Rushian King Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 She called me a little while ago and told me she was feeling sad. When I asked why she explained what happened to her on Thursday night. She'd been seeing this guy for less than 3 weeks. No serious (i.e. below the belt, under clothes) physical contact had occured yet. He was out with his friends getting drunk following the Russia/Spain game. She met up with him after work and at one point tried holding his hand, trying to empathize with his sadness over his team's loss. He pulled his hand away and got all cold and rude. So she got up and left to go home. He followed her and tried to make amends and by the time they got to her house she was feeling appeased enough to let him sit next to her. Then he suddenly sat on top of her and started ranting that she shouldn't smoke around him and shouldn't hang out with her friends instead of him. Then he started forcing his way. My friend's pretty strong and was able to break a hand free and grab one of his hands and then found her voice (until then she was too shocked to say anything) to yell STOP a few times. Luckily he stopped and she ran into her house. He's called her MANY times since then, including using phone numbers she doesn't recognize, but she hasn't talked to him. She's told her parents, her friends and her boss at work since she didn't want to go in on Friday. She has NOT told the police. She doesn't think it'll help and her family and friends think the same. I still think she should go to them-- I know it's easy to say when it doesn't directly affect you. My friend is beating herself up over why she always seems to attract creeps. The previous guy she dated was a coke-head, another guy used to beat her, etc. And this isn't the first time my friend has been assaulted. I always thought guys like that are attracted to women who they think are weak and can be controlled. My friend is far from petite and is very vocal at voicing her displeasure over something so I'm not sure why she ends up with these guys. My immediate feeling when she told me was anger. Let's find this guy and kick his @ss. She has friends that wouldn't be shy to involve themselves in such behaviour. We'll be going out tonight so we'll see what decisions are made. When I asked her for details about the guy she was pretty sketchy about them. She doesn't know his last name and doesn't even know what apartment building, let alone apartment, he lives in. At first I thought this was weird, how could she go out with a guy a few times and not know these things? But when I think back to my own dating habits, I remember that the last woman I went out with regularly didn't know exactly where I lived either, although she knew my last name. Sorry for rambling and starting this downer thread, I just wanted to vent a little before I see her tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iluvgeddy05 Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I would say to definitely keep away from him for sure. Idk about going to the police...I would say yes, but then again, it might not do anything since there wasn't an actual rape (sounds gritty, but I believe that's what they would say). Sorry to hear this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ancient Ways Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 do they have restraining orders up there? better safe than sorry. she needs to stay away from him and watch her back. he probably knows evrything about her, wheres she works, lives, friends, hangouts so he can find her if he wants to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edie Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Really you just need to be her friend and let her make her own decision about what to do. I know you are angry and want to defend her and beat this guy up (who wouldn't?) but this is actually all about her, not about anyone else. Just make sure she knows you are there for her, that this is not her fault, the guy is a jerk/criminal/dangerous loser, she deserves much better, and you'll support her through whatever she decides to do, even if she's all over the place and keeps changing her mind. The last thing she needs is for someone to try to force her into something else she doesn't want to do (and that equally goes for her family). The "right" thing is of course to report the guy to the police, but not if this will cost your friend too dearly. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nettiesaur Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I would advise her to call the police if she sees him any where near her again. She doesn't want a repeat performance. A restraining order would be good too. Does she know where he works? What department? A friend could call on the sly and find out his last name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushian King Posted June 29, 2008 Author Share Posted June 29, 2008 We have restraining orders but they only work as well as the person it's against wants it to work. As far as not seeing him again, it turns he hangs out in the same area she does. So I met up with her at 'her' bar after I'd been at 'my' bar-- we have our own circle of friends that generally don't mix. When I got there I was filled in on some happenings. The guy came into the bar looking for her, but she was in the washroom at the time. Her friends told him to get out and with the help of the staff/bouncer he is now banned. He then went to the bar next door. One could argue that that's 'his' bar. I asked to have him pointed out to me, just so I know