Saying "I Love You"

[Lost In Xanadu]

Do you say it freely, is it a rare thing for you to say? Do you not say it at all?

 

 

I say it often to my family, fairly rarely otherwise. I always say good night to my kids and tell them I love them every night. Even if they are staying at a friend's house or something, they will either call us to say good night or I will send them a text. My wife and I say it often, every email I get from my wife ends with that phrase, and every call ends with it. I've always said it to my mom, and I tell her I love her after a call or as I'm leaving a visit to their house.

 

My dad and brother are a little different. My dad and I never said it much, but it was always understood. After I took my first job outta college at NASA and had to move to MD, I got in a pretty bad mountain biking accident and my dad and I have said it much more since then.

 

With my brother, we didn't get along much at all growing up, we barely liked each other. After I was away at college, things mellowed. He and I became "friends" after his divorce, with helping him go thru that. My dad had a 5-way heart bypass last year, and ever since then, my brother and I talk at least once a week and make sure to say "love you bro" or something to that effect as we end the call.

 

I have even expressed caring, love, for friends and have let them know how I feel... both personally and friends I've made on here.

[Blue J]

LIX, what you said about your children- I'm the same way. Every night when I put them to bed, without fail.

 

And also with my dad- we don't say it often, but it is understood. And we do say it specifically, probably a couple of times a year. As unfortunate as it is to say it this way (but it's just the truth)- ever since my sister died, we've said it more. More often than we used to, anyway.

 

I have a little more difficult relationship with my mother, at this point, but we still say it. I only see or talk to her a handful of times per year.

 

Outside of family- when it comes to just good friends, whatever the case may be- because of certain experiences I've had in this life, I've come to believe that if you feel something for someone, you should tell them. Just say it; say as much as you need to. And don't wait.

 

Good topic.

[x1yyz]

I say it, but rarely. I grew up in a house where I don't remember ever hearing that phrase. I've tried to not do as my parents did, and I do try to tell my friends I love them. I tell my husband fairly often, but not every day. I should say it more often, to everyone it applies to.

[bluefox4000]

I say it rarely but i grew up in a house where it's said rarely. not that there was no love. it was a love filled house. we just never said it. I have no idea if it's a tough NY thing. but it's how it was. I've said it here to people.

 

Mick

[Maverick]

You're still not getting my Bud Light.

[troutman]

You're still not getting my Bud Light.

 

 

[The Analog Cub]

To the girlfriend, yes. To my parents, yes. My younger brother and I coexist peacefully, but that's about it really.

 

I don't really carry a lot of weight with the words when saying them, but it doesn't take away the importance of them with the people I do say it to.

Edited May 15, 2015 by BowlCity

[troutman]

To the girlfriend, yes. To my parents, yes. My younger brother and I coexist peacefully, but that's about it really.

 

I don't really carry a lot of weight with the words when saying them, but it doesn't take away the importance of them with the people I do say it to.

 

Well said. :D

[Mara]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion. (We're currently separated, though he is still at home). IMO it can be overdone in a romantic relationship. I am kind of seeing someone right now who tends from time to time to throw it out there, but I can never quite decipher the intent under the context in which he usually does it. Thus far I've yet to respond in kind; I'm not in love with him and I don't feel comfortable just tossing that phrase around casually.

 

With family? Absolutely. Like Blue J, ever since my sister died we've been more conscious about expressing our love for each other.

[Narps]

My dad is way old school has has never told me he loves me to this day but I know by his actions that he does. He doesn't play favorites however as I doubt he has told my two brothers or my sister that he loves them either. I sort of caught some of that myself and have a hard time saying it too.... :sigh: :codger:

[Narps]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

[Chicken hawk]

I say i love you every time i talk to my close family ...hug them when i see them. Cause you just never know.

 

 

:hug2:

[Digital Man]

I tell Sunny everyday, multiple times and I mean every letter of it. I should say it to my kids more often though. With my Mom yes (again like a lot here moreso after my brother died), but like most not with my Dad.

[laughedatbytime]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

I find this incredibly sad. I tell my wife I love her multiple times per day and it's lost nothing of its' meaning; in fact, every time I hear it I want to here it again. Of course (and in no way implying that anyone here has not), it has to be backed up with actions.

[Narps]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

I find this incredibly sad. I tell my wife I love her multiple times per day and it's lost nothing of its' meaning; in fact, every time I hear it I want to here it again. Of course (and in no way implying that anyone here has not), it has to be backed up with actions.

I certainly understand where you are coming from and don't disagree. My post looks real sad I will agree but just being honest as always... :sigh:

[Tombstone Mountain]

In my relationships, I make sure my family hears it everyday. I don't have to say it for my family to know I love them, but WE need to hear it IMO, at least I do.

