Babycat Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Man 1: "How come you need three pairs of glasses?" Man 2: "One pair's for reading, the second pair's for driving, & the third pair's for looking for the other two." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USB Connector Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two horses went into the mud. Wanna hear a dirtier joke? Three came out. A cheetah wouldn't cheat but a tiger would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/1009/job-interview-irish-joke-job-interview-pzy-demotivational-poster-1283819019.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oracle Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 So a dyslexic walks into a bra... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c167/RolindaBonz/4labs.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c167/RolindaBonz/Rule1.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I had a party to celebrate adding another storey to my house - we totally raised the roof. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Why were the elephants thrown out of the local swimming pool? Because they couldn't keep their trunks up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuskyRunner Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 A blonde woman was trying to get rid of her car, but was having trouble selling it. The problem came when every prospective buyer would see the odometer at 230,000 miles. She asked a mechanic friend of hers what to do, and he offered to set back the odometer for her. Without delay, she had him take 200,000 miles off her car. A couple weeks later, her friend saw her driving the same car and asked why she was still having trouble selling it. The blonde said, "Sell it? Why in the world would I sell a car with only 30,000 miles on it?!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunter Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 http://dummr.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/sperm-lg.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gompers Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 QUOTE (hunter @ Sep 13 2011, 02:58 PM) http://dummr.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/sperm-lg.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Can-Utility Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I feel awful, but I must admit I laughed.. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Good,bad,andrush Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 QUOTE (bigalfan @ Jun 20 2010, 05:55 AM) QUOTE (Xanadu93 @ Jun 20 2010, 12:02 AM) Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?" Descartes replies, "No, I think not." And then he vanishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Sep 27 2004, 01:26 PM) WORDS WOMEN USE > > ****************************** > > FINE > > This is the word women use to end an argument when > they feel they are right > and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to > describe how a woman looks - > this will cause you to have one of those arguments. > > FIVE MINUTES > > This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five > minutes that your > football game is going to last before you take out > the trash, so it's an > even trade. > > NOTHING > > This means "something," and you should be on your > toes. "Nothing" is > usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of > wanting to turn you > inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" > usually signifies an > argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with > "Fine" > > GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) > > This is a dare. One that will result in a woman > getting upset over "Nothing" > and will end with the word "Fine" > > GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows!) > > This means "I give up" or "do what you want because > I don't care." You will > get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few > minutes, followed by "Nothing" > and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five > Minutes" when she cools > off. > > LOUD SIGH > > This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal > statement often > misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she > thinks you are an idiot at > that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time > standing here and > arguing with you over "Nothing". > > SOFT SIGH > > Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft > Sigh" mean that she is > content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, > and she will stay content. > > > THAT'S OKAY > > This is one of the most dangerous statements that a > woman can make to a man. > "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and > hard before paying you > back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's > Okay" is often used with > the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised > Eyebrow." > > GO AHEAD! > > At some point in the near future, you are going to > be in some mighty big > trouble. > > PLEASE DO > > This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is > giving you the chance to > come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for > doing whatever it is > that you have done. You have a fair chance with the > truth, so be careful and > you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". > > THANKS > > A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say > you're welcome. > > THANKS A LOT > > This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will > say, "Thanks A Lot" when > she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that > you have offended her in > some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud > Sigh." Be careful not to > ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will > only tell you "Nothing" WOMEN Cant say it like it is. Or even give you a straightforward answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 So Bill Gates was on a honeymoon with his wife, and she says: "Now I know why you called it Microsoft." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Star Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 (Man goes to the Doctor's) Man: Doctor-Doctor, i've got a prick like a rocket! Doc': Interesting.. and does your wife know of this Man: Hell yeah.. she's over-the-moon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Confucius say: man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TullSkull Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 QUOTE (An Enemy Without @ Sep 18 2011, 02:58 PM)Confucius say: man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. Confucius also say: man who stand on toilet is high on pot.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILSnwdog Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' " When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want." The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethOfSyrinx Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 3 drums fall off a cliff ba-dum tchh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nate2112 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 You know when people say your life flashes before your eyes whaen you die? When Steve Jobs died, his eyes didnt Apple doesnt support flash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunter Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 QUOTE (BethOfSyrinx @ Oct 13 2011, 11:59 AM) 3 drums fall off a cliff ba-dum tchh. Don't you mean two drums and a cymbal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Can-Utility Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 QUOTE (Nate2112 @ Oct 13 2011, 01:09 PM) You know when people say your life flashes before your eyes whaen you die? When Steve Jobs died, his eyes didnt Apple doesnt support flash butchered an already terrible joke, congrats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Enemy Without Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 QUOTE (Can-Utility @ Oct 13 2011, 06:38 PM) QUOTE (Nate2112 @ Oct 13 2011, 01:09 PM) You know when people say your life flashes before your eyes whaen you die? When Steve Jobs died, his eyes didnt Apple doesnt support flash butchered an already terrible joke, congrats. It was just in really bad taste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Can-Utility Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 He didn't tell it right, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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