Saying "I Love You"

[EagleMoon]

I can't really remember my mom or dad ever telling me they loved me. Once I got beyond young childhood I don't remember them hugging me either. When I was younger I had a real problem connecting with other people in a physical sense. Touching, hugging was quite uncomfortable for me. I suffered in silence for a long time because it was so hard for me to be in any kind of relationship that involved physical touch.

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

[laughedatbytime]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

Awesome that you could make that one last connection. :) Sad that it was (apparently) the last one. :(

[Narps]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

[treeduck]

I often say "I love Me"

Do you often do it while looking into a mirror?

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/28/article-0-0D32224800000578-129_634x761.jpg

[goose]

My husband says it so often that it's kind of lost its meaning. I'll say it back, but it's just automatic most times, devoid of emotion.

^^^^ This. My wife and I had the same experience through out the first 10 years or so of marriage. She even told me once if I recall correctly to stop saying it because it has no meaning. We are still married 34 years later but we never say it now and haven't for at least 15 years or so...

My wife...I say it most days...if not every day. Ending phone calls. My kids too.

 

I didn't hear it growing up, although my parents say it to end phone calls occasionally now. My sisters and I...never. We generally didn't get along growing up, but get along ok as adults. We live far apart and rarely see each other, though.

[goose]

Threads like this are very hard for me to read because I read what other people have that I have never had.

 

Bottom line is that it is amazing that I turned out as well as I did considering.

I can relate. Life was tough, but I'm resilient, apparently.

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

[Narps]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

:( ...

[x1yyz]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

[The Cat 3]

It is the first thing I say to my girl when we wake up in the morning and the last thing I say to her before going to sleep at night...

 

...and each and every day I try to match those words with actions between the two.

 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I am the most fortunate of men to have such an amazing person to travel though life with.

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

[jefeltner11]

From the perspective of a child, my family doesn't often say it and I really don't know that we should. For me, it's just very uncomfortable even with immediate family, and only feels applicable when I'll be gone for a long time, such as when leaving my dad to stay with my mom for the summer. It's not that I don't believe in loving your own by any means, but it just feels out of place most of the time. My father has never raised me to be some tough guy or anything, but I've just felt detached for a lot of my life from both my parents. I honestly envy others' love for their families. My great-grandmother is on the edge of her life and when I called her the other day it seemed more of a chore, which scares me, because she's always loved me to an impossible degree and spoiled me beyond bounds. I know I sound like an angsty little douche, but I seriously get upset at my own lackadaisical nature. It just seems most of my family has been separated from me, or the ones I live near are more sources of information or counselors than anything. Although I know I love them and vice versa, it doesn't seem that we have all got a bond like we should, unless I'm the only one missing out.

[Principled Man]

From the perspective of a child, my family doesn't often say it and I really don't know that we should. For me, it's just very uncomfortable even with immediate family, and only feels applicable when I'll be gone for a long time, such as when leaving my dad to stay with my mom for the summer. It's not that I don't believe in loving your own by any means, but it just feels out of place most of the time. My father has never raised me to be some tough guy or anything, but I've just felt detached for a lot of my life from both my parents. I honestly envy others' love for their families. My great-grandmother is on the edge of her life and when I called her the other day it seemed more of a chore, which scares me, because she's always loved me to an impossible degree and spoiled me beyond bounds. I know I sound like an angsty little douche, but I seriously get upset at my own lackadaisical nature. It just seems most of my family has been separated from me, or the ones I live near are more sources of information or counselors than anything. Although I know I love them and vice versa, it doesn't seem that we have all got a bond like we should, unless I'm the only one missing out.

 

Saying "I love you" isn't a legal requirement. Every family, every relationship, is unique. What feels right for one family feels awkward for the next.

 

You sound more like a young man who has had to deal with separated parents and all the emotional side effects, and is doing rather well at it. :ebert:

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

[Lost In Xanadu]

My kids never got to meet my dad's parents. I never even met my grandfather on that side. He died of a heart attack 3 months before I was born. My granmother passed away in 1991, and my son was born in 1993. My dad's mom was a special lady, not big on saying I love you or anything, but always put family first and made sure you know how she felt. She would bake cakes for all the grandkid's birthdays, make bread twice a week for everyone... I remember one time I got a bad infection, my eye puffed up like a baseball...I stayed with my grandma while my parents were at work and she started crying.

 

My grandparents on my mom's side were around long enough for my kids to form strong memories of them. My grandmother always put family first, and was big on showing love. My grandpa, a stout war vet, never showed much emotion at all. Nothing made him happier than seeing someone eat the food he made. He would give out "clean plate" awards :) The only time I can remember him "cry" (not even at his mother's funeral) was when my son had 3 plated of his roast beef, hugged him afterward and told him that was the best food ever. I put cry in quotes because only a single tear rolled down his cheek.

