Men!

[UserNoLongerAMember]

QUOTE (blonde77th @ Apr 25 2007, 11:51 AM)

Men are like.... http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h173/blonde77th/cid_001c01c786a031420c90aa7b2748doc.gif 1. Men are like ..Laxatives ....... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like.Bananas .. The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like ...Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like ...Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ....Mascara .. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms ..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h173/blonde77th/cid_001c01c786a031420c90aa7b2748doc.gif

Good one, blonde....love it!

[Analog Kelly]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jul 16 2007, 08:59 AM)

One night, after the couple had retired for the Night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a Most unusual Manner. > > >He started by running his hand across her Shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touchingThem very Lightly. > > > > Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down Her side, sliding His hand over her stomach, and then down the other side To a point below Her waist. > > > > He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first One side and then The other. His hand ran further down the outside of herThighs. > > > >His gentle probing then started up the inside of Her left thigh, stopped, and the returned to do the same to her right Thigh. > > > > By this time the woman was becoming aroused and She squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his Side of the bed. > > > > "Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered. > > > He whispered back, "I found the remote."

OMG - hysterical

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Analog Kelly @ Jul 16 2007, 08:06 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jul 16 2007, 08:59 AM) One night, after the couple had retired for the Night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a Most unusual Manner. > > >He started by running his hand across her Shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touchingThem very Lightly. > > > > Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down Her side, sliding His hand over her stomach, and then down the other side To a point below Her waist. > > > > He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first One side and then The other. His hand ran further down the outside of herThighs. > > > >His gentle probing then started up the inside of Her left thigh, stopped, and the returned to do the same to her right Thigh. > > > > By this time the woman was becoming aroused and She squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his Side of the bed. > > > > "Why are you stopping, darling?" she whispered. > > > He whispered back, "I found the remote." OMG - hysterical

[Cygnus]

 

 

QUOTE

Nasty Girlfriends Revenge - Strange But True - OUCH! Mad Girl Friend No matter how you figure this...this guy's got real trouble. Real life really is funnier than make-believe. True Story from Houston Medical Center A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1) having your girl friend find out you're married. 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis. 3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

[DonnaWanna]

Does Size REALLY matter

http://www.glumbert.com/media/sizematte

 

 

[DonnaWanna]

A MAN AND A WOMAN WERE DATING. HE BEING OF A RELIGIOUS NATURE HAD HELD BACK THE WORLDLY PLEASURE THAT HE WANTED FROM HER SO BAD.

 

IN FACT, HE HAD NEVER EVEN SEEN HER NAKED.

 

ONE DAY, AS THEY DROVE DOWN THE FREEWAY, SHE REMARKED ABOUT HIS SLOW DRIVING HABITS. "I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE,

 

SHE TOLD HIM. "LET'S PLAY A GAME. FOR EVERY 5 MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT YOU DRIVE, I'LL REMOVE ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING".

 

HE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AGREED AND SPED UP THE CAR.

 

HE REACHED THE 55 MPH MARK, SO SHE TOOK OFF HER BLOUSE.

 

AT 60 OFF CAME THE PANTS, AT 65 IT WAS HER BRA AND AT 70 HER PANTIES.

 

NOW SEEING HER NAKED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND TRAVELLING FASTER THAN HE EVER HAD BEFORE, HE BECAME VERY EXCITED AND LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR. HE VEERED OFF THE ROAD, WENT OVER AN EMBANKMENT AND HIT A TREE.

 

HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS NOT HURT BUT HE WAS TRAPPED. SHE TRIED TO PULL HIM FREE BUT ALAS HE WAS STUCK.

 

"GO TO THE ROAD AND GET HELP," HE SAID.

 

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COVER MYSELF WITH!" SHE REPLIED. THE MAN FELT AROUND, BUT COULD ONLY REACH ONE OF HIS SHOES. "YOU'LL HAVE TO PUT THIS BETWEEN YOUR LEGS TO COVER IT UP," HE TOLD HER.

 

SO SHE DID AS HE SAID AND WENT UP TO THE ROAD FOR HELP.

 

ALONG CAME A TRUCK DRIVER.

 

SEEING A NAKED, CRYING WOMAN ALONG THE ROAD, HE PULLED OVER TO HEAR HER STORY.

 

"MY BOYFRIEND! MY BOYFRIEND!" SHE SOBS, "HE'S STUCK AND I CAN'T PULL HIM OUT!

 

THE TRUCK DRIVER LOOKING DOWN AT THE SHOE BETWEEN HER LEGS REPLIES, ...

 

"MA'AM, IF HE'S IN THAT FAR, I'M AFRAID HE'S A GONER!

 

 

[owlswing]

Donna that was great!

[Frankie7]

Excellent, Donna!

[iluvgeddy05]

HAHA, I saw that coming. Kinda

 

 

 

 

[Cygnus]

Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them!

 

Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs

 

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

 

DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........

 

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse.

 

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

 

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store.

 

Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

 

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

 

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

 

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

 

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

 

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

 

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 

And last, but not least.

 

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

 

Regards, Wal-Mart

 

 

[Frankie7]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM)

Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart

OMG, hilarious! I actually have tears in my eyes!

[porthleven's rose]

QUOTE (Frankie7 @ Aug 7 2007, 10:12 AM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM) Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart OMG, hilarious! I actually have tears in my eyes! Hilarious!!

[Daylin]

QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Aug 7 2007, 10:37 AM)

QUOTE (Frankie7 @ Aug 7 2007, 10:12 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM) Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart OMG, hilarious! I actually have tears in my eyes! Hilarious!!

