The Joke Thread (The Good, The Bad & The Ugly)

[Puckfiend]

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?"

 

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

 

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."

 

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

[nettiesaur]

 

Trouble with my computer

 

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old

Next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come

Over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

 

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He

Replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

 

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T

Error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

 

Eric grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

 

"No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it Out."

 

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

 

I used to like Eric...

 

 

[Jaye]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 14 2008, 05:12 PM)

Trouble with my computer I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old Next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come Over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He Replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T Error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again." Eric grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied.  "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it Out." So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T I used to like Eric...

I'll have to remember that one

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

What shouldnt you say to a one legged hitchhker?

 

 

Hop in

[jkt2112]

This one got me in trouble in 5th grade...

 

 

What's green and red and goes 100 MPH???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Frog in a blender...

[nettiesaur]

what is red and black and white?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a skunk with diaper rash

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Irene!

[nettiesaur]

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM)

What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman? Irene!

no, that would be Ilene

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 16 2008, 11:40 PM)

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene No its Irene. A one-legged american woman is Ilene

[Jaye]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM)

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa

[nettiesaur]

QUOTE (Jaye @ Jun 17 2008, 04:01 PM)

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM) QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa I got it, I posted that when I was tired, then I went to bed! The elderly get cranky when they are tired, so do the young, or so I'm told.

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 09:49 PM)

QUOTE (Jaye @ Jun 17 2008, 04:01 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM) QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa I got it, I posted that when I was tired, then I went to bed! The elderly get cranky when they are tired, so do the young, or so I'm told.   FOR THE LAST TIME YOURE NOT OLD JEANETTE! Now at 16 years old my ass is terribly old!

[nettiesaur]

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 17 2008, 11:27 PM)

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 09:49 PM) QUOTE (Jaye @ Jun 17 2008, 04:01 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM) QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa I got it, I posted that when I was tired, then I went to bed! The elderly get cranky when they are tired, so do the young, or so I'm told.   FOR THE LAST TIME YOURE NOT OLD JEANETTE! Now at 16 years old my ass is terribly old! Aw c'mon Taylor. I'm 31 years older than you.   That's almost two more of your lifetimes.

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 11:31 PM)

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 17 2008, 11:27 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 09:49 PM) QUOTE (Jaye @ Jun 17 2008, 04:01 PM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM) QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa I got it, I posted that when I was tired, then I went to bed! The elderly get cranky when they are tired, so do the young, or so I'm told.   FOR THE LAST TIME YOURE NOT OLD JEANETTE! Now at 16 years old my ass is terribly old! Aw c'mon Taylor. I'm 31 years older than you.   That's almost two more of your lifetimes. Hey did you hear the latest joke? no what? nettie thinks shes old!

[nettiesaur]

Taylor thinks 47 is not old.

 

That's a good one too!

[Pags]

QUOTE (Jaye @ Jun 17 2008, 05:01 PM)

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 17 2008, 05:40 AM) QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 16 2008, 11:21 PM) What do you call a one-legged Japaneese woman?  Irene! no, that would be Ilene The Japanese pronounce L's as R's, and vice-versa So if a Japanese person is reading this and laughs, their response would be..     ROR

[Pags]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

 

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

 

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office .

 

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

 

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

 

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

 

Harry: '9.'

 

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

 

Harry: '36.'

 

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

 

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

 

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

 

The principal and Harry both agreed.

 

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

 

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

 

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

 

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

 

Harry: 'Pants.'

 

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

 

Harry: 'Coconut.'

 

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

 

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubb le gum.'

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

 

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

 

The principal was trembling.

 

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

 

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

 

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... '

[librarian]

 

pags are you going to put Crusher back on your avatar? I miss him already...

[theredtamasrule]

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

 

One cannibal turns to the other.

 

"Do you taste something funny?"

 

 

 

* groan *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* crickets chirping *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello? Is this thing on?

 

[gleamingalloyaircar81]

QUOTE (Pags @ Jun 20 2008, 01:53 PM)

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office . While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?' Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubb le gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... '

[Did Lee Squat?]

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 20 2008, 05:47 PM)

QUOTE (Pags @ Jun 20 2008, 01:53 PM) A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office . While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.  She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some  questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?' Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubb le gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... '   F***ing brilliant!

[ladirushfan80]

 

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not

the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

 

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

 

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

 

The Professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

 

 

 

Sayin'....

 

 

 

 

[Lerxist]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

 

 

 

 

Elephino!

[Pags]

QUOTE (librarian @ Jun 20 2008, 04:42 PM)

pags are you going to put Crusher back on your avatar? I miss him already...

you miss Crusher?

 

COOL!!

[Show Don't Tell]

QUOTE (Did Lee Squat? @ Jun 20 2008, 11:06 PM)

QUOTE (gleamingalloyaircar81 @ Jun 20 2008, 05:47 PM) QUOTE (Pags @ Jun 20 2008, 01:53 PM) A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office . While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.  She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some  questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?' Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubb le gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... '   F***ing brilliant!