Men!

[iluvgeddy05]

WOMAN'S POEM

Before, I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs

who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

[Cygnalschick]

QUOTE (iluvgeddy05 @ Oct 11 2007, 09:20 AM)

WOMAN'S POEM Before, I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

[Cygnus]

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/images/content/10178.jpg

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnalschick @ Oct 11 2007, 10:55 AM)

QUOTE (iluvgeddy05 @ Oct 11 2007, 09:20 AM) WOMAN'S POEM Before, I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 18 2007, 09:26 AM)

http://www.strangefunkidz.com/images/content/10178.jpg

 

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Oct 18 2007, 01:54 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 18 2007, 09:26 AM) http://www.strangefunkidz.com/images/content/10178.jpg

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/pickles2007183331011.gif

 

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Oct 24 2007, 01:40 PM)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/pickles2007183331011.gif Sounds like a brilliant idea to me

 

No, not a brilliant idea to me, Cygnus

[Cygnus]

5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

 

 

 

The questions are:

 

What are you thinking about?

Do you love me?

Do I look fat?

Do you think she is prettier than me?

What would you do if I died?

 

 

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

 

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

 

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

 

Baseball.

Football.

How fat you are.

How much prettier she is than you.

How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

 

Question # 2: Do you love me?

 

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

 

I suppose so.

Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

That depends on what you mean by love.

Does it matter?

Who, me?

 

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

 

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

 

Compared to what?

I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

A little extra weight looks good on you.

I've seen fatter.

Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

 

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

 

Yes, but you have a better personality

Not prettier, but definitely thinner

Not as pretty as you, when you were her age

Define 'pretty'

Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

 

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

 

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

 

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

 

She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

 

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 12 2007, 12:44 PM)

5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man The questions are: What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: Baseball. Football. How fat you are. How much prettier she is than you. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? That depends on what you mean by love. Does it matter? Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: Compared to what? I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. A little extra weight looks good on you. I've seen fatter. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: Yes, but you have a better personality Not prettier, but definitely thinner Not as pretty as you, when you were her age Define 'pretty' Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: She....Would you get married again? He.....Definitely not! She....Why not - don't you like being married? He.....Of course I do. She....Then why wouldn't you remarry? He.....Okay, I'd get married again. She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) He.....Yes, I would. She....Would you sleep with her in our bed? He.....Where else would we sleep? She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do. She....And would you let her use my golf clubs? He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

 

[Cygnus]

Female Evolution (from Man's perspective)

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

 

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story.

At 78 - You can get out of bed, that's another story.

[ladirushfan80]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 3 2007, 12:50 PM)

Female Evolution (from Man's perspective) What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story. At 78 - You can get out of bed, that's another story.

 

too f***ing funny....

 

and so very true.....

[blonde77th]

QUOTE (Daylin @ Nov 12 2007, 01:50 PM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 12 2007, 12:44 PM) 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man The questions are: What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: Baseball. Football. How fat you are. How much prettier she is than you. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? That depends on what you mean by love. Does it matter? Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: Compared to what? I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. A little extra weight looks good on you. I've seen fatter. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: Yes, but you have a better personality Not prettier, but definitely thinner Not as pretty as you, when you were her age Define 'pretty' Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: She....Would you get married again? He.....Definitely not! She....Why not - don't you like being married? He.....Of course I do. She....Then why wouldn't you remarry? He.....Okay, I'd get married again. She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) He.....Yes, I would. She....Would you sleep with her in our bed? He.....Where else would we sleep? She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do. She....And would you let her use my golf clubs? He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.    That is too damn Funny

[Daylin]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Dec 4 2007, 06:47 AM)

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 3 2007, 12:50 PM) Female Evolution (from Man's perspective) What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story. At 78 - You can get out of bed, that's another story.   too f***ing funny....   and so very true.....

[Verena]

[ladirushfan80]

 

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:

 

 

Once upon a time

 

in a land far away,

a beautiful, independent,

self-assured princess

happened upon a frog as she sat

contemplating ecological issues

on the shores of an unpolluted pond

in a verdant meadow near her castle.

 

The frog hopped into the princess' lap

and said: " Elegant Lady,

I was once a handsome prince,

until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however,

and I will turn back

into the dapper, young prince that I am

and then, my sweet, we can marry

and set up housekeeping in your castle

with my mother,

where you can prepare my meals,

clean my clothes, bear my children,

and forever feel

grateful and happy doing so. "

 

That night,

as the princess dined sumptuously

on lightly sauteed frog legs

seasoned in a white wine

and onion cream sauce,

she laughed and thought to herself:

 

I don't f*ckin' think so.

