Maddy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 You do note it got people to actually stop, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 One Monday morning a letter carrier is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one heck of a party last night," the letter carrier comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually, we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for a Halloween party, and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The mailman thinks a moment and asks, "How do you play that?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom, and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The letter carrier laughs and says, "Darn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up 4 or 5 times." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 09:20 AM) One Monday morning a letter carrier is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one heck of a party last night," the letter carrier comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually, we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for a Halloween party, and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The mailman thinks a moment and asks, "How do you play that?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom, and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The letter carrier laughs and says, "Darn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up 4 or 5 times." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 2 2007, 07:54 AM) A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...Okay, now wait for the punch line.....Are you ready? "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jan 3 2007, 09:34 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 09:20 AM) One Monday morning a letter carrier is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one heck of a party last night," the letter carrier comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually, we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for a Halloween party, and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The mailman thinks a moment and asks, "How do you play that?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom, and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The letter carrier laughs and says, "Darn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up 4 or 5 times." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 QUOTE (Daylin @ Jan 3 2007, 11:23 AM) QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jan 3 2007, 09:34 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 09:20 AM) One Monday morning a letter carrier is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars are in the driveway. His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had one heck of a party last night," the letter carrier comments. Bob, in obvious pain, replies, "Actually, we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for a Halloween party, and it got a bit wild. We got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The mailman thinks a moment and asks, "How do you play that?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom, and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The letter carrier laughs and says, "Darn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up 4 or 5 times." Wonderful!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 In the rain A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!" Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Nope.........just when it's raining" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 ^^^ 'It' needs a raincoat, too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Breast or Bottle Fed?? A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 04:26 PM) Breast or Bottle Fed?? A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." Where's this Dr at I wanna go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolinda Bonz Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 02:26 PM) Breast or Bottle Fed?? A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I suppose that Doc's in the US-shame,I'd register straight away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
failte Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 QUOTE (blonde77th @ Jan 3 2007, 07:14 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 3 2007, 04:26 PM) Breast or Bottle Fed?? A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." Where's this Dr at I wanna go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 An old Cowboy http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/ncognet0/image00111.jpg An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 9 2007, 01:41 PM) An old Cowboy http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/ncognet0/image00111.jpg An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." I like that old cowboy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 QUOTE (Maddy @ Jan 9 2007, 12:48 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 9 2007, 01:41 PM) An old Cowboy http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/ncognet0/image00111.jpg An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." I like that old cowboy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthleven's rose Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 QUOTE (Daylin @ Jan 9 2007, 04:23 PM) QUOTE (Maddy @ Jan 9 2007, 12:48 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 9 2007, 01:41 PM) An old Cowboy http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/ncognet0/image00111.jpg An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." I like that old cowboy! ohh,nice one Cygnus!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 You Know What's On His Mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostGirl Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 10 2007, 12:27 PM) You Know What's On His Mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 10 2007, 01:27 PM) You Know What's On His Mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 10 2007, 12:27 PM) You Know What's On His Mind I viewed this earlier today, and I forgot to make a post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddy Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 QUOTE (Daylin @ Jan 10 2007, 03:35 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 10 2007, 12:27 PM) You Know What's On His Mind I viewed this earlier today, and I forgot to make a post Ooopsie.... Freudian Slip - saying what you meant and not what you meant to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 QUOTE (Maddy @ Jan 10 2007, 06:21 PM) QUOTE (Daylin @ Jan 10 2007, 03:35 PM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Jan 10 2007, 12:27 PM) You Know What's On His Mind I viewed this earlier today, and I forgot to make a post Ooopsie.... Freudian Slip - saying what you meant and not what you meant to say. for you, Maddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Charm School Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?" The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz." Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?" The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?" The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady. "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh my gosh! What on earth for?" asked the first woman. The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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