 

When my oldest son wakes up, typically he'll come into my bedroom (after knocking, or else he doesn't come in at all), and we'll have our morning chat before the day gets started. We say it to each other. I've taught him that physical affirmation is medicinal. A hug can change the way you feel. He's ten and we still do it every day, when he leaves for school, and when I come home after work. Same with the youngest. I'm a hugger!

 

Leave nothing unsaid.

[Tombstone Mountain]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

I find this incredibly sad. I tell my wife I love her multiple times per day and it's lost nothing of its' meaning; in fact, every time I hear it I want to here it again. Of course (and in no way implying that anyone here has not), it has to be backed up with actions.

As do I. It's troubling that we decide to accept this and just slog through life without actually connecting in a real, tangible way. Circumstances aside, it's symptomatic of something under the surface. Gotta hit those things head on to clear the air...fear keeps us from doing so. However, if we sack up and take the steps we can change our lives for the better. It takes nads to do so. Edited May 15, 2015 by Tombstone Mountain

[Blue J]

In my relationships, I make sure my family hears it everyday. I don't have to say it for my family to know I love them, but WE need to hear it IMO, at least I do.

 

When my oldest son wakes up, typically he'll come into my bedroom (after knocking, or else he doesn't come in at all), and we'll have our morning chat before the day gets started. We say it to each other. I've taught him that physical affirmation is medicinal. A hug can change the way you feel. He's ten and we still do it every day, when he leaves for school, and when I come home after work. Same with the youngest. I'm a hugger!

 

Leave nothing unsaid.

 

:goodone:

 

I agree 100%.

[Lost In Xanadu]

In my relationships, I make sure my family hears it everyday. I don't have to say it for my family to know I love them, but WE need to hear it IMO, at least I do.

 

When my oldest son wakes up, typically he'll come into my bedroom (after knocking, or else he doesn't come in at all), and we'll have our morning chat before the day gets started. We say it to each other. I've taught him that physical affirmation is medicinal. A hug can change the way you feel. He's ten and we still do it every day, when he leaves for school, and when I come home after work. Same with the youngest. I'm a hugger!

 

Leave nothing unsaid.

 

:goodone:

 

I agree 100%.

Hard not to show TM some love after a post like that!

[Lost In Xanadu]

Not sure if anyone watches The Goldbergs, but their last episode was my impetus for starting this thread...

 

The kids said that their mom says it so much, that it's lost all meaning. The dad never said it, but it was understood. The mom convinced the dad to say it to their daughter as she was going away to a camp for the summer and the daughter asked if he was dying

[Mara]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

I find this incredibly sad. I tell my wife I love her multiple times per day and it's lost nothing of its' meaning; in fact, every time I hear it I want to here it again. Of course (and in no way implying that anyone here has not), it has to be backed up with actions.

As do I. It's troubling that we decide to accept this and just slog through life without actually connecting in a real, tangible way. Circumstances aside, it's symptomatic of something under the surface. Gotta hit those things head on to clear the air...fear keeps us from doing so. However, if we sack up and take the steps we can change our lives for the better. It takes nads to do so.

 

It's the way in which it's said. When I say it, I make sure to really put some meaning behind it. It's not just something I'm going to toss off casually as I'm folding clothes with my mind on 200 other things. (And yes, I know there are far more complaint-worthy things than a spouse who says it too often. This is NOT the reason for separation, nor is the person I am seeing).

[Narps]

Its a shame we can't all have "Leave It To Beaver" relationships with our spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends etc. It may not be perfect but I would rather be friendly with my spouse after 35 years than fight and be enemies. You can be unhappy both ways I will give you that. Everyone's life and situation is unique to them and their experiences throughout their life. I personally don't mind being judged but I am not going to play like everything is beer and skittles either after 35 years. Just surviving the best I (we) can, "sad" or not. Just say'in.... :sigh: :codger:

[Lost In Xanadu]

I tell Sunny everyday, multiple times and I mean every letter of it. I should say it to my kids more often though. With my Mom yes (again like a lot here moreso after my brother died), but like most not with my Dad.

I'm with you - I tell Sunny the same thing.... I mean MY wife :D

 

Always with meaning, and never to just break the silence or anything.

[Narps]

I tell Sunny everyday, multiple times and I mean every letter of it. I should say it to my kids more often though. With my Mom yes (again like a lot here moreso after my brother died), but like most not with my Dad.

 

Always with meaning, and never to just break the silence or anything.

The "break the silence" comment I find interesting because that is kind of the way it was for a long time. Either that or something to routinely end a phone call with... :)

[Lorraine]

My parents never said that to me. Isn't that sad? But that was the way it was back then. They were WWI babies and back then parents weren't gushy with emotion and sentiment. Later, when I was much older, my mother started to tell me she loved me, but I didn't need to hear it at that age. I needed to know that when I was young.

 

I don't say the words if I don't mean them. If someone tells me they love me and I don't love the person saying it, I won't say it because they have said it.

 

As for my husband, he tells me everyday. But words are cheap.