The TRF Infirmary Thread

[Blue J]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

[Blue J]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

I bit my way to a nice, infected hangnail a couple of days ago. I feel your pain, brother.

[Tombstone Mountain]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

I bit my way to a nice, infected hangnail a couple of days ago. I feel your pain, brother.

was this you?

[Narps]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

[laughedatbytime]

Anyone want to see a post op picture of my foot after heel reconstruction?? :laughing guy: http://www.shootersloft.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/puke.gif

I'm good...thanks.

[Tombstone Mountain]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

[Narps]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

[Tombstone Mountain]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

[Narps]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

I don't have the anxiety anymore and if you knew how I felt before them then you would understand me not wanting to go back. I have been taking the serious pain meds only for about the past 6 or 8 months or so. Even after my first hand surgery a little over two years ago and then last year around this time the pacemaker surgery and the sinus surgery and the two oral surgeries and the chunk of cancer that was cut off my arm I didn't take more than over the counter pain meds on a regular basis. I found the pain pretty debilitating as time passed and starting seeing a pain management specialist about 8 months ago and the stuff helps alot. Now with the back to back hand/wrist fusion surgeries they help even more. Don't know if you have seen the pics in my "Its Official" thread but it ain't pretty and wasn't fun. What can I say?... :)

[Tombstone Mountain]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

I don't have the anxiety anymore and if you knew how I felt before them then you would understand me not wanting to go back. I have been taking the serious pain meds only for about the past 6 or 8 months or so. Even after my first hand surgery a little over two years ago and then last year around this time the pacemaker surgery and the sinus surgery and the two oral surgeries and the chunk of cancer that was cut off my arm I didn't take more than over the counter pain meds on a regular basis. I found the pain pretty debilitating as time passed and starting seeing a pain management specialist about 8 months ago and the stuff helps alot. Now with the back to back hand/wrist fusion surgeries they help even more. Don't know if you have seen the pics in my "Its Official" thread but it ain't pretty and wasn't fun. What can I say?... :)

Is there an exit strategy with your pain specialist on the meds? Man, every doctor I got to, first thing they wanna shove at me.

[Tombstone Mountain]

BTW isn't awesome to be so free and open discussing life? How fulfilling is that?

[Narps]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

I don't have the anxiety anymore and if you knew how I felt before them then you would understand me not wanting to go back. I have been taking the serious pain meds only for about the past 6 or 8 months or so. Even after my first hand surgery a little over two years ago and then last year around this time the pacemaker surgery and the sinus surgery and the two oral surgeries and the chunk of cancer that was cut off my arm I didn't take more than over the counter pain meds on a regular basis. I found the pain pretty debilitating as time passed and starting seeing a pain management specialist about 8 months ago and the stuff helps alot. Now with the back to back hand/wrist fusion surgeries they help even more. Don't know if you have seen the pics in my "Its Official" thread but it ain't pretty and wasn't fun. What can I say?... :)

Is there an exit strategy with your pain specialist on the meds? Man, every doctor I got to, first thing they wanna shove at me.

No and No as far as I Know...

[Tombstone Mountain]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

I don't have the anxiety anymore and if you knew how I felt before them then you would understand me not wanting to go back. I have been taking the serious pain meds only for about the past 6 or 8 months or so. Even after my first hand surgery a little over two years ago and then last year around this time the pacemaker surgery and the sinus surgery and the two oral surgeries and the chunk of cancer that was cut off my arm I didn't take more than over the counter pain meds on a regular basis. I found the pain pretty debilitating as time passed and starting seeing a pain management specialist about 8 months ago and the stuff helps alot. Now with the back to back hand/wrist fusion surgeries they help even more. Don't know if you have seen the pics in my "Its Official" thread but it ain't pretty and wasn't fun. What can I say?... :)

Is there an exit strategy with your pain specialist on the meds? Man, every doctor I got to, first thing they wanna shove at me.

No and No as far as I Know...

For your sake, make it a priority. YOU bring it up with them. Make a plan. Figure out that exit strategy. The medical folks could give a flip about what happens down the road.

[Narps]

BTW isn't awesome to be so free and open discussing life? How fulfilling is that?

It is. Without this as my "journal" or "sounding board" or "diary" so to speak I would have probably lost my marbles long ago I have a feeling. There are probably some members out there that think negatively about this kind of thing but there are too many that seem to genuinely care to concern myself with them. I got over really caring about what everyone thinks a while back but I used to. I feel much more comfortable now and the folks that don't like me or what i post can just ignore me if they wish. Wouldn't be the first time... :D

[Narps]

Don't waste money on any therapist either, Narps. I think you already know why you are anxious and depressed. To go from an active life to a sedentary one isn't easy.

