The Joke Thread (The Good, The Bad & The Ugly)

[ladirushfan80]

Drive through teller machines

 

 

A sign in the Bank Lobby in Houston reads: "Please note that this Bank is

installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to

withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new

facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when

accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &

FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate

steps for your gender."

 

 

MALE PROCEDURE:

 

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

 

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

 

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the

machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive

distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the

inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of

checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot

provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver

waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake!

 

[Chasartymac]

^^^^^

 

OMG too funny!!

 

Edited March 23, 2005 by Chasartymac

[Sweetmiracle]

[Digital Man]

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;

The nextday I stopped smoking.

 

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill

you; The next day I stopped eating red meat..

 

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;

The next day I stopped drinking.

 

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This

morning I stopped reading.

 

[Rolinda Bonz]

THE RABBIT

 

A man is driving along a highway

and sees a rabbit jump out

across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it,

but unfortunately

the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

 

 

 

The driver,

a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,

pulls over and gets out to see

what has become of the rabbit.

 

 

 

Much to his dismay,

the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful

that he begins to cry.

 

 

 

A beautiful blonde woman

driving down the highway

sees a man crying on the

side of the road

and pulls over.

 

 

 

She steps out of the car

and asks the man what's wrong.

 

 

 

"I feel terrible,"

he explains,

"I accidentally hit this rabbit

and killed it."

 

 

 

The blonde says,

"Don't worry."

 

 

 

She runs to her car

and pulls out a spray can.

 

 

 

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,

bends down,

and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

 

 

 

The rabbit jumps up,

waves its paw at the two of them

and hops off down the road.

 

 

 

Ten feet away the rabbit stops,

turns around and waves again,

he hops down the road another 10 feet,

turns and waves, hops another ten feet,

turns and waves,

and repeats this again and again and again,

until he hops out of sight.

 

 

 

The man is astonished.

 

He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?

What did you spray on that rabbit?"

 

 

 

The woman turns the can around

so that the man can read the label.

 

 

It says...

 

 

"Hair Spray -

Restores life to dead hair,

adds permanent wave."

 

 

[Drumnut]

QUOTE

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

 

[Digital Man]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her

husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees

them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also

comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little

boy is in there already.

 

the little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in

the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

 

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

 

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go

outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my

baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that ...

that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church

and make you confess."

 

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again;

you're in my closet now

[Cygnus]

A little boy was doing his math homework.

 

He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

 

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.

 

[DonnaWanna]

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

 

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

 

The results:

 

 

 

Drink: Beer

 

Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.

 

Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

 

 

 

Drink: Blender Drinks

 

Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.

 

Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

 

 

 

Drink: Mixed Drinks

 

Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.

 

Your Approach: You won't have to! approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink.................

 

 

 

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)

 

Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.

 

Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

 

 

 

Drink: White Zinfandel

 

Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.

 

Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

 

 

 

Drink: Shots

 

Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.

 

Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed.

 

Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

 

 

 

Drink: Tequila

 

No explanations required - everyone jus! t KNOWS what happens there.

 

 

 

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----

 

 

 

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

 

 

 

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

 

 

 

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

 

 

 

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

 

 

 

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

 

 

 

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

 

 

 

White Zinfandel: He's gay

 

 

[DonnaWanna]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

 

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.

 

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

 

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

 

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

 

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !

 

"You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

 

"No, " she replies. . . . . "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You just happened to catch my eye."

[Slaine mac Roth]

[Alsgalpal]

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Apr 4 2005, 11:47 PM)

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No, " she replies. . . . . " "You just happened to catch my eye."

And I thought my last date was a disaster!!

[DonnaWanna]

http://img16.exs.cx/img16/1261/poormike0ox.jpg

[ALifeson85]

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Sep 5 2004, 11:47 AM)

ok this one starts off slow but oman if u just give it some time an watch it all way threw ...crazy trainin vid http://www.gimpcity.com/movies/forklift.htm

HAHAHAHA! I can relate to that b/c i actually WAS trained to operate a forklift, and had to watch a short video about how to properly operate one. But I tell ya...if I saw THAT video, I wouldn't freakin go NEAR another forklift EVER!

LOL

 

-Matt

[Rolinda Bonz]

PAST JOBS

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

 

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it. So they gave me the axe.

 

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, mainly because it was a so-so job.

 

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but it was exhausting.

 

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

 

Then I tried to be a chef...figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

 

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

 

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

 

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

 

Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

 

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

 

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

 

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

 

So then I got a job in a gymnasium, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

 

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

 

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

 

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

 

You got any ideas? I'm open for suggestions......maybe you have something that works....because I don't.

[Rolinda Bonz]

Double Negatives

 

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

 

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still negative."

 

"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

 

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

[Slaine mac Roth]

How to give the cat a pill

 

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.

 

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws

open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

 

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand

while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert

spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt

away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

 

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture

shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

[Arndrake]

A couple decides to go for a meal on their anniversary and after some deliberation decide on their local Chinese restaurant. They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special Chicken Surprise.

 

The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot rises a tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

 

"Jesus, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.

 

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and this time he sees two beady

little eyes looking around before the lid firmly slams back down. Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.

 

"Well sir", says the waiter, "What did you order?"

 

"We both chose the same", he replies, "the Chicken Surprise."

 

"Oh I do apologise, this is my fault" says the waiter...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I've brought you the Peking Duck!"