what this piece of sh!t looks like for future reference. I recognized him which means he's a regular to the area. (he's physically shorter/smaller than her) He was outside smoking and another girl accosted him and gave him some 'friendly' advice. I went up to him and asked him if his name was Max. He said yes, what was my name. I said it didn't matter and just stood there, looking at him, trying to get a read on him. He put out his cig and went in. When we told my friend about our interactions and given what he said before I got there, he either has no recollection of his actions or is lying about not remembering. We'll see if this goes any further. The good news is my friend is pretty resilient. Although she wasn't her usual outgoing self (for example she didn't sing karaoke) she wasn't in the dumps either. I'm confident she'll work through this. She has a lot of friends and her boss is going to help her get in touch with someone to talk to on Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edie Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Glad to hear things are positive. Don't forget this might catch up with her later - shocks like this have a habit of surprising people again when they think they have recovered. Be there for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pm1970 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 sounds like he deserves a beating- does she have any brothers, father friends men or women that understand who want to offer to beat his ass? If it was somoen i knew I would and if i couldn't do it i'd hire 2 or 3 for the job or use a bat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-D-RocK- Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hopefully cooler heads will prevail. If the assault was of the most serious kind, then it should be reported to the police immediately so that criminal charges can be brought against this idiot. Looking for 'revenge" will only serve to escalate the situation until someone gets hurts bad.....or god forbid worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umoveme Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 She still needs to get a restraining order! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edgyspice Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 QUOTE (pm1970 @ Jun 30 2008, 11:43 AM) sounds like he deserves a beating- does she have any brothers, father friends men or women that understand who want to offer to beat his ass? If it was somoen i knew I would and if i couldn't do it i'd hire 2 or 3 for the job or use a bat I fully understand why people would want to do this, but vigilante justice probably isn't a good idea. RK, I hope your friend is feeling a little better. I feel really bad for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveyt Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 how is that sexual assult? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liquidcrystalcompass Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Too bad that she doesn't live around here. I know of some people that would make a really strong point. He would never talk to her again and probably would always have a limp or a twitch. Does your friend have brothers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fridge Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 QUOTE (edie @ Jun 28 2008, 11:28 PM) Really you just need to be her friend and let her make her own decision about what to do. I know you are angry and want to defend her and beat this guy up (who wouldn't?) but this is actually all about her, not about anyone else. Just make sure she knows you are there for her, that this is not her fault, the guy is a jerk/criminal/dangerous loser, she deserves much better, and you'll support her through whatever she decides to do, even if she's all over the place and keeps changing her mind. The last thing she needs is for someone to try to force her into something else she doesn't want to do (and that equally goes for her family). The "right" thing is of course to report the guy to the police, but not if this will cost your friend too dearly. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Well said. Can I also add that it is important to remember that in this situation, control was taken from your friend. By geting too involved and doing things without consulting her, you also run the risk of taking control away from her, no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. As Edie says, just be there for her, but allow her to decide what she wants to do (if anything) as it is about her and no-one else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 QUOTE (Fridge @ Jun 30 2008, 05:43 PM) QUOTE (edie @ Jun 28 2008, 11:28 PM) Really you just need to be her friend and let her make her own decision about what to do. I know you are angry and want to defend her and beat this guy up (who wouldn't?) but this is actually all about her, not about anyone else. Just make sure she knows you are there for her, that this is not her fault, the guy is a jerk/criminal/dangerous loser, she deserves much better, and you'll support her through whatever she decides to do, even if she's all over the place and keeps changing her mind. The last thing she needs is for someone to try to force her into something else she doesn't want to do (and that equally goes for her family). The "right" thing is of course to report the guy to the police, but not if this will cost your friend too dearly. