rushengal Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 See I have this friend, who was in the nursing program with me, but he didnt pass three of the courses, and left. Well, he's been having alot of problems at home (he's gay, and his parents are strongly against his lifestyle choice... I could careless aslong as he's happy), and last night he attempted suicide (70 pills in 6 hours, ended up in Napanee Hospital last night after convincing from a friend... Thank God!). Well, now I'm really worried about him, and I offered him a save haven here in my room at school for aslong as I can (my roommate moved out, so there is an emtpy bed on the other side of the room). Well... I brought up this idea with Chris and Alex at lunch (Chris is my boyfriend, and Alex is Chris and I's best friend). While Alex supports me and thinks I'm doing the right thing. Chris is a little more iffy about it.... Iffy is a bad word... He's against it. Now, I know that Chris is very protective of me, and that he really likes me, and dosen't want to loose me to anyone. He's going a bit to far on this. I mean, I'm not attracted to this guy in any way/shape/form, and Chris is the only guy for me. I'm just trying to help this guy out. What would you do in this situation? Would you go against one's wishes to help out another friend? I don't know what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABZ Highlander Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Well, as your friend is gay, then your boyfriend really has nothing to worry about. Maybe he just needs reassured. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tick Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Now this is just my opinion , but your friend needs help that just letting him stay in your room probably wont give him . Im 41 now so i see things alot different than i would have as a younger man . In my 20's i would have gone out of my mind if my girl friend wanted to do this. I dont think i could deal . In the end though you need to search your own heart on this matter and just understand the good and the bad it will bring , then weigh it out and do what you think is right. All the best in this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaWanna Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 He might not be jealous...Just worried bout u gettin closer to this person and MIGHT have to deal with a loss..if u know what i mean Someone thats havin those thoughts and actualy tryin to end things, well they arent in the best condition an all u know. and maybe ur man is worried he might try something while in ur room or something. Its hard nuff to try to help someone but to REALLY deal with some one like that is REALLY hard, Im sure he knows ur just tryin to help and all but hes ur man...he does worry bout u..and its not alwayz a jealous thang. Maybe call around to see if theres anywhere that he can get professional help also.U cant do this kinda thing on ur own Sis..not at all hope this is a happy ending and ill be sendin my vibes ur & his way U have a GREAT heart Sis ur kind is few and far in this world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RushRevisited Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Give Chris a few days to think it through. His reaction is normal from someone this age who loves you - he feels threatened right now a little, regardless if your friend is gay or not. He will think it through and come to his senses in a couple of days, I would almost guarantee it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 QUOTE (tick @ Mar 2 2006, 04:47 PM) Now this is just my opinion , but your friend needs help that just letting him stay in your room probably wont give him . Im 41 now so i see things alot different than i would have as a younger man . In my 20's i would have gone out of my mind if my girl friend wanted to do this. I dont think i could deal . In the end though you need to search your own heart on this matter and just understand the good and the bad it will bring , then weigh it out and do what you think is right. All the best in this matter. I know I cant provide the help he needs. I'm just helping in the only way I can, and that is by getting him away from his parents. All I know is that I can't leave him in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 QUOTE (RushRevisited @ Mar 2 2006, 04:52 PM) Give Chris a few days to think it through. His reaction is normal from someone this age who loves you - he feels threatened right now a little, regardless if your friend is gay or not. He will think it through and come to his senses in a couple of days, I would almost guarantee it. Thanks alot RR I hope that he understands, I'm sure he will. Both Alex and I plan on talking to him about this, attempting to convince him that this is a good thing, and that there is no reason to be threatened by this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Mar 2 2006, 04:50 PM) He might not be jealous...Just worried bout u gettin closer to this person and MIGHT have to deal with a loss..if u know what i mean Someone thats havin those thoughts and actualy tryin to end things, well they arent in the best condition an all u know. and maybe ur man is worried he might try something while in ur room or something. Its hard nuff to try to help someone but to REALLY deal with some one like that is REALLY hard, Im sure he knows ur just tryin to help and all but hes ur man...he does worry bout u..and its not alwayz a jealous thang. Maybe call around to see if theres anywhere that he can get professional help also.U cant do this kinda thing on ur own Sis..not at all hope this is a happy ending and ill be sendin my vibes ur & his way U have a GREAT heart Sis ur kind is few and far in this world I can see where your coming from on this Donna.... Chris may just be worried about what might happen. I can only PRAY that nothing will happen, and I plan on sticking with this guy threw whatever might happen. I'm going to help him look around the city, see what kind of help he can get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromancer Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Donna said exactly what i was thinking Amanda. I don't think it's all jealousy, but serious concern. How would you like to be the one to find him if he does do this again and is successful at it? Also, she pointed out that you can't do this alone. I see you want to help in any way you can, and offering the shelter is a good start, but whether he likes it or not, you have to