 

 

[Lrigyttiw]

QUOTE (sullysue @ Jun 14 2005, 03:02 PM)

QUOTE (Digital Man @ Jun 14 2005, 03:20 PM) > 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? > because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) > You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) > Holy rice cakes! I almost peed with this one!   My department is looking at me like....     Thanks, Digi!   Patron for you! I'm crying from laughing so hard....

[Asian Rush Fan]

Well the down-side of men is that, deputies broke Alex's nose...that BASTICH! But then, it was a female deputy who complained that Alex threw her down the stairs...after she tried to grow a pair and take on Alex. Don't f-with the boys...man or woman! I know one thing, I would not. If he can take on the Collier County's Sheriff's Department, have his nose broken, thrown down the stairs, go for more, get arrested, explain what happen to the press in jail calmly and cooly, cop a plea to dismiss the charges, files civil charges and continue in, that is one bad mother-f*****!!!

[ladirushfan80]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 15 2007, 07:26 PM)

Well the down-side of men is that, deputies broke Alex's nose...that BASTICH! But then, it was a female deputy who complained that Alex threw her down the stairs...after she tried to grow a pair and take on Alex. Don't f-with the boys...man or woman! I know one thing, I would not. If he can take on the Collier County's Sheriff's Department, have his nose broken, thrown down the stairs, go for more, get arrested, explain what happen to the press in jail calmly and cooly, cop a plea to dismiss the charges, files civil charges and continue in, that is one bad mother-f*****!!!

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/sFun_blahblah.gif

[Lrigyttiw]

QUOTE (ramonesmom @ Sep 7 2005, 07:51 PM)

> THE SILENT TREATMENT > > A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each > other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next > day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning > business flight. > > Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on > a piece of paper, > "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. > The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM > and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and > see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by > the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." > Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

This has to be the most hilarious place on the web!!! It's not helping my "misandry" by any means!!!

[Asian Rush Fan]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Dec 16 2007, 09:11 AM)

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 15 2007, 07:26 PM) Well the down-side of men is that, deputies broke Alex's nose...that BASTICH! But then, it was a female deputy who complained that Alex threw her down the stairs...after she tried to grow a pair and take on Alex. Don't f-with the boys...man or woman! I know one thing, I would not. If he can take on the Collier County's Sheriff's Department, have his nose broken, thrown down the stairs, go for more, get arrested, explain what happen to the press in jail calmly and cooly, cop a plea to dismiss the charges, files civil charges and continue in, that is one bad mother-f*****!!!     http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/sFun_blahblah.gif Oh I forgot, it was male deputies who abused Alex and his son...only. I agree, under the Bush administration (Jeb), the law enforcement made Florida a police state and it was because they were men. and men are idiots, I agree. Especially the ones who abused and tased Alex, his son Justin as well as Michelle.   But   QUOTE Zivojinovich, 50, faces six charges that include aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer with violence, and disorderly intoxication.   The aggravated battery was pushing the female deputy down the stairs.   What am I trying to prove? That as bad or lazy or stupid or whatever men are, a woman put a member of Rush in jail. But if the women here are gonna have fun bashing, all-in-fun, so will the boys. and that's wTF we're talking about.   Wow, a sister put Alex in jail and nearly had him deported forever.

[ladirushfan80]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 16 2007, 01:35 PM)

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Dec 16 2007, 09:11 AM) QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 15 2007, 07:26 PM) Well the down-side of men is that, deputies broke Alex's nose...that BASTICH! But then, it was a female deputy who complained that Alex threw her down the stairs...after she tried to grow a pair and take on Alex. Don't f-with the boys...man or woman! I know one thing, I would not. If he can take on the Collier County's Sheriff's Department, have his nose broken, thrown down the stairs, go for more, get arrested, explain what happen to the press in jail calmly and cooly, cop a plea to dismiss the charges, files civil charges and continue in, that is one bad mother-f*****!!!     http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/sFun_blahblah.gif Oh I forgot, it was male deputies who abused Alex and his son...only. I agree, under the Bush administration (Jeb), the law enforcement made Florida a police state and it was because they were men. and men are idiots, I agree. Especially the ones who abused and tased Alex, his son Justin as well as Michelle.   But   QUOTE Zivojinovich, 50, faces six charges that include aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer with violence, and disorderly intoxication.   The aggravated battery was pushing the female deputy down the stairs.   What am I trying to prove? That as bad or lazy or stupid or whatever men are, a woman put a member of Rush in jail. But if the women here are gonna have fun bashing, all-in-fun, so will the boys. and that's wTF we're talking about.   Wow, a sister put Alex in jail and nearly had him deported forever.   then go find your own f***ing place out of the NWW section of the board to go bashing - all in fun- in....   and what's this "we" shit? you're the only male who comes into this thread having a problem with it...     indeed...

