rush]

WARM UP THE GODDAM PLATES BEFORE YOU PUT HOT FOOD ON THEM!

 

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned this yet. I like my hot food to be hot when it comes to my table... includng my coffee or tea.

 

I do have some culinary training, I consider myself "sort of" a chef, I worked in a few high-end restaurants back in my younger day and I owned a restaurant of my own at one time. So, if you come to my house for dinner, it's unlikely you'll throw up on the floor after eating my food. But, I used to warm up the plates (and soup bowls and coffee mugs) long before any training or restaurant experience. Just common sense...

 

Have you ever wondered why your food is cold before you've eaten half of it? I don't ever remember eating at someone's house where they warmed up the plates. In fact, most times, the plates are freezing cold before the hot food is plated. Cold gravy - yuk... cold egg yolk - double yuk.

 

There are two reasons why, at least in decent restaurants, the food servers use small cloth towels or napkins to carry the plates to the tables: one, so their hands and fingers are not touching the rims of the plates (health inspectors HATE seeing that!) and two, because the plates are hot!

 

I don't have a microwave (hate them) but if you do, four plates at about 60 - 90 seconds is about right... I do almost ALL of my cooking on an old time wood burning cookstove, so I stick my plates in the overhead warming shelf. Or, you can run the plates (and bowls and mugs, nothing worse than "warm" coffee or soup) under hot water for a few seconds. The easiest way to warm your plates is to simply place them in your oven after it's already been on... or if you didn't use it to cook the food, just turn it on anyway at about 160 F for a couple minutes. If you have alot of plates, use the oven, but you may have to restack them because the ones in the middle of the big pile won't warm up very quickly. Microwaves are handy here. If you're making a toasted sandwich, put the plate you plan to use on top of the toaster while the bread is down.

 

Warm up your plates... especially if you invite ME to your house.

 

RD

 

I like my food cold, it reminds me of my heart and my soul, cold.

 

*makes grumpy cat face*

 

On a more serious note though... As much as I appreciate hot food I've noticed that many restaurants like to bring out plates that burn my fingertips off. and must be brought to the table with the assistance of an oven mitt.

 

There must be a happy medium.

 

 

 

Gangster - you only have a "grumpy cat face" during that special time of the month... the time when "Aunty Flo" comes for a week long visit... at all other times you look like your avatar... a happy Rush chick. (Geddy Corn?)

 

Yes, the plates should be warm, not hot! Sometimes in a busy kitchen, they get left in the warming oven a little too long (or some dumb ass cranks the heat but doesn't tell anyone) and the chef doesn't want to wait, or can't wait to get the food out to the dining room.

 

Warning... if your food sizzles on the plate - wait for a bit..

[Principled Man]

Gimmie a nice Merlot.

 

 

I am NOT drinking Merlot!!! :rage: ;)

Nice!

 

For me it's an extreme fear of food poisoning that i need no pink. Also I don't like the taste of beef so I don't order it when I eat out. But if Im a guest for dinner at someone's house, I'm not going to not eat what they cook. I always get the same look everytime I ask for well done but meh, that's just how I deal with it.

 

I dread going to someone's house for dinner or a cookout when that person has a fragile ego. One simple request to cook or season meat in a specific way is twisted into a personal insult to the "chef".

 

"No, damnit, I am NOT saying I can grill better than you! This isn't about YOU! " I like my steaks PLAIN! How in the F*CK is that an insult to YOU??!!!" :facepalm:

[Thunder Bay Rush]

I was at a back yard BBQ about 20 years ago... about 15 people. The host (who actually turned out to be a peckerhead because he cheated on his wife) liked his steaks rare and deemed anyone who cooks their steak to more than medium-rare "should be shot." So, he took it upon himself to grill all steaks to medium rare, at the most.

 

About half the people left their steaks on the plate. This guy was so arrogant and really, a food snob, that he figured he would educate people on how to eat beef. Or, in other words, he wanted everyone else to be like him... a peckerhead.

