BastillePark Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 A guy is out on his boat headed for shore when the engine quits. He's drifting closer to the beach but the boat stops before it gets there. He looks down and can see the bottom so he figures he could jump in and pull the boat but he's wearing his $600 Italian shoes. He has one paddle and knows he could use it but it's a pretty big boat and it might take a while and he'd work up a sweat. He's trying to decide, row vs wade? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Man: I know everything about football. Ask me anything. Second man: How many holes in a goal net? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 German woman says to a man: Ich liebe dick. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BastillePark Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 A man and woman who didn't know each other were inadvertently assigned to the same sleeper car. They weren't happy about it but decided they would make it work for the night. Partway through the night the guy, who was in the top bunk, woke up and was pretty cold so he woke up the woman and asked her if she would mind grabbing him a blanket from the closet. She replied, "why don't we pretend that we're married"? He quickly agreed thinking he was going to get lucky but the woman said, "get your own damn blanket". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 Woman: Have got a 2p? Man: No, it's my own hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 20 Author Share Posted April 20 When I entered high school, I got my sister's hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication button. Times were hard back then. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 Hypnotist to man: Look into my eyes. What do you see? Man: Eyeballs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 Strongman tears a telephone book in half and says, "The hardest part is when you get to the Smiths" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 Man to doctor: My wife has fainted. Have you got smelling salt? Doctor: No, but I can take off my socks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzy85 Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 32 minutes ago, blackhawkrush said: Man to doctor: My wife has fainted. Have you got smelling salt? Doctor: No, but I can take off my socks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 2 hours ago, ozzy85 said: Not a Tarantino fan, then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted April 23 Author Share Posted April 23 [Meanwhile, at the Cannibal Restaurant....] Server: What can I get for you, sir? Cannibal: I'll have the albino salad. I'm eating light. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 12:49 AM Share Posted Friday at 12:49 AM Woman: My husband doesn't understand me. Man: Is he foreign? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 12:56 AM Share Posted Friday at 12:56 AM These topless beaches in Spain are so embarrassing. What do the Senors say to that? Seen yours, seen yours, seen yours... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted Friday at 02:07 PM Share Posted Friday at 02:07 PM If there's one thing that makes me throw up it's the dart board I installed on my ceiling. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted Friday at 02:09 PM Share Posted Friday at 02:09 PM A note from the defenestration crowd: I like going outdoors. It sure beats going outwindows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Aubrey Posted Friday at 02:10 PM Share Posted Friday at 02:10 PM I like to sit in the rear of a plane because you never hear of one backing into a mountain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken hawk Posted Friday at 03:25 PM Share Posted Friday at 03:25 PM How do football players stay cool during the game? – They stand near the fans! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted Friday at 03:36 PM Author Share Posted Friday at 03:36 PM 9 minutes ago, Chicken hawk said: How do football players stay cool during the game? – They stand near the fans! When it's cold out, they stand near the corner of the end zone. It's always 90 degrees there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 09:12 PM Share Posted Friday at 09:12 PM Man: I learned all I know about horses from my father. Woman: Was he a breeder? Man: Sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 09:59 PM Share Posted Friday at 09:59 PM Man: I was engaged once. I wrote her every day. Woman: What happened? Man: She married the postman. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 10:53 PM Share Posted Friday at 10:53 PM Nazi to a prisoner: How would you like to see our firing squad? Prisoner: In a circle. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Friday at 11:10 PM Share Posted Friday at 11:10 PM Woman: You look very ponderous. And you don't even know what that means. Man: Yes, I do. That's where Ben Cartwright lives. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawkrush Posted Saturday at 12:17 AM Share Posted Saturday at 12:17 AM Man: I fancy a date with Joan Collins again. Second man: What do you mean again? Man: I fancied it before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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