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These pretzels are making me thirsty


lerxt1990
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George: Did you see what just happened?

 

Jerry: Well, that all depends. . .

 

George: Did you happen to notice that Julie handed the big salad to Elaine?

 

Jerry: Yeah, so?

 

George: Well, she didn't BUY the big salad. I bought the big salad.

 

Jerry: Is that a fact?

 

George: Yes it is. She just took credit for my salad. That's not right.

 

Jerry: No it isn't.

 

George: I mean I'm the one who bought it.

 

Jerry: Yes you did.

 

George: You think she should have said something?

 

Jerry: She could have.

 

George: Oh, I know.

 

Jerry: Imagine, her taking credit for your big salad.

 

George: You know you buy a big salad for somebody it would be nice if they knew it.

 

Jerry: Obviously.

 

 

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PETERMAN: Do you know what happens to a butter-based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated English basement?

 

ELAINE: Uh, I guess I hadn't...

 

PETERMAN: Well, I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough.

 

Dismissed.

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Mrs. O: It's my goiter, isn't it?

 

Elaine: Did you say goiter? What goiter?

 

Mrs. O: This football-shaped lump jutting out the side of my neck.

 

Elaine: Oh, *that* goiter. Hey... Heh heh heh... Whaddya know...

 

Mrs. O: Does it bother you?

 

Elaine: Bother me? Oh, phhbt... Why would a little goiter like that

 

bother me? No, not a bit. It's nothing. It's nothin', it's um,

 

in fact, it's um, it's very distinctive, y'know? Um, I mean you

 

want to know something? I, I wish I had one. [pause] Really.

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QUOTE (ghostworks @ Feb 14 2011, 01:03 PM)
"Jerry, I'm trapped under my desk. Steinbrenner is in the room. You gotta help me!"

That made me think of this one:

 

(on Jerry's answering machine) "Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!"

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You know Keith, what I've always wondered, with all these ball clubs

flying around all season don't you think there would be a plane crash? ...

 

 

But if you think about it...26 teams, 162 games a season, you'd think

eventually an entire team would get wiped out.

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And what if I did do it? Even though I admit to nothing, and never will. What does that make me? And I'm not here just defending myself but all those pickers out there who've been caught. Each and every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation because of people like you!

 

Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?!

 

...

 

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

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Not that it was that nice of a jacket. I mean it didn't fit him

that well. To me there's just something about a monster in a blazer.

It shows at least he's making an effort.

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QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Feb 14 2011, 02:33 PM)
QUOTE (ghostworks @ Feb 14 2011, 01:03 PM)
"Jerry, I'm trapped under my desk. Steinbrenner is in the room. You gotta help me!"

That made me think of this one:

 

(on Jerry's answering machine) "Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!"

biggrin.gif

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