Married With Friends Of Opposite Sex

[lerxt1990]

QUOTE (fledgehog @ Oct 21 2011, 12:05 PM)

QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Oct 21 2011, 12:01 PM) fledge, I love how you cut that one line out and ignored the rest of workaholic's post. If you read the meat of the post, you would get the feeling for the thread. If selective responding works for tick, it should work for me too. I've been waiting over a day to see his response to this post:   QUOTE On another note, it's not setting an example of wisdom and experience when a self-proclaimed "mature" person calls a young person a "prick," even if he is one. The mature thing would be to ignore the prick. Or at least not use the word "prick."   but i guess he didn't feel it was worth responding to...much like i didn't find the rest of the post i quoted to be worth responding to.   there's also a difference between a thread that starts off as one thing and morphs into something else, and a thread that is grossly misrepresented by its own title and poll question. i can't help but feel that a lot of argument and confusion could have been spared if the thread had a more accurate name. ^ prick.

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (lerxt1990 @ Oct 21 2011, 12:07 PM)

QUOTE (fledgehog @ Oct 21 2011, 12:05 PM) QUOTE (Lost In Xanadu @ Oct 21 2011, 12:01 PM) fledge, I love how you cut that one line out and ignored the rest of workaholic's post. If you read the meat of the post, you would get the feeling for the thread. If selective responding works for tick, it should work for me too. I've been waiting over a day to see his response to this post:   QUOTE On another note, it's not setting an example of wisdom and experience when a self-proclaimed "mature" person calls a young person a "prick," even if he is one. The mature thing would be to ignore the prick. Or at least not use the word "prick."   but i guess he didn't feel it was worth responding to...much like i didn't find the rest of the post i quoted to be worth responding to.   there's also a difference between a thread that starts off as one thing and morphs into something else, and a thread that is grossly misrepresented by its own title and poll question. i can't help but feel that a lot of argument and confusion could have been spared if the thread had a more accurate name. ^ prick. ^^^ Douche-prick.

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

Interesting thread.

 

50% - Good topic with well thought out responses

40% - People clarifying and re-defining what they said in earlier posts

10% - Kids who should have stayed seated at the kids' table

[Necromancer]

Here's a good read that argues both sides and provides validity for both sides. It also includes an optimistic survey from match.com. Now this survey wouldn't be quite accurate, since people on that site aren't married (or shouldn't be anyway), and their opinions would most likely change if they were. Nonetheless, a good read.

 

psychology today

Edited October 21, 2011 by Necromancer

[lerxt1990]

In the end, its up to the people involved, both spouses.

 

Sorry to finish this with 11 words.

 

Bahahaaaa!

[Principled Man]

QUOTE (fledgehog @ Oct 21 2011, 10:39 AM)

QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Oct 20 2011, 10:22 PM) The topic of this thread is NOT about people of the opposite sex being close friends. really? because the thread title and poll question sure make it seem that way. I read the thread title, then I read the poll question, and then I read the initial post.   I reflected on the subject, considered my personal experiences, and then gave my opinion about married people and their friends of the opposite sex......and the trouble that could arise from those friendships. I stand by everything that I have said.

[danielmclark]

[danielmclark]

On a side note, I think it's fantastic that this is being talked about elsewhere, and apparently prompted someone to come in here and personally bash me as a result. Awesome. Thanks for that.

 

For everything that has been said, as heated as it has gotten, it didn't elevate between me and anyone else above a mild reproach and some tame (comparatively) insults. But now I get someone coming in and directly attacking me, saying that my posts here are the result of not getting laid by "so-called" female friends. You stay classy, dude.

[Lost In Xanadu]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 21 2011, 12:32 PM)

On a side note, I think it's fantastic that this is being talked about elsewhere, and apparently prompted someone to come in here and personally bash me as a result. Awesome. Thanks for that. For everything that has been said, as heated as it has gotten, it didn't elevate between me and anyone else above a mild reproach and some tame (comparatively) insults. But now I get someone coming in and directly attacking me, saying that my posts here are the result of not getting laid by "so-called" female friends. You stay classy, dude.

I think we have the definitive answer here...

 

GEORGE: So, how come nothing ever happened between you and Nina? Is there a problem with her? Is she a man?

 

JERRY: Are you?

 

GEORGE: Well, what's the reason?

 

JERRY: We were too compatible.. Our conversations were so engrossing.

 

GEORGE: How engrossing?

