Men!

[The_Enemy_Within]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jun 7 2006, 06:01 AM)

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt Same work, more pay. Wrinkles and gray hair add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected, as is the fart. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase, sometimes none! You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

[ladirushfan80]

Marriage - Part I

 

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after

 

the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

 

 

 

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules . Any comments?"

 

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .......... whether you're here or not."

 

 

(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)

 

************************************

 

 

Marriage (Part II)

 

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the d ay of their 40th wedding anniversary!

 

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

 

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

 

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

 

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

 

 

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

 

******************************

 

 

 

Marriage (Part III)

 

 

 

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms o ut of the house.

 

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

 

She says, "I was in bed."

 

"In bed this early, doing what?"

 

"Getting a second opinion!"

 

 

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

 

******************************************

 

 

Marriage (Part IV)

 

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

 

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall w e go home 'Mother of Six?'

 

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

 

 

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

 

**************************************

 

 

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

 

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

 

 

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests

 

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

 

 

[Trace]

How true

[Planet X-1]

Women !

 

 

hehehehehe Knobby post....

[fendergirl4001]

Sorry to spoil the mood...

If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit.

The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign.

Why would he do that?

Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock...

He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon.

Today was the last day of school.

Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period.

How and why the hell?

[ladirushfan80]

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like ..Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like .Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .Blenders .... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like .Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ..Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ..Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

 

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

[sundog]

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jun 13 2006, 06:23 AM)

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ..... They irritate the shit out of you. 2. Men are like ..Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like .Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like .Blenders .... You need one, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like .Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like .Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ..Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like ..Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like . Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots ..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

you nailed this one

[porthleven's rose]

utterly brilliant posts--and how true!

Best thing I did was get divorced---and stay that way!!

[Asian Rush Fan]

More to come

[Asian Rush Fan]

Ha ha, all these jokes are funny. Ha ha all you women are independent and powerful, good for you, but are any of you bashing men willing to sign a prenuptial agreement? It seems you don't need us. Are you willing to marry a loser like us:

 

Clean the house

Mop the floor

Clean the windows

Fold our socks

Do our laundry

Give us hummers (Copulation)

Give us sex

Make our breakfast, lunch and dinner

vacuum the place

 

And all the other traditional women's role and sign a prenupt because you are so independent? Guess what, my girlfriend did. Are you?

Edited June 13, 2006 by Asian Rush Fan

[blonde77th]

pick up lines/turn down lines

 

 

 

HE: Can I buy you a drink?

 

 

 

SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.

 

 

 

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

 

 

 

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

 

 

 

SHE: I must've been given your share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

 

 

 

SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.

 

 

 

SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.

 

 

 

SHE: Okay, get out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: I think I could make you very happy.

 

 

 

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

 

 

 

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Can I have your name?

 

 

 

SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Shall we go see a movie?

 

 

 

SHE: I've already seen it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Where have you been all my life?

 

 

 

SHE: Hiding from you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?

 

 

 

SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Is this seat empty?

 

 

 

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

 

 

 

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

 

 

 

SHE: Do not enter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Your body is like a temple.

 

 

 

SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

 

 

 

SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

 

 

[chaotica]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Jun 14 2006, 07:25 AM)

pick up lines/turn down lines HE: Can I buy you a drink? SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money. HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given your share. HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE: Your face must turn a few heads. SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE: Okay, get out. HE: I think I could make you very happy. SHE: Why? Are you leaving? HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE: Can I have your name? SHE: Why? Don't you already have one? HE: Shall we go see a movie? SHE: I've already seen it. HE: Where have you been all my life? SHE: Hiding from you. HE: Haven't I seen you some place before? SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. HE: Is this seat empty? SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. HE: So, what do you do for a living? SHE: I'm a female impersonator. HE: Hey baby, what's your sign? SHE: Do not enter. HE: Your body is like a temple. SHE: Sorry, there are no services today. HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

[Trace]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Jun 13 2006, 12:00 PM)

Ha ha, all these jokes are funny. Ha ha all you women are independent and powerful, good for you, but are any of you bashing men willing to sign a prenuptial agreement? It seems you don't need us. Are you willing to marry a loser like us: Clean the house Mop the floor Clean the windows Fold our socks Do our laundry Give us hummers (Copulation) Give us sex Make our breakfast, lunch and dinner vacuum the place And all the other traditional women's role and sign a prenupt because you are so independent? Guess what, my girlfriend did. Are you?