[goose]

My dad and my mom skipped my paternal grandmother's funeral because they had travel plans booked for Hawaii. No kidding. The funny thing...it was no revelation for me as to their character. Just more confirmation of when I had learned of them at a very early age.

 

People are human, and as such, flawed. Sometimes deeply. Even parents.

[Lorraine]

My dad and my mom skipped my paternal grandmother's funeral because they had travel plans booked for Hawaii. No kidding. The funny thing...it was no revelation for me as to their character. Just more confirmation of when I had learned of them at a very early age.

 

People are human, and as such, flawed. Sometimes deeply. Even parents.

 

I think I was about 21 when my mother once out of the blue told me a story of something her own father did to her when she was a little girl on Christmas day. At that moment, I understood why she was the way she was.

 

There is a lot of truth to the old saying that you can't give what you ain't got.

Edited May 16, 2015 by Lorraine

[Lorraine]

I want to add that my mother wasn't in any real sense a "bad" mother. We had the best of everything materially. But when it came to our emotional needs, she was not capable. Also, she was very demanding and nothing that I ever did was good enough. Even when I had tried the best I could, it was never enough or good enough for her.

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

[sundog]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

[blueschica]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Sunny. ((Hugs)) to you! The same thing happened with my mother in law, she was diagnosed with early onset dementia a while ago, eventually had to go to a nursing home and then eventually passed away. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Your visits with her sound wonderful. We used to do the same with my MIL, try to talk with her or bring lotion for her hands.

 

The part about kids is hard. It's nice that you keep photos around and tell stories about her, that is something they will always have. Those are basically the memories my youngest daughter has of this grandmother because she was so young when PJ became ill. When she went in the nursing home the kids were older elementary school age so they would come along for some visits; it was their choice; I don't think it's a good environment for younger children because of the people talking to themselves and such. The nursing home had a therapy dog which they loved so they pretty much felt it was a positive experience. We kind of felt it was part of family life for them to see that we care for each other, but interestingly enough my brother in law thought the exact opposite and never brought his kids, thought that it was awful; which was his right as well.

Edited May 16, 2015 by blueschica

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

[Narps]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

[EagleMoon]

Honestly - I love you was probably the last lucid thing my Mom said to me.

 

She has been in hospital since October of 2006 with early onset dementia. Her lucid moments became fewer and fewer - with longer spaces between. When I visit her, I brush her hair, braid her hair, apply lotion, and chat about what's going on - it always brings me to tears because i really don't know what she's comprehending if anything.

 

There was a visit, probably 5 years ago where I was moving about her room, and I could see "Her" in her eyes, and I said Hi Mom! She said "I love you." and quick as that she was gone again.... I haven't seen that recognition since.

It was her last gift to me.

She is still in the nursing home and holding on. It's probably the most difficult thing to deal with - seeing her like this. She was so strong. She taught me independence.

I miss her.

I find this very sad. I cannot even fathom the love and strength it must take to go through something like this with and for someone you love. God bless you is all I got... :sigh:

 

What I am finding most difficult is knowing my kids don't know the woman she was. I feel like they were robbed of her as a grandma ~ they have lots of other grandparents to make up for her "absence" but they still will never know my Mom.

 

That's really sad because their memory of her will be a negative one

 

This is a very presumptive statement.

 

Quite the contrary.

I make sure to surround them with pictures of when they were with her. They are hanging in our home.

I have sheltered them from the degradation her body and mind are going through, but I have never sheltered them from her existence or stories of her as I remember them. They understand the situation as best they can and we celebrate her lessons.

We also talk about extended family and how blessed they are to have so many grandparents that love and adore them.

 

As I said earlier in this thread - I love you's are extremely important in our world. We continue to foster that atmosphere so they know as they grow and test their independence, there is love and safety at home.

 

I'm not trying to be negative but If you are sheltering them then it's not a true remembrance of her. I understand why you would do that and it's good that you school them on life lessons etc. I had the same experience with one of my grandfathers growing up and even though my parents tried to hide it from me I always had a fear of him.

 

How about, you raise your children your way, and I'll raise mine my way and we don't judge.

 

I wasn't judging. No reason to be defensive.

I may regret this because I obviously like you both but I honestly don't see any "judging" going on here. Just opinions and experiences expressed is all and believe me I have and I am sure both of you have seen plenty of major judging around here from time to time. Again just my unsolicited observation and opinion... :) Have a great day ladies

 

Thank you Narps. It wasn't my intention to come across in a negative way. Just expressing what had happened to me and not wanting it to happen to someone else.