 

JERRY: If we ever had a problem with Elaine, we could bring in Nina and not lose a step.

 

GEORGE: Wow! Heh. You don't, huh, have a replacement lined up for me, do ya?

 

JERRY: Anyway, like I was saying, I couldn't make the trasition from conversation to sex. There were no awkward pauses.. I need an awkward pause.

 

GEORGE: I'm all for awkward pauses. Fix me up with her..

[Necromancer]

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 21 2011, 01:32 PM)

On a side note, I think it's fantastic that this is being talked about elsewhere, and apparently prompted someone to come in here and personally bash me as a result. Awesome. Thanks for that. For everything that has been said, as heated as it has gotten, it didn't elevate between me and anyone else above a mild reproach and some tame (comparatively) insults. But now I get someone coming in and directly attacking me, saying that my posts here are the result of not getting laid by "so-called" female friends. You stay classy, dude.

Oh take your tampon out.

 

You've been directly attacking Tick's character through your posts. Making assumptions that he has trust issues and the like. I didn't come in here to directly attack you. YOU begged for it. YOU asked to be called a douche, and I obliged. Hi, i'm NECRO.

 

All I said was I DOUBT IT, as to your "scoring" ability. It's the internet, people bullshit. Why would I think you to be better?

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

And here we go....

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM)

And here we go....

Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right?

[Hatchetaxe&saw]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 03:38 PM)

Don't get too excited HA&S. It's just a run-in.

Ah balls. Well, see ya on FB!

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:21 PM)

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM) And here we go.... Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right? Well, certainly not as often!

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:23 PM)

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:21 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM) And here we go.... Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right? Well, certainly not as often! Come on now. Just cuz I haven't logged in in a year, doesn't mean I haven't been watching. You really want to stand by that statement?

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:25 PM)

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:23 PM) QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:21 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM) And here we go.... Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right? Well, certainly not as often! Come on now. Just cuz I haven't logged in in a year, doesn't mean I haven't been watching. You really want to stand by that statement? Yeah, pretty much!

[danielmclark]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 12:02 PM)

You've stated his opinion isn't right because he has no valid proof, but you're doing the same thing.

I said this:

 

"...many of us personally know many men that successfully have friendships with women (yes, even attractive women, which you seem to think is something that matters in this equation) - and many of us have those kinds of relationships ourselves. Therefore, we have proven that not all men think and behave the way you so stereotypically believe.

 

So, you see, while you have an opinion, I actually have a fact. The fact that backs me up is just what I outlined above: these kinds of relationships exist. That is provable and irrefutable. That is a fact."

 

Are you denying it?

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:30 PM)

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:25 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:23 PM) QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:21 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM) And here we go.... Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right? Well, certainly not as often! Come on now. Just cuz I haven't logged in in a year, doesn't mean I haven't been watching. You really want to stand by that statement? Yeah, pretty much! Really? I mean, I even saw wars in GRAND DESIGNS while "gone". And without logging in, I can't even access SOCN, so I can only imagine.   Don't worry, i'm only passing through to say hi. If I got your admin senses tinging in five posts, I'm sure things aren't different enough to hang out regularly again.   The topic was getting a good conversation without anyone being dickish on FB, and I guess it was too boring for me. I KNEW it had to be more trollish, therefore exciting over here. I got sucked in. Sorry.

[Steel Rat]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 11:19 AM)

Here's a good read that argues both sides and provides validity for both sides. It also includes an optimistic survey from match.com. Now this survey wouldn't be quite accurate, since people on that site aren't married (or shouldn't be anyway), and their opinions would most likely change if they were. Nonetheless, a good read. psychology today

Thanks for posting this, it was a great read.

 

Personally - and don't call me a troll, I'm absolutely not trolling - I think everyone should be open to letting their spouse consistently hang out with someone who might find them attractive. That's what I would do if the situation came up, because I would want to see if my wife really does love me. If I say "No, you can't hang out with that boy," I would have to spend my whole marriage wondering if she would have cheated on me.

 

There are three outcomes to this situation that I have been trying to hammer across this thread, but no one responds to it, or they simply say "I don't agree."

 

The three outcomes are:

 

1) The relationship that the spouse has really is just a friendship, and the spouse loves you more because you trusted him/her.

 

2) The spouse cheats on you, proving that she doesn't really love you; ergo, you learn that you shouldn't have been with her in the first place.

 

3) You all agree to an awesome threesome.

 

Whatever outcome comes to pass, you always win.