convince him to get the serious mental help he needs. Find out on campus what is available to him or check the local mental health clinics. This is very serious as i'm am fully sure you know. One attempt can lead to another and him just having shelter isn't enough of what he needs. As for Chris. He is young. Like Tick said... i'm forty now myself and can see things differently than i would have at twenty. At twenty, i would be in a major funk about it as well. Gay or not. It would just bother me. I'm sure Chris isn't gonna be stupid about it, so just do your best reassuring him that HE is your man and no one is gonna come between you. He'll come around. In the meantime, look for better qualified help for your friend. I know you want to stick through it with the guy... but if he's determined... then he needs much more qualified care than you can provide. On a personal note of advice. I know a woman who was in this SAME situation. She's my buddy's g/f. She had a gay best friend who went through a lot of trauma and ended his life. He called her as he was doing it. She couldn't help him. They both worked at the hospital and he took a drug that stops your heart for some kind of surgery. You need to be shocked out of it or you die. He took this and called her as he died. She has LIVED with this since it happened and it has totally RUINED her state of mind in many ways. I'm not telling you to cut yourself off from this, because there would be guilt that way also, but IF anything bad happens... you have to know that when a person is committed to doing this, all the help you offer can not stop it. It wasn't her fault and yet she still feels like somehow she is to blame. I really wish you weren't caught up in this Amanda. Chris may see things this way as well, y'know? Please convince him to get the help he needs. And i'm proud to know you. ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 Thanks to everyone for your imput, I value each and every peice of it. He's actually at the hospital right now, as one of the multiple pills he took was a muscle relaxant... your supposed to take two, he took 5. His throught was collapsing in on itself. I'm waiting to hear what happened. I plan on going down there as soon as I get some more information. I'm hoping that the people down at the hospital can start helping him on the right track. I don't know if the campus health center can really do anything, but there Mental Health Services is right across the street, maybe they can do something... anything. And I'm going to call Chris' room and leave a message... I have to talk to him, tell him to come down to my room when he gets back from work... sometime around 10:30 is.... (CO's parade... might be earlier) We need to get this out in the open, get threw whatever feels we might be having. I don't feel like any of this is my fault, and I know if he does do anything.... there is nothing I can do to stop him. I just want to help him in any way I possibly can. Shelter is a start, but I know it won't solve the problem. I'm already involved in this, and I can't leave now. I know that I'll have to deal with whatever happens, and I can only hope that Chris will be there for me, and help me threw whatever I may have to go threw. Thanks for listening everyone, Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonraker Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I do think its a very noble thing you are considering for your friend, and hopefully your bf will realize that there really isnt much of a threat with your friend getting inbetween you two. I do have a bit of concern for your friend though, your friend is obviously exteremly depressed and needs some kind of help for what he is going through. If he doesnt get that kind of help he needs, in all likelyhood he will continue this suicidal behaviour until it is successful. That would be an unimaginable situation for you to be in if something like what Donna explained happened to your friend while you were around. QUOTE (rushengal @ Mar 2 2006, 01:25 PM)he's gay, and his parents are strongly against his lifestyle choice... On a side note though, there is one thing that irks me to no end when people talk about homosexuals, that it is a lifestyle choice. It is beyond comprehension to me that anyone would choose to have a lifestyle with this behaviour, knowing and experiencing the extreme social repercussions that being gay yields. This is not a choice, it is the way they were born. I'm sorry, I dont mean to sound angry here but that way of thinking just really gets to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 QUOTE (Moonraker @ Mar 2 2006, 07:15 PM) QUOTE (rushengal @ Mar 2 2006, 01:25 PM)he's gay, and his parents are strongly against his lifestyle choice... On a side note though, there is one thing that irks me to no end when people talk about homosexuals, that it is a lifestyle choice. It is beyond comprehension to me that anyone would choose to have a lifestyle with this behaviour, knowing and experiencing the extreme social repercussions that being gay yields. This is not a choice, it is the way they were born. I'm sorry, I dont mean to sound angry here but that way of thinking just really gets to me. I know what you mean here... and I just couldn't find the right words to describe this.... I know that he was born like this, and that its not a choice. Thanks for calling me on it I know that he will keep trying, no matter how much I try not to think about it. I hope that the hospital might start him in counselling, atleast it would be a start. If not, I want to help him, I'll check and see what MHS has to offer. I hope they can do something to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyBlaze Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 All nice words on here by everyone. What EXACTLY is your bf concerned about? I think that you should talk to him about that. Although shelter isn't the end all to your friend's problem, your kind gesture alone is HUGE. Offering a close friend in a crisis situation a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, and other supports can't be too wrong in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 QUOTE (JohnnyBlaze @ Mar 2 2006, 07:32 PM) All nice words on here by everyone. What EXACTLY is your bf concerned about? I think that you should talk to him about that. Although shelter isn't the end all to your friend's problem, your kind gesture alone is HUGE. Offering a close friend in a crisis situation a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, and