 

I like my red meat cooked to rare / medium-rare... anywhere in that range is fine. And, I like it medium / well done to, if it's still tender. But, if I have people over for dinner and they want me to cook their steakfor an hour and then go run it over with my truck, I will. They're eating it, not me... But, this whole ketchup thing on steak... um... I don't know about that! (I might have to turn into a temporary peckerhead and hide the ketchup bottle.)

[Ya_Big_Tree]

Honestly I'm not out to in-convience anyone when it comes to my food preference. I have a sensitive digestive tract and can't eat certain things or Im in serious agony the rest of the day/night. I can't digest beef that well to begin with and so I never order it when eating out and at BBQ's usually they're making something else so I don't feel bad about it.

 

But seriously people have their own taste preferences and reasons why they eat the way they do and in the end it's going in their stomachs not yours so it shouldn't matter.

 

Ketchup on steak is just retarded. Ketchup itself is a flavour killer. I liked it as a kid but I find more and more that Im shying away from that bland taste.

[metallithrax]

The looks I get when I tell people I eat Liver(or fish, or sausages) with salad, you would think I just killed their pet.

 

One woman I work with will put salad cream with just about anything - and that includes putting it in a curry, cottage pie and other things like that.

[JohnnyBlaze]

I'm more than glad to answer that. That was taken on the coast of Italy in an area called the Cinque Terre (5 villages). That particular village is Vernazza. That whole area (and meals) will make you weep out of love.

Perhaps the pic made you think of parmesan cheese. Oh, if you are really interested in seeing more pics like it you can search for a thread I did a while back for that awesome trip.

Thx a lot! :)

 

We'll be in italy this summer for vacation. I dont think my girlfirend will protest if i suggest to make an extra stop there.

Oh man, I recommend that you do a little research on Cinque Terre because it's definitely worth a couple of nights stay [maybe an hour or 2 train ride from Pisa I think]. Go hike along the coast for one of the greatest views on the planet. Plus, the local cuisine is simply insane...I don't care how good the Italian restaurants are in your area (or mine of course), they simply can't compare

[Territorial_Game]

When people put their dick in my fresh-baked pie

[Thunder Bay Rush]

When people put their dick in my fresh-baked pie

 

Holy shit, that was funny!

 

I laughed so hard I lost my breath puked and a little bit in my mouth.

[CygnusGal]

My first attempt at meatballs ended up like meat paste. Even after 3 hours in the oven, they still weren't solid and were pink. Of my cooking crimes, it is probably my greatest. I have since learned to make a fantastic meatball. Redemption!

 

But, I've never forgotten the meat paste I once made 20 some-odd years ago. Absolutely horrendous.

[Lost In Xanadu]

Anything other than salt and pepper on a good quality filet however, should be criminal.

 

I converted another! I was in the same boat as you until I went to a very high end steakhouse in the Milwaukee area. They served their filet with a cognac peppercorn cream sauce. I said what the hell, tried it and loved it. I immediately searched for a recipe and tried it a few days later at home. It was just as good.

 

My brother was over for Easter and we went non-traditional because his kids, and my kids, are not big fans of ham. Grilled up 2 whole tenderloins cut into steaks and made this sauce for him. I immediately got the "you don't need a sauce on this meat" - I agreed but asked him to try a little bit. He loved it and put more on. The sauce doesn't mask the flavor, it simply enhances it because you don't need a lot.

 

If you want to try it:

1 TB butter

1 Shallot, finely diced

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

2 tsp green peppercorns in brine, drained

2 C Beef stock

1/2 C heavy cream

1/2 C Cognac (or Brandy)

 

Melt butter, sautee shallots and garlic until golden. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Continue cooking until sauce thickens. Stir/Whisk continuously

[thesweetscience]

Anything other than salt and pepper on a good quality filet however, should be criminal.

 

I converted another! I was in the same boat as you until I went to a very high end steakhouse in the Milwaukee area. They served their filet with a cognac peppercorn cream sauce. I said what the hell, tried it and loved it. I immediately searched for a recipe and tried it a few days later at home. It was just as good.

 

My brother was over for Easter and we went non-traditional because his kids, and my kids, are not big fans of ham. Grilled up 2 whole tenderloins cut into steaks and made this sauce for him. I immediately got the "you don't need a sauce on this meat" - I agreed but asked him to try a little bit. He loved it and put more on. The sauce doesn't mask the flavor, it simply enhances it because you don't need a lot.

