yaoi_myantidrug Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 16 2008, 11:16 AM) Dumbest woman alive? http://i328.photobucket.com/albums/l348/yaoi_myantidrug/jawdrop-1.gif wow. And the sad part is she's old, so it will possibly be written off as 'cute'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 How to tell if you've been married too long..... Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by surprising them wearing black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask. After a few days they meet up for lunch and compare notes... The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, bl ack stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Quote for the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 QUOTE (owlswing @ Sep 19 2008, 06:24 AM) How to tell if you've been married too long..... Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by surprising them wearing black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask. After a few days they meet up for lunch and compare notes... The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, bl ack stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?' Good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 QUOTE (owlswing @ Sep 19 2008, 06:25 AM) Quote for the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine. White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your f riends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 QUOTE (owlswing @ Sep 21 2008, 10:21 AM) IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine. White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your f riends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE! This is so funny, owlswing! And....Yep, it's time to be a bear Thanks, for the laughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 QUOTE (owlswing @ Sep 19 2008, 04:24 AM) How to tell if you've been married too long..... Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by surprising them wearing black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask. After a few days they meet up for lunch and compare notes... The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, bl ack stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?' 'What's for dinner, Batman?' That... was... funny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Never underestimate the way a woman's mind works Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the- bride ever ! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her stepmom to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart, I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.' Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaye Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 24 2008, 02:43 PM)Never underestimate the way a woman's mind works Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the- bride ever ! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her stepmom to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart, I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.' Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.' http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v250/Jett_Moonwing/Emotes/mwahaha.gif Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verena Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 LOL. Interesting quotes here... very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 QUOTE (Jaye @ Sep 24 2008, 09:16 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 24 2008, 02:43 PM)Never underestimate the way a woman's mind works Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the- bride ever ! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her stepmom to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart, I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.' Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.' http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v250/Jett_Moonwing/Emotes/mwahaha.gif Love it! That is just brillant!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yaoi_myantidrug Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaye Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 02:46 PM)Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I don't understand 9 or 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gompers Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (owlswing @ Sep 19 2008, 07:25 AM)Quote for the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.' Why doesn't this work with money in the bank account? See ya... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Jaye @ Dec 9 2008, 06:49 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 02:46 PM)Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I don't understand 9 or 10 Man, I don't even understand women. I work around them all the time. Although, I do wish I knew how to make the bank account multiply... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yaoi_myantidrug Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 07:46 AM) Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I dont get ANY of those. Even #10, and I'm very close to my cat. I'm the only one he comes to when I call him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 QUOTE (Jaye @ Dec 9 2008, 10:49 AM) QUOTE (Cygnus @ Dec 9 2008, 02:46 PM)Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. Other Women I don't understand 9 or 10 and #6...why even bother going anywhere if your not trying to beat your best time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockNRush Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/uc/20090107/lcrbc090107.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockNRush Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a362/Scuby/a-crime-of-passion.png Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockNRush Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 What would you do? A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Help Doc A guy goes to his doctor. "Doc, I'm having trouble in the bedroom. I just can't get into it with my wife any more." The doctor replies "I used to have that problem and I found a solution. Here's what I do: I get off work. I run down to my car. I drive as fast as I can, swerving and changing lanes. I drive into the garage, slam on the brakes, kick the door in, grab my wife and rip her clothes off. Works every time. You should try it." The guy says "I will give it a shot" He comes back a week later and the doctor says "How'd it go." The guy says "It worked! I did just what you told me and I have never been so turned on! By the way, nice house!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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