other supports can't be too wrong in my opinion. I don't know what hes concerned about exactly... I plan on calling him and talking to him about it. Hope it's nothing big, and its something small we can deal with. I hope atleast it's related to this... and not something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaotica Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Well where to begin.... first when my husband and I were dating many years ago we got into an argument (actually the first argument) as we were getting really mad at each other my best fiend called me on the phone... as me to come and get him right away.... I hung up the phone and told louie we were leaving that pat needed me and I was going.... I grab my keys and left... meanwhile louie was pissed right off at me that I would leave him for a friend (a boy whether the fact that i've known him since I was two)which made matters worse for the moment. A few days later after he cooled down I told him the hole truth and to this day he is still the only man I can be with and he isn't the least bit worried about. That night was really ugly mind you we spent the rest of the night at the hospital and avoiding the police but thats a whole nother story to long to get into now. As for your friend being gay... it bring tears to my heart. I had a very close friend who was gay and is now gone. We had all nighters(talks all night like dusk to dawn) often and believe me that life is the hardest... I argree that it's not a choice it's what they have been given and 90% of all gay men have tried to kill themselves at one time or another. If he really wants to, he will kill himself be careful there because he has gotten good at holding things inside and sometimes once those doors get open he may go a little or alot out of his character. You are a true friend to this person and he will realize this and lean on you more than he has ever before... just take care of yourself because the weight might get to heavy if you know what I mean.... And doing CPR on one of your friends IS something you will never forget especially when they don't make it ... it made me have a nervous break down when I was 16... you don't forget. If things are meant to be with your boyfriend he will come around ... mine did and now we are married and have two children and hes the love of my life... I'm here for you if you need more support but definitely talk to him get things out in the open and if it doesn't work out you did the right thing... as long as you followed your heart... be true to yourself first then others. Good luck my heart is with you Michelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madra sneachta Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 A practical question Amanda - How well does Chris know your friend?. Maybe the most important thing is for them to get closer. My other thought is does Chris need emotional reassurance?. He probably accepts that there's no chance of you becoming physically too close to your friend, but could he be afraid you'll become too emotionally close to him and unwittingly shut Chris out?. As to whether or not you should help him, I think you know the answer to that already. If you don't, irrespective of how things pan out, I think you'll regret it, and that in itself could drive as big if not a bigger wedge between Chris and yourself, because unconsciously you may feel guilty and blame Chris. Good luck!!!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gremlack Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 There really shouldnt be any force used on either side, and so far from the story told, there isn't. Your boyfriend doesn't really have a huge say in this. Sure his opinion is valued, because you invited another man to stay with you at college, but that doesn't mean to decision is up to him, or has to include him. While it would be mean to not listen to him completely, it would be acceptable to wait for him to come around, but if he never does and the friend in need asks for you, you should house the friend in trouble. Chris will eventually understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamline Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Just out of interest, how would you feel if your boyfriend invited a lesbian to share his room? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 QUOTE (Dreamline @ Mar 4 2006, 02:23 AM) Just out of interest, how would you feel if your boyfriend invited a lesbian to share his room? I'd be iffy myself. But I'm confident enough in our relationship to trust him. And if I knew all the facts... I'd have no problem with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 Just to let you know, The problem has been solved. All he needed was a little reasurance. And a comment from my friend.... 'Im more likely to go after him then you' Thanks for your imput everyone!! Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveyt Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 QUOTE (rushengal @ Mar 2 2006, 04:25 PM) He's going a bit to far on this. put chris in check and do what you think is right, gal. then communicate that clearly. chris should respect you for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveyt Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 darn! my advice is too late! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rushengal Posted March 4, 2006 Author Share Posted March 4, 2006 QUOTE (daveyt @ Mar 4 2006, 02:09 PM) darn! my advice is too late! Advice accepted anyways. Thanks Davey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Grizz Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 QUOTE (chaotica @ Mar 2 2006, 05:54 PM)...90% of all gay men have tried to kill themselves at one time or another. Where did this statistic come from? I've known hundreds of gay men in my life, including myself, and I don't know of a single one who has attempted suicide. Y'all, there's nothing wrong with being gay. What's wrong is the straight people who don't understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 QUOTE (daveyt @ Mar 4 2006, 01:09 PM) darn! my advice is too late! Yes, mine would also be late! I just now have seen your thread gal! I'm sooo happy everything worked out for you with Chris...having his support. He loves you! He's standing by you...which is terrific. I hope your friend will be fine. I know with you as his friend HE WILL! Take care dear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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