 

Yeah I would agree with this 100%.

 

Personally, I think having a good heart to heart with someone who genuinely cares about you does more good than any counselor or therapy ever could.

 

But that's just my opinion.

The problem is and this is based on my insurance covering the sessions, some of the problem may have to do with our relationship and they are things we just can't seem to ever talk about. Its like there is an imaginary wall between us that has been there since I can remember. This is just between us ok? It would be difficult to understand unless you were living it yourself. We have what I would call a friendly relationship and very few common interests outside of our children and house and bills and normal stuff like that but that is about it. Anyway, we will see. I really appreciate your caring and point of view... :)

 

I've had this exact experience, too, in my life. It's extremely difficult.

Just a quick update and since its just us two talking , I did get a referral from my doctor and made my first appointment to see a therapist with my first appointment next Friday morning. With my Blue Cross plan each session will only be a 15 dollar copay which seems well worth it. We shall see. I am kind of nervously exited about the whole process to be honest. I have never experienced anything like this before. I just know something needs to change because she deserves to be "truly" happy as I do at this almost "empty nest" (a couple months away) portion of our lives. Just being friendly and "getting along" just isn't enough anymore. It was fine when we had a common goal in raising our now wonderful adult children and were consumed with work. To much down time now and boredom with each other. Anyway, apologies to all for having to listen to my "gut spilling". I just try to keep it real at all times and I feel among friends here... :) :cheers:

 

You are certainly among friends- and I can tell you, I've gone through individual counseling myself. Best to keep in mind that you only get out of it as much as you put in- meaning that if there are things you decide to hold back and not talk about, it's likely that those things won't be helped. But if you are as honest and forthright as you can be (which, as long as I've known you, has definitely been your policy), you should be able to make a lot of progress.

 

Don't be surprised if after a few weeks, this counselor wants to see your wife as well, or possibly both of you together in the same session (!).

 

Best of luck.

I fully expect her to be involved in this thing and rather quickly and I don't mean to be pessimistic but i really don't hold out much hope that we can ever be what would be considered a "normal" couple ever again. Lot's of years and water under the bridge but we shall see. We never fight or argue or yell or have any discussions that are about us and our relationship and that is the crux of the problem I am sure. Everything up to this point for years and years has been about the children, family, the house, bills, work etc and here we are... :)

Coming from the perspective a guy who has undergone therapy, and also studied it at the graduate school level, approach the discussion with your wife (I know you'll do this already) in a positive, constructive way during the sessions. Don't throw the kitchen sink at her. Constructive, not destructive. Be careful that your therapist doesn't point you in that direction. In my experience, that's a fun game that some like to play. They just probe, and watch WWIII go down.

 

Having said that, address the issues with a view that you're going to have to live with her after the sessions. If she's being closed to you, that means there's major things under the surface, which we all deal with.

 

In the sessions, focus on dreams, the future, and the wonderful endless possibilities life can offer. Both good, and bad. Just remember--nothing changes if nothing changes.

 

The issues are coming from her being unwilling to re-connect for some reason if I'm not mistaken. You, must be her rock of confidence in that you'll always be there no matter what comes up...and that's where REAL healing starts.

 

Gotta a question for you Narps...have you both been, or on any meds for an extended period of time? This is an area people run away from because, well, it's a big influence on them and how they cope with life.

She has been on Prozac for years. I just started on anti anxiety meds about a year ago. It was either that or visit the emergency room daily. I felt so bad and so sick trying to explain how I felt wouldn't do it justice. I am on alot of pain meds too for obvious reasons and they help quite a bit. As long as I don't have a sinus infection (which I always seem to have) I feel pretty good day to day and can function and get things done. I am just now getting over a month long bout (at least) of feeling awful with a sinus/congestion issue with more antibiotics and steroids. To look at me you would think I was healthy as a horse as throughout all of this I have still managed to workout most of the time and keep myself together. Hopefully these sessions will reveal something and at least get us started to some kind of recovery whatever that is or means... :)

When it comes to the meds...ask yourself...am I back where I started from?

 

You're still in the company of anxiety. So why the meds? Seriously Narp...people are forgetting what it means to be human. We can't numb our way through life and live a life on the road less travelled.

 

Pain meds...how long?

I don't have the anxiety anymore and if you knew how I felt before them then you would understand me not wanting to go back. I have been taking the serious pain meds only for about the past 6 or 8 months or so. Even after my first hand surgery a little over two years ago and then last year around this time the pacemaker surgery and the sinus surgery and the two oral surgeries and the chunk of cancer that was cut off my arm I didn't take more than over the counter pain meds on a regular basis. I found the pain pretty debilitating as time passed and starting seeing a pain management specialist about 8 months ago and the stuff helps alot. Now with the back to back hand/wrist fusion surgeries they help even more. Don't know if you have seen the pics in my "Its Official" thread but it ain't pretty and wasn't fun. What can I say?... :)

Is there an exit strategy with your pain specialist on the meds? Man, every doctor I got to, first thing they wanna shove at me.