 

[Cygnus]

A woman walks into the welfare office, trailed by 11 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"

 

"They're all mine," she sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She then says, "sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, "you must be here to sign up". I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest, he is Leroy."

 

"OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one is Leroy, also."

 

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues one by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

 

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" "Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy! And when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' and they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.

 

It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

 

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I call them by their last names."

 

[Alsgalpal]

[Alsgalpal]

^^^

 

Holy Rice

 

 

[DonnaWanna]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing

 

an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily

sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical

procedure.

 

A young, student nurse appears to give him

a partial sponge bath.

 

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my

testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't

know,Sir.

I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles

black?"

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry

about

his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and

sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his

gown,

holds his penis in one hand and thoroughly examines

his testicles with the

other. Then, she takes a close look and says,

"There's nothing wrong with

them, Sir!"

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and

says

very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was

indescribably wonderful, but,

listen very, very closely...... A r e- m y - t e s t -

r e s u l t s - b a ck

[Want2bLikeBrutus]

EN AND WISDOM OF LIFE

>

> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,

> for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much

> leave me the hell alone.

>

> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a

> leaky tire.

>

> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your

> neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

>

> 4. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting

> any.

>

> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be

> promoted.

>

> 6. No one is listening until you fart.

>

> 7. Always remember you are unique -- just like everyone else.

>

> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

>

> 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of

> car payments.

>

> 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their

> shoes.

> That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have

> their shoes.

>

> 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

>

> 12. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to

> fish,

> and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

>

> 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was

> probably worth it.

>

> 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

>

> 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

>

> 16. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

>

> 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes

> from bad judgment.

>

> 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and

> put

> it back in your pocket.

>

> 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

>

> 20. Duct tape is like the Force--It has a light side and a dark side,

> and it holds the universe together.

>

> 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

>

> 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are

> moving.

>

> 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need

> it.

>

> 24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

>

> 25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our

> ass...then things get worse.

>

> 26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a

> laxative

> on the same night.

>

> 27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

>

> 28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too

> seriously.

>

> 29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to

> make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

>

> 30. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

>

>

 

[Cygnus]

The Cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day

by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

 

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

 

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast

out and headed home.

 

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

 

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him

home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left,

past the bridge, then right

again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance

from his home and left the cat there.

 

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

 

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

 

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone, I'm

lost and need directions to get home."

 

[The Notorious B.S.G.]

Don't blame the caps-lock on me. It came to me like this and I "ain'na bout ta" re-type it ..............

______________________________________________

 

MAN GETS INTO HIS SEAT ON AN AIRLINE, WHICH IS ABOUT TO TAKE OFF, WHEN ANOTHER MAN WITH A LABRADOR RETRIEVER OCCUPIES THE TWO EMPTY SEATS BESIDE HIM. THE LAB IS SITUATED IN THE MIDDLE AND THE FIRST MAN IS LOOKING QUIZZICALLY AT THE DOG WHEN THE SECOND MAN EXPLAINS THAT THEY WORK FOR THE AIRLINE.

 

THE AIRLINE REP SAYS, "DON'T MIND SNIFFER. HE'S A SNIFFING DOG, THE BEST THERE IS. I'LL SHOW YOU ONCE WE GET AIRBORNE WHEN I PUT HIM TO WORK".

 

THE PLANE TAKES OFF AND LEVELS OUT WHEN THE HANDLER SAYS TO THE FIRST MAN, "WATCH THIS". HE TELLS THE DOG, "SNIFFER, SEARCH".

SNIFFER JUMPS DOWN, WALKS ALONG THE AISLE AND SITS NEXT TO A WOMAN FOR A FEW SECONDS. IT THEN RETURNS TO ITS SEAT AND PUTS ONE PAW ON THE HANDLER'S ARM.

 

HE SAYS, "GOOD BOY". THE AIRLINE REP TURNS TO THE FIRST MAN AND SAYS, "THAT WOMAN IS IN POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA, SO I'M MAKING A NOTE OF THIS AND HER SEAT NUMBER FOR THE POLICE WHO WILL APPREHEND HER UPON ARRIVAL".

 

"FANTASTIC"! REPLIES THE FIRST MAN.

 

ONCE AGAIN, HE SENDS SNIFFER TO SEARCH THE AISLES.

THE LAB SNIFFS ABOUT, SITS DOWN BESIDE A MAN FOR A FEW SECONDS, RETURNS TO ITS SEAT, AND PLACES TWO PAWS ON THE HANDLER'S ARM. THE AIRLINE REP SAYS, "THAT MAN IS CARRYING COCAINE, SO AGAIN, I'M MAKING A NOTE OF THIS AND THE SEAT NUMBER.

 

"I LIKE IT", SAYS THE FIRST MAN.

 

A THIRD TIME, THE REP SENDS SNIFFER TO SEARCH THE AISLES. SNIFFER GOES UP AND DOWN THE PLANE AND AFTER A WHILE, SITS DOWN NEXT TO SOMEONE. HE THEN COMES RACING BACK, JUMPS UP ONTO HIS SEAT, AND POOPS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

 

THE FIRST MAN IS REALLY GROSSED OUT BY THIS BEHAVIOR FROM A SUPPOSEDLY WELL-TRAINED SNIFFING DOG AND ASKS, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

 

THE HANDLER REPLIES NERVOUSLY, "HE JUST FOUND A BOMB".