 

Ok, I was trolling a LITTLE BIT with option 3.

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (danielmclark @ Oct 21 2011, 02:33 PM)

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 12:02 PM) You've stated his opinion isn't right because he has no valid proof, but you're doing the same thing. I said this:   "...many of us personally know many men that successfully have friendships with women (yes, even attractive women, which you seem to think is something that matters in this equation) - and many of us have those kinds of relationships ourselves. Therefore, we have proven that not all men think and behave the way you so stereotypically believe.   So, you see, while you have an opinion, I actually have a fact. The fact that backs me up is just what I outlined above: these kinds of relationships exist. That is provable and irrefutable. That is a fact."   Are you denying it? I'm saying that might be an odd case sample, since it only applies to you and these few saintly men you supposedly know. HOW do I know that's a fact? Is there some kind of chart where your study has been posted? C'mon, how is this FACT?   It's no different from Tick's FACTS. His gut feelings and what he's observed in HIS life, caused him to call his opinion fact. Something he's been man enough to admit was wrong, and you haven't accepted that either.

[tangy]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 01:23 PM)

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 02:21 PM) QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Oct 21 2011, 02:19 PM) And here we go.... Yeah, cuz it just DON'T happen around here without me, right? Well, certainly not as often! long time, no see.   welcome back necro!

[Necromancer]

QUOTE (Steel Rat @ Oct 21 2011, 02:38 PM)

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 11:19 AM) Here's a good read that argues both sides and provides validity for both sides.  It also includes an optimistic survey from match.com.  Now this survey wouldn't be quite accurate, since people on that site aren't married (or shouldn't be anyway), and their opinions would most likely change if they were.  Nonetheless, a good read.  psychology today Thanks for posting this, it was a great read.   Personally - and don't call me a troll, I'm absolutely not trolling - I think everyone should be open to letting their spouse consistently hang out with someone who might find them attractive. That's what I would do if the situation came up, because I would want to see if my wife really does love me. If I say "No, you can't hang out with that boy," I would have to spend my whole marriage wondering if she would have cheated on me.   There are three outcomes to this situation that I have been trying to hammer across this thread, but no one responds to it, or they simply say "I don't agree."   The three outcomes are:   1) The relationship that the spouse has really is just a friendship, and the spouse loves you more because you trusted him/her.   2) The spouse cheats on you, proving that she doesn't really love you; ergo, you learn that you shouldn't have been with her in the first place.   3) You all agree to an awesome threesome.   Whatever outcome comes to pass, you always win.   Ok, I was trolling a LITTLE BIT with option 3. Here's the rub tho. This goes back to the sub-war here about experience and age, which I won't bother to get into. If you take these options you've listed... that's fine. I hope all works out for you, and you get the awesome 3-way as well. BUT... we're all (men and women) filled with ego and other emotions that get in the way of thinking sensibly in matter such as this. When you are MARRIED, those baser emotions take over, and as much as we'd love to deny them, and think we're better than that... they get in the way. They are also VALID emotions.   That being said, your spouse SHOULD take your baser feelings about it, into consideration. The man in Tick's scenario is obviously worried about something. Whether it's a trust issue with his wife, or he knows the guy is a scum, it doesn't matter. His wife, who loves him, and has forsaken ALL OTHERS to be with him, HAS to take that into consideration. If this is bothering him, and she just blows his feelings off... as if he doesn't matter... that's an even BIGGER problem with the marriage. The same is true in a vice-versa instance.   Is it worth it, to hang out with this guy, ride on his bike, have movie night with him... KNOWING it's pissing off her husband? I don't think so.   I know I wouldn't like it, and my wife respects that. She had friends of the opposite sex when we met, and she knows how I feel about it, and cut ties with them. It's just one example of what marriage is... or should be about.   I think as you get older, and have more of these type experiences, you'll feel differently. Please let me know if i'm right in a few years. And this isn't being condescending.

[treeduck]

Hey Necro!

 

[thesweetscience]

QUOTE (Necromancer @ Oct 21 2011, 12:05 PM)

QUOTE (fledgehog @ Oct 21 2011, 11:39 AM) QUOTE (Workaholic Man @ Oct 20 2011, 10:22 PM) The topic of this thread is NOT about people of the opposite sex being close friends. really? because the thread title and poll question sure make it seem that way. I thought the title clearly stated that it involved MARRIED people. Necro!!!!! How are you?!!!