owlswing Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Mar 7 2007, 11:33 AM) A handsome young man and a typical good-looking lady got married, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Mar 7 2007, 10:51 AM) QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Mar 7 2007, 11:33 AM) A handsome young man and a typical good-looking lady got married, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Moretti Zero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Very clever-very funny!!! Got me really worked up--and then--Hell! Been taken for a fool again!!! I'll have one of those! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/dpagano4/moods.jpg http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/dpagano4/moodman.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redlake Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Mar 9 2007, 07:37 PM)http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/dpagano4/moods.jpg http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t236/dpagano4/moodman.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/123691.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
failte Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie7 Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 25 2007, 08:01 AM) When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here." Good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Men are like.... http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h173/blonde77th/cid_001c01c786a031420c90aa7b2748doc.gif 1. Men are like ..Laxatives ....... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like ...Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ...Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ....Mascara .. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms ..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h173/blonde77th/cid_001c01c786a031420c90aa7b2748doc.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 Ladi and Blonde two wonderful ones! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 QUOTE (owlswing @ Apr 25 2007, 11:15 AM) Ladi and Blonde two wonderful ones! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaotica Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed." This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 QUOTE (chaotica @ May 3 2007, 08:52 AM) A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed." This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slime Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 broootal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeJ Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainPaint Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I think I see a scheduling conflict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 One night, after the couple had retired for the Night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a Most unusual Manner. > > >He started by running his hand across her Shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touchingThem very Lightly. > > > > Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down Her side, sliding His hand over her stomach, and then down the other side To a point below Her waist. > > > > He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first One side and then The other. His hand ran further down the outside of herThighs. > > > >His gentle probing then started up the inside of Her left thigh, stopped, and the returned to do the same to her right Thigh. > > > > By this time the woman was becoming aroused and She squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his Side of the bed. > > > > "Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered. > > > He whispered back, "I found the remote." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jul 16 2007, 09:59 AM) One night, after the couple had retired for the Night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a Most unusual Manner. > > >He started by running his hand across her Shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touchingThem very Lightly. > > > > Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down Her side, sliding His hand over her stomach, and then down the other side To a point below Her waist. > > > > He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first One side and then The other. His hand ran further down the outside of herThighs. > > > >His gentle probing then started up the inside of Her left thigh, stopped, and the returned to do the same to her right Thigh. > > > > By this time the woman was becoming aroused and She squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his Side of the bed. > > > > "Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered. > > > He whispered back, "I found the remote." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arleen2112 Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jul 16 2007, 09:59 AM) One night, after the couple had retired for the Night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a Most unusual Manner. > > >He started by running his hand across her Shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touchingThem very Lightly. > > > > Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down Her side, sliding His hand over her stomach, and then down the other side To a point below Her waist. > > > > He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first One side and then The other. His hand ran further down the outside of herThighs. > > > >His gentle probing then started up the inside of Her left thigh, stopped, and the returned to do the same to her right Thigh. > > > > By this time the woman was becoming aroused and She squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his Side of the bed. > > > > "Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered. > > > He whispered back, "I found the remote." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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