Jump to content

These pretzels are making me thirsty


lerxt1990
 Share

Recommended Posts

"I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?"

 

"Who said that?"

 

"She did."

 

"Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frouned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you peope do that all the time."

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...maybe you could give me YOUR HOME phone number and I'll call YOU when it's convenient for ME!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breath and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, embedded in the carpet fibers, deep, deep in the shag, broken glass, bits of broken glass that you never get out. You can't get it out with a vacuum cleaner. Even on your hands and knees with a magnifying glass, you can't get all the pieces, and then you think you got it all and two years later, you're walkin' barefoot and you step on a piece of broken glass and you kill yourself, is that what you want? I don't think you want that, is it? Do you? Edited by J2112YYZ
Link to comment
Share on other sites

MORTY: Say those are some nice pants. I got a pair just like them at home.

 

KRAMER: Well uh that doesn't surprise me, ya i bought these at Rudy's. It's a used clothing store. See when people like you die, the widows they bring in their wardrobes, they make a bundle.

 

GEORGE: Really? My father has a ton of old clothes just sitting up in the attic, y-you think they're worth something?

 

KRAMER: Ya if they're vintage, and you're a widow.

 

GEORGE: What happens if the husband dies after the wife, who brings in the clothing in then?

 

KRAMER: Well I suppose the children do.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jerry: 'Cause I'm an idiot! You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect, I'm a much bigger idiot than you are.

 

GEORGE: Don't insult me, my friend. Remember who you're talking to. No one's a bigger idiot than me.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ELAINE: Anyway, this guy gave me an open-lip kiss.

 

JERRY: So?

 

ELAINE: So? We've always just kind've pecked. This one had a totally different dynamic.

 

JERRY: Really.

 

ELAINE: Yeah. I mean, his upper lip landed flush on my upper lip. But his lower lip landed well below my rim.

 

JERRY: Moisture?

 

ELAINE: Yeah. Definite moisture.

 

JERRY: That's an open-lip kiss, alright.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

GEORGE: Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying the Frogger machine. Now the torch will burn forever.

 

JERRY: Fabulous. See, now you're really do something.

 

GEORGE: So, you want to come down to Mario's Pizza with me and help me pick up the Frogger?

 

JERRY: Hey, how you gonna keep the machine plugged in while you move it?

 

GEORGE: What?

 

JERRY: Once you unplug the machine, all the scores will be erased.

 

GEORGE: You're right. Why must there always be a problem? You'd think just once I could get a break. God knows I earned it with that score!

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...