Just for fun

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (iluvgeddy05 @ Mar 13 2007, 11:20 AM)

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Mar 13 2007, 11:06 PM)

QUOTE (iluvgeddy05 @ Mar 13 2007, 11:20 AM) A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

[Cygnus]

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/punctuationlesson.jpg

[porthleven's rose]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 14 2007, 09:27 AM)

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/punctuationlesson.jpg

Oh,neat and clever!!!! Nice one--

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Mar 14 2007, 02:35 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 14 2007, 09:27 AM) http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/punctuationlesson.jpg Oh,neat and clever!!!! Nice one-- Good One

[owlswing]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Mar 15 2007, 10:14 AM)

QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Mar 14 2007, 02:35 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 14 2007, 09:27 AM) http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/punctuationlesson.jpg Oh,neat and clever!!!! Nice one-- Good One

[Daylin]

QUOTE (owlswing @ Mar 15 2007, 09:32 AM)

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Mar 15 2007, 10:14 AM) QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Mar 14 2007, 02:35 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 14 2007, 09:27 AM) http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/punctuationlesson.jpg Oh,neat and clever!!!! Nice one-- Good One

[Cygnus]

http://cdn.ugoto.com/pictures/bellies-003.jpg

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 29 2007, 11:13 AM)

http://cdn.ugoto.com/pictures/bellies-003.jpg

 

Cygnus, I'm LOL at your sig, too

[owlswing]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Mar 29 2007, 01:05 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Mar 29 2007, 11:13 AM) http://cdn.ugoto.com/pictures/bellies-003.jpg   Cygnus, I'm LOL at your sig, too

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00005876.jpg

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Apr 4 2007, 11:34 AM)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00005876.jpg

Any bets

[Rolinda Bonz]

 

[failte]

[Frankie7]

I had seen this one before but it's still pretty funny!

[porthleven's rose]

oh,that's clever!!!

[blonde77th]

[Cygnus]

A Male-Designed Curriculum for Training Wives as seen in a book by Barbara Johnson

 

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Man Management: Postponing Minor Household Chores ''Til After the Game

4. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need medicine Cabinet Space Too

5. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is his

6. Communication Skills I: Tears - the Last Resort, Not the First

7. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

8. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging

9: Driving a Car Safely: Introduction to Parking

10. Telephone Skills 101: How to Hang Up

12. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter

13. Advanced Cooking: How Not to Inflict Your Diet on Other People

14. PMS: Your Problem...Not His

15: Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Own

16: Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

16: Integrating your Laundry: Washing It All Together

18: Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

19: TV Remotes: For Men Only

20: Shortening Your Attention Span: How to Watch Fourteen TV Shows Simultaneously

 

[blonde77th]

Yah wish

[Cygnus]

Health Plan...........

 

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating

furiously.

 

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing

that?"

 

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry

that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where

his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least

five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily

rupture."

 

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

 

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying

in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

 

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

 

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

 

 

[ReMarkable]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Apr 11 2007, 11:55 AM)

Health Plan........... A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture." "Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman. As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?" Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

[Daylin]

[failte]

cygnus you find the best stuff!!

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (ReMarkable @ Apr 11 2007, 01:43 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Apr 11 2007, 11:55 AM) Health Plan........... A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture." "Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman. As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?" Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

[Cygnus]

Quiz: How Dirty is Your Mind?

 

 

1. What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

 

 

2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

 

 

3. What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

 

 

4. What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

 

 

5. Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?

 

 

6. What does a dog do that you can step into?

 

 

7. What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

 

 

8. What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

 

 

9. What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?

 

 

10. What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

 

 

 

 

 

 

ANSWERS:

1. (talk)

2. (legs)

3. (a twenty dollar bill)

4. (firetruck)

5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)

6. (pants)

7. (fork)

8. (Almond Joy candy bar)

9. (grit)

10. (last name)