Saying "I Love You"

[Lorraine]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

 

I agree with you, Narps, and you put it better than I could have.

[Lorraine]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

 

Thank you Narps. It wasn't my intention to come across in a negative way. Just expressing what had happened to me and not wanting it to happen to someone else.

 

I understand, Eagle. It didn't sound negative or judgmental to me at all what you wrote.

[Narps]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

 

Thank you Narps. It wasn't my intention to come across in a negative way. Just expressing what had happened to me and not wanting it to happen to someone else.

Anytime. I wouldn't wish any of these scenarios on my worst enemy. Bless you both for handling them the best way you know/knew how. My fathers mother went this way and I visited her the day before she died and spent some time with her at her worst before her death. I was an adult however and "got it". I don't think she even knew who I was but I had many great memories with her in my youth to draw from. That is what I choose to remember but still can't forget the end either sadly...

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

 

Thank you Narps. It wasn't my intention to come across in a negative way. Just expressing what had happened to me and not wanting it to happen to someone else.

 

I understand, Eagle. It didn't sound negative or judgmental to me at all what you wrote.

 

Whew! Glad to hear it. It's not an easy thing to talk about and it was unfortunate it was taken the wrong way.

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

 

You cannot make a blanket statement such as you have done, insinuating that my children will have negative memories of my mother and then hide behind a statement saying you aren't judging. I find your "no reason to be defensive" a rather passive aggressive statement as well. While you are entitled to your opinion, it holds little value to me.

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

 

You cannot make a blanket statement such as you have done, insinuating that my children will have negative memories of my mother and then hide behind a statement saying you aren't judging. I find your "no reason to be defensive" a rather passive aggressive statement as well. While you are entitled to your opinion, it holds little value to me.

 

I was just sharing what had happened to me growing up and several of my friends. It tends to happen more often than not. I'm sensing a lot of anger from you and I can understand where that comes from as well. I was just trying to share. I'm sorry I touched a nerve. It's not an easy subject to talk about.

[Narps]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

 

You cannot make a blanket statement such as you have done, insinuating that my children will have negative memories of my mother and then hide behind a statement saying you aren't judging. I find your "no reason to be defensive" a rather passive aggressive statement as well. While you are entitled to your opinion, it holds little value to me.

 

I was just sharing what had happened to me growing up and several of my friends. It tends to happen more often than not. I'm sensing a lot of anger from you and I can understand where that comes from as well. I was just trying to share. I'm sorry I touched a nerve. It's not an easy subject to talk about.

Either way if I am not mistaken its been 9 years in Sunnys case. I can't imagine such a thing with either of my parents for even 9 months. Bless you for doing what you are doing in caring for her the best way you know how. Again just couldn't imagine the stress, pain and heartache involved... :(

[Narps]

Dropping it btw as far as I am concerned. Enough said... :( Edited May 16, 2015 by Narps

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

 

You cannot make a blanket statement such as you have done, insinuating that my children will have negative memories of my mother and then hide behind a statement saying you aren't judging. I find your "no reason to be defensive" a rather passive aggressive statement as well. While you are entitled to your opinion, it holds little value to me.

 

I was just sharing what had happened to me growing up and several of my friends. It tends to happen more often than not. I'm sensing a lot of anger from you and I can understand where that comes from as well. I was just trying to share. I'm sorry I touched a nerve. It's not an easy subject to talk about.

You sense this? How so?

You might sense something, but I think it's more about someone holding you accountable to your statement.

 

You didn't share that this happened to you when you told me my children "WILL HAVE A NEGATIVE MEMORY OF HER"

Where in that statement am I supposed to make that mental leap?

 

"If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her"

Really? Hmmm - I'd like to understand why their memories aren't true? Even if they are memories of stories they've been told, how is this a problem?

 

Your argument, as it was stated is weak. Your back-pedaled explanations mean nothing, to me.

 

You might enjoy having public support of others - I am holding YOU and YOU ALONE accountable to your presumptive statements.

 

I actually have an easy time talking about it.

[sundog]

If you would further like to make your point, perhaps a PM would be better as we have hijacked a lovely thread, long enough.

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Sunny. ((Hugs)) to you! The same thing happened with my mother in law, she was diagnosed with early onset dementia a while ago, eventually had to go to a nursing home and then eventually passed away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Your visits with her sound wonderful. We used to do the same with my MIL, try to talk with her or bring lotion for her hands.

 

The part about kids is hard. It's nice that you keep photos around and tell stories about her, that is something they will always have. Those are basically the memories my youngest daughter has of this grandmother because she was so young when PJ became ill. When she went in the nursing home the kids were older elementary school age so they would come along for some visits; it was their choice; I don't think it's a good environment for younger children because of the people talking to themselves and such. The nursing home had a therapy dog which they loved so they pretty much felt it was a positive experience. We kind of felt it was part of family life for them to see that we care for each other, but interestingly enough my brother in law thought the exact opposite and never brought his kids, thought that it was awful; which was his right as well.