[CeeJ]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 16 2007, 01:35 PM)

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Dec 16 2007, 09:11 AM) QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 15 2007, 07:26 PM) Well the down-side of men is that, deputies broke Alex's nose...that BASTICH! But then, it was a female deputy who complained that Alex threw her down the stairs...after she tried to grow a pair and take on Alex. Don't f-with the boys...man or woman! I know one thing, I would not. If he can take on the Collier County's Sheriff's Department, have his nose broken, thrown down the stairs, go for more, get arrested, explain what happen to the press in jail calmly and cooly, cop a plea to dismiss the charges, files civil charges and continue in, that is one bad mother-f*****!!!     http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/sFun_blahblah.gif Oh I forgot, it was male deputies who abused Alex and his son...only. I agree, under the Bush administration (Jeb), the law enforcement made Florida a police state and it was because they were men. and men are idiots, I agree. Especially the ones who abused and tased Alex, his son Justin as well as Michelle.   But   QUOTE Zivojinovich, 50, faces six charges that include aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer with violence, and disorderly intoxication.   The aggravated battery was pushing the female deputy down the stairs.   What am I trying to prove? That as bad or lazy or stupid or whatever men are, a woman put a member of Rush in jail. But if the women here are gonna have fun bashing, all-in-fun, so will the boys. and that's wTF we're talking about.   Wow, a sister put Alex in jail and nearly had him deported forever.     Do you realize how stupid you sound???   GO GET A LIFE!!!   Better yet... Find somewhere else to pick on WOMEN!!! This is the NEW WORLD WOMEN part of the board...   GET LOST!!!

[CeeJ]

I remember the last time you came here talking about

how we need to shut our legs and bull-shit like that.

You really have no place here... Most of the men that

are here KNOW that we LOVE men... This is OUR (NWW)

joke thread. You should take a minute before you

write such bullshit.

[Lrigyttiw]

QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 18 2006, 07:25 PM)

QUOTE (Trance @ Dec 12 2006, 08:09 PM) QUOTE (Asian Rush Fan @ Dec 12 2006, 07:21 PM) QUOTE (Trance @ Dec 11 2006, 11:32 AM) QUOTE (porthleven's rose @ Dec 11 2006, 01:50 PM) agreed about the members of Rush-----   BUT,any women living on her own can wipe the floor with your list!!!!! +100.     I love the part about how there would be no Oprah without men. I could care less about Oprah, but last time I checked she was a woman   Also, that's pretty 1920's of him to assume that women need a man to pay the bills. . . f**k that. Good! So there would be no need for alimony. Child support I could understand (if the man's the father), but to demand a man to pay his ex to keep the lifestyle she was accustomed to? You're right f**k that, but that's the way it is. Keep in mind that 50% of all marriages end in divorce in America and 2/3 of all marriages in California ends in divorce. And more times than not, the man has to pay? So yes, I agree, it is f**ked...for the guys.   And child support. That's another scam. I get a woman pregnant and I pay child support. I find out that the mother is buying a car or buys a Gucci or Prada bag and so on. The bear necessities for the child is bought but barely. I'm paying for the woman's spending habits.   Also   I have sex with a woman, she has a baby, I pay child support. After a few years, I see some strange traits, so I get the kid's DNA tested. The child has the mother but not my DNA. She cheats and for three years, I paid for supporting the kid. I dump the woman and the kid but end up going to prison because the child grew accostomed to me.   It is f**ked.   So I agree, f-the 1920s and get rid of alimony and DNA testing MUST be required after child birth. And if the child is the guy's? Give him itemized receipts of ALL the merchandise the woman buys. If she's deviates from the requirements, she will lose custody of the child and will be imprisoned for fraud.   So I agree, f-the 1920s No no see, you got me wrong.   I don't give a shit about the alimony thing OR child support OR DNA testing or whatever the hell you just rambled on about.   The part of your post that I thought was down right assinine to assume was the part that stated if there were no men there would be no one to pay our bills.   If the only women you date make you pay their bills or take out their trash... then you need to get out some more and meet some REAL women. I guarantee you there are those of us out there who bust our asses daily to take care of ourselves. And if women "bust their ass to work", of course you are the exception, why then are men paying more in alimony and child support for children who aren't theirs and not like you? Please explain that to me. ARF, why are you in this thread if we (women) irritate you so much? Explain that to me?