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Well said. Can I also add that it is important to remember that in this situation, control was taken from your friend. By geting too involved and doing things without consulting her, you also run the risk of taking control away from her, no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. As Edie says, just be there for her, but allow her to decide what she wants to do (if anything) as it is about her and no-one else. Nothing more to add to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushian King Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (daveyt @ Jun 30 2008, 06:13 PM) how is that sexual assult? The "Then he started forcing his way." part of my OP would be the sexual part of the assault. I just didn't want to get into details on an open board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushian King Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Fridge @ Jun 30 2008, 06:43 PM) QUOTE (edie @ Jun 28 2008, 11:28 PM) Really you just need to be her friend and let her make her own decision about what to do. I know you are angry and want to defend her and beat this guy up (who wouldn't?) but this is actually all about her, not about anyone else. Just make sure she knows you are there for her, that this is not her fault, the guy is a jerk/criminal/dangerous loser, she deserves much better, and you'll support her through whatever she decides to do, even if she's all over the place and keeps changing her mind. The last thing she needs is for someone to try to force her into something else she doesn't want to do (and that equally goes for her family). The "right" thing is of course to report the guy to the police, but not if this will cost your friend too dearly. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Well said. Can I also add that it is important to remember that in this situation, control was taken from your friend. By geting too involved and doing things without consulting her, you also run the risk of taking control away from her, no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. As Edie says, just be there for her, but allow her to decide what she wants to do (if anything) as it is about her and no-one else. As for perpetrating vigilante justice, she did say she didn't want anyone to go after him. She decided to go to the police on Sunday and filed a videotaped report. The police told her that pressing charges probably wouldn't lead anywhere since all they have to go on is her word. She wasn't going to press charges anyway but wanted this on file just in case things escalate. They said the info she had for him would be enough for them to find him, at which point they'd warn him to stay away from her. They told her not to have any contact with him. As of today he's still calling and texting her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troutman Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 30 2008, 04:58 PM)QUOTE (daveyt @ Jun 30 2008, 06:13 PM) how is that sexual assult? The "Then he started forcing his way." part of my OP would be the sexual part of the assault. I just didn't want to get into details on an open board. Thanks for clearing that up. I am sorry that your friend had to go through this. I sure hope she stays clear of this moron!! Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mara Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 30 2008, 08:50 PM) QUOTE (Fridge @ Jun 30 2008, 06:43 PM) QUOTE (edie @ Jun 28 2008, 11:28 PM) Really you just need to be her friend and let her make her own decision about what to do. I know you are angry and want to defend her and beat this guy up (who wouldn't?) but this is actually all about her, not about anyone else. Just make sure she knows you are there for her, that this is not her fault, the guy is a jerk/criminal/dangerous loser, she deserves much better, and you'll support her through whatever she decides to do, even if she's all over the place and keeps changing her mind. The last thing she needs is for someone to try to force her into something else she doesn't want to do (and that equally goes for her family). The "right" thing is of course to report the guy to the police, but not if this will cost your friend too dearly. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Well said. Can I also add that it is important to remember that in this situation, control was taken from your friend. By geting too involved and doing things without consulting her, you also run the risk of taking control away from her, no matter how well-meaning your intentions are. As Edie says, just be there for her, but allow her to decide what she wants to do (if anything) as it is about her and no-one else. As for perpetrating vigilante justice, she did say she didn't want anyone to go after him. She decided to go to the police on Sunday and filed a videotaped report. The police told her that pressing charges probably wouldn't lead anywhere since all they have to go on is her word. She wasn't going to press charges anyway but wanted this on file just in case things escalate. They said the info she had for him would be enough for them to find him, at which point they'd warn him to stay away from her. They told her not to have any contact with him. As of today he's still calling and texting her. I think it's time to plant the idea of a restraining order in her head. Things can get out of hand very quickly; he's already shown he has an unpredictable violent streak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushian King Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Marathonist @ Jun 30 2008, 10:01 PM) I think it's time to plant the idea