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Aug 7 2007, 11:18 AM)

QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Aug 7 2007, 10:37 AM) QUOTE (Frankie7 @ Aug 7 2007, 10:12 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM) Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart OMG, hilarious! I actually have tears in my eyes! Hilarious!!

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Aug 7 2007, 09:44 PM)

QUOTE (Daylin @ Aug 7 2007, 11:18 AM) QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Aug 7 2007, 10:37 AM) QUOTE (Frankie7 @ Aug 7 2007, 10:12 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM) Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart OMG, hilarious! I actually have tears in my eyes! Hilarious!!

[iluvgeddy05]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 10:43 AM)

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

Gross

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cygnus]

The Top 15 Euphemisms for Impotence

 

 

15. 180 degrees shy of heaven

 

14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo

 

13. A few parts shy of an erector set

 

12. Sch-wing and a miss

 

11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense

 

10. The Null Monty

 

9. Disappointing Miss Daisy

 

8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics

 

7. Ascension Deficit Disorder

 

6. Bouncing the Check of Love

 

5. Less-than-Magic Johnson

 

4. All Doled up with nowhere to go

 

3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You

 

2. Serving boneless pork

 

1. Unleavened Man-Bread

[iluvgeddy05]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 26 2007, 12:46 PM)

The Top 15 Euphemisms for Impotence 15. 180 degrees shy of heaven 14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo 13. A few parts shy of an erector set 12. Sch-wing and a miss 11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense 10. The Null Monty 9. Disappointing Miss Daisy 8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics 7. Ascension Deficit Disorder 6. Bouncing the Check of Love 5. Less-than-Magic Johnson 4. All Doled up with nowhere to go 3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You 2. Serving boneless pork 1. Unleavened Man-Bread

[Alsgalpal]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Aug 7 2007, 06:43 AM)

Men Don't Like to Shop - You Better Watch Them! Men do NOT like to shop--pay backs This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO........... After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart. Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away." 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!" Regards, Wal-Mart

I bet YOU would be fun to take shopping!

[LakesideMaiden]

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jul 31 2007, 02:11 PM)

A MAN AND A WOMAN WERE DATING. HE BEING OF A RELIGIOUS NATURE HAD HELD BACK THE WORLDLY PLEASURE THAT HE WANTED FROM HER SO BAD. IN FACT, HE HAD NEVER EVEN SEEN HER NAKED. ONE DAY, AS THEY DROVE DOWN THE FREEWAY, SHE REMARKED ABOUT HIS SLOW DRIVING HABITS. "I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, SHE TOLD HIM. "LET'S PLAY A GAME. FOR EVERY 5 MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT YOU DRIVE, I'LL REMOVE ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING". HE ENTHUSIASTICALLY AGREED AND SPED UP THE CAR. HE REACHED THE 55 MPH MARK, SO SHE TOOK OFF HER BLOUSE. AT 60 OFF CAME THE PANTS, AT 65 IT WAS HER BRA AND AT 70 HER PANTIES. NOW SEEING HER NAKED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND TRAVELLING FASTER THAN HE EVER HAD BEFORE, HE BECAME VERY EXCITED AND LOST CONTROL OF THE CAR. HE VEERED OFF THE ROAD, WENT OVER AN EMBANKMENT AND HIT A TREE. HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS NOT HURT BUT HE WAS TRAPPED. SHE TRIED TO PULL HIM FREE BUT ALAS HE WAS STUCK. "GO TO THE ROAD AND GET HELP," HE SAID. "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COVER MYSELF WITH!" SHE REPLIED. THE MAN FELT AROUND, BUT COULD ONLY REACH ONE OF HIS SHOES. "YOU'LL HAVE TO PUT THIS BETWEEN YOUR LEGS TO COVER IT UP," HE TOLD HER. SO SHE DID AS HE SAID AND WENT UP TO THE ROAD FOR HELP. ALONG CAME A TRUCK DRIVER. SEEING A NAKED, CRYING WOMAN ALONG THE ROAD, HE PULLED OVER TO HEAR HER STORY. "MY BOYFRIEND! MY BOYFRIEND!" SHE SOBS, "HE'S STUCK AND I CAN'T PULL HIM OUT! THE TRUCK DRIVER LOOKING DOWN AT THE SHOE BETWEEN HER LEGS REPLIES, ... "MA'AM, IF HE'S IN THAT FAR, I'M AFRAID HE'S A GONER!

[iluvgeddy05]

This has to be one of the best 'singles' ads ever printed. It is

reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

 

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity

unimportant. I' m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long

walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping

and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be

at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what

nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be

waiting....

 

Please scroll down ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane

Society...

 

[Daylin]

[porthleven's rose]

Beauty!!!!

[Cygnus]

Top Ten Downfalls of Manhood

 

1. You have to take out the garbage.

2. The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.

3. No sofas in your rest rooms.

4. External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.

5. Even if you get your head caught in an industrial woodchipper,

you're not allowed to cry.

6. James Bond movies only come out every two years.

7. Ribbed for her pleasure, not yours.

8. You have to wear ties.

9. You can't flirt your way out of a jam.

10. "Women and children first"

 

[iluvgeddy05]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 9 2007, 11:14 AM)

Top Ten Downfalls of Manhood 1. You have to take out the garbage. 2. The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000. 3. No sofas in your rest rooms. 4. External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs. 5. Even if you get your head caught in an industrial woodchipper, you're not allowed to cry. 6. James Bond movies only come out every two years. 7. Ribbed for her pleasure, not yours. 8. You have to wear ties. 9. You can't flirt your way out of a jam. 10. "Women and children first"

boohoo?