Huh???

[chaotica]

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out

during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the

same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate

their travel plans.

 

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on

Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The

husband checked into the hotel.

 

 

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an

email to his wife.

 

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email

address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned

home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was

called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow

decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives

and friends.

 

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the

floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

 

To: My loving wife

Subject: I' ve arrived

Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers

here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that

everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!

 

 

[Daylin]

[porthleven's rose]

Havn't laughed so much in ages!!!

[Asian Rush Fan]

QUOTE (fendergirl4001 @ Jun 9 2006, 05:44 PM)

Sorry to spoil the mood... If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit. The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign. Why would he do that? Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock... He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period. How and why the hell?

Waaaaa, now imagine the same feeling, add child support and/or alimony for the rest of your life? Cry a storm. most guys won't care, because, what you feel in infatuation, men feel with a house attached to it. The reason women leave men? Jerk? abusive, etc? Guess what, who married the jerk? Who allowed the jerk to impregnate the woman? Who allowed the woman to express her feelings to her love? She did. Buck up. Stop acting like a baby and consider your losses as a learning experience. Tough common sense from a fellow Rush listener. Even as young as you.

[chaotica]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Jun 14 2006, 12:06 PM)

QUOTE (fendergirl4001 @ Jun 9 2006, 05:44 PM) Sorry to spoil the mood... If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit. The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign. Why would he do that? Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock... He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period. How and why the hell?     Waaaaa, now imagine the same feeling, add child support and/or alimony for the rest of your life? Cry a storm. most guys won't care, because, what you feel in infatuation, men feel with a house attached to it. The reason women leave men? Jerk? abusive, etc? Guess what, who married the jerk? Who allowed the jerk to impregnate the woman? Who allowed the woman to express her feelings to her love? She did. Buck up. Stop acting like a baby and consider your losses as a learning experience. Tough common sense from a fellow Rush listener. Even as young as you. Don't ya think this is a little harsh?     She's only a kid and ya she got a bad deal right now but she will get over her hardship and learn... but thats what growing up is about....   As a fellow rush fan I think you can give words of encouragement and support and gentle reassurement instead of belittling her...   Thats my opinion

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (chaotica @ Jun 14 2006, 03:03 PM)

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Jun 14 2006, 12:06 PM) QUOTE (fendergirl4001 @ Jun 9 2006, 05:44 PM) Sorry to spoil the mood... If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit. The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign. Why would he do that? Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock... He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period. How and why the hell?     Waaaaa, now imagine the same feeling, add child support and/or alimony for the rest of your life? Cry a storm. most guys won't care, because, what you feel in infatuation, men feel with a house attached to it. The reason women leave men? Jerk? abusive, etc? Guess what, who married the jerk? Who allowed the jerk to impregnate the woman? Who allowed the woman to express her feelings to her love? She did. Buck up. Stop acting like a baby and consider your losses as a learning experience. Tough common sense from a fellow Rush listener. Even as young as you. Don't ya think this is a little harsh?     She's only a kid and ya she got a bad deal right now but she will get over her hardship and learn... but thats what growing up is about....   As a fellow rush fan I think you can give words of encouragement and support and gentle reassurement instead of belittling her...   Thats my opinion Ok from your B/D i take you are in your early 30's right ......   and she is only 16 years old ......   so big difference on life experiences don't YOU THINK !! I find you more than a little Harsh !! I have never wanted to sound off at anyone in this forum until NOW!!!   You need to take under concideration of this girl's age for #1 ........   how did you do when you had your first heart break ??? I remember mine well & i cried for weeks over it just to let you know thats Normal.......   so you know it is true Women of any age do a Heart but you on the other hand i don't think so or where you hurt that bad that you think you can take it out on a Teenager, someone who is in the middle of becoming a young Lady & a Woman .......   oh i am trying to watch what i say in this family forum     if you where here in my eye sight i just might want to clobber you !!           Please think twice before you come on so strong with a younger person !!!!!!!!           Or is it because you are one of those JERKS that have to pay child & alimony for life     Is this what is getting your dander up ....well the way i feel it takes 2 to tangle so if you make a child but don't want to be around then Yes support support support !!!!!!