of a restraining order in her head. Things can get out of hand very quickly; he's already shown he has an unpredictable violent streak. She already has it in mind if he keeps bugging her. He keeps saying he's sorry and that he was drunk, blah, blah, blah. She ain't buying what he's selling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Test4VitalSigns Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 30 2008, 09:50 PM) As of today he's still calling and texting her. Tell her to make sure to not get rid of those texts and to keep phone messages he may have left on her phone. The more evidence the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveyt Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 30 2008, 05:58 PM) QUOTE (daveyt @ Jun 30 2008, 06:13 PM) how is that sexual assult? The "Then he started forcing his way." part of my OP would be the sexual part of the assault. I just didn't want to get into details on an open board. should she also take some responsibility regarding her choices of men this wouldn't be a bid deal over here because she handled it. restraining order? she just met the guy. & it's done so...she should tell him on the phone that he f*cked up and that UR DONE -and then watch her back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerxt1990 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 28 2008, 06:02 PM) She called me a little while ago and told me she was feeling sad. When I asked why she explained what happened to her on Thursday night. She'd been seeing this guy for less than 3 weeks. No serious (i.e. below the belt, under clothes) physical contact had occured yet. He was out with his friends getting drunk following the Russia/Spain game. She met up with him after work and at one point tried holding his hand, trying to empathize with his sadness over his team's loss. He pulled his hand away and got all cold and rude. So she got up and left to go home. He followed her and tried to make amends and by the time they got to her house she was feeling appeased enough to let him sit next to her. Then he suddenly sat on top of her and started ranting that she shouldn't smoke around him and shouldn't hang out with her friends instead of him. Then he started forcing his way. My friend's pretty strong and was able to break a hand free and grab one of his hands and then found her voice (until then she was too shocked to say anything) to yell STOP a few times. Luckily he stopped and she ran into her house. He's called her MANY times since then, including using phone numbers she doesn't recognize, but she hasn't talked to him. She's told her parents, her friends and her boss at work since she didn't want to go in on Friday. She has NOT told the police. She doesn't think it'll help and her family and friends think the same. I still think she should go to them-- I know it's easy to say when it doesn't directly affect you. My friend is beating herself up over why she always seems to attract creeps. The previous guy she dated was a coke-head, another guy used to beat her, etc. And this isn't the first time my friend has been assaulted. I always thought guys like that are attracted to women who they think are weak and can be controlled. My friend is far from petite and is very vocal at voicing her displeasure over something so I'm not sure why she ends up with these guys. My immediate feeling when she told me was anger. Let's find this guy and kick his @ss. She has friends that wouldn't be shy to involve themselves in such behaviour. We'll be going out tonight so we'll see what decisions are made. When I asked her for details about the guy she was pretty sketchy about them. She doesn't know his last name and doesn't even know what apartment building, let alone apartment, he lives in. At first I thought this was weird, how could she go out with a guy a few times and not know these things? But when I think back to my own dating habits, I remember that the last woman I went out with regularly didn't know exactly where I lived either, although she knew my last name. Sorry for rambling and starting this downer thread, I just wanted to vent a little before I see her tonight. She should stay away form him, and (IMO) have no contact with him, except possibly convey the message that she doesnt want to ever see him again. If that doesnt take, then removing his spleen through his nostrils...might not be a bad idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liquidcrystalcompass Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (lerxt1990 @ Jul 1 2008, 02:34 AM) QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 28 2008, 06:02 PM) She called me a little while ago and told me she was feeling sad. When I asked why she explained what happened to her on Thursday night. She'd been seeing this guy for less than 3 weeks. No serious (i.e. below the belt, under clothes) physical contact had occured yet. He was out with his friends getting drunk following the Russia/Spain game. She met up with him after work and at one point tried holding his hand, trying to empathize with his sadness over his team's loss. He pulled his hand away and got all cold and rude. So she got up and left to go home. He followed her and tried to make amends and by the time they got to her house she was feeling appeased enough to let him sit next to her. Then he suddenly sat on top of her and started ranting that she shouldn't smoke around him and shouldn't hang out with her friends instead of him. Then he started forcing his way. My friend's pretty strong and was able to break a hand free and grab one