Janie Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 (edited) Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. *Plant* yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they *stuck* something up there... Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one." Edited January 23, 2014 by Janie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narps Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. *Plant* yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they *stuck* something up there... Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one." :outtahere: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Giddy up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennyLee Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Is... is that a Titleist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Vile weed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round-tine. That's gold, Jerry! Gold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KennyLee Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Jerry: You left the door unlocked or wide op... Kramer: WIDE OPEN!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod in Toronto Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Puddy pointing at the back of his jacket: "Check it out...eight ball!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod in Toronto Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 He's a bad breaker-upper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hobo73 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I am the ASS MAN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 pulp can move baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KW84 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 http://i1344.photobucket.com/albums/p650/kelli_williams1/devils_zpsfd005d25.jpgThe DEVILS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 George: "And that leads into the master bedroom."Mrs. Ross: "Tell us more."George: "You want to hear more? The master bedroom opens into the solarium."Mr. Ross: "Another solarium?"George: "Yes, two solariums. Quite a find. And I have horses, too?"Mr. Ross: "What are their names?"George: "Snoopy and Prickly Pete. Should I keep driving?"Mrs. Ross: "Oh, look, an antique stand. Pull over. We'll buy you a housewarming gift."George: "Housewarming gift? All right, we're taking it up a notch!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 http://www.bakersfieldcondors.com/news/seinfeld-puffy-shirt-jerseys-on-nov-16/ CONDORSTOWN, Calif.- The Bakersfield Condors, owned by the Edmonton Oilers, announced today that the team will wear special “Puffy Shirt” jerseys on Sunday, Nov. 16 in honor of the 25th Anniversary Year of the first Seinfeld episode. These specialty jerseys are part of an entire Seinfeld-themed game night event.And in case you were wondering, the jerseys are real … and they’re spectacular. About the jerseys:The name bars will feature characters from the show instead of the players’ actual surnames. 20 names confirmed for the evening:Jerry, George, Kramer, Newman, Frank Costanza, Puddy, J. Peterman, Steinbrenner, Morty Seinfeld, Uncle Leo, Art Vandelay, Kenny Bania, Lloyd Braun, Jackie Chiles, Crazy Joe Davola, Mandelbaum, Bubble Boy, Keith Hernandez, Mickey Abbott, AssmanSuggestions for the “final five” names (must be related to the show) on the jerseys are now being accepted on the team’s Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. Or you can email them tocondors@bakersfieldcondors.com and your suggestions may just end up on a sweater!Of course, these jerseys would not be possible without the support of our great sponsors, featured prominently on the backs: Vandelay Industries, Pendant Publishing, Kramerica, Del Boca Vista, and “RESTAURANT.”The jerseys will be auctioned off for the M.A.R.E. Riding Center in Bakersfield. PLUS everyone in attendance will have a chance to win one of five to be given away. M.A.R.E. stands for Mastering Abilities Riding Equines and provides therapeutic equine assisted activities for the benefit of people living with special needs and disabilities. For more information, click here. Just please do not feed the horses beef-a-reeno.Condors jersey auctions have raised a remarkable $894,893 for various local charities in Bakersfield and Kern County in their history. About the night: Ozmo Kramer, the world’s greatest Kramer impersonator, will be on hand to take pictures with fans, drop the puck, and sign autographsFans who bring a can of soup or box of cereal (Jerry’s favorite) for donation will receive a two-for-one “Soup Or Cereal” ticketYou could paint your face for a 2-for-1 ticket … y’know to support the teamFive lucky fans will win festivus poles … no tinsel … we find tinsel very distracting Five lucky fans will win coffee table booksThe team will have a rickshaw race on ice during the first intermissionDance cam will feature an Elaine style dance-offCome dressed as your favorite character; best dressed costume wins a marble rye.Or if you’re a lawyer, throw a cape onMaybe technicolor dreamcoats are your thing…But remember, when you control the mail, you control information.SERENITY NOW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMCXII Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 NO SOUP FOR YOU!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimboWTF Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I WAS IN THE POOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I WAS IN THE POOL!Sure you were.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I WAS IN THE POOL!Sure you were....You mean...shrinkage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I WAS IN THE POOL!Sure you were....You mean...shrinkage....says the Mimbo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimboWTF Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 The Ukraine is weak! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 The Ukraine is weak!I come from Ukraine. You not say Ukraine weak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
len(songs) Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I'm friends with Will Wheaton! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost In Xanadu Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I'm friends with Will Wheaton!Wrong Show!! You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston. Not as long as you bastards are running things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Not Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 http://youtu.be/Enyn3ZtTeVQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorraine Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I just had some peanut butter filled pretzels. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now