Dear Blank

[nettiesaur]

QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 07:30 AM)

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 19 2009, 08:27 AM) QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 12:03 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 13 2009, 07:39 PM) Dear Graduation Speaker, Whomever told you that you were funny was wrong. Whomever told you to sing was kidding. Next time, decline the offer. A bored and eyerolling Auntie of a graduate Ouch! You had to be there. The entire audience was rolling their eyes and making comments. It was as if the chosen speaker had cancelled and they had to come up with somebody, FAST, and this poor person got chosen. They can't all be gems, eh? yeah, but this was a true clinker   haven't heard many this bad, but then, I haven't been at many small town graduations lately.

[Mara]

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 19 2009, 09:32 AM)

QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 07:30 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 19 2009, 08:27 AM) QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 12:03 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 13 2009, 07:39 PM) Dear Graduation Speaker, Whomever told you that you were funny was wrong. Whomever told you to sing was kidding. Next time, decline the offer. A bored and eyerolling Auntie of a graduate Ouch! You had to be there. The entire audience was rolling their eyes and making comments. It was as if the chosen speaker had cancelled and they had to come up with somebody, FAST, and this poor person got chosen. They can't all be gems, eh? yeah, but this was a true clinker   haven't heard many this bad, but then, I haven't been at many small town graduations lately. So this was a paid speaker, and not the valedictorian? I agree those boilerplate valedictory speeches are boring as hell - heard one, heard 'em all.

[nettiesaur]

QUOTE (Mara @ Jun 19 2009, 07:35 AM)

QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 19 2009, 09:32 AM) QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 07:30 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 19 2009, 08:27 AM) QUOTE (goose @ Jun 19 2009, 12:03 AM) QUOTE (nettiesaur @ Jun 13 2009, 07:39 PM) Dear Graduation Speaker, Whomever told you that you were funny was wrong. Whomever told you to sing was kidding. Next time, decline the offer. A bored and eyerolling Auntie of a graduate Ouch! You had to be there. The entire audience was rolling their eyes and making comments. It was as if the chosen speaker had cancelled and they had to come up with somebody, FAST, and this poor person got chosen. They can't all be gems, eh? yeah, but this was a true clinker   haven't heard many this bad, but then, I haven't been at many small town graduations lately. So this was a paid speaker, and not the valedictorian? I agree those boilerplate valedictory speeches are boring as hell - heard one, heard 'em all. Oh no, the kids were funny,and great, they should have stopped there!   This one was one of the teachers.

Edited June 19, 2009 by nettiesaur

[Mara]

Dear Grocery Store Clerk,

 

You have no idea how close I came to reporting your ass to your manager tonight. However, in this economy I have no interest in being the cause of a 50-something woman losing her job.

 

No, I don't wish to donate an extra $1 to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It's a good cause; I know some good people who have had breast cancer. Most have survived, one or two were not so fortunate. I think it's nice that your chain is raising funds.

 

It's not your place to give me a dirty look and a brief lecture/mini-guilt trip. Honestly, Komen is such a marketing force now that it gets a disproportionately huge amount of donation cash when held up against other forms of cancer. They're doing OK. I CHOOSE to donate to Juvenile Diabetes Research and heart disease research because both have directly affected my family. Where I choose to make my donations, or indeed, if I make them at all, is none of your damn business. Just ring up my purchases, ask nicely if I want to make the donation, and then accept my answer. Which, by the way, was a polite, "No, not today."

 

The next person you subject to your little diatribe might well report you.

 

I am wondering if your response to me was motivated by some personal experience with cancer. If so, please accept my condolences and best wishes. But don't dump on me about it.

[Territorial_Game]

Dear America,

 

Have you forgotten that we don't care about soccer after the age of 12? I'd be curious to see how many of you have watched a game of soccer outside of this stupid thing and the world cup. To those who do, cool. To those who don't and are suddenly all hot and horny for soccer, shut the f**k up. And that goes double to every idiot thinking they're cool by rooting for another country. The next time I hear some jackoff that has lived in America for his or her entire life say "go Italy!" or "go Brazil," (even worse are the English-speaking Americans who spell it "Brasil") I am going to kick that person in the testicles or ovaries, whichever is applicable. On second thought, it will always be ovaries, because American men don't watch soccer. If you watch soccer regularly and are knowledgeable on the subject, none of this applies to you. If you only watch soccer when it gets trendy, f**k you.

