Arndrake Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 On January 28, 1949, a girl, the first of four children, was born in Washington DC to my grandparents. They named her Penelope or Penny for short. She grew up in a fairly happy environment, with her biggest love being horses. My mother was a very accomplished rider, mainly in the English discipline. Her most favorite pastimes were fox hunting and show jumping. One of her best friends as a child was Joe Fargis, who later won the Gold Medal in show jumping at the 1984 Olympics. When she was 17, she married my father. Rumors suggested it was my grandmother who convinced my mother to marry him, but I figure my parents did what they wanted to do. She still graduated from high school. In 1969, my parents and maternal grandparents formed a partnership and purchased 160 acres of property with a ranch house near the town of Roseburg Oregon and moved there. On February 6, 1971, eight days after her 22nd birthday, I was born. 22 months later, my sister was born. Sadly, things were not good for my mother. She was feeling like a servant, having to take care of the house, livestock, her teenage brothers, and us. My father was not very good to her either, subjecting her to emotional abuse, making her feel inferior, and ignoring her. This all set the stage for an even worse life to come. When I was five, my mother started looking for a way out. She fell under the charms of another man, who promised her that he would treat her well and convinced her that he could not live without her. She took the bait, left my father, took us, and moved in with him. Not long after, my parents were divorced with my mother getting custody of us. But this man was not what she thought he was. He was physically abusive of her and us, and put a severe hold on her activity. He was lazy and made her work in a lumber mill while he collected disability. Despite all this, she still married him and bore him a son. She also held onto her love of horses, teaching both of us how to ride and competing in endurance horse races. After six years of abuse, I decided that I had enough and demanded that I not go back into their house. As I was not yet at the age of decision, my mother, acting under my step father's instructions (any time my mother had to do anything, my stepfather was always in the background telling her what to say and do), insisted I be put into a foster home instead of living with my father. However, when my father threatened to sue for custody of my sister also (she wanted to stay with her mother, but there was evidence of abuse of her too. My stepfather didn't want that to come forward), she relented. When my sister was 12, she had enough of the abuse also and made the decision to live with our father. After my brother was born, I did not have much contact with my mother, mainly due to an accident involving my brother and an unpaid medical bill. When I refused to pay it (I was only 16), my stepfather demanded my mother have nothing more to do with me. This made things strained when I tried to introduce my new bride to my mother in 1990. Mom made a few comments about us being too young and predicting initially that the marriage wouldn't last. So I didn't talk to her again until my grandfather's death. However when I saw her, I was very saddened by how much she had aged from the years of abuse and hard work. I didn't get to talk to her much as I had to go back to the ship, but my wife did at my grandfather's memorial. It was there that my mother admitted she was wrong about us and that she was very saddened for us when we lost our babies. She sad was actually looking forward to becoming a grandmother. On November 3, 1992, Election Day, my mother was killed in a work related accident. She fell off a catwalk onto a conveyer, which fed into a hopper. She was pushed into the horizontal box section, which constricted her lungs and suffocated her. It is figured she had lost consciousness when she fell onto the conveyer, which is why she did not try to stop herself from getting pushed into the hopper. My grandmother went to her grave blaming my stepfather for my mother's death. My mother was not feeling well that day and was also very tired. Despite this, she had been forced to go to work. My grandmother said she tried to convince Mom to call in sick, but Mom went anyway, suggesting that my stepfather gave her no choice. I often wonder if events in my life might have been different if my mother were still alive. When things started getting bad between Angela and myself, maybe my mother could have offered advice, support, or mediation. If anything, maybe if she had provided love, I wouldn't feel as lonely and abandoned as I do. My brother's life may have been a lot different, but that is another story. I think she would have been a good grandmother, giving love to her granchildren and teaching them how to ride horses also. My grandmother told a story to my sister about waking up one night and seeing my mother standing over her, dressed in white. According to my grandmother, my mother had a smile on her face. My grandmother said she knew my mother was now at peace. I hope she is, possibly being with my babies. I definitely regret not reaching any closure with her before she died. I wish we could have apologized for the wrongs commited to each other and started talking again. But all I could do was try to continue her legacy in my own way. For that reason, my daughter shares her middle name with my mother, Ann. I miss you Mom and I really could use your love right now. Happy 57th Birthday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
physics23 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 That was very touching, Arndrake. Happy birthday, Ann. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 QUOTE (physics23 @ Jan 28 2006, 05:31 AM) That was very touching, Arndrake. Happy birthday, Ann. Actually, her name was Penny. Her middle name was Ann. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/family%20and%20personal%20photos/iftomorrowstarts.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 You had to make me cry, didn't you? That just said so much of what I hoped for her. I have always hoped she had the peace she was unable to have in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 QUOTE (Arndrake @ Jan 28 2006, 08:56 AM) You had to make me cry, didn't you? That just said so much of what I hoped for her. I have always hoped she had the peace she was unable to have in life. that 'poem' was given to me many years ago just before my dad passed away... it STILL makes me cry every time i read it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alsgalpal Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Very touching Arndrake!!! I believe that your mother is with you, holding you up when you can't stand, giving you wings when you can't fly. Wiping your tears away... A mothers love never dies. P.S. She was friends with Joe Fargis???!!!!??? How kewl is that??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromancer Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Happy BDay Penny. You have a great son. I'm sorry to hear how much your mom struggeled in life Arn. I pray she is at ease now and can somehow guide you and give you that strength in your struggles as well. Peace my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arndrake Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 As today would be my mother's 58th birthday, I decided to bring my tribute back again. First, I decided I would like to introduce everyone to my mother as she looked 40 years ago. The following is a copy of her senior photo from 1967. http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k38/arndrake/mom67001.jpg My grandmother had this picture for many years, although I never saw it until after I joined the Navy. After my grandmother's death, my aunt had copies made for myself, my sister, and my brother. I have always loved it because she looked so beautiful and happy, like she was eagerly awaiting the future. It is difficult to believe that this begins the 15th year since her death. I still miss her so much. Sadly, my brother-in-law now understands what it is like to miss one's mother. Even 9 months later, I know the pain is fresh for him. I just hope that we have been a support for him as much as he was for my sister after we lost our mother. If there is an afterlife, I would hope that Jeanne is regaling my mom with great stories about their shared grandsons. And maybe Mom is telling Jeanne all about myself and my sister as kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Very nice words Arndrake. Your mother was a beautiful woman indeed. Happy Birthday Penny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
different strings Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Very touching words indeed Arn and a mother can never ever be forgotten Happy birthday Penny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlswing Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Happy Birthday Penny My thoughts are with you and your family. Hold you Ann tight today, for she is the link of past and present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortkort Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 very touching Arndrake Happy Birthday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaotica Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Happy Birthday Penny! May you find the happiness you deserved here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blonde77th Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 It takes courage to share a story like that. But we can see the Love you Hold in your Heart !! You Mother is with you always & is there with your Babies Taking care of them . God Bless & Happy Birthday Penny You have a Great Son ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daylin Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pags Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 This really is a tragic story, and I'm sorry. It never does go away, but how we choose to make the best of it is what defines us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromancer Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Beautiful Mom you have Arn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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