Just for fun

[chaotica]

Dark Confession

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

 

Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet

with the little boy.

 

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes it is."

Boy- "I have a baseball."

Man- "That's nice."

Boy- "Want to buy it?"

Man- "No, thanks."

Boy- "My dad's outside."

Man- "OK, how much?"

Boy- "$250."

 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover

are in the closet together.

 

Boy- "Dark in here."

Man- "Yes, it is."

Boy- "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy- "$750."

Man- "Fine."

 

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go

outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

 

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"

 

The son says "$1,000."

 

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.

 

That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to

church and make you confess."

 

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession

booth and he closes the door.

 

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (chaotica @ Feb 19 2007, 08:48 AM)

Dark Confession A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes it is." Boy- "I have a baseball." Man- "That's nice." Boy- "Want to buy it?" Man- "No, thanks." Boy- "My dad's outside." Man- "OK, how much?" Boy- "$250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy- "Dark in here." Man- "Yes, it is." Boy- "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy- "$750." Man- "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?" The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

 

[different strings]

QUOTE (chaotica @ Feb 20 2007, 01:48 AM)

Dark Confession A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes it is." Boy- "I have a baseball." Man- "That's nice." Boy- "Want to buy it?" Man- "No, thanks." Boy- "My dad's outside." Man- "OK, how much?" Boy- "$250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy- "Dark in here." Man- "Yes, it is." Boy- "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy- "$750." Man- "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?" The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

Thats classical Missy.

[Cygnus]

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what's wrong? The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby boy.''

 

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "Well it's obvious that you should put him into a mental institution."

 

''Why,'' asked the head nurse.

 

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

[chaotica]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Feb 21 2007, 09:02 AM)

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what's wrong? The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby boy.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "Well it's obvious that you should put him into a mental institution." ''Why,'' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Feb 21 2007, 07:02 AM)

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what's wrong? The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby boy.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "Well it's obvious that you should put him into a mental institution." ''Why,'' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

*groan*

 

[Cygnus]

Growing Old

 

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

 

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am"?

 

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16 and your figure, 25."

 

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

 

Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying, "Whoa, hold on there sweetie! I haven't added them up yet!"

 

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Feb 22 2007, 01:06 PM)

Growing Old Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am"? Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16 and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying, "Whoa, hold on there sweetie! I haven't added them up yet!"

 

[Rolinda Bonz]

THE UGLY FROG

 

 

 

An older lady was some what lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

 

He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME WITH. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."

 

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.

 

As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

 

So! the old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

 

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.

 

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS. SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.

 

 

NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

COME ON GUESS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DONT BE A POOP!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[owlswing]

[porthleven's rose]

Triffic!!!

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Feb 25 2007, 01:39 AM)

THE UGLY FROG An older lady was some what lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her. He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME WITH. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY." The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY." So! the old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog. IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince. THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS. SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO? COME ON GUESS! OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DONT BE A POOP! * * * * * * * * SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

[owlswing]

[blonde77th]

Good Ones

[owlswing]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.

 

 

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my

husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

 

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3a.m., a bit worse for wear, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

 

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

 

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why. He said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 2 times, giggled, Cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

[owlswing]

Dare ya not to laugh...

 

http://joe-ks.com/archives_may2005/Elastic_Baby.htm

 

[failte]

[Daylin]

QUOTE (owlswing @ Feb 28 2007, 10:50 AM)

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married. The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3a.m., a bit worse for wear, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why. He said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 2 times, giggled, Cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Feb 28 2007, 03:36 PM)

QUOTE (owlswing @ Feb 28 2007, 10:50 AM) Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married. The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3a.m., a bit worse for wear, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.  (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told  him "Midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why. He said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another  2 times, giggled, Cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (owlswing @ Feb 28 2007, 11:52 AM)

Dare ya not to laugh... http://joe-ks.com/archives_may2005/Elastic_Baby.htm

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

Jon and Jennie are getting ready for bed. Jennie is standing in front of

her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

 

"You know, Jon," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an

ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that

they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons,

and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg! My

body has just gone to hell in a hand basket!

 

She turns to face Jon and says, "Jon, please tell me just one

positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

 

Jon studies Jennie critically for a moment and then says in a soft,

thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

 

He never heard the shot.

[owlswing]

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Mar 1 2007, 11:23 AM)

Jon and Jennie are getting ready for bed. Jennie is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. "You know, Jon," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg! My body has just gone to hell in a hand basket! She turns to face Jon and says, "Jon, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself." Jon studies Jennie critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." He never heard the shot.

 

[porthleven's rose]

QUOTE (owlswing @ Mar 1 2007, 12:04 PM)

QUOTE (1-0-0-1-0-0-1 @ Mar 1 2007, 11:23 AM) Jon and Jennie are getting ready for bed. Jennie is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. "You know, Jon," she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenberg! My body has just gone to hell in a hand basket! She turns to face Jon and says, "Jon, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself." Jon studies Jennie critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." He never heard the shot. well there's tactful!!!

[Rolinda Bonz]

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c167/RolindaBonz/mgd.jpg

[iluvgeddy05]

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

 

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

 

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

 

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

 

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

 

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."