 

With loathing,

 

Matt

[Mara]

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Jun 21 2009, 05:38 PM)

Dear America, Have you forgotten that we don't care about soccer after the age of 12? I'd be curious to see how many of you have watched a game of soccer outside of this stupid thing and the world cup. To those who do, cool. To those who don't and are suddenly all hot and horny for soccer, shut the f**k up. And that goes double to every idiot thinking they're cool by rooting for another country. The next time I hear some jackoff that has lived in America for his or her entire life say "go Italy!" or "go Brazil," (even worse are the English-speaking Americans who spell it "Brasil") I am going to kick that person in the testicles or ovaries, whichever is applicable. On second thought, it will always be ovaries, because American men don't watch soccer. If you watch soccer regularly and are knowledgeable on the subject, none of this applies to you. If you only watch soccer when it gets trendy, f**k you. With loathing, Matt

Dear TG,

 

Which event were you looking forward to watching only to discover that it got pre-empted by a soccer game?

 

Sincerely,

Mara (also not a soccer fan)

[Territorial_Game]

QUOTE (Mara @ Jun 21 2009, 06:20 PM)

QUOTE (Territorial_Game @ Jun 21 2009, 05:38 PM) Dear America, Have you forgotten that we don't care about soccer after the age of 12? I'd be curious to see how many of you have watched a game of soccer outside of this stupid thing and the world cup. To those who do, cool. To those who don't and are suddenly all hot and horny for soccer, shut the f**k up. And that goes double to every idiot thinking they're cool by rooting for another country. The next time I hear some jackoff that has lived in America for his or her entire life say "go Italy!" or "go Brazil," (even worse are the English-speaking Americans who spell it "Brasil") I am going to kick that person in the testicles or ovaries, whichever is applicable. On second thought, it will always be ovaries, because American men don't watch soccer.  If you watch soccer regularly and are knowledgeable on the subject, none of this applies to you. If you only watch soccer when it gets trendy, f**k you. With loathing, Matt Dear TG,   Which event were you looking forward to watching only to discover that it got pre-empted by a soccer game?   Sincerely, Mara (also not a soccer fan) Dear Mara,   I was looking forward to having a nice conversation with my fellow interns yesterday at lunch, only to discover that the two that aren't incredibly quiet only wanted to talk about soccer. It led to a very ridiculous series of comments. From the appearance of my facebook home, such will be the case should I find myself in the company of more than 10 people at any given time. I'm scared that people are going to start getting world cup fever over this confederations cup thing.

[Tarkus406]

dEAR trf cHAT,

 

yOU'VE BEEN SO EMPTY AND DEAD LATELY. fOR THAT, i APOLOGIZE, AND i PROMISE i WILL TRY TO MAKE MORE OF A USE OF YOUR SERVICE, AND TRY TO PROMOTE YOUR SERVICE TO THE OTHER ACTIVE MEMBERS OF THIS BOARD.

 

sINCERLY,

tARKUS406

[Tarkus406]

Dear Caps Lock Key...

 

You suck!

 

-Tarkus406

[Territorial_Game]

QUOTE (Tarkus406 @ Jun 21 2009, 08:05 PM)

Dear Caps Lock Key... You suck! -Tarkus406

[southernjim]

QUOTE (Tarkus406 @ Jun 21 2009, 08:04 PM)

dEAR trf cHAT, yOU'VE BEEN SO EMPTY AND DEAD LATELY. fOR THAT, i APOLOGIZE, AND i PROMISE i WILL TRY TO MAKE MORE OF A USE OF YOUR SERVICE, AND TRY TO PROMOTE YOUR SERVICE TO THE OTHER ACTIVE MEMBERS OF THIS BOARD. sINCERLY, tARKUS406

Dear Tarkus406

As soon as I came into TRF chat, you left... What could this mean!?!

Southernjim

[Alsgalpal]

Dear Bitchface at work:

 

Why is it, you feel the need to talk over me and answer questions I was asked? Why do you look away when I come near? Why do you think you are better than me? The only way you even come close is because your name comes ONE space ahead of mine in the alphabet. I have learned to find it amusing to watch you hate me, and it only gives me more incentive to give you a chance to show how much of a snarky ***t you really are. I won't bend over backwards for YOU and be nice to you anymore. I will be civil and let you dig your own whore hole. Really, leave the snark infested waters at home for your poor husband. I don't see how he puts up with the crap you say you pull at home.

 

Way to ruin a perfectly good work environment you curdled bitch.