Edited June 15, 2006 by blonde77th

[Lucid Seer]

Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one.

- Charles Mackay

 

I know I'm busting into the middle of something here, but I thought you Ladies might enjoy this little tid-bit

[Alsgalpal]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Jun 14 2006, 09:06 AM)

QUOTE (fendergirl4001 @ Jun 9 2006, 05:44 PM) Sorry to spoil the mood... If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit. The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign. Why would he do that? Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock... He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period. How and why the hell?     Waaaaa, now imagine the same feeling, add child support and/or alimony for the rest of your life? Cry a storm. most guys won't care, because, what you feel in infatuation, men feel with a house attached to it. The reason women leave men? Jerk? abusive, etc? Guess what, who married the jerk? Who allowed the jerk to impregnate the woman? Who allowed the woman to express her feelings to her love? She did. Buck up. Stop acting like a baby and consider your losses as a learning experience. Tough common sense from a fellow Rush listener. Even as young as you. I bet your single, right?

[blonde77th]

Either single or he had a bad relationship and she left and is seeking or getting support ,by his attitude i say he was at fault and is just bitter about it but still no excuse to come down hard on anyone !

[porthleven's rose]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Jun 15 2006, 03:30 PM)

Either single or he had a bad relationship and she left and is seeking or getting support ,by his attitude i say he was at fault and is just bitter about it but still no excuse to come down hard on anyone !

-oh Absolutely---

having had experience of long-term abuse--

--they never give up--

Good on Ya all who escape,its worth it!!

[fendergirl4001]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Jun 14 2006, 01:36 PM)

QUOTE (chaotica @ Jun 14 2006, 03:03 PM) QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Jun 14 2006, 12:06 PM) QUOTE (fendergirl4001 @ Jun 9 2006, 05:44 PM) Sorry to spoil the mood... If y'all can't tell, my views on love have changed a bit. The "love of my life" has walked out on me without giving me any sort of sign. Why would he do that? Sorry, I'm still in a state of shock... He ended it at 12:25 this afternoon. Today was the last day of school. Seriously, Ihad a boyfriend until mid-fifth period. How and why the hell?     Waaaaa, now imagine the same feeling, add child support and/or alimony for the rest of your life? Cry a storm. most guys won't care, because, what you feel in infatuation, men feel with a house attached to it. The reason women leave men? Jerk? abusive, etc? Guess what, who married the jerk? Who allowed the jerk to impregnate the woman? Who allowed the woman to express her feelings to her love? She did. Buck up. Stop acting like a baby and consider your losses as a learning experience. Tough common sense from a fellow Rush listener. Even as young as you. Don't ya think this is a little harsh?     She's only a kid and ya she got a bad deal right now but she will get over her hardship and learn... but thats what growing up is about....   As a fellow rush fan I think you can give words of encouragement and support and gentle reassurement instead of belittling her...   Thats my opinion Ok from your B/D i take you are in your early 30's right ......   and she is only 16 years old ......   so big difference on life experiences don't YOU THINK !! I find you more than a little Harsh !! I have never wanted to sound off at anyone in this forum until NOW!!!   You need to take under concideration of this girl's age for #1 ........   how did you do when you had your first heart break ??? I remember mine well & i cried for weeks over it just to let you know thats Normal.......   so you know it is true Women of any age do a Heart but you on the other hand i don't think so or where you hurt that bad that you think you can take it out on a Teenager, someone who is in the middle of becoming a young Lady & a Woman .......   oh i am trying to watch what i say in this family forum     if you where here in my eye sight i just might want to clobber you !!           Please think twice before you come on so strong with a younger person !!!!!!!!           Or is it because you are one of those JERKS that have to pay child & alimony for life     Is this what is getting your dander up ....well the way i feel it takes 2 to tangle so if you make a child but don't want to be around then Yes support support support !!!!!! Hey, it's ok guys... I get the point and I'm over the little jerk. At least what he did, anyway. I now refuse all advice to call him and ask if we can be friends. I hardly want to acknowledge his existance, let alone want to talk to the little shit. but I feel I am being pretty mature about it otherwise. My life is confusing enough w/out him controlling me.