 

If you want to try it:

1 TB butter

1 Shallot, finely diced

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

2 tsp green peppercorns in brine, drained

2 C Beef stock

1/2 C heavy cream

1/2 C Cognac (or Brandy)

 

Melt butter, sautee shallots and garlic until golden. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Continue cooking until sauce thickens. Stir/Whisk continuously

 

Awww shit.......

 

I might have to try that. I never write off anything until I have at least tried it. I like to try and cook light though and that has butter and heavy cream. That will have to be a special occasion type treat.

[Lost In Xanadu]

Anything other than salt and pepper on a good quality filet however, should be criminal.

 

I converted another! I was in the same boat as you until I went to a very high end steakhouse in the Milwaukee area. They served their filet with a cognac peppercorn cream sauce. I said what the hell, tried it and loved it. I immediately searched for a recipe and tried it a few days later at home. It was just as good.

 

My brother was over for Easter and we went non-traditional because his kids, and my kids, are not big fans of ham. Grilled up 2 whole tenderloins cut into steaks and made this sauce for him. I immediately got the "you don't need a sauce on this meat" - I agreed but asked him to try a little bit. He loved it and put more on. The sauce doesn't mask the flavor, it simply enhances it because you don't need a lot.

 

If you want to try it:

1 TB butter

1 Shallot, finely diced

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

2 tsp green peppercorns in brine, drained

2 C Beef stock

1/2 C heavy cream

1/2 C Cognac (or Brandy)

 

Melt butter, sautee shallots and garlic until golden. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Continue cooking until sauce thickens. Stir/Whisk continuously

 

Awww shit.......

 

I might have to try that. I never write off anything until I have at least tried it. I like to try and cook light though and that has butter and heavy cream. That will have to be a special occasion type treat.

 

I cook light too for the most part, only about a TB of liquid hits the plate. I love the spice the green peppercorns give it.

 

ETA - yeah, it's a special treat type thing for us too. Seeing we only do steak once a month now because we try to eat more chicken and fish. This is only the 2nd time I have made the sauce in the last 6 months. :)

Edited April 1, 2013 by Lost In Xanadu

[Mara]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

[ILSnwdog]

When people put their dick in my fresh-baked pie

We'll just tell your mother we ate it. :)

[Lost In Xanadu]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

 

Don't cut the bottom root end off....

 

I cut in half right away, peel, trim the top. Lay half the onion flat on cut side and make cuts parallel to the cutting board, then I make cuts from root end to top, then I cut across. (repeat with other half) You get more of an even dice, and use more of the onion.

[gangsterfurious]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

 

Don't cut the bottom root end off....

 

I cut in half right away, peel, trim the top. Lay half the onion flat on cut side and make cuts parallel to the cutting board, then I make cuts from root end to top, then I cut across. (repeat with other half) You get more of an even dice, and use more of the onion.

 

What Lost said...

[AnalyticalEngine]

Whenever somebody abstains from using salt, I friend was cooking some beef, and I asked if he seasoned it, and of course he said no. So I went to salt it, and he smacked to shaker out of my hand and freaked out, he started yelling about ruining his food.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Whenever somebody abstains from using salt, I friend was cooking some beef, and I asked if he seasoned it, and of course he said no. So I went to salt it, and he smacked to shaker out of my hand and freaked out, he started yelling about ruining his food.

Throw some salt into his eyes and break his wrists

[Thunder Bay Rush]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

 

Don't cut the bottom root end off....

 

I cut in half right away, peel, trim the top. Lay half the onion flat on cut side and make cuts parallel to the cutting board, then I make cuts from root end to top, then I cut across. (repeat with other half) You get more of an even dice, and use more of the onion.

 

What Lost said...

 

 

What Gangst' buddy said...

[Thunder Bay Rush]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

 

Don't cut the bottom root end off....

 

I cut in half right away, peel, trim the top. Lay half the onion flat on cut side and make cuts parallel to the cutting board, then I make cuts from root end to top, then I cut across. (repeat with other half) You get more of an even dice, and use more of the onion.

