1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 03:54 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 29 2005, 11:34 AM) QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 11:27 AM) Why'd'j say that? I panicked. Perhaps it's from the zoo. If it came from the zoo, it would have "property of zoo" stamped on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 03:58 PM) QUOTE (happysmiles007 @ Jan 29 2005, 12:20 PM) DINSDALE!!!!! carolynn Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor. Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that. Interviewer: Why? Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law. Interviewer: What had you done? Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would. I understand he also nailed your wife's head to the coffee table. Isn't that right, Mrs. O'Tracy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 29 2005, 05:53 PM) QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 03:54 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 29 2005, 11:34 AM) QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 11:27 AM) Why'd'j say that? I panicked. Perhaps it's from the zoo. If it came from the zoo, it would have "property of zoo" stamped on it! They don't stamp animals "property of the zoo"!! You can't stamp a huge lion!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 29 2005, 05:55 PM) QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 29 2005, 03:58 PM) QUOTE (happysmiles007 @ Jan 29 2005, 12:20 PM) DINSDALE!!!!! carolynn Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor. Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that. Interviewer: Why? Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law. Interviewer: What had you done? Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would. I understand he also nailed your wife's head to the coffee table. Isn't that right, Mrs. O'Tracy? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious, but fair. Interviewer: "Did it worry you that he, for example, stitched people's legs together?" Gloria: "Well it's better than bottling it up isn't it. He was a gentleman, Dinsdale, and what's more he knew how to treat a female impersonator." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted January 30, 2005 Author Share Posted January 30, 2005 THIS THREAD Directed By: 40 SPECIALLY TRAINED ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA) REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON 76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY with influence by Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Michael Palin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Still no sign of land. How long is it? That's a rather personal question, sir. You stupid git. I meant how long has it been in the lifeboat? You've destroyed the atmosphere now. I'm sorry. Shut up. Start again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 (camera zooms in) How long has it been? Thirty-three days, sir. We haven't had any food since the fifth day.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happysmiles007 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 charles? yes? it's mummy! looks at camera oh hello mummy! no charles, it's mummy..she's turned into a scotsman! carolynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 30 2005, 11:29 AM) (camera zooms in) How long has it been? Thirty-three days, sir. We haven't had any food since the fifth day.... Listen...chaps...there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a gamy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of you might. So...you'd better eat me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 QUOTE (happysmiles007 @ Jan 30 2005, 03:46 PM) charles? yes? it's mummy! looks at camera oh hello mummy! no charles, it's mummy..she's turned into a scotsman! carolynn Oh how horrible... Will they stop at nothing? I don't know - do you think they will? I meant that rhetorically. What does rhetorically mean? It means, I didn't expect an answer. Oh I see. Oh, you're so clever, Charles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1-0-0-1-0-0-1 Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 QUOTE (afansince74 @ Jan 31 2005, 07:23 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Jan 30 2005, 11:29 AM) (camera zooms in) How long has it been? Thirty-three days, sir. We haven't had any food since the fifth day.... Listen...chaps...there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a gamy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of you might. So...you'd better eat me. Ugh! With a gammy leg??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sark Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Well you don't have to eat the gammy leg! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 There's still plenty of good meat. Look at that arm. It's not just the leg, sir. What do you mean? Well, sir...it's just that - Why don't you want to eat me? I'd rather eat Johnson, sir! So would I, sir. I see. Well that's settled then...everyone's gonna eat me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakesideMaiden Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 lol this thread is too much.... Sir this parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! (knock knock - knocks the parrots head on the counter) ...gotta luv john clease Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sodoff Baldrick Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Is your name not Bruce? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted February 3, 2005 Author Share Posted February 3, 2005 QUOTE (Sodoff Baldrick @ Feb 3 2005, 03:29 PM) Is your name not Bruce? No, it's Michael. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sodoff Baldrick Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 QUOTE (Bastille Night @ Feb 3 2005, 04:32 PM) QUOTE (Sodoff Baldrick @ Feb 3 2005, 03:29 PM) Is your name not Bruce? No, it's Michael. That's going to cause a bit of confusion. Mind if we call you Bruce to keep it clear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chasartymac Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. ...another tube. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bastille Night Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 Well alrighty then, Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable, Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table, David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel, And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the turning of the wrist, Socrates himself was permanently pissed... John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, with half a pint of shandy was particularly ill, Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day, Aristotle, Aristotle was a beggar for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram, And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart, "I drink therefore I am." Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Next we have number four,... 'crunchy frog'. Ah, yes. Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here? Yes. A little one. What sort of frog? A dead frog. Is it cooked? No. What, a raw frog??!!! We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose. That's as maybe, but it's still a frog. What else? Well don't you even take the bones out? If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sark Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 What about cockroach cluster and anthrax ripple? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sodoff Baldrick Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Mallard Fizz for me, Harry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Well, the superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some form of mock frog. Mock frog??!!! We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind! Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend 'crunchy, raw, unboned, real dead frog', if you want to avoid prosecution! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sark Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Our sales would plummet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afansince74 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 I'm not interested in your sales, I have to protect the general public. Now how about this one. It was number five, wasn't it? Number five, ram's bladder cup. What kind of confection is this? We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark's vomit. Lark's vomit?? Correct. Well it don't say nothing about that here! Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate. Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it would be more appropriate if the box bore a large red label, 'Warning, lark's vomit.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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