 

 

Much love loss,

K

[Mara]

Dear Carload of Jehovah's Witnesses Stalking Patrons at the Bells Ferry Quiktrip Every Morning,

 

Please leave me alone. I get waylaid by one of your people at least 3 mornings/week. I don't want any more copies of The Watchtower. Really, it's a waste to give them to me because they go right in the car trash bag along with the empty cigarette packs and Zone bar wrappers. I have no wish to be rude, but now I find myself actively trying to elude you when I leave the store.

 

It's been a year and a half since I started going there; surely you recognize me by now? Put 2 and 2 together - you don't see me at your church, after all this literature you've dumped on me - it ain't happening.

 

Please let me purchase my coffee in peace.

 

Sincerely,

Mara

 

 

[Alsgalpal]

Dear Ninja,

 

I love you so very much! Thank you for being the awesome, forgiving, and fun little bike you are. Thank you for keeping me safe time and again. Thank you for the opportunity to hang off your sides in the corners. You are a sweet bike, even if you are a 250. I never want anything else! Together, we can show the boyz we can keep up.

 

Together, we are a great little team!

 

 

Forever doting,

K

[Mara]

QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Jun 26 2009, 02:40 AM)

Dear Ninja, I love you so very much! Thank you for being the awesome, forgiving, and fun little bike you are. Thank you for keeping me safe time and again. Thank you for the opportunity to hang off your sides in the corners. You are a sweet bike, even if you are a 250. I never want anything else! Together, we can show the boyz we can keep up. Together, we are a great little team! Forever doting, K

Dear Ninja,

 

I want you. In my driveway. Now.

 

Sincerely,

M-

[Alsgalpal]

 

Sorry Mara...

 

 

I would love to share, but...

 

Your a little far away.

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

Dear "boyz" who ride those Ninja-type bikes,

 

How come most of you ride like assholes? How come you weave in and out of traffic going WAY too fast, like you don't care if the other drivers don't have a chance to see you before they change lanes? How come you think you own the road, and give US the finger (and then pop a wheelie ) after YOU do something that almost caused an accident? How come you pop wheelies on a busy expressway while cars are doing 70? You think you're impressing us? We are not impressed. We think you're acting like douchebags.

 

I realize you have "'tude" and need to share it with the rest of the world through your badass riding, but how badass will you be if you or someone else gets hurt or killed because of your lame-brained dipshit stunts?

 

Harley riders respect the road and ride like adults. Why can't you guys do the same? Grow up.

 

Sincerely,

The guy who almost inadvertently killed you last week as you cut me off

[Prince Sphinc-Tor]

Dear whoever is responsible for me not having anything to complain about,

 

Thank you.

 

PS-T

[Mara]

Dear Nursing Mom at work,

 

I don't want to hear about the breast milk "popsicles" you make for your kid. I just don't.

 

-M-

[iluvgeddy05]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jun 26 2009, 02:58 PM)

Harley riders respect the road and ride like adults. Why can't you guys do the same? Grow up.

Ain't that the truth. 90% of the "crotch rocket" riders are just as you describe..

[iluvgeddy05]

QUOTE (Mara @ Jun 29 2009, 08:14 AM)

Dear Nursing Mom at work, I don't want to hear about the breast milk "popsicles" you make for your kid. I just don't. -M-

Dear all nursing mothers,

 

I completely respect your decision to breast feed and that's great. I do not, however, need to hear the details, nor be pressured into thinking bottle-feeding is blasphemous or absolutely terrible. I was brought up on formula and I came out A-OK!

 

Get off your soap box...

 

 

[nettiesaur]

Dear Cars,

Please watch out for the motorcycle riders who are behaving themselves.

4 have been killed in the last week here.

1 of them was a good friend of my brother. A car ran a red light and slammed right into him. He had a helmet on, but it didn't save him. He died of brain trauma.

Nettie

[The Owl]

Dear Self..

 

 

Shut Up!

[Alsgalpal]

Dear The guy who almost inadvertently killed Ninja-Douche last week as they cut you off,

 

 

Evidently, Ninja-Douches are members of the small pee pee parade and have to have a big Tude to make up for it.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

One who unfortunately knows some.

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

QUOTE (Alsgalpal @ Jun 29 2009, 07:55 PM)

Dear The guy who almost inadvertently killed Ninja-Douche last week as they cut you off, Evidently, Ninja-Douches are members of the small pee pee parade and have to have a big Tude to make up for it. Sincerely, One who unfortunately knows some.

Responsible riders have a name for them. The name fits.