 

 

This is correct... Lost either has some training or he's a "foodie!"

 

NICE!

[Thunder Bay Rush]

My mother... God bless her. She doesn't cut things evenly. She makes soups and the various sizes of the vegetables range from huge to minuscule so you might get a big crunchy piece of carrot or a mushy little piece. I've TRIED to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen, she just says she has her own style and to leave her alone.

 

:sarcastic:

 

Okay, compliment time for my little Gangster (who is "furious") buddy from CA. You are the first person I've ever heard mention this. Cutting vegetables to uniform size (small dice, medium dice, batonette, brunoise, julienne, fine julienne, etc) is one of the first things they teach us at culinary school. Otherwise, like you said, some of the pieces (of carrot, for example) are cooked while others are not. There is indeed a "correct way" to dice an onion, for example.

 

:goodone:

 

Please tell me how to use ALL of the onion when dicing it correctly by hand. I end up tossing about 1/4 of every onion I chop.

 

I cut the bottom root end off, then make the cross-hatch marks and cut at a 90 degree angle to those. For most of the onion, this results in nice, even dice. But then you get to the point where the damn thing starts to separate and slide apart and it will NOT cut evenly. So I toss it when it gets to that state. (I do have a food processor, but it's a PITA to clean so I rarely use it).

 

 

Hey Mara,

 

Lost dude has it right... but, when I was in culinary school, we were taught to cut the top off, cut the root end off, but very close to the end (so it doesn't fall apart) ... then cut it in half (top to bottom). Then peel the onion, then start dicing with the root end farthest from you. It's easier to just leave the root end attached. I asked my instructor why we don't just leave the root attached, he said, "Because that's the 'classical' technique." As soon as he turned his back I said quietly, "Well, your fancy classical technique is retarded." 99% of chefs agree. He also said that if you leave the root attached, dirt from it could end up in your dice. Which is true... I guess. (Duh!)

 

Same deal with shallots if you want a fine dice.

Edited April 2, 2013 by Thunder Bay Rush

[Mara]

Whenever somebody abstains from using salt, I friend was cooking some beef, and I asked if he seasoned it, and of course he said no. So I went to salt it, and he smacked to shaker out of my hand and freaked out, he started yelling about ruining his food.

 

There's a well- known diva chef here with that attitude. There is no salt or pepper on the tables; should a patron ask, they are told that all the food is perfectly seasoned during preparation and does not need additional. People who argue get asked to leave. For some reason the place is popular (I have heard the food is very good).

[JohnnyBlaze]

Whenever somebody abstains from using salt, I friend was cooking some beef, and I asked if he seasoned it, and of course he said no. So I went to salt it, and he smacked to shaker out of my hand and freaked out, he started yelling about ruining his food.

 

There's a well- known diva chef here with that attitude. There is no salt or pepper on the tables; should a patron ask, they are told that all the food is perfectly seasoned during preparation and does not need additional. People who argue get asked to leave. For some reason the place is popular (I have heard the food is very good).

 

A guest [customer] is a guest and should be treated well (unless, of course, they're totally out of line, rude barbarians). "...asked to leave"?!!...sounds like an elitist diva bitch to me

[Lost In Xanadu]

Whenever somebody abstains from using salt, I friend was cooking some beef, and I asked if he seasoned it, and of course he said no. So I went to salt it, and he smacked to shaker out of my hand and freaked out, he started yelling about ruining his food.

 

There's a well- known diva chef here with that attitude. There is no salt or pepper on the tables; should a patron ask, they are told that all the food is perfectly seasoned during preparation and does not need additional. People who argue get asked to leave. For some reason the place is popular (I have heard the food is very good).

 

A guest [customer] is a guest and should be treated well (unless, of course, they're totally out of line, rude barbarians). "...asked to leave"?!!...sounds like an elitist diva bitch to me

 

Yeah - which place it this? :)

 

I know plenty of burger places that refuse to serve ketchup. I guess it's up to them, but they shouldn't be rude about it.

[Thunder Bay Rush]

I play it simple. I don't go to "those" kinds of places... besides, they wouldn't let me in with my hip boots on.