It can be very difficult, right?

I am not looking for pity, or understanding but I appreciate that there are some who understand my experiences. Thank you.

 

She is in a lovely home - but some of the people can't be held accountable for their behaviours, some of which are very unsavory. I have been ogled, and cat-called and applauded just for walking by. The nursing staff can only do so much.

These are some of the reasons I wouldn't bring my children when they were younger.

[The Cat 3]

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/comics-off-the-leash-dog-love-618563.jpeg

[librarian]

I don't say it as much as I should.

[Narps]

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/comics-off-the-leash-dog-love-618563.jpeg

As sad as this may sound, this is what we do. We have 4 cats...

[goose]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

[goose]

I don't say it as much as I should.

Can we ever?

[Janie]

I held my husbands head tight, nose to nose and had the most insanely maniacal look in my eyes as I said, "I love you" with a tone that said, "You can never escape."

 

The look of fear in his eyes made it SOOOOO worth it!

[Tombstone Mountain]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

Makes you wonder how much joy she could grasp being a parent. That's a tough one goose

[librarian]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

:| I wasn't at work right now I would cry.

[Lorraine]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

 

That must be hard for a child, even as an adult with their own children, to hear.

 

For myself, all I ever heard, over and over and over, growing up is how much pain and suffering I caused her in giving birth to me. She would always finish that one up with "But you were very much wanted." Maybe.

[KennyLee]

Love you guys!

 

I say it pretty freely. I'm a hugger too.

 

I always mean it, though. If I say it, I mean it.

 

Kenny, where have you been? I was starting to worry about you.

He's been at the Chris Squire School for Kinda OK Electric Bass Studies.

^^^^ Nice...

 

Haha... Fixed.

 

I've been busy as hell! I miss all you guys.

 

Kenny, at the bar get-together before the Tulsa show I met some girl who was talking about having seen your band. She had long dark hair and a Brooklyn-ish accent, I think her name was Joyce. I thought it was fun to get a real life connection like that.

 

Joyce the Voice! She is so great!! That's cool. I knew a looooot of people who were at the Tulsa show! So many were texting me that night. Kinda felt like I was there.

 

Coming out East for any shows?

 

Unfortunately, no. Austin is my last non-West Coast date.

 

Bummer. I just saw Joyce this past weekend again at a wedding. She cracks me up. Would have been cool to meet you.

[goose]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

Makes you wonder how much joy she could grasp being a parent. That's a tough one goose

Yeah. I always had a sense that she felt unfulfilled. A very bright lady, talented musician, who married young and had a decent life but not the one that might have been.

[goose]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

:| I wasn't at work right now I would cry.

That's nice...thanks. I felt sad for her, both because of the sense that she felt so unfulfilled and because she felt compelled to say that out loud...at that time. In a weird way, it was her attempt to try to explain how things had been, I think. It's strange to know that you're more well-adjusted than your parents...and always have been.

[goose]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

 

That must be hard for a child, even as an adult with their own children, to hear.

 

For myself, all I ever heard, over and over and over, growing up is how much pain and suffering I caused her in giving birth to me. She would always finish that one up with "But you were very much wanted." Maybe.

Interesting, because i can't tell you how many times my mom said, "You know, you almost killed me." She nearly bled out when I was born, or so the story goes. She's an odd bird...extremely fragile inside but carries herself in a strong way. That's much to compensate for my dad, who's essentially an arrested child in many ways.

 

But, I've managed to have a great life. I made a good career, married an amazing woman (going on 28 years!), and we've built a wonderful family. So, yes, I'd live it all again knowing where it's taken me.

[Janie]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

Seems like we had similar experiences in some ways. Five years ago or so my mom was up for a visit and we were having breakfast in Truckee, CA, on our way to Napa. Out of the bluse she says, "I would have been happy to never have had kids." I chuckled to myself.

 

That must be hard for a child, even as an adult with their own children, to hear.

 

For myself, all I ever heard, over and over and over, growing up is how much pain and suffering I caused her in giving birth to me. She would always finish that one up with "But you were very much wanted." Maybe.

My MIL had three boys and she has ALWAYS said that she wanted girls. They heard this constantly growing up and for the life of me I cannot understand why you would say that?! To think it is one thing but you don't say stuff like that out loud. I truly believe she is clueless how wrong it was for her to say that. She still says it. And then I went and had two boys. She was disappointed but I got back at her by saying I'm glad I had boys. Didn't want girls. I'm a mom for boys. Boys are great.

Edited May 18, 2015 by Janie