of his hands and then found her voice (until then she was too shocked to say anything) to yell STOP a few times. Luckily he stopped and she ran into her house. He's called her MANY times since then, including using phone numbers she doesn't recognize, but she hasn't talked to him. She's told her parents, her friends and her boss at work since she didn't want to go in on Friday. She has NOT told the police. She doesn't think it'll help and her family and friends think the same. I still think she should go to them-- I know it's easy to say when it doesn't directly affect you. My friend is beating herself up over why she always seems to attract creeps. The previous guy she dated was a coke-head, another guy used to beat her, etc. And this isn't the first time my friend has been assaulted. I always thought guys like that are attracted to women who they think are weak and can be controlled. My friend is far from petite and is very vocal at voicing her displeasure over something so I'm not sure why she ends up with these guys. My immediate feeling when she told me was anger. Let's find this guy and kick his @ss. She has friends that wouldn't be shy to involve themselves in such behaviour. We'll be going out tonight so we'll see what decisions are made. When I asked her for details about the guy she was pretty sketchy about them. She doesn't know his last name and doesn't even know what apartment building, let alone apartment, he lives in. At first I thought this was weird, how could she go out with a guy a few times and not know these things? But when I think back to my own dating habits, I remember that the last woman I went out with regularly didn't know exactly where I lived either, although she knew my last name. Sorry for rambling and starting this downer thread, I just wanted to vent a little before I see her tonight. She should stay away form him, and (IMO) have no contact with him, except possibly convey the message that she doesnt want to ever see him again. If that doesnt take, then removing his spleen through his nostrils...might not be a bad idea. I know some people that will do the job cut rate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fridge Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 QUOTE (liquidcrystalcompass @ Jul 1 2008, 10:37 AM) QUOTE (lerxt1990 @ Jul 1 2008, 02:34 AM) QUOTE (Rushian King @ Jun 28 2008, 06:02 PM) She called me a little while ago and told me she was feeling sad. When I asked why she explained what happened to her on Thursday night. She'd been seeing this guy for less than 3 weeks. No serious (i.e. below the belt, under clothes) physical contact had occured yet. He was out with his friends getting drunk following the Russia/Spain game. She met up with him after work and at one point tried holding his hand, trying to empathize with his sadness over his team's loss. He pulled his hand away and got all cold and rude. So she got up and left to go home. He followed her and tried to make amends and by the time they got to her house she was feeling appeased enough to let him sit next to her. Then he suddenly sat on top of her and started ranting that she shouldn't smoke around him and shouldn't hang out with her friends instead of him. Then he started forcing his way. My friend's pretty strong and was able to break a hand free and grab one of his hands and then found her voice (until then she was too shocked to say anything) to yell STOP a few times. Luckily he stopped and she ran into her house. He's called her MANY times since then, including using phone numbers she doesn't recognize, but she hasn't talked to him. She's told her parents, her friends and her boss at work since she didn't want to go in on Friday. She has NOT told the police. She doesn't think it'll help and her family and friends think the same. I still think she should go to them-- I know it's easy to say when it doesn't directly affect you. My friend is beating herself up over why she always seems to attract creeps. The previous guy she dated was a coke-head, another guy used to beat her, etc. And this isn't the first time my friend has been assaulted. I always thought guys like that are attracted to women who they think are weak and can be controlled. My friend is far from petite and is very vocal at voicing her displeasure over something so I'm not sure why she ends up with these guys. My immediate feeling when she told me was anger. Let's find this guy and kick his @ss. She has friends that wouldn't be shy to involve themselves in such behaviour. We'll be going out tonight so we'll see what decisions are made. When I asked her for details about the guy she was pretty sketchy about them. She doesn't know his last name and doesn't even know what apartment building, let alone apartment, he lives in. At first I thought this was weird, how could she go out with a guy a few times and not know these things? But when I think back to my own dating habits, I remember that the last woman I went out with regularly didn't know exactly where I lived either, although she knew my last name. Sorry for rambling and starting this downer thread, I just wanted to vent a little before I see her tonight. She should stay away form him, and (IMO) have no contact with him, except possibly convey the message that she doesnt want to ever see him again. If that doesnt take, then removing his spleen through his nostrils...might not be a bad idea. I know some people that will do the job cut rate Thay wouldn't be your fellow "forgiving" Christian friends, would they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.