No and No as far as I Know...

For your sake, make it a priority. YOU bring it up with them. Make a plan. Figure out that exit strategy. The medical folks could give a flip about what happens down the road.

I honestly don't see how that will be possible at this point. I am in pretty damn good shape so shaping up to eliminate some of my pain is out. I could understand if I was putting undue stress on my body by being overweight or something like that but that isn't the case. I am arthritic and it hurts and there is no way around it... :)

[Narps]

Enough for now. Thanks a bunch TM. My fingers can't take much more... :cheers:

[Lorraine]

BTW isn't awesome to be so free and open discussing life? How fulfilling is that?

 

It would be even more awesome if it wasn't on the worldwide web. I am not against being open here, but I don't like "prying eyes." Also, some here aren't worthy of confidence. Like Narps always says, just keeping it real. :)

[LyndseyG]

I am on annual leave for the week. It's the first holiday I've had since Christmas. I am going to use it for rest. It's been a busy, exhausting and stressful few weeks. I have seriously needed this break. May I be admitted to TRF's infirmary?

Enjoy your time off! Have a seat ~ You may feel a little pinch http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/36_1_40.gif Here, have a cold drink: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/coffeecheers.gif *I snuck this in for you* You can relax here and get some well needed R&R http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/ani21.gif Ignore your work calls and emails: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/earplug.gif By the end of the week you'll be feeling like new! http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/s55.gif When you return to your regularly scheduled life, you can talk about (Or not http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/smileys/nope.gif) your spa treatment in the TRF Infirmary. http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy221/anna_solun/SPA/Treatment/376232_10151114822884042_2068627028.jpg

I am on annual leave for the week. It's the first holiday I've had since Christmas. I am going to use it for rest. It's been a busy, exhausting and stressful few weeks. I have seriously needed this break. May I be admitted to TRF's infirmary?

Do enjoy your time off, and relax as much as possible. I haven't had any time off since Christmas, either (and even that was, umm...three days, I think). I'm ready, too! But I have at least another six weeks or so to go.

I am on annual leave for the week. It's the first holiday I've had since Christmas. I am going to use it for rest. It's been a busy, exhausting and stressful few weeks. I have seriously needed this break. May I be admitted to TRF's infirmary?

Yes you may. Enjoy your time here and I believe Sunny already got you up to speed on all the amenities available to you. All I can offer is this welcoming hug. The "rest" is up to you... :cheers:

 

Thank you guys! :)

 

Sunny, this has to be the most beautiful room I've ever seen!

 

Narps, I saw what you did there!

 

:) :hi: :cheers:

[Lorraine]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

[satchmothesnowdog]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

[Lorraine]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

 

That and a counseling job too! We need men who have been through so that they can help others get through it~~~~~~ :)

[satchmothesnowdog]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

 

That and a counseling job too! We need men who have been through so that they can help others get through it~~~~~~ :)

Smashing my fingers quite honestly hurt more than falling off a roof and breaking my back in 3 places and shattering my heel. At least intensity-wise. :)

[EagleMoon]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

 

That and a counseling job too! We need men who have been through so that they can help others get through it~~~~~~ :)

Smashing my fingers quite honestly hurt more than falling off a roof and breaking my back in 3 places and shattering my heel. At least intensity-wise. :)

 

Whoa.

[Lorraine]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

 

That and a counseling job too! We need men who have been through so that they can help others get through it~~~~~~ :)

Smashing my fingers quite honestly hurt more than falling off a roof and breaking my back in 3 places and shattering my heel. At least intensity-wise. :)

 

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make light of your pain. I thought you were being humorous and I responded in kind.

 

:cheers:

[satchmothesnowdog]

I broke a nail...sucks big time!

 

Easy does it. One day at a time. Would you like to schedule a counseling session now or later? ;)

I smashed two with a hammer last month when I was working and killed both of them. Do I get Flight for Life for that one?? :D

 

That and a counseling job too! We need men who have been through so that they can help others get through it~~~~~~ :)

Smashing my fingers quite honestly hurt more than falling off a roof and breaking my back in 3 places and shattering my heel. At least intensity-wise. :)

 

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make light of your pain. I thought you were being humorous and I responded in kind.

 

:cheers:

I was being a goof. I rarely try saying anything serious, btw.

 

It was just odd that the intensity of something as trivial as smashing two digits was worse than falling 15 feet . But hey, I get opiates for life now :)